Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender in any shape or form.
"Do you remember when Father caught us sneaking out of the citadel? You promised to show me the koalaotter pups you have befriended but Father would never let me out without guards—even if I were to be accompanied by you."
Yue's voice filled out the silence of the night, louder than the quiet cries of Ameya but still soft and gentle.
"He had been so outraged but you stood your ground and calmly said you meant no disrespect. I remember clearly how much I admired you then—you were always so calm and strong even against the Chief of the tribe."
Ameya wiped away her tears, eyes and heart numb from the pain and cold.
"Everyone around me lately has been saying I'm strong…I don't understand. I feel anything but."
Icy eyes closed in concentration, drowning herself in her own hallucination at Yue's voice. She ignored the strange feeling of pressure on her back and closed herself from the world. The tears may have stopped but the pain did not.
"But you are, Ameya; you always have been. I haven't realized it until now…how much you have suffered on your own."
"I couldn't save you."
"My life belonged to the tribe. I see this is where I am meant to be now. What about you?"
She felt new tears form again and cursed herself for being so weak. Where did she belong? Where was she meant to be? She never knew—could never find the answer herself. Ameya thought she had finally found her place again—with Zuko—but it wasn't true.
"I don't know," she answered truthfully, "I wish I knew."
"The Avatar needs you."
A wry smile emerged on her lips.
"They don't need a waterbender—they already have one of the best. I'm just a thief that got thrown into this war, too."
Yue frowned, leaning against her back further.
"Are you running away again?"
Ameya stiffened.
"You promised you wouldn't. Didn't you say you were going to make him regret? Didn't you say you were going to fight? You don't see it yourself but Aang needs you. Katara and Sokka need you. Toph needs you. You're not doing anyone a favor by running away."
And in her mind, Yue thinks that a certain Fire Nation Prince needs her too but did not voice it out loud.
There was a bitter underling within her words and Ameya felt the accusation of her tone. Her eyes opened again and wondered why the ocean looked so bright from the edge of her vision.
"Are you mad that I left again?"
A pause.
"No…just disappointed…and sad."
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
There was a familiarity of the situation and Ameya cannot help but reminisce of their reunion months ago. Yue had always supported her too. Iroh had always believed in her. They're both gently guiding her to the right decision because she herself cannot and she thinks it's time to make up her mind.
"I won't run. I will fight. I have to."
Yue smiled, pride swelling up in her chest at the change in Ameya's decision. She had changed, different from the girl who arrived at the tribe years ago and different from the second time she had left them.
"Do you think you can face me now?"
Ameya tensed and slowly, she turned her head. She felt new waves of tears surface from her icy eyes and they roll down her cheeks but for a different reason. Yue's heavenly smile calmed her aching heart and her arms wrapped around her celestial body. She felt Yue return the hug and in their embrace Ameya felt the warmth she desperately needed.
"Love is painful but also powerful. It will take time but you won't face this alone."
Yue pulled back and Ameya wiped her tears away again. A weak smile appeared on her pale lips as the Moon Spirit began to ascend. It was time for her to go.
"I'll be watching over you, Ameya."
And with a wave of her hand, a giant wave appeared to push the small boat along, towards the direction of the captured Fire Navy ship. Ameya could only watch with sullen eyes as Yue started to fade away, a dull ache in her heart. It had helped, if only a little, for her comfort to numb the pain.
The Avatar needs her—her friends need her.
But it was still not enough to completely forget the burning in her heart.
It had been almost one week when Ameya returned to them. They had seen her lone kayak amidst the open waters of the sea and brought her into their cruiser quickly. She said nothing when the Water Tribe siblings brought her in for a hug or when Toph punched her shoulder affectionately for her safe return.
The young woman only quirked the corner of her lips upward in a mimic of a smile and excused herself to rest.
She offered no explanation the next day. She barely touched the stew Sokka had provided for her. She smiled politely when they introduced two new members of the crew, a large burly man and a young boy sitting on his shoulder. 'Pipsqueak' and 'The Duke' were their names whom once associated with the Avatar gang who decided to join their cause for the war too.
So it was a surprise for the group when Ameya initiated the conversation at lunch time, her eyes sharp and voice detached at three simple words.
"Spar with me."
Katara and Sokka looked at each other in confusion while Pipsqueak and The Duke stayed quiet, uncertain with the strange woman they had just met less than ten minutes ago. Toph merely laughed, almost accepting her offer.
"Please."
But her voice was directed to Sokka and he heard the desperation of her plea and he caved. Something changed again with Ameya and he cannot pinpoint what it was exactly but he felt the need to accept her request. Yue's words 'please keep her safe' continued to ring in the back of his mind and he wishes to but he has no idea how.
"Okay, okay, but under one condition! No bending!"
Ameya blinked. "I won't use it against you."
Sokka gaped in disbelief. She was still trying to barter with him. Katara spoke up then, a kind smile on her lips at the older girl.
"I can train with you instead." She remembered the spar back in the Northern Water Tribe and it was one of her fondest memories. It was not often for the young waterbender to fight against another and she had terribly missed the training with Aang the past two weeks. The young Avatar still had not awakened yet and Katara could not help but feel antsy herself.
"Ah, I know. That would be for later, when the moon is high and no one would notice the rough waves."
Now it was Katara's turn to blink at her and Sokka heaved a sigh in defeat, standing up with his trusty boomerang in tow. He could not refuse a request from a pretty girl but he faintly connected Ameya's behavior to his sister's stubbornness instead.
"Have anyone told you you're unbelievable?" Sokka joked but something flashed before Ameya's eyes and it was gone before he could determine what it was.
The side of her lips curled up and she turned away. "No."
They ended up gaining a small audience at the start of the spar. Ameya chose a short sword from one of the weapon disposals and Sokka decided on a machete with his boomerang strapped to his side. He stretched his arms confidently, smirking at Ameya as she tested the weight of the weapon in her hands.
"I'm not going to go easy on you!"
She glance his way then, a smile on her lips and readied a stance. "I wouldn't want you to."
They charged at each other in another second. Ameya parried the blow Sokka swung at her, grunting at the force of power he wields and pushed on. She swiped at him, forcing the other to dodge and block the lithe sword and she maneuver around his slow but powerful swings.
It looked like Sokka knew what he was doing but lacked training. Meanwhile, Ameya was trying to remember the lessons her old master had drilled in her, using it with the weapon in hand instead of always running away.
She ducked, narrowly missing the machete slicing her hair and aimed a kick at his feet. Sokka faltered and rolled away just as she stabbed the sword at where he once laid. His arm reached behind him to throw the boomerang and Ameya dodges it, charging straight for him again.
Sokka quickly regained his footing, rising to his feet and dodged as Ameya swung past him. He saw the opportunity and with a quick swipe of his machete, the weapon drew blood from her side. His eyes widen at the sight of red but Ameya's free hand moved with grace, cloaking it with water to heal the cut and the hand holding her weapon retaliated back.
He barely blocked the short sword from piercing him with his machete and both of them clashed against each other, a sharp ring echoing on the deck. They pushed hard together and they both moved at the same time, swinging the weapons upward but it was Ameya who knocked the machete from Sokka's hand while she kept a steady hold on her short sword. She raised it up, ready to declare herself the winner but the boomerang from before came back, knocking the weapon from her grasp.
Sokka's eyes lit up at his trusty weapon and reached up to grab it. In his moment of distraction, Ameya had pounced on him quickly, bringing them down onto the floor and her hand reached behind her to the pearl dagger she kept hidden. The blade unsheathed and was pressed against Sokka's neck but her movement was sloppy and her fingers were shaking. It was not Sokka's surprised sapphire eyes that froze her; it was the haunting inscription glaring brightly at her.
Never give up without a fight.
Sokka could only watch in mute horror as he saw the beginning of tears form in her icy eyes. Her long curtain of hair covered most of her face from the observers but Sokka could see her emotions as clear as day. He could say nothing, watching numbly and unafraid of the weapon dangerously close to his collar. Her hands were faintly shaking and Sokka's face began to blur before her but she could only see gold eyes and brown hair.
"Ameya…?"
The young woman quickly got up, hiding the dagger back within her pants and turned away.
"Sorry. Excuse me."
She left them briskly, rushing to the other side of the ship and hidden from prying eyes.
Toph helped Sokka up but they were focused intently on the retreating back of Ameya. They had never seen her fight seriously before, never thought she had the capability for it. Hakoda had said nothing of Ameya's ruthlessness during the infiltration but he experienced it again at his son's spar. He quickly scanned the young man over, relieved to see no damage and Sokka waved off his defeat.
Ameya leaned against the railing of the ship, her head clutched in her hands pitifully. She had tried, so hard, to get him out of her mind but he always finds a way to invade her heart. She reprimanded herself to stop reminiscing the past, to stop thinking of beautiful golden eyes and his burning touches.
She brought the red and black scabbard out again, holding it against her head and cried.
Yue's words echoed in the back of her mind but it provided no comfort as it once did.
Iroh's wise advice rang in her head but Ameya felt just as lost and confused as before.
It was Zuko's voice that stood out amongst them all, his tone low and quiet, whispering promises of their next meeting and caressing her silky locks.
"Have I ever mentioned I love your hair?"
The image of the other girl kissing him appeared in her mind. She had the same long black hair, if not silkier, than her own and sudden Ameya felt disgusted. Her free hand gripped her hair tightly, and her other hand pulled the pearl dagger from the sheath once more and brought it behind her.
With a clean swipe, her once long locks were severed from her neck.
A small gasp emitted from behind and she glanced back to see a wide eyed Katara. Realizing that she was caught, the young waterbender took hesitant steps to Ameya, sapphire eyes sullen at the loss of hair.
"Back in Ba Sing Se…he really…hurt you…"
She tensed at Katara's words, dropping the hair to the ocean and did not meet her gaze. She sheathed the dagger back, glaring at the weapon as if glaring at the original owner himself.
"He won't anymore."
Her voice was supposed to come out strong but it felt empty instead. Ameya raised her hand and with a powerful lunge, she threw the dagger into the ocean. She walked away before she saw the weapon hit the sea, pushing down the tears and burning heartache again.
Katara's eyes widen and she reached out, bending the water to catch the dagger and brought it close to her chest. Ameya never spoke of what happened in the catacombs. She never confided in anyone of her troubles. But Katara saw the way Ameya suffered and saw how desperately she clung to the weapon and found herself holding onto the dagger instead.
The blade felt heavy in her grasp.
She wished for Ameya to open up to her. She hoped the other girl would confront her problems with Katara because she thought they were friends, too. She hated the sense of betrayal whenever Katara imagined Ameya back in the catacombs with Zuko; their gentle gazes and lingering touches spoke what their lips did not.
She found herself hiding the dagger from Ameya.
Katara did not understand her own impulsive action but understood to some extent that it meant a lot to Ameya. She will wait for the older girl to acknowledge her turmoil instead. Katara will wait for Ameya to come directly to her instead of asking for answers herself.
She wanted to trust in their friendship because Katara found it easier to hate Zuko than doubt Ameya.
Ameya doesn't sleep often but when she does, she dreams.
She dreams of the lessons Master Xiao had taught her; the way to hold a blade, the way to maneuver her body with the dagger, the way to use her agility and dexterity to her advantage. He told her once she lacked conviction; she had potential but no drive. The eleven year old thought the lessons were fun but felt no need to apply to the real world—not when Master Xiao and Lady Lu Jie were with her.
She was so naïve back then.
She dreams of the days Lu Jie would take her out of training, bringing the girl to the village for shopping and gossips. She misses the way the older woman would hold her hand, even if Ameya was not a little girl anymore, but it was what she never had growing up and she clung onto the warmth of her delicate but firm fingers.
But she also dreams of golden eyes and gentle smiles and hushed promises again and Ameya wakes up with wetness in her eyes and drumming in her chest.
Ameya never let that show when lucid.
She was ruthless and precise, cold and confident.
Katara had learned to not underestimate her in training. She was not the same weak waterbender back in the North Pole. It had only been a simple waterbending spar and the younger girl realized Ameya was more confident in her abilities, mixing her agility with waterbending and catching her off guard. Ameya was still reckless, charging through the waves of water and emerging right in front of Katara with an icicle near her face.
There was a feral look in her icy eyes and at the sight of Katara's wide ones, Ameya lowered her guard and mutters an apology. She does not have the dagger anymore but she still makes one from water. The older girl favors the ice element and Katara thought it was fitting for her.
It was cold; hard; deadly.
It was Ameya.
Besides sparing with Katara, she continued to train with the other tribe members. At first they were wary of the younger girl challenging them but she bows her head and makes a quiet plea and Hakoda caves.
It was a ritual for her now.
She was finally putting her lessons to good use instead of theft and elusion. It helped that she was trained previously before. It helped that she was finally forcing herself to change.
It helped that Ameya was always reminded of her captured state by the Fire Nation soldiers back at the Spirit Oasis, by the three men who tried to sully her, by the Dai Li agents who imprisoned her.
Or maybe it shouldn't have helped at all but Ameya only felt rage at the thought of her weakness and strained to improve.
The pains from the wounds the warriors inflict on her were nothing like the ones in her heart. The physical damage could be healed, she had done it plenty of times before, but the internal one cannot. Sometimes she would lay there may be a second too long after being knocked down, staring at the blood with dull eyes then healing it before Katara makes a move to Ameya.
At times like those, Ameya thinks she's nine again, cowering in the streets after the beatings and for a second she expected to see Xiao rescue her. She blinks and the memory is gone, replaced with worried blue eyes of the Water Tribe siblings and she offers a blank smile. The training was helping, she reassures, and brushes off her wounds, starting the next spar.
It kept her busy, it kept her distracted.
If her friends saw the change in her, they did not mention it.
Sokka was still friendly even after their spar and had tried to convince the young woman to train him. She smiled and agreed, going through the basics of what she learned because she never had someone compliment on her skills before that was not her master.
But Sokka was already a great warrior himself and when Ameya pointed that out, he only laughed sheepishly and said he enjoyed their duel. He didn't mention how he was still shaken not by her ferocity but by her tears from the previous fight. Nor can he get Yue's voice out of his mind 'please keep her safe' and he thinks he is by keeping her company but he knew it goes beyond that.
The only thing Sokka could do was joke and laugh with Ameya and train with her because that was who she needed from him right now and he complied.
Toph tried to fight the waterbender too but they both agreed it would be too dangerous. It was uncertain if the earthbender may end up destroying the cruiser during the battle and Ameya was not sure she can control her waterbending if forced in a pinch.
They laughed it off instead. Toph boasting about how she would surely be the winner and Ameya teasing that she was surrounded by her element and it would not be hard to drown them all. An awkward silence passed over then and Toph merely punched her shoulder, causing a hiss to emit from the older girl and said she needs to lighten up.
Her pulse was less erratic now, Toph realized, but still felt the tremor in her tone on certain subjects and did not feel the need to disclose that information to others.
And Katara, who knew the most about her during their time in the Crystal Catacombs, felt the distance and wall Ameya surrounds herself in. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes anymore—even if she did smile more often after the first few days. And sometimes when they invite her for this new game Sokka invented, Ameya politely excuses herself for more training, leaving the group to brave the chill wind under the moonlight; alone.
It reminded Katara of when Ameya walked away from them to kneel besides Zuko and Iroh. It reminded Katara of when Ameya left with her tribe to infiltrate the Fire Navy cruiser. It reminded of how Ameya had left them without saying anything, only appearing almost a week later more broken than she left.
The dagger was somewhere in the back of her mind, hidden in Katara's rucksack and she was reminded of it every time she looked at those short black locks, unruly and jagged.
Ameya looks older now, more mature; 'damaged' Katara's mind whispered.
And when she tried to bring that up with her brother and earthbender, they felt the same sense from Ameya but offered no consolation. It was not our place to meddle, Toph chastised and Sokka reasoned they were doing their best to keep her safe, echoing Yue's words.
Katara frowned and blurted out what she had been hiding for three weeks—three painful weeks of watching Ameya suffer and the image she had seen of the young woman curling within herself, tearstains coating her cheeks were enough for Katara to snap.
Aang would have understood, Katara thought, Aang would have been able to help.
But Aang was still unconscious and Katara cannot ignore the fear gripping her heart at the thought that what if he never wakes up again?
"She had been with Zuko—in the Crystal Catacombs and—something happened between them! I don't know what—but remember how she stayed by him back when we cornered Azula? It was almost like that but—much—worse!"
Her hush toned was desperate to Sokka and Toph's ears and they faltered. Sokka still remembers the clutched hands and stability she provided for the prince and Toph remembers the lull in Iroh's breathing and Ameya's own soothing one.
"I don't think we should talk about that now, Sugar Queen," Toph warned quietly, "That is really not our business."
"I'm just—worried." Katara admitted with a sigh.
"There's nothing to worry about."
The Water Tribe sibling jumped at the sound of her voice and Toph was muttering an 'I told you so' to Katara. They looked sheepishly at the young woman who had Momo perched on her shoulder; the lemur had taken to her quite well thanks to all the snacks she provided him.
"He is the enemy. That's how it's always been." Ameya sent a smile their way; empty and mirthless. "Trust me."
She walked away then, leaving Sokka to doubt, Katara to ponder the dagger, and Toph to feel the quiver in her pulse.
Author's Note:
Next chapter is the official start of Book 3 and it will be long but I also plan on summarizing a lot of things—just like how I had done before.
Ameya kinda seems to show more improvement by now mostly because I kept writing her as weak and easily overpowered by others in the past. It had turned as her motivation now and I know she seems to cry a lot but she's just reaching a turning point in her life as a teenage girl. Does that justify it? Hmm...
Ohgosh thank you so much for the feedback last chapter! I'm so happy you all enjoyed it! And to the guest 'Kitsune'—thank you for the long, lovely review! I hope you'll continue to enjoy the future chapter and art!
This is another favorite chapter of mine—just because we finally get glimpses of the gang's thought process about Ameya. As you can tell, Ameya is slowly changing…and it wouldn't end just here. I do miss writing her with Yue…I love bringing old characters back. Did you guys notice the parallel of their conversation too?
Reviews are much appreciated! Sorry I always write long notes but seriously I just want to thank all of you personally and talk more about the story ahaha