He was calmer when he woke the following morning, probably had something to do with have slept more yesterday alone than he had in a month. Sure there were still stirrings of guilt and melancholy deep in his gut and a feint crawling under his skin, as he realised the drip feeding into his arm had been removed at some point while he slept.
It wouldn't last, he knew it wouldn't last. He was in a hospital and now that they'd removed the drugs they'd been feeding him he'd start to sober up. Meaning it wouldn't be long before the dead started to seek him out, and hospitals were always full of them. Ben seemed to be in slightly better spirits too -he'd have made a joke about it had it not been for lingering tension- sitting at the end of the bed. He was actually looking at him today at least, though he turned his attention to the window as soon as he realised he was being watched back.
Jerry still sat in his corner, poor man was starting to look tired. Feeling a little more energetic today he sent the man a wave with his 'hello' hand. Jerry gave a small smile as he waved back, before asking. "Hello and good bye, is that for when you're feeling antisocial?"
"Human ouija board." Klaus replied with a small chuckle, grinning wide as he said, "Was going to get the alphabet and numbers tattooed on my chest but that much ink is way out of budget. I was think of getting the yes and no around the nipples to make it a little more fun. My brother wasn't too impressed with that idea though." He admitted.
Glancing over to said brother who was openly trying to ignore him, though he was struggling to hold back the amusement pulling at his lips.
Jerry let out an amused chuckle of his own saying, "Well that's certainly an original idea, can't say I've heard that one before."
"Well I have been told I'm one of a kind." Klaus winked back.
A nurse strolled in then -a different woman to yesterday, pulling a plastic bowl from the trolley she was wheeling and placing it on the hospital table. "Good to see you're in high spirits today Mr Hargreeves." She smiled as she wheeled the table over and poured out a glass of Lemon juice.
"Ergh, just Klaus please." He shuddered at the formality, his father might have been a Sir, but even Mr was a little too close for his liking. He plastered on a grin then, tone cheery and sweet as he said. "Well waking to such pretty little faces as yours and Jerry's over there is enough to brighten any day."
"Looks like we have a little charmer on our hands." The nurse smiled back, "Unfortunately, Jerry's shift is finishing up, so he'll be leaving you shortly. Don't worry though I'll pop in regularly to check in on you and Doctor Grey will be in at Ten to introduce you to Dr Reid."
She lent over and pulled something else from the bottom of her trolley then, and Klaus realised it was a bag -just a dollar tote you got your groceries in- as she brought it over. Placing it next to his side table, "Your sister dropped these off this morning, some clothes and toiletries. So how about you eat your porridge and then you can get changed into something a little nicer."
With that she returned to her trolley and moved on to the next room down the hall. He actually was feeling hungry today so he did as he was told and ate his breakfast, it reminded him a little of the breakfast they used to eat at the academy before Grace and her awesome cooking was created. Only the oats were a lot smoother and had a very generous helping of honey swirled in. And just as she had said, Jerry's shift ended and he gave a small goodbye as he left, while Klaus was finishing his meal. At least he wasn't under constant watch any more.
He grabbed the bag Vanya had supplied him, it had to be her as Allison was all the way in the land of the famous, and headed into the bathroom. The first thing he pulled from the bag turned out to be an oversized soft and fluffy sweater, god it was just what he needed today. It was way to big to be one of her own, she had two similar they were usually the first thing he pulled over his head on the odd occasion he bunked at her place. This one was a light grey with a single stripe of soft lemon across the front, and he loved it because it had just enough bright and cheery without being in your face.
He couldn't help the small smile that crept on his lips as he pulled it over his head, feeling a pull in his chest as he noticed the charity store tag still stuck under the sleeve. She must have gone there after her visit yesterday. Pulling the tag off, he dug through the bag finding a four pack of briefs and pulling one on and navy sweat pants, which suitable given the situation but not really his thing. The black yoga pants he did pull on however, the legs were a little short but they otherwise fit.
He washed the remaining make up from his face, because it was anything but stylish by then and was retrieving the toothbrush his sister had packed when a thin black pencil dropped from the bag and rolled across the floor. She'd even thought to add some eye liner for him. The toothbrush cluttered to the sink and he stumbled backwards as the pull in his chest constricted, because he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her thoughtful kindness not after what he'd done to her, to all of them.
His back hit the far wall of the tiny room and he slid to the floor, hands moving to cover his face as he let out a sob. He was selfish and cruel and hadn't cared about anyone but himself the other night, hadn't cared how his other siblings would have copped with loosing a third brother and having to bury a second. The fact that part of him still kind of wished he hadn't woken up again and now had to deal with the consequences of his attempt, only made the guilt worse.
"Klaus, the doctor will be here soon-" Ben stated, walking straight through the door, because honestly his bother had been in the bathroom for a while now and he was starting to worry. Finding his brother crying on the floor didn't do much in alleviating that worry.
"I'm sorry Ben, I really am, you're right I was selfish I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that to you, to any of you and I shouldn't have lied about it." Klaus apologised between sobs, burying his face in his arms as Ben moved to sit in front of him.
"Your damn right you shouldn't have!" Ben snapped, the words coming out a lot harsher than he intended as the other nights fear came crushing back. "Do you have any idea how terrifying that was for me, how scared I was. Watching you attempt to kill yourself like that and knowing there was nothing I could do, I couldn't get you down, or call for help. I was right there and all I could do was watch."
There was a tremble in his voice and his eyes were wet but no tears fell. He didn't really feel emotions as strong now that he was dead, they were still there just not as intense. Some spirits were trapped in overwhelming grief, or sorrow, some in an endless twisted rage. He thinks that was probably Klaus' doing, his brother helped him feel like he was still alive, helped him stay connected with the living world. He didn't sob and no longer laughed so hard it filled his body with warmth, probably cause he didn't have one. Until the other night. He had never felt such intense emotion since dying than he did as he watched his brother hang in the old restricted shower block at the hostel he'd been staying at. For the first time since death he had cried actual tears as he helplessly screamed for help, knowing no one could hear him yet desperate enough he'd screamed his lungs out for help in the nearest room of people anyway.
It was pure luck that one of the staff noticed the partially opened door and decided to investigate almost ten minutes later and by then Ben was certain it was already to late. The poor girl had to live with that for the rest of her life now, Klaus had hurt so many people with what he'd done and then he'd had the nerve to joke about it yesterday.
"You know what else is horrible." Ben said his voice slightly calmer now, "Watching other's take for granted everything you lost. You don't know how lucky you are. I didn't ask for this, I didn't get a choice and now I'm stuck haplessly watching as you continuously try and throw it all away."
"You're dead, I get it!" Klaus exploded, frustrated hazel eyes shooting up to glare at him as his voice rose to a gravely shout. "But I can't fix that Ben. I can't just bring you back and give you back your life. It doesn't work like that! I don't have that sort of power!"
"I don't expect you to." Ben shot back in disbelief. He knows his brother can't resurrect the dead.
Klaus deflated a bit at that, tucking his arms back behind his legs and curling in on himself. Shredded voice soft again as he breathed out, "Really? Because some times it feels like you do."
Ben deflated then, the words weighing down on him. He had no idea he made his brother feel like that at times. "I'm sorry. Klaus I... I had no idea. I know I tend to gripe about being dead at times and I guess I can be a little pushy about the decisions you make, but it was never my intention to make you feel as though you were to blame; And I certainly don't expect you to fix it, I know you can't do that. I also know you would bring me back in a heartbeat if that was your power."
Never had he seen his brother look so tired as he did now, Ben though as Klaus sniffled, exhausted hazel eyes blinking closed, "I know. I'm sorry I should have-"
"Don't." Ben cut him off, placing a hand over the other's knee -not that his brother would feel it- and giving a small sad smile."You don't have to apologise. And for the record, I'd be riding the other's just as hard if I could communicate with them as well. You just happened to be the lucky soul who got stiffed with me."
"Seriously though, why would you try to take your life like that?" Ben asked, voice soft and much calmer now as he watched his brother with warm concerned eyes. No matter how much he'd pleaded or tried to get in the other's way, it was like Klaus didn't even register him. Which had only made everything so much more frightening. "What were you thinking?"
"I don't know," Klaus breathed, looking down at the weightless hand sitting over his knee, as fresh tears fell down his cheeks. "I was thinking... I just wanted it all to end. The ghosts, the drugs, the nightmares, never having money or knowing where I'll sleep, constantly letting everyone down, all of it. I'm tired Ben, I'm so tired and I just want it to stop."
"Klaus." Ben breathed, sometimes he really wished he wasn't the one who was always there when Klaus broke down or opened up like this. Why was it never one of their other siblings, someone who could physically touch him, who could hold Klaus and give him the comfort he deserved. Klaus often joked he'd be lost without him, but sometimes Ben just couldn't help but think he wasn't enough. His brother need more than just the support of his dead sibling.
"I know sorry doesn't change what I put you through, and you have every right to be angry with me, for as long as you like." Klaus said, taking a deep breath as he uncurled a little, holding up a hand to silence his brother when Ben opened his mouth to protest. "But I promise I'm going to try, they were right to leave me here, you are all right, I need help. I'll talk with the therapist and see where we go from there, but I'm going to try. I swear."
And he did, when 10am rolled around and he was introduced to Dr Reid, who happened to look a little like their robotic mother, he spoke with her. Even though talking to a shrink was the last thing he wanted to do, he was open and honest about his feels and everything leading up to his suicide attempt. Leaving out any mention of his childhood or all the trauma's revolving around that, and absolutely no mentions of the dead. He didn't plan on getting locked up for being crazy.
Dr Reid, informed him she planned on booking him into rehab, which he was fine with, it was achievable. He already had a 30 day coin for both narcotics and alcohol, and a hand full of 24 hour coins, they were the easiest to obtain. Maybe he could try and beat his own personal best and collect himself a 90 day coin. It was the week in mental health that had him concerned, he tended to avoid mental health. She had been very reassuring about it all though, insisting the staff would have more time for him there and if he felt the need to talk they would be better suited to listen or he could call on her if he'd rather.
It wasn't so bad, it was actually quite nice, his roomate was quiet and the nurses seemed to genuinely care about their work. One even brought him a colouring book and a gossip magazine so he had something to help keep him busy, she even encouraged him to attend the groups sessions to socialise. The first 24 hours were great, even if he'd had to talk with Dr Reid again, it actually did help him feel better -healthier was probably the term. The next half a day wasn't too bad either until the slowly gathering shadows started growing more substantial as the drugs left his system. The silent whispers growing louder as the ghosts took form, becoming harder and harder to ignore.
He tried, he really did. But as the dead vying for his attention grew in number he found it harder and harder to focus, even with Ben's help. He noticed the curious looks from passing nurses and patients, the way they watched him when he was caught hissing at someone unseen. Ben had seen the notes that were scribbled down. So when four days into their week long stay, Klaus lost his nerve and bailed in the early hours while the building was quieter, he didn't blame him.
His brother was humming the power rangers theme of all things as they stood in the brisk night air, waiting on a damn pedestrian crossing at 3am even though there was no traffic around, because Klaus had frustratingly decided to follow road safety for the first time ever. Klaus genuinely looked happier and more relaxed that he had in months, despite the obvious itching and restlessness that came with the lack of drugs in his system.
Hazel eyes slid over to his own as Klaus rocked back and forth on his heels, the tune he'd been humming dying out as he said. "Mental health wasn't so bad, well up until the ghost started flooding in and everyone started silently questioning my sanity."His attention shifted back to the light on the opposite side of the street again. "Maybe if things ever start getting too much or too scary again I could try checking myself in for a couple days."
"That sounds like a good plan." Ben encouraged as the light finally signalled they could cross, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he asked, "So we still going to rehab?"
"I don't know." Klaus replied softly, breathing warmth into his hands as they crossed. Ben shook his head but couldn't help but smile anyway, at least he was honest in his answer. "I'd like to say yes, truly I would. I even thought maybe we could try for a 90 day coin this time around, but I'm not checked in for another three days and I can't promise what might happen between now and then."
True, Ben thought, as soon as Klaus starts using again all hope of him checking in are likely out the window. High Klaus isn't a fan of rehab. But for the time being his brother seemed to be purposely lingering the streets far from his regular haunts, which was a good sign. It meant for the time being at least, he wasn't openly looking for a hit.
"Either way," Ben smiled, "I'm proud of you for trying."
Diego was actually surprised when he heard Klaus had let himself be checked into mental health. He had honestly expected the other to bail as soon as the man assigned to watch him was dismissed. He had paid his brother a quick visit on Klaus' third day in mental health, promised to visit again before the week was up, Luther was supposed to be stopping by tomorrow.
Four had seemed positive when he'd visited but Diego could see how twitchy he was, jumping at shadows and having trouble keeping his attention on one place too long. So when the call had come in over the scanner as Diego sat in his car in a dark alleyway, informing of a patient matching his brother's description having done a runner from mental health he wasn't surprised. Honestly he wasn't even as disappointed as he'd expected to be, because Klaus had stayed so much longer than any had expected, and how could he be mad at that.
Starting up the engine, he started out of the shadows and down the street. Playing vigilante could wait till another night, he figured as he set out to search the streets for the escaped patient. He might not be able to stop Klaus sneaking out and getting high, but he could at least offer him a safe warm place to crash. And maybe help keep him off the streets and out of trouble for a couple of days, in the very least make sure he had a good meal and warm clothes on before he was back on the streets.
And maybe the others all accused him of enabling Four's habits by making sure there was always twenty-five dollars and a couple of free burger vouchers sitting in the old coffee jar by the door. He was under no delusions that his brother likely spent the twenty on the first drug he came across, but a fiver was enough for a bed for the night at the lakeshore hostel. Klaus always took off again either way, and if he didn't leave something the other would just nick what he could to get the cash himself. Diego just hoped that by leaving him enough for one hit his brother would at least have that little left over for a warm bed and a feed.