The Greatest Bowman
Chapter 8: Never Enough
Felicity could not decide whom she missed more – Oliver Queen or her nameless archer-friend. She had already allowed her friend Barry to visit her in the past week, but she had not found the courage yet to let anybody else in. She was hurting from the travesty and disgrace that she had partly brought upon herself and was partly due to her father's ill reputation for criminal activity. She was still much too broken and ashamed to face both her handsome, affluent suitor and her nameless, weekend fire escape confidante.
After more than a week of seclusion, she was somewhat ready to pick up the pieces and get back on her feet. Barry convinced her the other day to come back and teach at the orphanage. He told her that the children miss her tremendously, seeing that Christmas was coming in just a few days, which was why she had gotten up from bed early and prepared to go to work – her actual, legitimate work. Losing her column and her job at the Herald was something she had been mourning for almost two weeks now. How could losing such things feel as if she had lost a dear loved one? She struggled to move on from the loss, but she knew that she had to. There was more to life than writing for a newspaper that refused to acknowledge the giftedness of the female gender. Donna and Barry had advised her as much, and finally she had acquiesced to come out of hibernation and return to work.
Felicity had come to realize that the fact that she still had a decent employment, thanks to Dr. Wells, was already a blessing and a cause to be grateful. So many other women were still confined to the four walls of the home, trying to fill in exclusively the stereotypical role of homemakers that society expected of them. Felicity already had a lot to be thankful for, even if she was no longer sure of what the future held in store for her now that her good name was tarnished by a public scandal, no matter how minor. She prayed every night that Starling City would be more forgiving and more forgetful, so that the repercussions of the debacle involving her would fade away from their memories sooner rather than later.
Her mind was still very much occupied by such musings as she walked to the orphanage early that winter morning. She was not really mindful of her surroundings, especially since taking her usual route to work had become second-nature to her. She was not even aware of how an ornate, black carriage had come to a screeching halt on the cobbled street. It was the sound of a familiar voice calling out her name that had broken her out of her introspective thoughts.
"Felicity!"
She turned and saw Oliver leaping off the carriage in his dark winter coat. He removed his Victorian top hat as he approached her with an expectant look on his face and an enthusiastic gait.
"Good morning, Mr. Queen," she greeted him out of courtesy, but her body language indicated that she was quite anxious and unprepared for the chance encounter. She could not even look at him directly.
Oliver noticed the way she was rubbing her wool-gloved hands, using the coldness of the weather as an excuse to look at everything else around her except his searching eyes. He sensed her palpable discomfort at the unplanned rendezvous, but he was more sadly disappointed that she resorted to an uncharacteristically impersonal greeting, for he thought that they had already crossed the line from friendship to courtship weeks ago. She must still be hurting from whatever it was that happened with the Herald, he thought. He was not about to reveal to her that he already knew about her secret just so that he could comfort her; he simply thought it best to follow her lead, even if he felt as though he was taking a couple of steps backwards in their relationship.
"Good morning, Ms. Smoak. It is so good to see you," Oliver greeted her in response. "How are you? I've been wanting to see you, but your mother and Dr. Wells… They told you me you weren't willing to see visitors."
Felicity looked up to meet his gaze for a second or two. She saw earnestness in his beautiful blue eyes, but she was unsure of what exactly he would think of her if she tells him about how she had been unfortunately entangled in a somewhat damaging farce. The thought of what his family members would say about her and her family background had crossed her mind more than once, and that same negative thought resurfaced right then.
She sighed deeply as she looked down, fixing her gaze on the top hat in his hand. "I am much better today, all things considered. Thank you for asking," she told him.
"Are you on your way to the orphanage?" asked Oliver.
"Yes. It's my first day back since…" Felicity replied, her voice fading away towards the end.
Ignoring the trepidation that was so evident in the way she spoke with him, he offered, "Well then, would you afford me the privilege of bringing you there in my carriage? It is quite cold today, don't you think so?"
"It is," she said, looking at him again, this time able to hold his gaze longer, "and thank you for your kind offer, but I would much rather walk the rest of the way. Walking does keep me warm." It was true, but it was only half the truth. The other half consisted of her not wanting to humiliate him by being seen with someone like her and him carelessly ignoring the possibility that it might blemish his public image.
"Allow me to ask you to reconsider. It isn't too much trouble, really. I will pass by the orphanage en route to my destination anyway. Please?" Oliver pleaded. If it weren't for the regal manner that he carried himself in public and his calm, well-modulated voice, he could easily be mistaken to be practically begging for her to grant him this opportunity to spend even just a limited time with her.
Felicity saw the sincere desperation in his eyes, realizing that he must have missed her as she had missed him during some of the most miserable days of her life. The thought made her feel a little bit better. She nodded in affirmation and flashed him a small, shy smile.
Felicity sat quietly beside Oliver in his carriage. Admiring the luxurious and elegant interior of his private transport was a welcome distraction for her, but it did not completely take her mind off the unease that she felt in being with him, in being this close to him. She had already second-guessed her decision to go on this ride twice in the last minute. How could she not feel anxious when hardly an inch separated them, his fingers almost brushing lightly against hers?
Finally, Oliver spoke, wanting so much to clear the air between them. "Felicity," he began to say, using the name that he has learned to adore, "whatever it was that happened, whether or not you choose to tell me about it, I will not hold it against you. I don't need to know. More importantly, it does not change the way I feel about you, nor does it change my humble intentions of offering you marriage in the foreseeable future."
Felicity gasped, overwhelmed suddenly by the candidness of his speech. His words were certainly reassuring, and she appreciated him all the more for it. Yet, she could not help but feel reluctant to give him the chance to keep wooing her, knowing that eligible bachelors like him who came from the upper crust of cosmopolitan society were undoubtedly influenced by the opinions of family and fellow socialites about who they should or should not marry. The prospect of marriage was an even more complicated subject for her to deal with at the moment. Oliver had always made his intentions clear from the very beginning of their courtship; she knew that he really liked her, but she did not realize until then that he had been seriously pursuing her all the way to the altar.
Thus, she replied, more sternly than usual, "And your family? Your friends? What will they say when you tell them that you are seriously pursuing a lowly immigrant who is too ambitious for her own good and was fired from her job on charges of misrepresentation?"
"What they say or think does not matter to me. Not as much as you do. I never thought I could be happy again… after the island. The darkness – it can be suffocating at times. You are the only person who has been able to harness what little light I still had left inside me," Oliver answered with conviction. He even took her hand and squeezed it for good measure to assure her of how serious he was.
Felicity listened to him with her heart, and strangely enough, his words suddenly reminded her of someone else. She wanted to give Oliver her undivided attention, yet she could not help but think of similar sentiments that the Green Arrow had shared with her during their evening talks. The man, who had become a very close friend, had spoken to her about the darkness, too – the kind that mercilessly swallowed up those who had gone through poignant pasts and severely traumatizing experiences. If she thought about it insightfully, she really ought not to complain about her recent misfortunes when other people like the two most special men in her life at the moment had more reason to lose hope of ever finding happiness and fulfillment. Felicity suddenly felt ashamed of herself for wallowing in self-pity in the past days. All of those thoughts raced across her mind in a split second, and when she was able to refocus her attention on Oliver, she opportunely caught his next well-meaning words.
"You are a good person, Felicity, and an amazing young woman. Anyone who refuses to recognize that is a fool. Your brilliance, your wit, your passion, your kindness… All of your admirable qualities keep drawing me to you. I have never felt this way about someone before."
Felicity turned to him and said, "I… I don't know what to say. I guess I should thank you for your kind words." Just then, feelings of insecurity came rushing back. Before she could think twice about verbalizing them, she utters unintentionally, "But your mother… I do not think that she feels the same way about-"
Oliver was quick to respond, turning to face her as well. "My mother has a penchant for meddling too much in the affairs of her grown son, even when she means well. I can make my own decisions, and I will marry whomever I please. My father assures me as much. And even if he does not, I can stand on my own two feet. All I want is the chance to be yours, Felicity. I truly hope that you would still give me that chance, even after everything that has happened recently."
Felicity stared at him, meticulously studying the expression on his face. His carefully chosen words, as well as the intensity in his eyes, made her heart flutter and rendered her speechless. She dropped her gaze and stared at their linked hands as the carriage came to a stop in front of the orphanage.
"Let me prove my intentions one more time, Felicity," Oliver requested. "Come with me to the Christmas Eve Ball at Queen Manor. It would be an honor to have you by my side."
Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How could she resist his charm when it was accompanied by an equal measure of sincerity? After uttering a simple prayer that she would not regret the choice she was about to make, she opened her eyes and smiled, telling him, "Alright, Oliver. I will be there."
Oliver grinned. She could tell that it was not just because she had once again called him by his first name, but also because she had acquiesced to accept his invitation, thereby granting him permission to continue their courtship. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her wrist, sending a pleasant shiver up her spine.
"The invitation is also extended to your mother. I would love for my family to meet her as well," Oliver added.
"Oh," Felicity responded, quite surprised but also quite pleased. Extending such an invitation to Donna Smoak was yet another indication of the sincerity of his intentions. And it did not hurt as well that her mother would finally have the opportunity to meet the famous soprano. "Thank you for the invitation. I will make sure to tell her."
"Please, do. My parents have invited Ms. Jenny Lind to provide some entertainment. My best friend Tommy Merlyn was kind enough to work things out with Mr. Barnum so that she could perform a few songs for our guests that evening. I'm sure your mother will find the ball enjoyable because of her presence."
Oliver got down from the carriage and held out his hand to assist her in doing the same. They bid their farewells and agreed on the arrangements for the ball that was happening in a few days' time. Felicity climbed the front steps of the orphanage with a giddy smile on her face. Just before she opened the front door, she turned back and found him still standing there, watching her fondly. She waved him one last goodbye before he got on the carriage and went on his way.
The Queen Manor was spectacularly bright with a multitude of candles and lamps. The ballroom was embellished for royalty even though Felicity was quite sure that Oliver had not mentioned anything about anyone from nobility or monarchy being in attendance. The evening stirred with life as well-dressed guests mingled enthusiastically in the grand room, with a string quartet providing exquisite music in the background.
The Queens were still preoccupied with receiving guests in the foyer, which meant that Felicity and her mother had to wander around uncomfortably among the wealthy, the cultured, and the high-browed, waiting for Oliver to finish his social obligation and rejoin them in the ballroom. Donna was content sitting in a corner and sipping her wine, humming along as the chamber musicians played familiar melodies by the European masters and watching interesting people converse with a flourish.
Felicity, on the other hand, chose to keep standing and moving around in the spacious room as inconspicuously as possible. She could not keep still, feeling both unsettled and excited over how the evening might unfold. Truth be told, she had contemplated not coming more than once in the last couple of days; however, she did not want to break Oliver's heart just because she felt a little paranoid that she or her mother might be subjected to some form of discrimination or worse, humiliation, either by the Queens' distinguished guests or by the Queens themselves. Upon their prompt arrival half an hour ago – thanks to the carriage that Oliver had sent to fetch them – Felicity had been pleasantly surprised at how warmly Robert and Moira Queen had received them. It seemed that Moira Queen was in a positively jolly and festive mood when she shook Felicity's hand, putting her best foot forward in meeting Donna Smoak in front of her son Oliver. Felicity had thought that she just might find the rest of the evening gratifying, and that perhaps, the Queen matriarch had finally decided to give her a chance to prove herself worthy of their son's affections.
Dinner was lovely, and so were the conversations exchanged at their table. Felicity sat between Oliver and her mother, dining contentedly with the Queen family and, much to Donna's ecstatic approbation, with the guest of honor, Ms. Jenny Lind, who was seated between Oliver and Tommy Merlyn. The menu for the ball was scrumptious. Felicity thought that every dish served was excellent; even her mother, who was accustomed to finely cooked meals at the Bowen household, thought so.
It was sometime during dessert that Felicity first noticed how the Swedish soprano kept stealing furtive glances at Oliver. From the corner of her eye, she observed how Ms. Lind would, not so subtly, touch Oliver's hand while remarking on something or teasing him with an enticing glint in her eye. Felicity wondered why a woman with such beauty and grace had to resort to flirtation just to get a man's attention. The sensational singing star certainly did not need it; she had everything a woman could ever ask for. Did she not have enough attention that she would crave it from someone else's beau?
Felicity also wondered why Oliver appeared to be oblivious to what the woman was obviously trying to do. Did he not notice at all how Jenny Lind's glances and touches were bordering on being inappropriately suggestive? And if he had, why was he just sitting there and allowing it to happen? Felicity was anxious that his polite passivity might encourage the woman and embolden her to do more. Feelings of jealousy began to brew inside Felicity's heart, such that by the time dinner was over and Ms. Lind's mini concert began, Felicity was already finding it almost impossible to smile.
"Before I sing my final song for the evening, I would like to thank the Queen family, especially Mrs. Moira Queen, for their gracious invitation. Thank you, for a wonderful evening! This has been one of the best Christmas Eve balls I have ever had the pleasure of attending," Jenny Lind said in her Scandinavian accent.
The soprano then stepped away from the pianoforte and approached the hosts' table. "This last song is especially dedicated to you," she added, looking at each member of the Queen family. She locked her eyes on Oliver last, just as the pianist began to play the introduction to a popular German lied.
Ms. Lind sang powerfully and passionately, her voice echoing throughout the room and captivating every member of the audience save one. Felicity was not the least bit impressed and could not wait for the woman to finish her last note. For some reason, Felicity felt that Jenny Lind did not have the best intentions at heart, and she proved herself right. For by the time the soprano ended the very emotional art song, she was already standing right beside Oliver. Without warning, Jenny Lind bent down towards him and stole a kiss – a kiss that her suitor did not even attempt to evade.
Felicity spent the rest of the night trying to regain control over her emotions, but she was fighting a losing battle more quickly than she would have liked. When she eventually found her predicament unbearable, she feigned illness just to persuade her mother that they take leave earlier than the other guests. If Oliver had noticed how upset she had become, she thought that he certainly did a poor job of showing his concern. He was definitely disappointed that they asked to be excused so early in the evening, but he could not leave the ball to personally see to it that they get home safely, so he simply expressed his regrets and promised to call on them the next day.
As soon as her mother had retired for the night and the door to her room was closed shut, Felicity's tears began to flow. It was not enough that she had lost her father when she was younger. It was not enough that she had lost any remnant of respect for the man. It was not enough that she already lost her column, her job, and possibly even her chance to go to college. She just might lose her only suitor to a woman that had just captured the hearts of his family members and his circle of friends. Surely, Robert and Moira Queen preferred someone like Jenny Lind over one Felicity Smoak.
Felicity cried herself to sleep that awful night. She wanted nothing more than to tell her hooded friend how wrong he had been. She should not have been so gullible as to believe that she could ever be with someone like Oliver Queen.
A/N: I know, things haven't been looking up for Oliver and Felicity lately, especially Felicity. But what is a plot without conflict and angst? Hang in there. Just two more chapters left. It really would be nice to hear from you at this point. How has this historical fanfic crossover been for you so far?