Disclaimer: i own nothing except my imagination

A/N: so this chapter came to me after last week's episode of chicago PD. i was filled with anger and sadness after the horror Kim faced after losing her baby so brutally. this chapter stems from my own experience as a mom but hopefully you'll enjoy it with all the emotions it'll male you feel

Kim was sitting in the hospital room, her eyes glued to the window. The day had been excruciatingly long and her body was in all kinds of pain. It had started like every other day, both she and Adam driving into the district together but by the time lunch had rolled around, their world had been turned upside down and now Kim was numb.

Adam stood in front of the coffee machine in the waiting room at Med. His eyes were filled with tears that he refused to let fall but his insides were numb with pain and he couldn't, for the life of him, understand how they had gotten there. They had walked into the district laughing earlier in the day and now he was standing there, trying to sort his feelings out so he could be the man Kim needed him to be.

Trudy watched as Adam stood in front of the coffee machine. She isn't have the words to express how much her heart was hurting for the couple that were family to her but she knew she needed to be there for him. She walked over to Adam and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Can I get you anything Adam?" Her questioned went un-answered and her heart broke a little bit more for him. "Adam?" She tried again and for a whole of a second, he was in her arms, letting go of all the emotions he was trying to control in a guttural cry. She held onto him as tight as she could and let him cry as long as needed.

Kevin looked at his best friend, wrapped in their Sargent's arms and his heart broke even more for him. He had yet to go see Kim but even if he did, he had no idea what you tell your best friends that have just lost their unborn child.

"It's going to be okay Kev, we'll help them through this." Jay was standing next to his as helpless.

"And how the hell are we supposed to do that huh?" His frustration was mounting with his helplessness and all he wanted was to take the pain away from them.

"Don't let them push you away and just be there for them."

"Be there." He echoed.

"Come on big man, go be with your girl." Jay patted him on the shoulder and returned to Hailey's side. She had been sitting in the corner of the waiting room, quietly sobbing.

"Hey baby, are you okay?"

"No I'm not." She choked up. "How can life be so unfair huh?"

"It just is."

"We're lucky to have three healthy babies. I want that for them so bad."

"Their time will come I promise." He pulled her into his side and let her cry the deep gaping pain she had in her heart.

Kevin moved past Trudy and Adam, leaving them in their moment while he stopped in front of Kim's door. Would she actually let him get close to her? That was a chance he'd have to take so he gently knocked on the door and after getting no reply, he pushed it slowly and found Kim on her right side, her back to the rest of the world.

"Kim?" He said softly, not daring to take a step farther. "Adam is just outside with Trudy." He could see that her back was tense and he finally walked in, taking a seat at her side, his hand hovering shakily over her back. "I'm here for whatever you need." She turned around and her eyes were bloodshot from crying but one look in Kevin's eyes and Kim was over took with sobs that shook her whole body. "Hey, hey, I got you baby girl." He laid down next to her and took her in his arms, letting her cry herself into exhaustion.

Adam felt all empty as his sobs subsided. He was still holding onto Trudy as if his life depended on it and she wasn't pulling away until he was the one to do so.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to keep going." He croaked in her shirt.

"You need to lean on each other and lean on us. We're there for the two of you"

"How am I supposed to be there for Kim and Allie if I can't." He was having trouble expressing what he was feeling. "There's a piece of me missing right there." He banged his fist against his chest

"You listen to me Ruzek." She held him at arms length. "No one is expecting you to be the rock for your family right now. That baby is in your heart as much as it is in Kim's and you're aloud to feel exactly what you're feeling right now." He nodded, trying to hold on to the little shred of composure he had. Just go be with her right now and grieve together and we'll be there help you with anything you need."

"Thanks."

"I know that you're not feeling it right now but the two of you will be okay." She assured him. She didn't know when or how but she knew that they would overcome this. She pulled him in another hug before she watched him walk towards Kim's room, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"They'll be okay Trudy." Hank stood next to her.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because they love each other and that will help them get through it.

"I hope you're right."

"I am."

Adam was breathing deeply just outside Kim's hospital room. He ran both his hands through his hair and over his face before his twisted his wedding band on his finger.

"For better or for worst." It was just a whisper but it reminded Adam what he was in this for. This was by far the worst thing their marriage had gone through but he had made a vow and right now he needed to hold on to that for his wife and daughter. He quietly entered the room to find his wife and best friend lying down in bed, Kim's sobs a deafening sound to his ears. His feet were like cement but his heart was shattering in even smaller pieces.

"It's my fault." She sobbed into Kevin. "I should have done more, I shouldn't have been so stubborn when Adam told me to be put on light duty. It's all my fault." She cried. "Adam probably hates me now." Adam couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"I don't blame you." His voice cracked. If he was being honest, he put the hate blame on himself, not being able to protect her better. "I should have done more to keep you safe.

"I'll let you two alone together. I'm going to go check on miss Allie with grandpa Bob." Kevin pulled himself away from Kim and patted Adam's chest.

"We got you brother."

"Thanks Kev." He waited for Kevin to be out of the room before he walked towards the bed, taking the spot Kevin had vacated minutes before. "Hey darling, I'm right here." He ran his fingers through her hair as her tears started again. She held onto his shirt as if it were her lifeline and he had no idea what to say or do to take the pain away from his wife. "I'm still right here, I'm not going anywhere." He kissed the top of her head and let her cry, trying his best to be the rock that she needed, that she deserved. It's only when the pressure of her fingers slacked that he realized that she had fallen asleep against him. He continued to run his fingers through her hair, trying desperately to keep his own torment at bay.

"Hey, how is she?" Hailey poked her head through the door, not wanting to scare either one of them.

"She thinks it's her fault she lost the baby and I don't know what to say or do to make her understand that she wasn't at fault here."

"And how are you holding up?"

"I'm trying to be strong for her because she's hurting so much and I also know that there's a little girl at home with my dad that will be sad that she won't have a little brother or sister and I'm not sure I'm equipped to deal with that too." His own tears failed to stay out of it and his cheeks were wet with them.

"Hey, it's okay for you to live this loss too Adam. Don't let yourself drown in because it'll swallow you whole. You need to tell Kim how you feel too, don't keep it bottled up." She was desperately trying to stay strong for her friends because they would need all of them to get through this. "Rest up, we'll be right outside if you need anything."

"Thanks Haley." She hugged him as best as she could and left the room, giving them more space to go through this terrible loss.

The evening turned into night and Adam finally fell asleep out of exhaustion. His night was plagued with nightmares of different kinds so he wasn't really rested when the nurse came to check on Kim's vitals in the early hours of the morning.

"The doctor will be by a bit later, I think you will be good to go home."

"Thank you." Going home would make it all the more final but they would finally be able to grieve and try to move on privately there. Kim started to stir in Adam's arms. "Morning." He whispered, not wanting to scare her out of her sleepy state.

"Morning." She snuggled closer into Adam's warm body.

"How are you feeling?" He knew she probably felt as bad as he did but he just wanted to support her.

"Like I got my heart ripped out." Her eyes clouded over with tears again.

"It's going to be okay." He tried to soothe her.

"How are we supposed to get back from this?"

"By loving each other, by being there for each other and giving our little Allie pie all our love because at the end of the day, that's all we have. But i will promise you this. We will come out of this stronger and we will have the family you always wanted." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

The rest of the morning was a blur to them. The doctor came by about thirty minutes later to discharge Kim and Adam drove them back home where His dad was waiting for them with Allison. Kim showered while Adam gave some love to their daughter and a little while later, the three of them ended up in Adam and Kim's room, Allie snuggled between them. She was running her hand against Kim's belly, a comfortable silence between the three that she finally decided to break.

"When will my baby brother be here?" Kim and Adam looked at each other and they were filled with tears but they couldn't lie to their baby girl.

"Allie pie, baby?" She looked up in Adam's eyes and her smile faded when she saw the tears in them.

"Why are you crying daddy?" Her small hand came to his cheek to dry his tears.

"Because something happened yesterday." He started, not sure how to say it.

"Is it why I stayed with pops last night?"

"Yeah baby it is." He ran his fingers through her hair. "Mommy and I were working with grandpa Hank and mommy started having pain in her tummy so we had to go to the hospital but when the doctor looked at mommy, he couldn't hear your baby brother's heart anymore." Adam chocked up, no longer able to continue talking.

"So i'm not going to have a baby brother?" She questioned innocently and Adam's heart broke even more, not being able to hold his tears at bay any longer. Kim saw the devastation in Adam's eyes and she knew she had to be the one to tell their daughter that the baby was gone.

"That's it sweet girl. Your baby brother isn't in my tummy anymore and mommy and daddy are really sad about it because we wanted you to be a big sister because we knew how much you would be good at it."

"It's okay mommy." Allie moved so she could give Kim's belly a kiss. "My little brother is with the angels and the rainbows but it's okay because you and daddy can make another baby brother because daddy loves you to the moon and back." trudy and Hailey had told them to lean on each other to get through this but neither Kim nor Adam had expected their baby girl to be the ones to start healing their broken hearts.

"That's right Allie pie, I love your mommy to the moon and back and I love you too and we are going to be okay." He pulled his girls in for a hug, letting their little girl heal them, knowing they would be just fine.

A/N: so this is it. I intended to bring this kind of sadness to the chapter but I wanted to show them struggle as a family and start to heal together as one. i really hope you guys liked it and please take a few seconds to leave a review before you go, i really love reading your thoughts -Sarra