The Greatest Bowman

Chapter 6: A Million Dreams (Reprise)

A/N: I am back! I apologize for that awfully and significantly long delay in posting another chapter. My family took a much-needed month-long vacay, and then I had to adjust back to domesticity and to loads of responsibilities waiting for me when I went back to work. It's been crazy! I tried to write bits and pieces for both my WIPs during the vacay and when I got back, but schedules were hectic and all I could squeeze in to keep me sane from the daily grind was to read fics here and there. But here's a new chapter for you! I thought of giving a summary of the past five chapters to refresh your memory. After all, two months is a long time since the last post.

Summary: The Green Arrow and Felicity bond over a heart-to-heart talk.

Previously on "The Greatest Bowman"...

Felicity Smoak is an immigrant in America during the time when P.T. Barnum's circus was rising in popularity in Starling City. As a brilliant young lady with dreams of success, she works as a teacher in an orphanage in Starling City to save for a college education. She also secretly writes for the Sunday edition of the Herald under a masculine pseudonym to make more money, and her friend Barry and employer Dr. Wells are the only ones who know about it. Fascinated by Barnum's shows and hired talents, she is captivated by the mysterious hooded archer who goes by the title 'The Green Arrow,' who in turn, is just as captivated by her endearing charm. Their friendship grows with his nighttime visits during weekends via the fire escape outside her bedroom window.

During this time, in a charity gala, Felicity also meets Oliver Queen, one of the wealthiest eligible bachelors in the city, also known for having been stranded in an island for three years after a boating accident. Their acquaintance is strained at first due to a misunderstanding, but they are able to reconcile and rekindle their interest in each other at the opera house after watching the performance of Swedish soprano, Ms. Jenny Lind. Oliver asks permission from her mother to pursue a formal courtship and takes her on a romantic dinner date. The only problem is, Felicity does not know that Oliver and the Green Arrow are one and the same person. Nobody but his best friend Tommy Merlyn does. Will the secrets they both keep get in the way of their growing relationship?

He loved staring at her in the moonlight. Each and every time. He was glad she usually did not notice him gazing at her as if nothing else existed in his world, what with the hood over his head shielding his eyes from her line of sight.

During his first nighttime visits in the past few months, he had noticed her subtly trying to have a better look at his face while they talked, and he would drop his gaze each time to avoid her searching eyes. She had sensed his palpable unease, and because she had come to regard him deeply as a good friend, she had eventually given up on her subtle quest of discovering his identity, opting rather to lose herself in her animated storytelling, which almost always had him under her captivating spell. He had memorized the way that the tone of her voice rose and fell, the way she laughed at her own attempts at humor, the way her hands and fingers gestured whilst she spoke, the way her wavy blonde tresses flipped or fell over her shoulder as she talked. He had learned to love every part of these. Of her.

This time, however, he adored her even more because she was talking so very fondly about him – that is, the other side of him that was Oliver Queen, the one that he still hadn't revealed to her, just as he had promised his best friend Tommy that he would.

That night, after another one of Mr. Barnum's entertaining shows, the emerald archer had once again climbed the fire escape that led to one of her bedroom windows and Felicity was telling him about how "wonderfully romantic" her evening with Oliver had been the night prior. She recounted how the "handsomest eligible bachelor of Starling" had invited her to dine in one of the most prestigious restaurants in the city, how he had fetched her with a charming carriage and had given her a dozen red roses as she introduced him to her gleeful mother, and how gentlemanly her suitor had been all throughout dinner. He could not really see very clearly from underneath his archer's hood in the dimness of night to be sure, but because of how her voice heightened and softened, he was almost certain that she blushed while telling about how Oliver had bidden her 'good night' after kissing the back of her lace-gloved hand. Of course, she did not have to narrate everything that had transpired that night for him to appreciate the story, for he had already committed to memory every single detail of the time spent with her, basking in every moment as though he had a foretaste of heaven on earth in her company.

It took every ounce of self-control for him to rein in his feelings and restrain himself from responding to her physically. She had, after all, thought him handsome and had said so herself, unaware that the person she admired was the same one she was confessing her growing feelings for Oliver Queen to. Sitting on her window sill, Felicity was just a few inches away from his touch. All he had to do was reach out and up from where he sat on the fire escape, cup the side of her face, and caress her soft skin with the calloused pad of his thumb – which was exactly what he wanted to do at the moment. Instead, he restrained himself by gripping his bow tighter with the hand that was nearer her. He did not dare touch her affectionately, not when he and she were merely good friends, and especially not when he still could not bring himself to be completely honest with her about who he truly was. If only it were that simple.

"What do you think?" Felicity asked him a second time. He had been much too enamored by her charm and overwhelmed by her candid storytelling and honest admission of burgeoning romantic feelings for her distinguished suitor to hear that she had actually asked him a question. She tapped his shoulder lightly to make sure that she had his undivided attention.

"Hmm?" he responded as her touch broke him out of his love-struck daze.

"I asked for your humble opinion, sir," she told him, mildly glaring as she did.

"Forgive me," he apologized. "My mind was…"

"…on something else," she finished for him, sighing as she did.

In his modulated voice, he softly asked, "Would you mind asking again?"

"Well, alright," she replied with a tinge of frustration, "since you apologized and asked so nicely." She shifted on the sill to face him and said, "I asked if you think that a wealthy and well-bred gentleman like Mr. Queen would really be interested in someone like me. I mean, after everything I've told you, would you say that his intentions are truly sincere?"

He was humbled that she would even consider asking him such a question, awed that she trusted him enough at this stage in their friendship to solicit his advice on such a personal matter. If she only knew. If not for the secrets he had to keep, he would have declared his affection for her and assured her of his earnest intentions for her right then and there. But how could he answer such a question? How should he? And who would it be that should respond, the Green Arrow or Oliver Queen? It took him a while to compose himself and speak, and he was relieved that she seemed to be patiently waiting for him to reply.

Still unable to find the proper words to provide the counsel she asked for, he decided to answer her with another question. "What does your brilliant mind tell you?"

She replied instantly, "That he is… all of this is too good to be true."

"And your heart?"

Felicity took a deep breath. She gazed up at the starry night sky and exhaled. "My heart is telling me that I should give him a chance… and that I deserve this chance as well."

"You do," he told her tenderly, causing her to look at him and smile. "You are a wonderful person, Felicity. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you," she said. "You know, ever since I was little, I've always dreamed of making a difference in this world. My mother always said that heaven has gifted me with an intellect that most men, who have better chances at success and significance in our society, can only envy. She keeps reminding me that I should never let anything hinder me from realizing that potential. Coming to America has only fueled that desire to find my life's purpose and fulfill it. Dr. Wells thinks that I would do very well in the university, that I could become an accomplished educator someday, that I can make a difference in this world. That is why I am doing everything I can to save what little I make from…" She cleared her throat in order to bide time to choose her words carefully. "…from the orphanage, so that I could go back to school."

She paused, unsure of how to proceed. But because she trusted her green-hooded friend quite enough, she bravely pressed on. Looking up once again, she asked him, "Do you… do you think that falling in love will get in the way of my dreams? I've never really felt this way about someone before. I haven't really considered being in a romantic relationship before, let alone being in one with such a prominent gentleman like Mr. Queen. Never in my wildest dreams. I mean, he and I do not even share the same social standing." She sighed. "How is it that you, Americans, say it? I am way out of his league?"

Since he had met Felicity Smoak, he had rarely disagreed with her because he regarded her as extremely intelligent, logical, perceptive, and highly opinionated. But in this instance, he couldn't disagree with her more. To him, he was the one who was way out of her league. Felicity was more honorable and more admirable than most people who belonged to the upper crust of society that his family usually mingled with. She worked hard to live a decent life. She cared about people, especially those whose lot in life was less than advantageous or fortunate. She was kind and lovely in a million different ways. How could she think that she did not deserve the chance to be with someone whom she thought was significantly nobler than her? She could not be more mistaken.

"I disagree," he said softly but sternly.

"I beg your pardon?" She was not offended, just confused.

"It is Queen that is way out of your league. You are so much better than him, Felicity, or anyone like him," he answered. His voice was slightly higher than the usually low, modulated voice he uses with her as the Green Arrow. He was trying to make her understand. But when he noticed that his vocal disguise was faltering, he stopped speaking and swallowed hard.

"Somehow, I doubt that," she remarked, a tad bit sadly.

"Do not doubt it for a second," he rebuked her gently, this time with his modulated voice once again. "You underestimate yourself, Felicity. You are a very special person, more special than you realize. Remember the night you volunteered for my act? You believed in me when no one else did. And I believe in you. I believe that you will succeed in anything you put your heart and mind into."

"Including love?" she asked, barely a whisper.

Definitely. He most definitely thought so. Yet, realizing that he had already spoken more words than usual and was now at the brink of disclosing more of his feelings for her than he intended, he settled for a laconic yet sincere answer. "Of course," he said with a decisive nod of his head.

"Thank you," Felicity acknowledged, reaching out to him and gently squeezing his shoulder.

Silence engulfed them for a few minutes. They simply sat there, enjoying the fresh, chilly evening air. Winter was fast approaching. It was cold outside where they sat in her fire escape, but the woolen blankets were sufficient to keep them warm. Holding each other's hand helped, too.

After a while, Felicity shifted once again. Oliver sensed that she had something else on her mind. He waited for her to verbalize whatever it was that had her fidgeting uncomfortably. He wondered what it was that bothered her so.

At her third attempt to speak, she finally succeeded in finding the words. "Suppose Oliver persists in our courtship and I decide to give us a chance at a committed relationship, which might eventually lead to marriage. Does he need to know everything about me? Sooner or later? I mean, everybody keeps secrets, right? It's just… It's very disconcerting that I cannot be completely honest with him about myself. Not yet, at least."

He was taken aback by her words. So Felicity had secrets, too, he thought. She was expecting some form of counsel from him, judging by the expectancy in her voice and the way she stared at him with a frown on her face. Yet how could he provide much-needed perspective when he himself struggled with the same thing? What right or credibility did he possess to speak on the matter of secrets, when he himself was living a lie that only his best friend knew about?

"I…" he began to speak, groping for words. "I think… I think everybody keeps secrets for a reason. I am sure that you have a perfectly valid reason for yours. If Oliver Queen truly cares about you, he would give you time. And when you are ready to be honest with him, he would understand."

"Oh, I truly hope so," Felicity mutters under her breath, but he could hear her loud and clear. "My own mother does not even know. I fear her heart might fail her if she finds out that her precious baby girl writes a column for the Sunday paper under a fake name. A man's name. My father's name. But what could I do? They most likely will not publish anything that I write – no matter how good it is – if they knew that I am a woman. Dr. Wells certainly thinks so, and Barry agrees. If the Herald finds out the truth…" She paused, anxiety clearly setting in. "They would surely let me go. It might even be the end of my career as a writer. You know how difficult it is to find well-compensated work in this city without higher education, especially for women. I might never be able to realize my dream of studying and becoming a full-fledged teacher."

Felicity was obviously unburdening herself. To him, no less. He did not know if he should consider that a privilege or a reward to be ecstatic about, or if he should be wary of sharing in her inner struggles with truth and pretenses. He wasn't a hypocrite, though, and he certainly was not about to judge her. He did not have the effrontery to condemn since he had secrets of his own that he was unwilling to divulge as of yet. Not even to her. He was not ready.

The burden of his secrets weighed down on him like never before. If she felt conflicted, he felt twice as much. How could he help her escape her misery if he himself was trapped in a predicament of his own doing? It should comfort him – finding out that Felicity kept secrets, too. But it does not make him feel any better.

Perhaps she would understand when the time came that he told her the truth about his identity, since she could identify with his struggle, but there was no guarantee. He was not so sure about how she would react if she finds out about his past. He might lose her for good if she found out how those three years on that God-forsaken island had changed him. Damaged him. Would she still find him handsome if she saw his scars? Would she deem him worthy of her love if she knew how he had almost lost his soul on Lian Yu? The mere prospect of her rejecting him made his stomach turn and his chest constrict.

Oliver did not know what to say. Silence stretched for minutes that felt like hours. He was relieved when Felicity finally gave up waiting and said, "I apologize if I have upset you. I'll understand if you would think of me differently from now on. I assure you, I did not plan on burdening you with my woes. You've been nothing but kind."

"You have nothing to apologize for," he replied. "I do not regard you differently. Your confession changes nothing between us. If at all, it has only heightened my esteem of you. It takes great courage, what you are doing. You are a brilliant young woman trying your hardest to prove your worth in a society that expects less of women and measures them against a different standard. You are remarkable, Felicity."

Felicity gasped in astonishment. Shivering, not due to the cold breeze but due to the pleasantly unexpected compliment, she clutched the blanket wrapped around her closer to her chest and told him, "Thank you for remarking on it." She smiled at him, angling her head so that she could see whether or not he was also smiling. He was.

"I'm sure you have your secrets, too. If you didn't, you wouldn't be wearing that hood," she said to him. "Just so you know, whatever they are, if you'll trust me enough like I trust you now, your secrets will always be safe with me."

His smile widened at her reassuring words. Laying his leather-gloved hand on her knee, he told her, "I will keep that in mind."

A/N: Just four more chapters left. I hope you liked this chapter, and that you are still interested in this story. If you are, please do let me know. It will surely help me get back into the writing rhythm again. :-) I will be updating my other WIP "In the Key of Love." I hope to finish these fics before Season 8 starts.