DISCLAIMER: This chapter contains some dark subject matter, including PTSD and some of the resulting effects. This scene is basically a preview to some of the more dark elements of my story. If you are disturbed by this chapter, please, do not read any more chapters with a disclaimer like this. There is a reason this story is rated M beyond just violence and swearing. I will be providing a summary of the chapter's events at the bottom.

This was hard to write. This chapter contains a scene I've had planned for No Land Beyond for ages, but I never knew how hard it would be to write it out like this. And it isn't even from the perspective of the person I'm planning the scene to be from.

Anyway, see you at the bottom.

Chapter 16

Recalling the past

I quickly turned over the mat, grabbing the spare key that was always hidden under there. I fumbled as I tried to put the key in the lock. Even out here, I could hear him yelling. Eventually I managed to slid the key in and turned it. I didn't even bother closing the door.

Light was on the bathroom floor, on his knees and vomiting into the toilet. I had never seen him in such a state. His back was drenched in sweat, his face was a deathly white, his eyes…they were terrifying to look at. I knelt down behind him and just held him.

"She's dead…she's supposed to be dead…I…" His breathing became erratic. "I…her…"

"Shhhh…" My hands were shaking. "It's okay…"

"She's not real…she shouldn't be there…"

I withdrew one hand and began rubbing his back. He leaned back into the toilet bowl and threw up again.

After a few moments, Light looked back at me. His eyes looked hollow, like there was nothing there. "Holly…?"

"Yeah, I'm here." I forced a smile. "You scared the shit out of me."

A small amount of brightness returned to his gaze. "I don't remember you swearing…"

I rolled my eyes. "Well at least you can still joke around."

I turned the key in the lock, opening the door to the house. It was dark and cold, but it would do. It was lucky that I still knew those Japanese players who could speak English from The Land Beyond, otherwise I would be screwed.

The house that I was renting for a few weeks was rather plain looking. It was a single floor building with a living room, kitchen and bedroom. The front door led straight into the living room, which had some wooden chairs and a table in the centre, and a tall fern plant in the corner. But that was it apart from the bland off-white wallpaper. The kitchen had the bare essentials, such as an oven and a sink, with a few cupboards underneath the sink, and a fridge.

I took the bag that I had with me over to the kitchen and began unloading the into the cupboards and fridge. I didn't have much, but there was a convenience store just down the road from me. I wasn't planning on staying long anyway.

I decided that I would put away the rest of my stuff later. I just took out a half full bottle of water and a map. Opening it, I first identified where I was. It was on the outskirts of Tokyo. I soon found out the approximate place I was, but I couldn't really tell as I couldn't understand Japanese for the life of me. I sighed. "Why is it that you're never here when you could be so helpful…though if you were here, I wouldn't have come to Japan…" I smiled sadly at the wedding ring on my finger.

"Once I get back from America, I have something to give you." Light smiled nervously, a light blush appearing on his cheeks.

I closed my eyes as I rested my head on his chest. "I know I can't convince you not to go. But please come back. I finally found a home with you."

He leaned forwards, pressing his lips against my forehead. "Don't worry, I want to come back." A grin appeared on his face. "Or do you think I'll somehow fail?"

"Very funny." I yawned. "Now shut up and go sleep."

It had been two months since then. I sighed, placing my hand on the ring. A low laugh escaped me. "What am I, a lovey dovey schoolgirl? Jesus, I've grown soft." I went back to the map and marked the street I was on.

I looked out the window and saw it was already dark. Great, jetlag. I wasn't tired at all. It hit me that I had never been out of England before, and in the past two weeks, I had gone from England to America, and then to Japan. When I had got to Forman Gaming, I was turned away at the desk. Fortunately, a girl called Cocoa had seen me asking about Light, and told me about Rath here in Japan. She gave me Asuna's contact info, and now here I am…

All alone still…

Again…

My heart ached, like it had after the No Land Beyond Incident. When we came out of that place, Light withdrew into himself. Even though everyone else who was young enough to go to school was going, I never saw him there past the first day. I was having my own problems to deal with at home, with a drunken father and a mother too afraid to do anything about it, so I never had the opportunity to go and see him, and the times I did, I just went back into virtual reality, escaping from it all. If we hadn't met in a chance encounter in one of the games, I doubt that I would've ever seen him again.

My phone suddenly buzzed. I opened it to see it was a Japanese number that I didn't recognise. The caller ID was Kirigaya Kazuto. I didn't even recognise the name. I answered it cautiously. "Hell-I mean…Kon…Konichuwa?"

"It's okay, I can speak English."

The last voice I expected to hear on the other end was that of a little girl. "Um…hi. Is Kazuto a girl's name over here."

"That's not my name, that's Daddy's name. I'm Yui."

I smiled, rolling my eyes. "Alright then Yui. How are you so good at English?"

"I'm a Mental Health Counselling Program, so it's best for me to be able to communicate in any language possible."

I began rubbing my forehead in confusion. "So…is that a fancy name for something or-"

"I'm an Artificial Intelligence."

"Right." Japan certainly is ahead of its time.

Yui cleared her throat. "Mummy can't contact you right now while she's on Ocean Turtle, so I've called you in her place."

"You mean Asuna?"

"Asuna is Mummy, Kirito is Daddy."

Glad we got that cleared up. "So what's happening then Yui? Am I going to go to this Ocean Turtle or…?"

"It's too difficult to get you on board."

I rolled my eyes. "Well Asuna is there right now. Couldn't have been too difficult if she's on there."

I heard some guy yelling in the background. Yui began saying something in Japanese that I couldn't understand. "Sorry Flower, we can't get you on board. I can't reach anyone inside the Ocean Turtle, so if you even managed to get on there, you'll likely be arrested straight away."

"I don't care. I'm willing to take that risk just to see him again." My nails began to dig into my palms. "Asuna got on board to see Kirito, why can't I at least try to?"

"It's too hard. We got Mummy on board thanks to someone else. Right now, we don't have any way to-"

I heard some footsteps, and then someone began talking to me in Japanese, rather angrily might I add. I couldn't pick up more than "Yui" and "Asuna". I sighed. "I can't understand you…"

"Klein said 'Stop going on at Yui about it, she's worked harder than anyone to try and get Asuna on board to see…Kiri-bro. If she could get you on board, she would'." Yui muttered. "I don't want to say the rest…"

I leaned back in my chair. "Fine. But if you hear anything, let me know."

"Wait!" Yui exclaimed suddenly. "Sorry, but there is a reason I called other than telling you that Mummy can't call you." She cleared her throat. "There might be a chance you could talk to someone at Rath."

I leaned forward, bringing the map towards me. "Where?"

"Minato Ward in Tokyo."

I lay down on the thin mattress on the floor, pulling the covers over me. I looked at the map one last time. Yui had sent me the address of Minato Ward in Japanese so it was easier to identify it amongst the other street names. It would take half an hour to walk there, assuming I had found the right address where I was staying.

I unpacked one last thing from my bag and set it next to the head of my bed. Light had it in his bedroom. It was a photo from five years ago, during the summer holidays of 2021. It was me, Light, and Leon.

Light still hasn't gone to see Leon's grave.

I smiled to myself. "You've certainly got a lot to do when you get back." I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, waiting for fatigue to take over me. Slowly but surely, my eyes began to droop closed.

"You haven't spoken for an entire day, you going to tell me what happened?"

Light wrapped the blanket around him tighter, as if he was shielding himself from it. "I don't want to…I just want to forget it…"

"So you're just going to sit there, slowly going more and more…insane?" I didn't exactly know what word to describe what Light was going through. I barely knew who "she" was. But whoever it was had sent Light to his darkest place I've ever seen. Even Leon's death hadn't affected him this much.

She's probably the reason I never see him anymore. Why he's locked himself indoors and refuses to come out.

I got up as the microwave pinged. I passed the plate over to Light but he just stared at it. He hadn't eaten since I got here yesterday and it felt like something was slowly squeezing my heart, killing me, seeing him like this. "You're scaring me, you know? We haven't spoken properly since we got out. And then when I finally see you again, it's almost like you want to…to die." A tear rolled down my cheek as my hand started shaking. "Why? Why did you kill the Gatekeeper if you were just going to slowly wither away out here?"

A confused look passed over his face. "I couldn't risk you dying." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I wiped the tear off my face, a boiling rage taking over. I was angry that he would do this to himself. "Right now, I would rather have died in there if I knew this was what was going to happen." I placed the plate on the table. "I'll stay until you eat."

He stared at the food, but didn't seem to focus on it. That hollow look had returned to his eyes. "You should eat too…"

I crossed my arms as I slumped into the armchair, glaring at him. "I'm not eating until you have. We can both starve to death."

Almost immediately after I said that, he let go of the blanket and grabbed the plate, stabbing the food and chewing it as fast as possible. Some colour returned to his face finally. I let out a deep sigh of relief. Finally, he's not going to die…

A shiver went through me as I woke up. I noticed my cheeks were wet. Did I have that dream again? That memory had been haunting me for a while now. It wasn't so bad when Light was here and I could wake to see him lying next to me. But now I was alone, sometimes my imagination would run wild.

I sat up, looking at the picture beside me. Another tear rolled down my cheek.

No matter what, you're going home Light.

Summary: Holly arrives in Japan, receiving a call from Yui explaining that she can't go to Ocean Turtle, but might be able to talk to Rath at Minato Ward in Tokyo. She is haunted by a memory of Light having a panic attack, triggered by running into someone who shouldn't be alive, and her watching him slowly starve over the next few days, only saving him when she threatens to starve alongside him. She vows to get him back home no matter what.

I didn't want to outright spoil that scene from my series, so please forgive the whole "she" naming of the person who has caused Light so much trauma. That scene is going to be rather important to Light's character, and how he evolves into the person we see in Nightshade.

Thank you for reaching the end of this chapter. I'm slowly going to unveil more of Light's past inside. Who knows, I might be able to slip enough information that this story doesn't need to go on hiatus.

Reviews:

blackbutterfly1313: I was a little worried that the change was very quick. I was going for a "reality check" moment, someone who was built up but then knocked down to earth really hard. I will stress that she's still not all the way there yet. She still gets frustrated, but is more willing to work with Light to improve. And don't worry, I'm not sacrificing sleep. More like 'I've woken up at stupid o'clock and can't get back to sleep, so writing it is'.

I'll see you all in the next chapter. As always, Stay Cool.