December 1, 2003
"He's killing investigators. Innocent men and women." I announced, scanning through the article.
"Who?" Jay asked lazily from across the table. The chatter in the mess hall was not too loud that I couldn't be heard.
I rolled my eyes. "You know who."
Jay looked at me thoughtfully. "Lord Voldemort?"
Lord Voldemort. I imagined Yagami Light a bald, pale, snake-ish man with a raspy voice and a nonexistent nose, and I giggled. "Come on Jay. There are no investigators in Harry Potter."
"Of course there are. Wasn't there an investigation department in the MInistry of Magic?"
"No. There wasn't." I knew. I'd read the series so many times. If there had been an investigation department it was so shoddy that it wasn't even worth mentioning. I couldn't wait for Rowling to write the Half-blood Prince again. Couldn't wait to see Jay's reaction when the truth behind the Severus Snape's villainous character was revealed. Jay hated Snape. I loved Snape.
"Huh. I could've sworn there was." Jay scratched at his head. "Kira's obviously just some guy."
"Or girl." I chirped.
"Or girl." Jay agreed. "But psychopathy is a psychological condition more likely to manifest in males than in females. Just general statistics. I think it's wrong, what he's doing."
"Definitely wrong, but look at what he's achieved. We have peace. All wars have stopped. Terrorism is dead. Crime is at an all time low. I think a few investigators is worth all that, don't you?"
"Mm." Jay hummed. "I don't know. There must be some other way to do it without taking the lives of those who have never nor intend to ever commit crime."
"I know. I think so too." I put the article away. I already knew what was happening. Light and his massive ego… what a pity. "You're right. Kira's only human, and he has to be messed up in the head to be willing to kill so many people the way he does. Innocent people too."
"How does he do it though?"
I shook my head and didn't reply. I wasn't sure why I wasn't telling Jay. If I told him, I would be telling him that I wasn't me. I wasn't Mary Oldsman. I was a shy, withdrawn girl whose name was Leanne. I didn't want to be Leanne again. Leanne was full of regrets. Mary was not. Yeah. Pretty shitty reasoning but there it was. Jae Song would never have dated Leanne Sun; it was my deepest insecurity.
I made a chopping motion with my palm. "He gets your name and face and whammo! You're dead."
"Yeah, that's what the ICPO said on the broadcast last month. It's true that he's brought some measure of peace. Would you worship him for it though?"
"Worship him?" I scoffed. "I wouldn't worship him even if he really were some kind of god. Those people who worship him… they're a bunch of idiots."
Jay chuckled and took a mouthful of cereal.
I winced. "Stop eating that!"
"Why? It's delicious."
I tried to take the bowl away. "Because you're lactose intolerant. Give that to me!"
March 13, 2007
"Hey. You'll survive this. I'm here for you." A hand smoothed over my back. I didn't reply. My voice was gone and I was still gasping from how heavily I'd been sobbing. My throat hurt. It was like I'd swallowed a handful of serrated barbs. And somehow they'd made it to my heart.
"I'm driving you there." Bennie said. I looked helplessly at her. All the money in the world..
I saw tears in Bennie's eyes. She was crying too. Not as badly as I'd been, but her eyes were distinctly puffy, and visible trails crawled down the surface of her cheeks. "I'll drive you there." Bennie repeated hoarsely. My bottom lip trembled as I nodded.
"Ok."
Hospital
"Mary Oldsman, I presume. I'm Marc Hamelin, the head surgeon of the emergency operation of Mr. Jae Song." The man wearing the white coat and surgeon's hat strapped on his head was looking at me. With pity. I almost broke down in tears again. This was real. This was actually happening.
I swallowed and nodded. "Jay…" I managed to say before my throat closed in on itself. I couldn't even say his name. No control over myself. No control of my emotions. Jay.
"We did all we could." The doctor said. "We received a call this morning from a friend of his immediately after the heart attack happened. We had a chance to save him. The call was made only seconds after Mr. Song had begun to feel pains in his chest. But there was nothing we could do. There were no records, nothing to show that he could have had this attack naturally. I'm afraid this might have been the work of, well, unnatural forces."
"Kira." Bennie whispered from my side. "Why?"
The doctor sighed. "He's in the mortuary now. We've washed him up so if you want to see him…"
I shook my head vehemently. I couldn't. I couldn't see him. The body was nothing. It was not him. It was just a body. An object. A thing. I couldn't see him like that. "I can't."
"I understand." The doctor said. "One of my assistants will be here to talk to you about funeral arrangements in a few moments. I must go. Excuse me."
And then the doctor was gone, and I was alone. All alone.
"I can't believe this is happening." Bennie said quietly. "I mean, what could Jay possibly have done to piss off Kira?"
Kira. A new emotion fought and suppressed the sinking depression that had rooted itself in my core. It rose and took a seat on the throne that dictated what I felt. I knew what it was. A rush of chemicals. A chemical reaction. It was Kira's fault.
Yagami Light.
I wasn't going to get Jay back, but there was something else I could certainly do. "I'm going back to Japan. I'm- I'm not coming back."
"Japan?" Bennie did a double take. "But what about that contract? Your… money?" Bennie said the last word with hesitation. "I thought you wanted to teach in France."
France?! I laughed. My god. I still had humor in me. How could I have any humor in me at all?! How?! "Jay wanted to go to France. He's always- always thought th-that France w-would be wh-where w-w-we'd get-"
I stuttered and my throat and voice betrayed me. I couldn't talk about Jay. It was crushing me. Knowing that he was gone was crushing me.
"Mary Oldsman?" A man approached us. The doctor's assistant. Kelvin was with him.
"Mary… hi." Kelvin said quietly.
I didn't reply. Couldn't. I was crying again, and my throat wasn't working. I could feel the tears hot against my eyes and my cheeks.
"Hey Kelvin." Bennie greeted somberly.
"Hey Bennett."
The assistant looked between us as my friend and acquaintance did their introductions. It was only when they didn't speak any more that he started to talk to me. The funeral arrangements. I couldn't deal with this right now. I didn't want to deal with this right now. Jay was dead and here we were talking about his funeral.
"Excuse me," I croaked. "I need to… to go. Where is the restroom?"
The assistant looked at me strangely and damned everything just tell me where the restroom is. I glared. Or tried to. The tears didn't help.
"Down the hall. Two left turns."
I nodded and stalked off.
"Wait, Mary!"
I went through the halls blindly, not knowing where I was going. To the left? Right? I went and saw no restroom sign.
No. That wasn't true. I did know where I was going.
Two lefts.
I was going to to my place of birth. It was pretty obvious now, in hindsight, why I had been born and raised in Japan as a kid - why Gary Oldsman had decided to marry a Japanese woman. Whoever, whatever had put me here had also wanted me to be a part of… whatever this was. And I'd gone and did the exact opposite. I'd taken the first opportunity I'd gotten to leave Japan, to attend a university in Canada where I plotted schemes to make myself rich, where I had planned my future with-
…
My mind went blank.
There was a reason I was fluent in Japanese. In French. In more languages than I'll ever really need to use in my lifetime.
It was all so that I could kill Yagami Light of course. And I was going to do just that. I was going to Japan to murder that self-righteous psychopath, to fulfill my life purpose.
Pretty fucking obvious in hindsight.
March 18, 2007
The black and white calligraphy painted four large black letters on the cover of the magazine.
"Must Peace Come at the Cost of Freedom?" The title blared.
Underneath, in smaller font: The Dictatorship of Kira by Jae Song
... Why?
Why did you write this article? What were you thinking Jay?! I bit my lips to keep from screaming. I wanted to scream. So Kira was actively suppressing the media now? I didn't remember Light doing that. All I remembered was his killing the investigators. To snub L and to discourage people from trying to find out who he was. I didn't think this would happen, that he would go so far.
This was all my fault. I should've done something, anything, back when I had the chance. I could've flown to Japan. I had the credentials. I was a native half-Japanese. My mother was still a resident. I could've taught English, math, any number of subjects at Light's high school. Or at To-Oh. There had even been an international exchange position where I could've been interned as a research assistant. I did go and hack myself a perfect academic record using my preternatural knowledge after all. I could easily have gotten a position. It was an idea I'd entertained on idle nights, when I considered what I could have done if I had decided to intervene. I had a pretext to be in Japan, to be in the vicinity of the Yagami family.
But I hadn't done it. I'd trusted some random Japanese-born psychopath to deliver his justice to make the world a better place. Wasn't defeating L enough? What did suppressing the media achieve?! Why? Why? Why? Why?! WHY?!
"WHY?!" I roared and threw the magazine across the room. It flailed violently, valiantly, and landed on the floor in a crinkled mess.
I could still go. Yagami Sayu would be in high school right now. That was a start. I would look for the Yagami family. Somewhere in the Kanto Region. I had to narrow it down. Do a search by city, by police departments. I could get names. I could get a job.
I could kill that evil, conceited son of a bitch who called himself Kira.