"You work too hard." Antonio said to his friend, lying flat on his back with one arm slung over his face. It kept the sunlight off of his eyes but it was also very calming as well. Lying still like that, blocking the world from view made things more tolerable somehow. Not that things weren't 'tolerable' now. He was happy. Antonio was always happy. But happy was kind of draining. Sometimes things just needed to be tolerable.
He heard his friend sigh beside him. "You keep saying that."
"And you've failed to prove me wrong." Antonio retorted. Lovino said nothing and Antonio should have been happy he'd won the argument. He always won that particular argument though. He sighed.
"I'm bored, Lovi." Antonio complained.
"Go do something then." Lovino answered and Antonio doubted he even looked up from his work. Antonio didn't lift his head to find out.
"I want to do something with yooouuu." Antonio whined, letting his arm fall from his face. His body went completely lax in a show of how 'bored' he was. "Ugghhh."
"I'm busy, Antonio. Go chase a squirrel."
Antonio pouted at that. "I'm not twelve anymore, Lovino."
Lovino looked up, cocking an eyebrow. "You're thirteen. You literally chased a squirrel last week."
Antonio sat up, mocking an affronted look. "I've matured!"
"Sure you have. Now go play nice and I'll let you know when I'm done here." Lovino shooed him away with one hand, eyes already averting back to the worksheet in front of him.
"No." Antonio huffed, crossing his arms and, though he would never admit to it, pouting.
That drew Lovino's attention. "Ugh, what can I do to get just thirty minutes of peace, Antonio? Just thirty minutes to finish this?"
Antonio perked up. "I've got an idea!" He whipped out his phone, sliding to one of the apps he knew he had. It was a timer. "You get thirty minutes and I get thirty minutes! You get study and I get a friend who will climb trees and chase squirrels with me!"
"I thought you'd 'matured'?" Lovino smirked.
"Well, technically you're still twelve, so I'm just doing a service to your younger, less developed mind."
Lovino rolled his eyes. "You're ridiculous. Alright, deal. Give me my time and I'll give you yours."
"Yay!" Antonio cheered, punched in the time, and let the clock begin. He was restless the whole thirty minutes through but he was silent and he let Lovino have his time.
And when it was time to chase squirrels, he noticed that Lovino's smile was wider than it had been in months.
A little playtime sometimes did wonders.
Over the years, Antonio's time dwindled as more and more of it had to be devoted to work, study, the pressures of life, but the time never became any less special to them both.
-/-
00:03
00:02
00:01
Beepbeepbeepbeep. Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Play time!" Antonio exclaimed, sitting up so suddenly that his head swam. When he could see straight again he looked over at his friend.
Lovino was staring at his book with piercing eyes and, honestly, looked quite distraught. His brows were pushed so far down Antonio worried they would stick that way and his frown mirrored their determined crease. He had his elbow resting on his upper thigh, hand tangled in his hair as he thought through whatever tough piece of information he was trying to process.
Antonio frowned something to rival his friend's. "Lovi." He said softly. Lovino didn't respond. "Lovino." He said a little harder. Still nothing. Carefully he brought up his own hand and gently pried Lovino's away from his hurting scalp, smoothing the fist out by massaging the knuckles. Antonio absent-mindedly found himself fixing the hair that was now coming up in spikes before he realized what he was doing and retracting it.
Lovino was still not paying attention, despite his one hand held firmly in Antonio's grip. Antonio reached out and pulled Lovino's face up by his chin, watching his cloudy eyes dissipate and focus on himself instead. "Antonio, I don't think break time is a good idea today." Lovino said, his eyes drawing back down to the book. Antonio brought his face back up and held his hand there.
"Break time, Lovi." He said softly and Lovino's eyes saddened. Antonio steeled himself and let go of Lovino's hand and chin, reaching for the textbook so he could shut it.
Lovino still looked distracted but he asked, "What do you want to do then, bastard?"
Antonio chuckled. Leave it to Lovino to use that at a time like this. "I've been thinking."
"Don't strain yourself." Lovino commented. He was more focused now and Antonio seized the moment, standing up and swooping his friend to his feet.
"Let's go chase the squirrels."
-/-
Antonio would be lying if he said he hadn't thought of kissing Lovino again. He was really curious and, for some reason, Lovino's lips kept drawing his eyes. It was as if the idea was haunting him. It followed him around like a curse or a ghost, whispering these ideas in his brain at the most inconvenient times. Like seriously, he thought about it in the middle of class during lectures, playing dodgeball in gym, even now, chasing freaking squirrels.
Well, perhaps that last one wasn't so odd as the others. Here, he had the object of those illusions right beside him, smiling, laughing, running, and shouting challenging remarks over his shoulder at Antonio. It was hard to keep his mind on the game. It was hard to keep his eyes off Lovino.
And that was what scared him the most.
He had a girlfriend. Emma was smart and sweet and pretty. And Lovino was his best friend. These weren't the feelings, the thoughts, one had for their best friend. Everything was so complicated now. Those thoughts had complicated everything.
Antonio shook his head. Not now. Now was not the time. This time was for him and Lovino. It was to get Lovino's mind off of his constant anxieties. That was something Antonio could focus on.
So he sprinted after his friend, ready to dart after more of the wildlife if the situation called for it, but mostly just content on chasing after Lovino.
-/-
It was magical how clear Lovino's eyes were that afternoon.
Having grown tired of racing around the park, having forgotten about squirrels and simply playing an unofficial game of tag, they had scrambled up their tree. They sat side by side on one of the sturdier boughs, the new spring foliage concealing them from the world below. It was their own little world in the encasement of those leaves and Antonio had lost himself in the amber of Lovino's eyes.
He had spent years deciphering Lovino's emotions, spotting subtle differences and changes in his features. He was always a puzzle, a map of too many sentiments to hold onto a single one. As Antonio chased after one emotion that etched the boy's face, a brand new one would surface to slip into its place, one as equally complicated and far too impossible to describe.
The spurts of emotions were so plain to see now that Antonio wondered how he'd never seen it before. He saw Lovino's fascination as his gaze swept the greenery around them. He saw the traces of amusement still lining his friend's smile from their racing around the park and the comfortable demeanour Antonio could see in his relaxed shoulders. He was always so anxious - around other kids at school, around strangers. It was rare to see him so comfortable in his own skin.
No guesswork or careful interpretations were required in those moments. Antonio couldn't believe how simple it was to read Lovino when the task had been a challenge to him since they had met. Was it now that Lovino was unguarded or that what he was feeling was uncomplicated and clear?
Antonio couldn't imagine a day that Lovino was anything less than complex. But he could revel in the simplicity of those moments. Lovino looked beautiful-
"What are you looking at?" Lovino's voice shook him out of his thoughts and Antonio blinked blankly at his friend.
He smiled sheepishly and responded, "Hm, nothing." Antonio swung his legs in the open air below them and let his eyes wonder around their surroundings. When they were naturally drawn back to his friend, Lovino was still watching him. He was frowning now, eyes fogged over again. Antonio ignored the disappointment sinking to the bottom of his heart.
Lovino looked toward the ground, swinging his own legs a bit. His shoulders were hunched just the slightest and, when Antonio connected Lovino's eyes to where was looking, he found that what was on his friend's mind was a textbook.
Antonio bit his lip. "Lovi-"
But the ever perceptive Lovino spoke up too, ignoring what could only be a plea from Antonio. "I should get back to," He gestured with his hands toward the ground, refusing to make eye contact, "You know."
Antonio could only respond with his thoughts and a helpless look in his eyes. Please, Lovi. He pleaded in his mind as the other began his descent from the tree. This constant work shouldn't be your life. No one wants it to be. Your brother worries about you. I worry.
Lovino sank back into his spot on the grass, pulling his textbook in his lap. Antonio watched, still in the tree. He tried not to look dejected. He had to be happy. It was best. It protected him and it protected Lovino. No guilt. No bad feelings.
You do enough. You do more than enough. Antonio thought, wondering if his friend would hear if he just thought loud enough. His shoulders slumped, knowing that wasn't possible. It was no use. Lovino's movements were stiff as he scanned the pages, eyes averted. He knew Antonio's eyes were still on him. Stop losing sleep. Stop forgetting to eat. Stop working yourself like this.
Antonio wished he could say these things aloud. For the countless time, Antonio wanted to tell Lovino plain and clear. He had tried, but it still wasn't enough. He did his best to take care of his friend, but it wasn't enough. Because, if he took it too far, it was possible he could lose Lovino. His friend could get tired of his constant nagging and leave. Then he would be alone.
And Antonio didn't want to be alone.
CV: Hello! So, this chapter is a lot shorter than my others, but looking back at what I've written I thought it was best paced this way. So here's some cute Spamano goofing around at the park. Not sure why they're terrorizing small animals, but they aren't trying to catch them so yeah.
Thank every one of you respectively for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing this fic!