Sayu

They put me in a cylindrical container, a small chamber with smooth, plastic-looking walls and lights on all sides. I felt a little cold, even with the blanket draped over me; a shroud. If I were to die, this was the sort of coffin that I'd want to be buried in. Bright and happy, almost like heaven.

"Ms. Sayu, I'd like to ask you to stay perfectly still for the duration of the procedure. We'll be taking a few pictures of your brain. Can you do that?"

I can. I thought. I could stay here forever. It wouldn't be a bad way to go.

After a moment of silence, the operator resumed talking. "OK, Ms. Sayu. I'm going to take the first photo. Don't move. OK?"

OK

There was nothing wrong with my brain, even though that man had clubbed me over the head a few times. That was surprising. I'd thought they would find something to help further justify why I was like this. It was afternoon by the time we were finished with all the tests. Mary had been ecstatic when she'd heard the results. When was the last time I'd seen anyone so motivated for my sake? I thought of Yagami Sachi. I thought of the long hours of patient forbearance that she'd endured.

Mary was unique. She made me feel special. So had Yagami Souichiro, when he'd traded everything for me.

I'm sorry

Sorry…

I focused on my surroundings. Mary's car was very nice. Clean and spacious, and its engine was quiet. I wasn't used to a car being so quiet. It felt nice to float along like this, to let my life be a transient blur. The alternative-

My mind shied away. There was no alternative.

Was Mary rich? I didn't really know anything about cars. I'd always biked everywhere I went when I had still been a student. It was good exercise.

Had been good exercise.

What was a wealthy woman like Mary doing wasting her time helping me? I was the pinnacle of human trash. I was a leech, a clump of living, decomposing matter that did nothing and contributed nothing to the world. I couldn't understand. There were so many other more interesting things, more useful projects, to invest in that wasn't me. Why? People like Mary, people who have inside them a deep fervor for scientific endeavors, were strange to me. They'd always existed. Some of the professors at To-oh University had been like that: people whose lives were dedicated to their research.

I could hardly believe Mary was one of these people. Shouldn't she be regaling me about all the discoveries she was excited to make? Shouldn't she be telling me about the most recent advances in the field of… whatever it was she was researching? The brain? Neuroscience?

Instead, she talked to me about boys, about her fascination with Ryuuga Hideki when she had been a middle school girl. She talked to me about her high school experience and how easy school had been. Her grades and her academic career had been so good that she'd been given leeway to go anywhere, to any school and do anything. It was really very strange, how similar to Light she was. We probably could have been good friends.

-LIKE HER

Hitomi. Hitomi had struggled, and I think that man hadn't really intended to do what he'd done. It just sort of happened.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Yagami Sachi woke with a groan when we got home. I could tell she was looking at me from my periphery. "Oh Sayu. There's hope. I'm so glad. I just want you to be you again. I'm so glad." She was about to carry me out when Mary came to escort her home. There was protest of course, politely proposed, but Mary was a perfect gentleman.

She came back to retrieve me moments later. I was a sack. A doll. I felt like a princess in her arms. A useless, pretty-much-dead zombie princess, but a princess nonetheless. I was reminded of Light, and I wondered what he was doing right now. Dad used to work late into the nights on really hard cases. It was probably the same for Light. He had to solve cases to make a living, but there was no doubt in my mind that despite his workload, he was also working on the most difficult criminal case in history. The Kira case. Light had no time for me, and that was good. I was a waste of time.

The thought didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat when I heard the familiar voice: smooth, cultured, intelligent.

"Let me help."

My mind went off like an alarm, heralding the presence of god. Light! Light's home!

I didn't want to be happy. I shouldn't be happy or hopeful or any of the positive feelings I felt when I heard that voice. I couldn't help it. My brother was finally home.

Mary

A man appeared at the doorway of the Yagami residence, and the fingers of my left hand went numb.

"Let me help."

For a moment, I didn't recognize him. What I saw was a stranger wearing something that looked like business attire. His dress shirt accentuated his chest nicely. His jaws were clean and his skin looked perfectly smooth from where I stood, but if there was anything that impressed me most about this man, it was the feeling of symmetry that he emanated.

I realized I had been staring, and my heart did a double-take when I met his eyes.

It was him. I suppressed a gasp.

"Mary Oldsman was it?" he strolled out of the house towards me. "I'm Yagami Light. Sayu's brother. It's a pleasure."

For a moment, I considered dropping Sayu and tacking his head into the wall. An animal instinct. The instinct dissipated, and I was left realizing that I was at a disadvantage. Was I crazy or had he planned his appearance to be at a moment where I was physically burdened? He would have to be expecting me to attack him to think of such minutiae. Me. A complete stranger with no history or semblance of violence. There was no way anyone could be that paranoid.

I couldn't stop staring. His eyes... do they really turn red?

He stopped inches apart from me with Sayu held between us. "Here, let me take her."

I snapped out of my trance, and the words came tumbling out of my mouth. "Oh. Hi. Sayu's brother. Right. I'm Mary Oldsman. Pleased to meet you. Here."

I practically dumped Sayu into his arms, and if he noticed how nervous - scared - I was, he didn't show it..

"Thank you." He said as he hefted Sayu into his grasp with ease. "I have many questions for you, Ms. Oldsman, and I would like to address them inside. Please, come in."

I nodded. My heart throbbed loudly against its organic walls. I could do it right now. His back was turned. I could go up and snap his neck. I knew how. I'd taken lessons. He has a notebook in his possession that he used to kill people. He killed Jay. He killed Jay.

My hands began to sweat.

"Ms. Oldsman? Are you coming?"

My nerves fell away and I blinked. "Ah yes." I stammered as I stumbled forward "Thank you for inviting me."

I was losing myself. Control. I needed control. I couldn't screw everything up now. He'd appeared to be looking at me in a way that looked innocent and nonjudgmental. A facade, I'm sure. He had been sizing me up, taking in my appearance and my every move and gesture. The best villains are the ones who didn't look the part.

I made my way forward, and seeing that I was finally moving, Light turned away and disappeared into the house with Sayu in his arms.

I wasn't prepared for this. I'd expected him to schedule his appearance ahead of time so that I could be ready. Did Sachi tell him about me? That would warrant his coming home, maybe. As I entered, I heard Yagami Sachi's voice from further in the house. "Light? Light! You're home!"

I stopped at the doorway. My fists tightened, and my nails dug into my palms.

Yagami Light. You are insane.