AN: Ok well...I apologize for the delay. Life is chaotic and I don't have much more of an excuse beyond my job and my kids...but here we are. Not as much Rory/Logan in this chapter, but there is still some sweetness that I love. For anyone who PM'd me, please understand that it will take me a bit more time to read them and that is completely related to my anxiety and I apologize.
Trigger Warning: This chapter contains scenes of domestic violence.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls
Chapter Fourteen
Rory was frantically searching the kitchen, she had made herself a cup of coffee to bring with her to work, but somehow she had misplaced it amongst all of the other stuff. The groceries had arrived and were being dutifully unpacked by the lovely woman who kept their home clean, Linda, and while Rory kept telling her not to make a new coffee she would find the one she had made, her frustration was rising. She had about ten minutes to find her coffee, say goodbye to Logan for the week and then leave for work if she was going to arrive on time. Of course on time for her meant early enough to get situated in her office, drink her coffee and casually peruse whatever e-mails had arrived between when she checked her e-mail half an hour earlier and when she arrived in the office.
"Ace?" Logan shouted from the bedroom. He was putting the last minute additions in his suitcase for the trip, the kids were both in their rooms asleep, or at the very least blissfully unaware of the chaos occurring around them. Logan had picked them up the night before so that he didn't have to pick them up in the morning before the flight.
"Hmm?" Rory furrowed her brow and walked towards the bedroom where she found Logan standing with her black travel mug in hand. "Hey! Coffee thief!"
"I was going to ask why this was in the closet, but it seems that mystery has been solved," Logan handed her the coffee and playfully pulled her in for a kiss. "You sure I can't convince you to pull Em out of school and come with us? You can work from the hotel…in bed…"
"I'm sure Dean would go for that…" Rory laughed as she thought about just how many days she had spent working from bed when they were sneaking around all over the globe. "I will see you soon," Rory promised him, "I think Emma being here on her own will be good."
Logan nodded, he understood her point and he hoped they had a nice visit as well. The week before the bedroom that the girls would be sharing had been updated to include more storage and space was cleared so that Emma and Lily each had their own spaces while Noah's room was updated ever so slightly as well. He wanted all of the kids to feel welcome and comfortable, he also hoped that Emma would warm up the idea of spending a weekend with everyone sooner rather than later, but he wasn't about to push the subject. "I'll call you tonight once everyone is asleep? Logan raised an eyebrow suggestively.
"You are always horny!" Rory giggled as he kissed her again. "I have to go, thank you for finding my coffee. I will miss you terribly and I promise not to burn your house or your company to the ground while you're gone…literally for one…metaphorically for the other."
Logan laughed, "I can wake the kids to say bye?"
Rory shook her head, "no, let them sleep. I love you."
"I love you too Ace."
Rory raised her coffee to him playfully and then went to the door where she had left the rest of her things. She pulled on her jacket and wrapped the black cashmere scarf around her neck before slipping her fingers into the black leather gloves and heading out the door. She needed to be at work early if she was going to leave to go pick Emma up, and she knew that the last thing she wanted to do was give Dean the ammunition of her being late. Things were calm between her and her soon to be ex-husband. Since she had dropped off the BMW for him there had been no incidents. She had heard from her lawyer that Dean had agreed to the updated terms of the settlement and she hadn't yet told Logan, but while he was gone she was going to the house in Farmingdale and picking up the remainder of her things. Most of what she would be taking was sentimental or things she simply hadn't dealt with but she had rented a storage locker where she would put it for now and she would deal with the rest later. She figured once she and Logan moved, some of the items could move in with them, some she would keep stored and others she would get rid of, but getting it out of her old matrimonial home was the first step she needed to take. The ride to the office was quicker than she had anticipated, although she hadn't checked the time when she left, it felt quicker and seemingly in no time she was at her desk with her coffee and a full screen full of e-mails to go through, she wouldn't admit it but she had thoroughly enjoyed being able to use the car and driver instead of her normal commute of a train and a walk. Parker had told her he needed to take a half day to attend to some wedding stuff, and Rory was in meetings for the full morning. She thought back to Logan and his suggestion of joining them, the idea was laughable that she could get away right now and he knew that better than anyone, but it didn't make daydreaming about it any less enjoyable.
xxx
"Why didn't you take the car?" Logan asked, he was a bit exacerbated as Rory had just told him that Dean was meeting her at the train station with Emma and the pair would take the train back to Manhattan together. Rory had arrived a few minutes early and was still waiting for Dean and Emma to arrive.
"Well," Rory scanned the parking lot and tucked a hair behind her ear. It was milder now than it had been which was nice compared to the last few days, "at some point in not that long Emma will be old enough to do this herself and I want her to feel comfortable. Not to mention, I don't want her thinking that she just gets a car to take her wherever she wants…"
"Ahh," Logan nodded even though she couldn't see him. He was watching his kids play in the hotel pool happily and while he would have loved for Rory and Emma to come, he was also happy to be getting a bit of quality time with his children.
"Ahhhhhhh," Rory added a bit more hhhhh for effect, "what?"
"The money."
"What about the money?"
"You want to say that you don't want her turning into a brat but you won't say it because you know we do the car thing…"
"You're grasping," Rory rolled her eyes. "Dean will never agree to her taking a car all over the place, so she is going to have to take the train, that is just life."
"And if it was the money you would tell me?"
"They are here," Rory told him as she saw what was once her black SUV pull in, "but yes, I promise I would tell you. I love you."
"Have fun," Logan laughed, "I left dinner in the fridge for you."
Rory tossed her phone back in her purse and smiled as she saw Dean and Emma walking into view. She was rolling a black carryon sized suitcase beside her and Dean looked uncomfortable as he approached her. "Hey!" Rory hugged Emma once they were close enough, Emma froze a bit but then relaxed into her mother. "How was your day?"
"Good," Emma smiled as she looked at her father and then back to her mother.
"I will bring her home on Sunday night?" Rory looked at Dean who nodded his head slowly.
"What are you going to do Dad?" Emma asked tentatively.
"I'm just going to be at home," he shrugged. "You guys have fun though. If it's alright with your mom…call me if you want."
"We'll call when we get there," Rory understood how it felt to leave your child and feel like a part of you was gone…she knew it wouldn't be easy for Dean. "Logan is away with his kids, so it's just the two of us," Rory stated. It was to no one in particular, of course Emma knew this, but she wanted Dean to take comfort in that as well. Not that she didn't want Emma to be there with Logan, but she was only ready for baby steps right now, and she hoped that this might offer some solace to Dean while they figured things out.
"Thanks," Dean looked back at Emma. He hesitated for a moment and then pulled her in for a hug, "you…just…"
"We will," Rory nodded. "Don't worry."
The train back to Manhattan was awkward but by the time they arrived conversation was flowing and Emma was clearly showing that she was somewhat excited about spending some time there. She told Rory about how Dean seemed fine most of the time which was a relief to Rory. She didn't want to be married to him anymore, but she still wanted things to be good at home for Emma and she wanted Dean to find happiness, no matter what that looked like.
"This is it?" Emma looked around the lobby of the building as the doorman swung the door open and greeted Rory with an enthusiastic hello.
"This is it," Rory nodded, she was wheeling Emma's suitcase and eventually she pushed the button to the elevator and the awkwardness set in. The life of housekeepers and doormen wasn't one that Emma was familiar with, and while Rory was certainly more well versed in this world, it was still strange for both of them. "So I told you," Rory began to ramble as they got in the elevator, "we're going to look for a bigger place so you guys can all have your own room and your own space…I'm not sure when, but soon and if you want to come along for the house hunting you are always welcome…and if there is anything you want in the house…just…let us know and we can look for it. I guess it'll be a condo…or an apartment….whatever…it won't be a house but it will be our home…so…." The elevator dinged and the two stepped out, "we're down here," Rory nodded and Emma followed her. "So…." She took a deep breath, Rory knew that Emma was purposely not speaking to see how long she would spin for and she couldn't help but think that she would have done the same thing to her mother when she was younger. "This is it," she unlocked the door and the pair stepped into the gallery. "I'll take your coat," Rory pulled her own jacket and scarf off and waited while Emma handed hers over. Rory hung them in the coat closet and then moved through to the living room, "this is the living room, the…TV works just like at home, and then the kitchen," Rory nodded towards the kitchen and dining area, "there is a running list…if you want anything," she explained, "put it on the list and we'll make sure that it is here." Rory smiled as she saw a note on the counter with Logans messy scrawl.
Lasagna is in the fridge. Preheat to 350 and cook it for 45 minutes. Broil the top for 15 or until crispy. She said it was her favourite. L
"Hungry?" Rory looked at Emma who nodded. Rory pushed the buttons to preheat the oven and pulled the casserole dish out of the fridge, she removed the saran wrap and put the foil back on top.
"What is it?" Emma asked. She couldn't quite see from where she was as she tentatively took a seat at one of the barstools. At the very least she knew it could be worse than spending time with her mother in a multi-million dollar apartment in Manhattan. The place looked nice, homey but fancy, it felt more like her mother than the house in Farmingdale ever had, although at the time Emma hadn't realized that. Everything about the family home screamed Dean. The detached garage turned man cave, the overstuffed furniture, the giant television in the family room…the only place in that house that really felt like her mother was the office lined with books and family photos, framed copies of articles, carefully stored boxes of memories…
"Lasagna," Rory turned back to Emma who smiled instantly, "Logan made it," she thought back to the night before when he was in the kitchen for what seemed like forever and being very secretive about whatever was going on in there, not that Rory had really tried to find out. She had instead watched some television with Lily and Noah while catching up on some work e-mails. Emma wasn't sure how to react. After all, she was still a child and this was all very new. Did she thank him? Write a heartfelt letter? Ask for his number and send a text? What exactly was expected of her when it came to the man her mother was now living with. "Come on," Rory slid the dish into the oven after the notification dinged to tell her that it had preheated. "Let me show you the rest and then you can spend some time getting settled? You should probably call Dad, or text him…" Emma nodded and slipped off the chair, tucking a hair behind her ear as they walked through the hallway, "this is the powder room," Rory nodded to a door that was closed and then opened another door, "this is Noah's room for now," she continued, Emma peaked inside and they moved along, there wasn't really a reason for Emma to be too concerned with the goings on in Noah Huntzberger's room. "And this," she swung open the next door and revealed the space with two double beds, one side was clearly taken and the other was more sterile, "this is the room for you and Lily…" Rory paused as Emma slowly walked in and looked around. "Nothing is…permanent…if you want something else, we can get something else…and like I said, we're going to be moving again…but for now…"
"So do I…" Emma ran her fingertips across the white linen comforter, "do I leave things here? Or…is it hers…I don't think Dad wants me to leave too much here…"
Rory felt a pang of annoyance towards Dean, not that it was anything new these days. "Don't worry about Dad," Rory assured her. "You can bring back and forth whatever you want, and we can buy you some things for here. Why don't we go out tomorrow and get some of that? I already ordered a toothbrush and toiletries, but we can get you some more clothes or whatever…books, shoes…Logan actually is a member of a club downtown that has a pool, so you can practice when you're here if you want…" Rory nodded to the bathrooms with a single sink but an oversized vanity.
"When will Lily be here?"
"Normally she will be here on your weekends," Rory explained as Emma continued surveying the space. "Here," Rory nodded back to the door, "why don't we finish the tour and then you can get settled while dinner cooks?" They walked to the main bedroom, to Rory and Logan's bedroom. "This is Logan and my room." The room wasn't huge, but it was certainly bigger than the room she had shared with Dean, "and I have all of my stuff in the bathroom," she nodded to the space and then towards the closet, "and my clothes…if you ever need something…"
"This place is big," was all Emma could muster as she backed towards the exit of the room. There was something about being in the room her mother now shared with another man that was too much for her. She was still wrapping her head around all of it. "I'm going to…"
Rory nodded her head, "I'll bring your suitcase from the front…and whenever you're ready, I'm just going to be reading in the living room…I can call you for dinner?" Emma nodded her head and mumbled a responses something about making a call to a friend. Rory wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or if she was maybe calling Dean and begging him to pick her up, but she was going to try to give Emma the space that she needed to adjust to all of the changes that were happening around her. Rory returned a moment later and wheeled the suitcase just through the door. "That dresser," she nodded to the piece of furniture that was Emma's, "and half of the closet is yours, Logan said there are some hidden drawers under the bed that slide out for more storage…"
"Thanks Mom." Rory walked away and Emma stood there for a moment and took in the space. The room was bigger than Emma's room at home but not twice the size. She pulled her suitcase over to the bed and and put it on the plush surface before opening it up. Emma pulled out her clothes first, the items she had brought with her despite her father insisting that she shouldn't bring much and that she needed to bring everything home…it was as though he wanted her to treat Manhattan as a hotel room with nothing personal, but then there was her mother telling her to make it feel like a second home…and as much as she didn't want to upset her father, she wanted to keep him happy…she also liked the idea of this place feeling like home to her. So she unpacked the pyjamas and leggings she had tucked away, a couple of sweatshirts and t-shirts including the Harvard sweater she had gotten when she picked a birthday gift for Rory months earlier. Emma hung them up neatly, she noticed that Lily seemed to be neat and tidy which was evident based on her the belongings hanging on her side of the closet. It seemed to be a rather skeletal existence as well, not too much had been left there but clearly the girls were going through the same things. Next Emma unpacked the few toiletries she had brought from home, leaving some in the suitcase to go back as she saw that her mother had gotten her the same Wet Brush she had at home and the same scented body wash, the brand of shampoo and conditioner that she liked. As much as Emma knew that her father was trying to convince her otherwise, Emma could see how much Rory knew about her even if she had never been told. Sure, Rory had missed things, but she still knew what Emma liked and disliked, she knew what brands to keep on hand and she knew which side of the room Emma would want to have her bed on. Emma made her way back to the suitcase and pulled out a couple of framed photos. One she had retrieved from the trashcan, it was a photo of Emma and both of her parents taken on their most recent trip to Chicago, the touristy day they had spent together when everything still felt like it was supposed to. She knew now that it had been a lie…maybe not completely, but partially. The way she viewed her parents had changed since then…back then they were still superhuman, they didn't have human needs, they were just parents…Dean had thrown it in the garbage a couple of weeks earlier and Emma had quickly retrieved it and hid it in her bedroom. She tucked it in her bedside table in her new shared room and then placed a few more photos including one of herself, her mother, grandmother and great grandmother, as well as one with some of her friends from home. The last things in the suitcase were the schoolwork she needed to get done, and then the quilt that her grandmother had made for her when she was just a baby. The quilt that had been on her bed her entire life…she took it out of the suitcase and placed it on the bed and then zipped up the suitcase and put it by the door before she unfolded the quilt and placed it on top of the white comforter. It didn't suit the space…although it had never really suited her other room either…but it made her feel safe, and that was what she needed more than anything these days…to feel safe.
Emma heard her mother on the phone in the distance, from the inflection of her voice Emma assumed she was talking to Logan while Emma remained in her room working on homework. She wasn't sure how this would all work…what would be expected of her when they were all there? Would they have to be joined at the hip? What if she and Lily didn't get along? What about friends…was she just supposed to spend every waking moment in Manhattan with her mom and her boyfriend and his kids? What if she was supposed to be with Rory but it was Father's Day? What about her own father? What if it was his birthday…? Emma couldn't focus on her schoolwork and so she put her things away carefully and then walked out of the room. By the time she made it to the living room, Rory was off the phone and simply curled up on the couch with a coffee on the table and a book in her hands. Emma wasn't sure what to say to announce herself. If they were in Farmingdale she wouldn't have felt the need to, she would've just jumped down on the couch beside Rory, but this wasn't Farmingdale. "Is dinner almost ready?" She asked softly.
Rory looked up from her book, she hadn't heard Emma coming into the room and it had startled her. "Hey," Rory smiled and closed the book. "Five minutes," she told her, "it's just cooling. Logan specifically called to tell me that it was an important step…"
"So you don't do much cooking here either?" Emma smirked.
Rory laughed as Emma sat down on the couch beside her. "I guess I don't."
"Mom?" Emma asked tentatively and waited for Rory to nod to encourage her, "can I ask you something…"
"Of course."
"About you and Logan?" Emma continued, giving her mother another out to not have this conversation.
Rory bit her bottom lip and nodded, "you can ask anything." Rory hoped that Emma didn't get too wild with that invitation because there were certainly things she didn't want to tell her pre-teen daughter about her relationship with Logan. But she also knew that Emma was trying to make sense of things. She was trying to put things in place in her mind and wrap her head around the new normal that was incredibly abnormal for her.
"Ew, not anything," Emma made a face and Rory put an arm around Emma and squeezed her for a hug. "Were you two…did he ever…" Emma paused as she tried to put the words together, "was he ever at our house?"
Rory shook her head immediately. "No," she told her emphatically, "Logan never came into our house and he was only ever there if we were going on a business trip together."
"A real business trip?"
The words cut Rory deep, another reminder of the trust she had broken. Knowing that Emma now had to question her absences hurt in a way she had never anticipated. All of those moments that had once seemed so innocent, the occasional missed event or swim meet…that was all tarnished now because Emma questioned if Rory had simply chosen someone else over her. "I promise, real trips."
"It smells good," Emma changed the subject. "Can I have a drink?"
Rory nodded her head, realizing that although she had meant to, she hadn't exactly given a detailed tour of where things were in the kitchen, and to have a drink one would need to know where the cups were…and possibly the fridge given that it was integrated, although Emma had watched her open it before. "Come on, I'll show you…sorry."
"It's nice," Emma looked around the kitchen. She loved to watch the kitchen at the inn that Lorelai owned, as well as the kitchen at the diner, there was something chaotic but calming about the space…obviously a trait she had not picked up from her mother. "Maybe we can make banana bread? Or cookies…" Emma suggested two things that she knew how to make, even if she knew that her mother wouldn't have the slightest clue. "Does Logan keep…baking stuff?"
Rory laughed. She knew that Emma wasn't really used to seeing Rory in a situation where domesticity was her strong suit. "I do know my way around a kitchen…I know I didn't do much cooking, but I can cook, and when I didn't have the commute to the city, I did cook…you were just too young to remember."
Emma made a skeptical face and then nodded. "So cookies after lasagna…"
"We have the stuff to make cookies. I even have Sookie's recipe tucked away somewhere."
xxx
It had been a long week, but they all seemed to be these days. She and Logan had kept in touch intermittently but the nature of the work she had to deal with and the work he was doing while he was gone, and spending quality time with his kids meant there wasn't really much time to catch up. That was why on Thursday when she left in the early afternoon to go and take the remainder of her belongings from the house in Farmingdale, she hadn't bothered to tell him. She knew what his reaction would be…send Parker, hire someone, replace it…and she wasn't about to bicker via text. She should have told him before she left, but that was water under the bridge as she stood in her old office with a series of boxes she had picked up and loaded in the back of her brand new BMW X7…maybe she hadn't needed to bring it with her…but a part of her was still annoyed at Dean for making this harder than it needed to be. She unloaded the contents of her office closet, placing the remaining garments into suitcases that had been brought out of storage in Manhattan for her and then her books went into extra-strong boxes that could hold all of her collection. Rory enjoyed flipping through some of them. The notes in the margins from herself, her grandfather and even some from her other high school boyfriend, Jess Mariano. She pulled out the photo albums from her childhood, the albums she had made when Emma was younger. She would take them with her, in her mind anything that was sitting in her office was hers…it wasn't as though Dean would sit up there flipping through them…they were simply stored. It took longer than she expected, about five hours to clean everything out. She had seen Emma for a brief period of time before Dean drove her to swim practice and Rory resumed carrying the boxes down. Of course her soon to be ex-husband had made himself scarce, hiding out in the garage while she schlepped the boxes to the car. Rory had purposely brought herself a large travel mug of coffee and some snacks so that she wouldn't have to ask Dean for a drink or anything to eat…she could sense how tense he was and she didn't want to rock the boat.
By the time she got to the final section of the office Rory ran her fingers over the sealed box and took a deep breath. Her wedding dress was inside. Carefully preserved from the event…she wasn't completely sure why she had kept it…sure, she had liked the dress when she had chosen it, but surely she knew that Emma wouldn't want it, but there it was. Her dress and the photo album from the wedding. She slung the dress over her arm and grabbed the box, dropping the box on the counter in the kitchen before she took the dress and put it in the car. Rory returned to the kitchen a moment later and grabbed the album before walking out to the garage. Everything else was packed, so once this awkward conversation was over she could simply leave, drive away from the house knowing nothing about it was hers anymore. The only thing that mattered to her in that house would be Emma. "Hey," Rory made her presence known as she saw Dean tinkering around with some of his tools. She assumed he was cleaning them… she hadn't understood that ever and now it just seemed even more awkward. "I just have one thing I wanted to ask you about…"
"Since when does my opinion matter?" Dean scoffed, he didn't even look up from where he stood but at least he couldn't see Rory rolling her eyes.
"Wedding photos…" Rory paused and she saw Dean grimace a bit before his jaw locked and the frustration became evident. "I don't know if you want the originals…but I thought maybe I could take them and have them digitized so whoever doesn't get this," she shrugged with the album, "gets a copy…"
"Why do you want a copy?" Dean snapped, he closed the gap between them and grabbed the book from her hands before he walked back to his shelves and put it on a shelf. "You would probably burn it."
Rory sighed. "Dean I don't want to fight. If you want the originals, I would just like to have them on a USB so that I have a copy…"
"What do you need a copy of our wedding photos for?" Dean spat, any calmness in his demeanour was gone. "You broke our vows. Our wedding may as well have been a joke. Our marriage sure as fuck was!"
"Dean," Rory spoke in a warning tone. Any progress seemingly had gone out the window, "no matter how we ended up, I want Emma to be able to see them if she wanted to…and I know that these last couple of years…what I did to you wasn't right. I've apologized, I've told you how much I regret hurting you…but there was a time, in those photos," Rory gestured to the photo album on the wall and began walking towards it, "we were happy. We were in love. These last three years don't change that once upon a time we were two people in love…" Rory reached up to grab the album. She knew he had intentionally put it just out of reach and it pissed her off but she wasn't about to make this worse. It however got worse whether she wanted it to or not. The first thing she felt was the sharp pinching of his hand, the hand that had once held hers through thick and thin, the hand that had once calmed her when she was in labour with their daughter. The hand that had once worn a ring to symbolize their union…it wrapped tightly around her forearm and yanked her back towards him, he squeezed for a moment and Rory couldn't even make out whatever the words he was saying were as she closed her eyes and winced in pain, "Dean let go!" He didn't though, she felt him twisting her body until she was being redirected away from the shelf she had been reaching for and he gave her one last shove before releasing her and then he stared. They stared at each other wide eyed for a moment…a line had been crossed in a matter of mere seconds…a line they both knew they couldn't come back from.