"Luna," said Rex, coming through the portal the following afternoon, "I am now The Quibbler's first ever Muggle Correspondent. At least, I will be once the Six Goddesses have revealed us to the British Wizard World.
"Your dad is a bit eccentric, but you can't help liking him all the same. He's a lot like you. One of these days I must introduce you to Staggers…"
"Why would anyone call their child that?! How odd...?"
"James Oliver Stagg, Luna. is a fellow alumnus of Sheldrake Grammar School. As with Jigger, he earned the nickname in the First Form and it stuck. I would have thought that a British schoolgirl would have known about our tradition of affectionate nicknames…"
"Like Looney! I understand you now, Rex."
"From what Ginny and Astoria say, Luna, I don't think that was intended to be all that affectionate.
"Hi, darling, Jean." The Dana girls had arrived through the portal.
"Hi, Rex, Luna," Jean beamed, as Louise merely flung herself into Rex's arms and kissed him softly.
"Good morning," said Astoria, coming out of her and Luna's tent. "It's almost time for our morning run, Luna."
"We must join you one morning, when we are appropriately dressed," Louise noted.
"Ask one of the older members of the Coven to transfigure your clothes into the appropriate attire," Astoria suggested. "We would love to have you along for our run.
"Luna, Gin has said that we can meet her outside the Potter tent in a few minutes."
"That should be fun, Tori. I never realised how much I missed out on in having hardly any friends.
"Gin has always been kind to me. Ravenclaw, however, was a different matter. Padma and Lisa Turpin are nice enough and Cho's pleasant enough once you get her away from Marietta Edgecombe. My dormmates, however, seem to have a sense of humour that I don't quite get…"
"Well, when we go to Hogwarts to see Harry kick his fellow Champions' arses in the Second Task, Gin and I are going to have a friendly discussion with them. Nobody bullies our friend and gets away with it!"
"Thank you, Tori.
"I thought that Harry was having to rescue a hostage from the lake, though. Is the duelling before, during or after?"
"Sorry?!"
"You said that Harry was going to kick the others' arses. Presumably that would be in a…"
Rex chuckled. "I think that Astoria was talking metaphorically, Luna. She meant that he was going to win the task comfortably."
"I understand her now! Sorry, Tori."
"That's quite alright, Luna." Astoria pulled her friend into a fond hug. "You may be as mad as a box of frogs, but you are still my friend."
"Thanks, Tori. I think…"
When the whole party had gathered for the morning run, Angelina transfigured Rex and the Danas' outer clothing into tracksuits and their shoes into pumps. They happily joined in the run. As they did so, they told them of how the sister sleuths had first met the chronicler back in 1967.
"After Jean had hugged Rex goodbye at the airport, I did the same," Louise remembered. "Something made me kiss his cheek and for longer than a friendly peck too."
"It was a shame that you didn't kiss him on the lips, Sis, as you would have been married for some thirty-five years by now.
"That reminds me. Do the pair of you have a wedding date in mind?"
"Well, why don't we have a joint wedding with the other three happy couples."
"Two, surely, Rex. Us, George and Jupiter and Jigger and Velma makes three couples, not four."
"Diana mentioned that Sapphic marriages are understandably the norm amongst Amazons. Why not ask her to officiate? That way, Jean can get hitched to Linda too.
"Since multiple marriages seem to be legal, maybe Nancy and Ned can make an honest man of Frank and Evelyn and Doris can marry Joe and Iola. Wouldn't that be wizard, darling?!"
"Thank you, Rex!" Jean shouted happily. "Keep him, Sis! I couldn't ask for a better brother-in-law!"
Luna was looking puzzled. "Wouldn't that be an Amazon custom, Rex, rather than a wizard one?"
"What?! Crystallised Cheesecakes! I meant wizard as in an old slang term for brilliant, Luna.
"We used it all the time when I was at Sheldrake Grammar School, Luna. Anything that was jolly good was wizard and anything that was bad was ozard. That was First Form humour at its worst. Still, when you are eleven, anything is funny."
"Ozard?!"
"Yes, ozard is the opposite of wizard. We're off to see the wizard… Only he wasn't a wizard in the film or presumably the book for that matter. Childish, yes, but we were children then.
"In any event, Luna, I was saying how great it was that my friends and I are organising weddings…
"Fossilised Fishhooks! There is something I need to do.
"Louise Dana," Rex got down on one knee and grasped her by the hands, "will you marry me?"
"That was what we were just discussing, you idiot! Yes!" He stood up and the couple kissed. "I guess it's official now, Sis!"
"I'll go and propose to Linda now," Jean replied, "and then we can all go shopping for rings together. Perhaps we could have that joint ceremony in the Spring? Isn't love grand, Sis?!"
"Jon and Penny have invited us for dinner and drinks on Sunday evening at The Gay Dolphin. Since the Three Investigators and Mystery Inc will be there, we can discuss the joint ceremony properly.
"Linda and Bob are invited too. We can invite them now. I wonder if Bob has a soulmate out there somewhere?"
"Congratulations, Rex," Luna beamed at him. "Miss Dana, people who hurt my friends are liable to suffer from the Wrackspurts…"
"I think she is giving you the shovel speech, Sis!"
"I didn't mention spades, nor was I going to. All I was doing was warning your sister against hurting Rex…"
Not for the first time, Luna wondered what she had said that had Rex, Louise, Jean and the muggle-raised mages within earshot convulsed with laughter.
The following morning, wedding plans sorted, Rex took his now official fiancée to the Science Museum in London. They went into a disused storeroom away from the main exhibits, where there was one of the strangest sights Louise had ever seen. About five-feet tall, made of grey steel, with blue, pink and red lights on its "face" and arms and two black panels on its "chest," stood a robot wearing a sleep mask and making snoring noises. Rex removed the sleep mask and the robot stopped snoring.
"Is that you, Clever Clogs?!" the robot asked in slightly buzzing electronic tones. "Stringbean?! Even Bootface?!"
"No, Mickey, it is Rex Milligan. I interviewed you and Ken some years ago."
"I recognise you now, Mush! Boogie! Boogie!"
"That's wizard! By the way, Ken gave me some Atomic Thunderbusters. He, Haley and Steve are being granted access to the Royal Jelly Honey. There is a new threat coming, Mickey. One that you would be best placed to help fight. You may be a prefabricated death-trap with all the dexterity of a chap performing brain surgery in oven gloves, but it involves magic. Where else can we find a robot made by a then-teenaged boffin and a Wiccan?
"Mickey, meet Louise Dana, the beautiful super sleuth that I am freshly betrothed to. Darling, meet Metal Mickey, the only known magical robot…"
"It's good to meet you, Toots! Boogie! Boogie!"
"He was made in the late 1970's by a family obsessed with disco. Mickey's a bit clumsy, but his central processors are in the right place.
"Mickey, we are taking you to the Bermuda Triangle by express magical energy portal."
The robot opened its "mouth" and Rex dropped in a sweet that looked like a lemon bonbon. "Thank you for the Atomic Thunderbuster, Mush. The naughty museum curators often forget to feed me. I must use love-magic on them. Boogie! Boogie!"
"Why do you keep saying Boogie?!"
"This is why, Toots." Louise saw a soft-pink heart-shaped light glow from Mickey's left chest-plate, followed by a beam of pink light emitted from it that seemed to bathe her. As it did, the strains of Waterloo came from the robot's right chest-plate. Something compelled Louise to dance along to the jerky dance that Mickey was doing. She was by nature a kindly woman, unless you were a kidnapper or a thief, but even so the feeling of love towards the rest of mankind was overwhelming. Before long, she was disco dancing with her fiancé.
"I have never felt anything like that before, Rex."
"Mickey calls it love-magic, sweetheart. I can't think of a better description.
"This Voldemort coot sounds like a proper odious oik! He needs some love-magic if anyone does. I intend to see that he gets some!"
"That sounds wonderful, love. In the meantime, Mickey, do you take requests?"
"Within reason, Toots."
"Do you have any Doris Day in your memory banks? Please could you play Secret Love whilst I dance with the man that I loved so secretly I never knew it myself."
"Of course, Toots. Boogie! Boogie!"
"I could have sworn that I just saw Rex, Louise, Jean and their friends come through that portal with a metal man. It must be the Wrackspurts!"
"I am a robot, Toots!"
"It speaks! My name is Luna, Mr Robot, not Toots. Toots would be a silly name. And what does the A stand for? Augustus? Algernon?"
"Mush, what planet does this Toots come from?"
"This one, Mickey. Most extra-terrestrials don't have Devon accents, for one thing.
"Luna, this is Metal Mickey…"
"That's strange. He said that he was a Mr A. Robot…"
"It is presumably called Metal Mickey, Luna. A robot is a type of Muggle machine."
"Really, Hermione? That's a shame. I was hoping that it was some new species of golem.
"Sorry, Metal Mickey. I've never met a mechanical man before."
"Don't mention it, Toots."
"Tori, Gin, is Toots a friendly nickname or a not so friendly one? I'm afraid that I can never understand these things."
"Mickey calls most males Mush and most females Toots, Luna."
"Really, Rex? That's a relief. I don't think that Toots suits me. Luna does."
"Don't ever change, Luna!" Harry laughed.
"What does Metal Mickey actually do?" Hermione asked. "More to the point, how is he working in a magical area?"
"Metal Mickey is probably the world's only known magical robot…"
"Electronics don't work in Hogwarts! I know that this isn't Hogwarts, but it is known that powerful mages can have trouble using electronic devices. Harry Dresden was telling me that he often has that problem. As such, how would a magical robot work?!
"Perhaps if he could give me a demonstration…" As Hermione said this, the heart-shaped light glowed once more, and Hermione found herself bathed in the beam that emanated from it. Within seconds, she was dancing happily to How Deep is your Love. As she danced, she levitated into the air. "I feel so deliriously happy and light that it is quite unreal…
"Whatever Metal Mickey may be, he is clearly capable magically. Thank you for bringing him."
"No problem, Hermione. Metal Mickey is an old acquaintance. You can't help liking him…"
"Of course, Mush! Disco never goes out of fashion! Boogie! Boogie!"
"Why couldn't Cle – I mean, Ken – have been a fan of James Last? Petrified Paintpots! I know that it was 1980, but honestly…!"
Later that afternoon, Harry and his soulmates had just finished their scuba diving practice for the day. Diana came up to them, alongside a few Amazon guards. "I know that you have only been practising meditation for three days, Harry. Do you already think that you could tell if a soulmate was nearby, even if she couldn't see or speak?"
"Yes, Diana."
"Let us test this! Millie, would you consent to be led somewhere out of sight on the island bound, gagged and blindfolded please? In forty minutes, Harry will search for you, relying only on your bond to locate you. Is this OK?"
"Of course." Millie went over to Harry and kissed him soundly. "As always, that is a prequel for the proper snogging to follow once you have rescued your damsel in distress.
"See you all later, my darlings. Do your worst, ladies!"
"Thank you, Millie dear. My guards have been told to tie the knots securely, but not too tightly. So, if you could turn around and cross your wrists behind your back please…?"
One of the Amazon guards tied Millie's wrists together with cord, whilst a second gagged her with a knotted cloth. After the second guard had blindfolded her with another cloth, they led her off into a forested area of the island.
I'm alright, my loves. It is disorienting not being able to see, but otherwise OK, thank Merlin! My hands aren't tied uncomfortably tightly, as Diana promised.
That's good. I'll see you soon, Millie, I promise.
As always, darling, the quicker you find me, the longer you get snogged for afterwards.
I'm looking forward to it. Stay calm, sweetheart.
Harry can't help rescuing pretty maidens in peril, Millie.
From the sound of things, I'm not in any real danger, Gin. I assume that they wanted to see how Harry would search for a bound and blindfolded hostage when not deep underwater at first.
Do you think that I might be the hostage next time, mon amour?
You could ask Diana, Weds. Why?
I want to give you the hero's reward next time, Harry!
You could just snog me senseless anytime, darling! Do I ever object?!
Merci beaucoup, mon amour!
After a few minutes more of mental chatter, Millie started. They are sitting me down, darlings. I think that this is my destination.
Your presence seems close, Millie. I shouldn't be too long once I am sent to look for you.
Thanks, Harry. One of my guards is tying my feet together. I'm in some sort of rocky nook by the feel of things.
Thanks for the tip, darling. Given that you are blindfolded, that's as much description as we could reasonably expect from you.
No problem, Harry. My leg bonds aren't too tight either. I should be comfortable enough for a while.
Forty minutes after Millie's "abduction" began, Harry kissed his other soulmates and began the search. He didn't begin with a tracking spell but meditated instead as he stood in the woodland and sensed that Millie's location seemed to be to the North East.
As Harry walked further, he walked up a steep hill out of the woodland. Whilst six of his soulmates seemed to be further away, he was relieved that the seventh was indeed feeling much nearer. I'm getting nearer, Millie dear.
That's marvellous, love. Whilst my bonds aren't particularly tight, my limbs are getting a bit stiff from lack of use!
I'm walking over the top of a hill. There are some rocky crags a few hundred yards away. Your thoughts seem to be coming from the base of one on the right.
Once I feel that you are close by, I'll make what mumbling noises I can make through this bloody gag! That should confirm your suspicions.
Thanks, my love. I'm nearly there. Do your best Millie! I can hear you! You'll be free in a minute!
As Harry heard Millie's muffled cries, he rounded an open grotto and saw his soulmate, the two guards nearby. He ran up and untied the cloths blindfolding and gagging her, before using a penknife that Diana had given him to cut the cords from her wrists and ankles. Millie rubbed life back into her limbs, before snuggling into Harry's arms. "So, Harry, are you ready for a thirty-minute snogging session?!"
Harry looked at Millie's tall curvaceous form. The T-shirt and shorts that she was wearing flattered her figure, toned from the sun and the regular exercise. Her brunette hair was long, and her eyes sparkled with joy. Whoever would have thought that Millie would rival every girl on the island in pure beauty?! Wow! "I am more than ready, Millie my True Love!" Seconds later, the couple were kissing furiously. I heard that 'rival every girl on the island' thought, my dearest Harry…
It was sometime later when they joined up again with their fellow soulmates on the beach. As Harry joined the group hug, he knew that he had found something worth fighting for. Do your worst, Tom Riddle! I will beat you and live happily ever after with my seven gorgeous True Loves and our kids…
In a few years' time, darling, we will happily bear your children.
Thanks, Daffy love. I think that you will be a fantastic mum! All of you will be wonderful at it. I hope that I will be a good dad…
A man as kind as you are, Harry, couldn't help but be a great father.
Thanks, Pansy. I owe you a long kiss!
I'll be happy to collect it, my love!