Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.
A/N: Thanks for everyone's continued support throughout my crazy updating schedule. I want to thank Drive all night for this chapter's idea because her latest story is amazing and she is THE BEST Burzek writer and this is just a tiny something compared to hers.
Kim stood in front the full-length mirror in their en-suite. It was early morning and she had just taken a shower, but she looked as tired as if she had stayed up all night doing a stake-out. She didn't know what was making her feel like this but it starting to be irritating at best. She ran her hands through her hair and shook them so they could dry in waves. She slipped into her panties and when she reached for her bra on the bathroom counter, that's when she saw a shadow. She put her bra back down and the fingers of her right hand came to ghost the spot she had noticed. Her fingers suddenly started shaking and she was afraid to press them against her skin. She didn't know what she would do if it was what she thought it was, she didn't know how she'd cope with it all.
"Darling, you in there?" Kim jumped as Adam appeared in the door jamb.
"Yeah, just getting dressed." She put her bra on and slipped the straps up.
"Are you okay?" He took in her appearance.
"Yeah." She forced a smile on her face and pulled her shirt from the counter. She slipped it on and kissed Adam on the way out of the bathroom, but he stopped her gently by the wrist.
"Come on Kim." He pulled her into him. "What's going on?"
"I'm not sure." Her eyes watered. "I saw something, I'm scared to look."
"Saw what?" The way she was acting, the tears in her eyes, Adam wasn't all that sure he wanted to know anymore. She pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the ground and stood in front of the mirror again. She unhooked her bra and let it fall on top of shirt. She raised a trembling hand and reached across her chest, pressing her fingers into the skin of her left breast. She closed her eyes as she felt it, a clear lump under her fingertips. "Kim?" He watched as a tear fell down her cheek.
"Mom." Allie yelled from downstairs.
"I got her, but I'll be right back." He kissed the top of her head, trying to keep his own tears at bay. Kim quickly got dressed, needing to get the kids ready for school. She moved around Adam to make the lunches while he got the kids settled with breakfast. He didn't know what to think but Adam had his eyes on her the whole time. He walked out of the kitchen and called Voight, telling him he and Kim had some personal issues to take care of before going into work.
"Everything okay?" Kim looked at Adam expectantly.
"Yeah. We'll be good to go as soon as you're ready."
"Is everything okay mom?" Allison asked as she finished eating her bowl of cereal.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Kim smiled. "Go brush your teeth and get your stuff so we don't get late. Adam, you have Dylan?"
"Yeah, I've got him." He knew she was stressing out right now, so he needed to have the rest sail smoothly to take some of it off of her.
"Is mom okay?" Dylan looked at Adam as he started brushing his teeth.
"Yeah, mom's okay." He ruffled his hair. "Don't forget the ones in the back buddy." Five minutes later, the four of them were out of the house and in direction of school. Adam slipped his hand in Kim's and brought it to her lips, kissed it and winked at her. They dropped the kids off at school and Adam turned to Kim once they sat back in the car. "Where's your head at darling?"
"What if it's something? I don't think I can take it if it's something." She refused to say the word out loud.
"Let's get you to Med first and we'll see how that goes yes?"
"Okay." She said in a trembling voice.
"Whatever this is, we'll get through this together." He promised her. The drive was excruciatingly long, and the silence was definitely weighing on them both. They walked in and Kim gave her name to be seen and they waited. They knew this was the fasted way to see a doctor at this point so Adam kept Kim's hand in his and he couldn't help playing with her wedding ring. He sighed as Kim leaned her head against his shoulder. He didn't know what to tell her because he had his fears of his own, but he needed to stay strong and be for Kim whatever she needed him to be.
"Kim." Nathalie called her and she was on her feet in a second, following her into treatment two. "Hey, take a seat on the exam table and tell me what's going on."
"I eee." Suddenly Kim couldn't get the words out.
"She found a lump on the side of her left breast." Adam whispered just loud enough for Nathalie to catch it.
"Okay. I'm not going to do a physical, but it could be a number of things so I'm just going to ask for an Oncology consult so that they can do tests and we can go from there."
"Thanks Nathalie."
"Try not to worry too much." She patted Kim's leg and smiled at Adam before leaving.
"You're going to be okay darling."
"You don't know that Adam." She finally yelled what she was feeling. "I could have cancer and I could be dying. Everything isn't okay." She started crying and Adam had her in his arms in a second, trying as much as he could to keep it together.
"Whatever it is, we'll beat it." He whispered in her hair. Their moment was interrupted when the curtain to the treatment room opened and a woman, early forties made an appearance.
"I'm Dr. Singer from Oncology. I understand that you found a lump on your left breast?" Kim rubbed the tears out of her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Yes."
"Alright so I'm going to do a physical examination and we'll go from there."
"I'll be right outside darling." He kissed the top of her head and gave her hand a squeeze.
"It won't take very long." Adam nodded and went outside, calling Voight and giving him an update. They were more than likely going to be in there for a few hours at least.
"You can come back inside." Adam quickly hung up and joined them in the room again.
"So, what are we looking at doc?" Adam took a seat next to Kim on the examination room.
"I'm not sure." She started. "Like I told your wife, it can be a number of things but the best way to be sure is to have a mammogram and if that is inconclusive, we order a biopsy to see what we're dealing with."
"Isn't a biopsy invasive?" He asked, Kim having become quiet again next to him.
"We administer a local anesthesia and use an ultrasound machine to find the lump and we do insert a needle to get some tissue to analyse it."
"And how long do we find out what we're looking at?"
"Preliminary analysis could be later today, or sometime in the evening, but the final transcript would take a few days."
"So, when are we getting this done?"
"I'm going to send in the requests, and you can head onto radiology and they'll fit you in. I asked it in high priority, we'll try to give you some answers quickly."
"Thank you, Dr. Singer." Adam shook her hand and they were given a few minutes alone. "I love you." He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.
"I love you too." She exhaled deeply. She didn't know how she would get through this without him.
"Come on, let's get the ball rolling." He took her hand in his and ran her wedding band around her finger. "For better or for worse."
"Yeah." He grabbed her coat and linked his fingers with hers and they walked to radiology and they played the waiting game there before being called. Adam wasn't allowed inside to support her, and waiting was working his nerves and his patience. He was hoping for a positive outcome because he couldn't for the life of him imagine a life without Kim in it. She was his everything and if she wasn't there to hold their family together, he didn't know how long he would be able to hold it together without her. It felt forever before she came back out, dressed in a blue gown.
"Are they saying anything?"
"Just that we have to go to Dr Singer's office, she'll talk to us from there."
"Let's go then." He pushed himself from his chair and he followed Kim to the fourth floor and walked into the Oncology department where they were guided towards Dr. Singer's office. They sat in silence, holding hands.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting."
"Do you have some good news?" Adam asked, his hope riding until he saw her face.
"I just want to be clear. It's not bad news but it didn't give me the answers I was hoping so we have no choice than to perform a biopsy."
"Do I have to go back in radiology downstairs?" Kim questioned.
"No, we have our own radiology department up here so we're going to be doing it here."
"How long will it take?"
"They are already setting up to do it now. Then I'll send you back home and I know that the wait can be hard, but I'll try to call you as soon as I have your results."
"And what happens if it's malignant?" Kim chocked the answer out.
"We'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it Kim. I don't want you to burn any steps."
"Come one, let's get you ready." Adam kissed Kim's knuckles and he rose, helping her up. They were taken through the halls of the freshly renovated wing and Adam was stuck waiting again while Kim was being prodded. He hated everything about this, and he couldn't wait for it to be over so he could go back to his chaotic family life. It took about thirty minutes before Kim came back out, fully dressed this time.
"Are you done?"
"Yeah. Dr Singer told me to go home and take it easy until she called."
"Alright, let's get you back home. I'm going to call Voight and tell him that we won't be coming in."
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"I want you to go into work. I need you to go into work." They stopped when they made it to the car.
"Come on Kim, I can't go into work like that. Not when I'm going to worry about how you are at home or thinking the worst and hoping I'm home when Dr Singer calls."
"I know you're going to worry but it's not going to do us any good for you to be at home. You'll be fussing over me and I don't need that. I need to clear my head, alone." Adam looked at her with defeat in his eyes. He knew she was right, but he was going to go out of his mind at work not knowing but he couldn't go against her, not now. He drove back home and after insisting she was fine, he watched her go inside by herself and sighed, hitting his head against the head rest in frustration. He ran his hands against his face and drove towards the district. Platt saw him and let him go up even if she was clearly worried.
Adam went up the stairs into Intelligence and conversation ended as soon as he made it to the landing.
"Adam, Kevin, in my office." Kevin gave Adam a curious look but followed him in the office and closed the door behind them.
"What's going on Sarge?" Atwater asked.
"I think Adam should be the one to tell you."
"Ruz, talk to me brother." Kevin was starting to be nervous and that wasn't good.
"Kim found a lump in her left breast. We've been at Med all morning."
"Nah, I don't believe you." Adam leaned against the wall behind him and closed his eyes.
"I'm not lying Kev. They had her do a mammogram and that didn't tell them what they were looking for, so they had to do a biopsy."
"Where is she now?"
"She'd at home. She didn't want me to stay with her. Something about not being useful and wanting to be alone."
"And what are the doctors saying?" Voight was all too familiar with this story and he hated that his detectives had to go through it at such a young age.
"She doesn't want us to look too far ahead. She said she'd call us as soon as she had the results and that we would go from there."
"Take the afternoon off Ruzek, we can do well without you."
"She'll have my head Sarge."
"Fine, you're staying in here though."
"Thanks." Adam took his leave and walked inside of the break room. He needed some coffee and some space to think.
"Talk to me brother." Adam turned and leaned against the counter.
"I don't know Kev." He sighed, setting his mug down. "I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to support her, but I don't know how I'm going to handle it if the news isn't good."
"You'll handle it the same way you always do, together."
"And the kids! How am I supposed to look them in the eyes if it's not good news?"
"Doc said to take it one thing at a time. If it comes to that, we'll be with you guys, all the way."
"Thanks."
"How about I take the kids tonight, let you and Burgess have some time to process all of this?"
"You'd do that?"
"I got your backs, always."
"Thanks man." He sighed. "They were asking questions this morning and I didn't know what to tell them."
"I'll just do some fun things with them, they'll be okay, and so will you and Kim."
"Let's hope you're right." He reached for his coffee and took a large sip. "I'm fucking scared Kev." It was the first time he said it out loud and it hit him square in the chest. "She's my whole world, I can't lose her." He slammed his cup on the counter, droplets falling on his hand.
"And you won't." Kevin pulled Adam into him for a hug and Adam let him. He was scared to lose his best friend, but right now, it was nothing. Until they got the official diagnosis, it was nothing. "First we're going to wait to find out what it is and when we do, we'll deal with it as a family, together."
"Okay."
"Come on, let's try to get some work done." Kevin went back in first and as soon as Adam set foot in bullpen, everyone turned towards him. He knew he couldn't keep this a secret and Intelligence was a family, so they had a right to know
"So, I'm just going to come out and say it." He took a deep breath. "Kim and I were at Med this morning because she found a lump in her left breast. We're waiting to find out if it's cancer or something else." He had trouble saying the words and now that the rest of the unit was in the loop, it suddenly became real. The air became dead quiet as everyone took the news in, but they had to quickly get back to work, everyone giving him their support before they gave the board their attention. Adam tried to concentrate on the job, but he kept his eyes on his phone in case Kim needed anything and he backed the team up from the bullpen as they went out. The whole team returned hours later with someone in custody and Voight sent Adam home with a promise to keep them updated as soon as they got the news.
Adam stopped at a bakery close to the district and grabbed Kim's favourites before heading back home. He was glad that Kevin was getting the kids and that he didn't have to answer their questions when it was obvious to them that Kim was going through something big. He walked into the house and it was dead quiet. He looked through all the rooms and didn't find her anywhere, so he made his way in the back yard where he found her curled into the swing, a bottle of red sitting at her feet.
"How drunk are you?" He teased her as he leaned against the doorjamb.
"Halfway through, I feel great." She rolled her head against the back of the swing with a slight smile. He knew it was just a façade.
"Did Dr Singer call?" He took a seat next to her and took a sip of her glass.
"Not yet."
"And how are you feeling?" He pulled her into his side.
"Like a nervous wreck. I can't stop my head from going there and I'm scared I'm going to leave you and that you'll have to raise our two kids alone. I'm scared that they'll have to live with the idea of death so young and that I won't get to see them grow up, and get married, and have kids. I'm scared I'm going to miss it all."
"Don't think like that, please." He begged her. "We are going to get to grow old together and watch our kids grow and have some kids of their own."
"Aren't you scared?" She turned and looked at him, tears in her eyes.
"Shitless darling." He used the pads of his thumbs to brush the tears out of her eyes. He couldn't imagine a life without her, even less so for the kids. "It took me so long to get you back and it's been amazing since then and I'm not ready for it to be over. Just thinking about our kids growing up without their mom. God, can you imagine me with Allie when she gets her first period, or when she starts to date? I need you to talk me down of a ledge when she starts dating and having to deal with girl teenage drama. And don't get me started on Dylan. That boy gets into more trouble than I can stomach and the fact that he only wants you when he gets hurt and that I can never seem to be able to be what he needs when that happens kills me. How the hell am I supposed to do all of that without you?" He gave her a light kiss on the lips, tears finding their down his cheeks too.
"You are the best dad Adam and I know you would figure it out if it came to that."
"But we're not going to think like that." He took a deep breath and tried to give her his most honest smile. "I'm going to take Kevin's advice and we are going to enjoy being together until we get an answer and when we do, we'll deal with it together, like we always do."
"Only if you tell me what's in the bag."
"Your favourites." He smiled at her and they shared a more languid kiss.
"You know me so well." She leaned into him, but it was brief, Kim's phone ringing with an unknown caller ID. "Hello?" Hello Mrs. Burgess, it's Dr. Singer. "Yes?" Kim pulled herself from Adam's arms and sat anxiously on the side of the seat. Adam took her hand in his and gave her a reassuring squeeze that she returned with ten times the strength of nerves. I wanted to share the good news with you. I got the results of your biopsy and you are having what we call Fibrocystic changes. "What does that mean?" It's a chemical rection in the body where tissues around milk ducts grow into cysts. It quite common in women your age and nothing to worry about but I would like you to swing by my office so we can talk a bit more about it and if it re-appears in the future. "Okay, thank you, yes." She was answering all of the answers at once, a huge weight off of her shoulders. She hung up the phone and turned to face Adam.
"Kim, darling, what did she say?"
"Everything is okay." She started crying tears of joy. "It's not cancer." Adam stood and pulled her into his arms spinning her around.
"That's amazing." He laughed. "Let's get our kids back home." He kissed her. He held onto her as he called Kevin and asked him to bring the kids back. They decided to wait, sitting on the front steps, Kim tucked into Adam's side. "I'm glad you're okay." He whispered in the crown of her hair.
"I'm happy to be able to keep living the rest of my life with you." She whispered back, Kevin's car stopping in front of the house. The kids were out in a second and Dylan bounced up to his parents.
"Everything okay mom?"
"Everything is perfect now." She pulled him into her lap, Allie snuggling into Adam.
"For real?" Kevin asked."
"Yeah." She smiled at him and pulled both Kim and Dylan into a hug.
"Damn girl, that's the best news I've heard all day." He released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding in since Adam had told him about what was going on.
"You're stuck with me." God, she loved that man to the moon and back and the fact that he had been by their side through the good, the bad and the ugly meant the world to her.
"Damn straight." He laughed.
"Come on, ice cream for everyone." Adam said and the kids went inside, Kim tucked into Kevin's side, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. "I'll be right in."
"Don't take too long babe." Kim smiled at him over her shoulder.
"It'll just be a second." Adam released a breath of his own when the door closed behind his family and he called Voigt, giving him the update and requesting that he tell the rest of the team. Voight gave them the following day off to be able to spend some time as a family and for once, Adam didn't argue. He found Kim in the swing with Kevin and he took the spot on the chair next to Kim. She leaned into him, never letting go of Kevin's hand as they watched the kids run after each other.
"This is nice." Kim Mused.
"Best thing in the world." Kevin agreed.
"Thanks for having our backs Kev." Adam looked at his best friend.
"You know I always got you, all four of you."
"You have no idea how much that means to us." Kim smiled at him.
"Trust me, it's mutual." He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. "You ain't getting rid of this brother." He released her and she took her spot back against Adam and the three of them spent the rest of the evening having fun with the kids, thankful for another chance at happily ever after.
A/N: So they had a cancer scare and it came down to the whole unit rallying around them because that's what family does. I wanted to get some Burzewater in there because they don't showcase them enough on the show and that's a total shame. I hope you guys liked it and please take a few seconds to review before you go, your thoughts always mean the world to me - Sarra