Guide:

normal speak (plain text)

Isu speak (Bold and Italic)

Desmond/other speaking in a different language (Italic)

Thoughts (apostrophes)

Writing (plain italics)

Chapter 4: Guilt of the Late

Kadar POV

There was blood pooling underneath me where I fell. I hear the Templars leave after my brother. I feel saddened at dyeing and leaving Malik all alone. 'Sorry, Malik. I promised you that I will always be at your side. I did not mean to die so quickly,' I think as I try to gasp for breath that I can't seem to get. I wonder at how beautiful the ceiling of the temple actually is, but maybe that is the greyness settling into my vision. I blink and see a figure standing over me. 'She is lovely. Must be an angel come to take me away,' I think staring into those soft gold eyes that have strands of brown hair curling in front of them. Her lips move and I can't hear what she says, but she looks panicked. Her hands are on my wound and I can't even wince in pain. The fuzzy feeling was coming closer. I close my eyes and I think, 'She kinda looks like Altair,' before the grey swallows me.

Mimic

Desmond's POV

Kadar's eyes fall shut as I try to stop the bleeding coming from his stomach wound. 'I'm too late,' think sobbing. "No, I already failed to save Hadi today. I will not lose another patient," I say forcing myself to calm down. I had to focus on now. I whistled loudly getting the attention of Nejla who was close by. " Help me lift him," I said to her as soon as her feet entered the chamber.

"Yes, Master," she said lifting him enough for me to get his robe off. I was relieved to see that the blade did not go right through, but I was worried that it may have damaged some organs. I smeared a large amount of honey, willow bark and clear spirits in and around the wound just to stop any major infection and any more loss of blood.

"Hand me the bandages," I order. Using the bandages, I wrap Kadar's wound as tight as possible ensuring that the bleeding slows. "Help me get him outside Nejla. We must get him back to the clinic to do surgery or he will die." I couldn't help the wistful thought of, ' I wish Hadi was here. He is so much stronger and he would have gotten Kadar out by now.' The thought brings the sting to tears to my eyes, but I don't have time for this now. "Nejla help me get him over my shoulder."

She looks at me in alarm. "But, Desmond, that can cause even more harm to him and it will cause great pain in your injured arm."

"Nejla, if we don't get him out of here and into the clinic he will die. It is a guarantee. Right now if I carry him over my shoulder there is a chance that he will live. Don't worry about me. I have lived through worse than my arm acting up," I tell at her skeptical look.

"Very well, but please be careful. We already lost Hadi today. If your arm gets infected and kills you we will be destroyed," she says but helps me get him onto my shoulder. Immediately I feel a burning pain. She rushes to my side.

I shake my head. "No, get the rest of the things. I will go ahead so long." She looks upset but complies. I bring my uninjured arm up to keep Kadar steady and I start to run. By the time I get to the horses, Haru has the stretcher set up between two of them. "Will it be stable?" I ask him. I see his eyes widen at the sight of Kadar. We didn't expect it to be this bad. I see understanding in his eyes.

"Yes, but we will not reach the city in less than 4 hours. Otherwise, the patent will be jostled too much," he tells me as he helps me get Kadar into the stretcher.

"Shit," I curse. "We do not have the time to waste." Nejla comes as I worry my lip trying to think of a way to save him. An idea strikes me. "Nejla what is the chance that you took the black pouch that I had in my room this morning?" I ask her. She looks uncomfortable.

"Yes," she nods. "I am sorry, but it was just sitting there."

"Please give it to me," I tell her. I never thought I would be grateful for the kleptomaniac tendency that she had developed while training under me. She hands it over to me and I automatically take it in my injured hand. I barely hiss in pain as the feeling of rightness settles in me. "I don't know if this will work, but please trust me. If it does work please don't kill me," I say and pull the Apple from the pouch. I feel the power buzzing inside it as it lies in my palm. I hold it close to Kadar's wound and close my eyes. 'Please, show me what is wrong. Please. Please. Please,' I think. I take a deep breath and warmth fills my injured arm. I could almost see the damaged tissue of his stomach and the torn muscles and arteries. I could feel the blood pooling inside of him and his spark of life flicker as if it was trying to go out.

"No!" I snarl. 'It must be healed. It will work. Heal him. Mend what is broken,' I order. The arteries start to reknit themselves and the damaged muscles and stomach tissue heals. I feel terribly sick and I find it difficult to breathe. I hear the shocked gasp from Nejla and breathe out as I open my eyes to the sight of Kadar's wound glowing faintly. "Huh, it worked," I whisper before I feel my legs give out and blackness enters my vision. 'Oh, shit."

Mimic

I wake up to the saying of a trotting horse and a deep ache in my arms and legs. I open my eyes and see Nejla staring down at me. "What happened?" I rasp out.

She draws her horse – Vilan, I think its name was – to a halt. "Haru, Desmond is awake," she calls out. All the horses stop and Haru enters my vision.

"Let me get you untied and properly upon the horse," Haru says as he bends down and starts working on the rope that tied my legs and arms together.

I blink. "Did you tie me to the horse like one of your bounties," I squawk out indignantly.

"Sorry, but we did not have another stretcher. We only came prepared for one unconscious patient and had to make do with what we had, but if it makes you feel better Nejla protested when I threw you over the horse," he says as he unties me and helps me sit up.

I look at the two of them. Both looked distinctly uncomfortable. "What happened," I ask again watching them shift uncomfortably.

Nejla looks at Haru and he nods at her. She walks back to her horse and Haru pulls himself up on his. For a long time, nothing is said, but I can see how Haru's mind works as he attempts to find a way to say what he needs to. Finally, he starts to speak, "After you took the orb from Nejla, you held it to the kid's wound. Your burnt arm started to glow with golden lines of light and that light seemed to transfer from your arm to his wound. I, we watched as the wound healed. The bleeding mostly stopped and the wound started to reknit itself. Your eyes opened and they glowed with the same unnatural light. Then you dropped the orb and passed out. You hit the ground before we could catch you as we were still frozen in shock at what had just happened. You hitting the ground pulled us from our shock and Nejla went to check on the kid. He was stable and I picked you up and tossed you over your horse. The orb was placed back in the bag and we have been riding since then. We should be back in the city before the sun sets."

The silence returns and a bad taste enters my mouth. I don't know how to react to what he said. I don't know what to say.

Nejla starts to talk. "Desmond, because you are our friend and a good person, well, we decided to pretend that the whole orb related thing didn't happen. Just don't do that again, because if someone saw you, you would be taken before the elders and burnt for sorcery. We don't want that."

I nod. "Thank you. It means so much for me that you don't hate me."

"We don't hate you and although the sorcery shocked us, you used it to heal. That counts for something at least," Haru tells me.

We fall back into silence. I turn their words over in my head and wonder what would have happened if I had only been earlier. 'Would I have been able to save Kadar from the wound? Would I have managed to stop Malik from losing his arm?' These questions would plague me for the rest of the journey back home.

Mimic

We arrive in the city as the sun starts to set. The sight of Nejla and I's badge and Kadar on a stretcher are enough for the guards to let us through. As we pass a send a smile at the younger guard – I sew up his arm a few days ago.

Traveling through the city with horses and a stretcher is bad enough, but luckily we manage to get back to my home/clinic just as it starts to get dark. The first thing I see as we enter the clinic area is Havva and Baki talking softly about something. Already a knot starts to form in my throat. Sliding down the horse I softly address Havva, "Hi."

An angry look blooms across her face as her eyes meet mine. "You!" she hisses. "You didn't save him and now you have the gall to return with a different patient."

"Havva, I'm sorry. I couldn't save him. I was too late," I tell her in the same soft voice, desperate for her to understand.

"You didn't even try," a soft sob escapes her lips. "You just ran off. Didn't even try."

"Havva."

"Now he is dead. He's gone and he is never coming back." Her voice sounds so broken and miserable.

"Havva, please," I beg her. I wanted her to know how much I wanted to save him, but I was too late. His final breath was taken before I reached him.

"NO! You left him. YOU LEFT HIM TO DIE," she screams, turns away and leaves. My heart aches and the look she gave me told me that we weren't friends anymore. I turned to Haru. "Haru will you please help me get Kadar into the clinic," I ask him. Haru nods his head in agreement, but Nejla speaks up from her place in Baki's arms.

"Absolutely not. Baki can help Haru bring your patient in. you are not lifting anything. You haven't moved your arm since you woke up and you have kept it close to you the entire time. Don't even pretend that you are uninjured. You trained me. I have a good eye for these things," She said seriously.

I sigh. "Very well, Baki. If you will help Haru carry Kadar inside I would greatly appreciate it," I say avoiding looking at him.

I hear him say, "Sure." He walks towards where the horses are, pauses by my side to place his hand on my shoulder. "When you are done with your patient please meet me on top of my brewery." I nod and he moves on. I feel sick. I take a deep breath and look up from the ground. I see Nejla offer me a supportive smile.

"It will be okay. Today has just been a really bad day. Tomorrow will be better," she tells me before walking off to join Baki as he leaves the clinic. I stare up at the clouds as tell myself to calm down. It won't do Kadar any good if I have a panic attack or something while healing him. I look at Haru, who is standing by the door.

"Hey, Haru, do you know what happened to my orb?" I ask him and watch a look of extreme distaste bloom over his face.

"It is in one of your bags. I don't care what you do with it as long as I don't know about it or ever see it again," he says. "I need to leave now, Des, I am going to go pick up Omar. See you when we eat. Now go fix up your patient." He waves at me and heads to the archives. I sigh and go through the saddlebags until I get the Apple's black pouch and slip it into my pocket. I pat the horses on their flanks as I leave their stall.

I walk into the clinic and into the separate room for overnight patients. I get all the things I need to finish dressing his wound. Looking at Kadar's wound, I notice that although the wound is mostly healed, there is some sluggish bleeding, but that was probably from how Haru and Baki had to get him inside. I start with softly cleaning the wound with some saltwater, and willow bark salve. The steady motions of caring for a wound allows me to sink into the tunnel vision, where only the wound and the patient matters. Where no other unwanted thoughts could get in.

Mimic

Seeing that I am finished with treating Kadar's wound, I realize that I should go meet Baki. The thought alone sends my stomach into knots and makes my throat feel as if it is being choked. I walk out the building and start to climb up to the roof, where Hadi and Baki's brewery is, was. Getting up on the roof, I see him sitting next to the makeshift brewery. His legs hang off the side of the roof and he is staring up at the stars. Beside him there is a flask, probably filled with beer.

"HI," I say plopping down next to him. He nods at me and passes me the flask. I take a gulp of it and feel the bittersweet liquid rush over my tongue. I give the flask back to him.

"You were late," he says and there is no judgment in his voice.

"I know," I whisper. "Sorry." I take another gulp.

"You're not to blame I guess. You wanted to save him but was too late. For all your visions/foreknowledge, you are not a spirit tale hero." he takes the flask back and takes a swig.

"Thanks, for not blaming me."

"I don't need to blame you. You blame yourself enough for two people."

"I'm not gonna answer to that. I just wish I was quick enough to save Hadi. I wish I was quick enough to save Malik."

He finally looks at me. "There was another one."

"Yeah, I was late and Hadi died. I was late and Malik is going to lose his arm."

"I am not going to ask, but think of my guilt. I decided not to go with Hadi today to give the deliveries. I realized he was in trouble and I was still too late. If you feel guilty think of how guilty I feel. I am. I was his twin and older brother. I was supposed to be with him, but I wasn't. So both of us were too late."

I let out a broken sob." I was too late and now Havva hates me. I was too late and Hadi died. How can you not hate me?"

"Desmond, I know you. You are a self-sacrificing idiot that loves too easily and wants nothing more than to save everyone. You have to realize that even though you are not entirely human, you still cannot save everyone and for that you break yourself every day. Besides, you are family and taught me and Hadi all this," he gestures at the brewery." I forgive you for not saving him. I hope that Kadar lives."

"Me too," I say and we pass the flask back and forth for a while, just staring at the stars.

Baki clears his throat. "I also wanted to talk to you about something else."

I look at him. "What?"

He blushes. "Nejla and I are getting married soon."

I feel a smile work itself onto my face despite the tears in my heart. "That's great! When did you ask her?"

He looks down at where his hands rested on the ledge. "I missed going to work to ask her and for that Hadi got himself killed. The stupid asshole," he says bitterly.

"Sorry."

"Its fine, besides Nejla and I decided that we will not feel bad about that. We are going forward with it and after we are married, we will travel."

My heart sinks. "Where to?"

"Don't know yet, but we will probably settle in a different town. I can't be stuck in the same city that my twin was murdered in."

"Okay then. I wish you the best of luck.

"Thanks, Desmond. For the luck wish and for talking and drinking with me. I am going to bed now. Tomorrow I have to go arrange the ceremony with Nejla's father," he says pushing himself up from his sitting position and starts climbing back down to the house.

"Then you will need more than luck. Her father is a wickedly crafty man. "

"Thanks again, but Desmond."

"Yeah?"

"Get some sleep. It has been a rough two days."

"K," I tell him and he disappears from my view. I stare back at the stars. "Fucking, Juno," I whisper and down the last of the beer. Not sober enough to deal with my problems. Not drunk enough for my emotions to make sense. I sigh and somehow manage to get of the roof and into my bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the Apple glow and Juno appear before I shut my eyes. I fall asleep to the feeling of Juno petting my hair.

Mimic

Two weeks pass after I brought Kadar to my clinic and I was starting to worry that I messed up and that he won't wake up properly.

I ran a cloth over Kadar's wound cleaning away the old salve and any drift that may have gotten into the wound. I was still in the process of applying new salve and bandages when he let out a groan. I froze as his eyes fluttered open and locked onto mine. I force myself to continue as a feel how he studies me. "Are you Ibn-La'Ahad?" he croaks out.

I pause. 'In the literal sense I was as my father was not yet born and in my time I chose not to acknowledge him as such.' I narrow my eyes at him. "Yes, I am. I hope you do not have a problem with that?" I tell him mindful of how an ordinary person would react when asked such a question.

He sits up quickly and shakes his head that causes him to grimace immediately. I give him a pitying look and offer him a glass of water. "Here drink, it will help with the dizziness and with your undoubtedly dry mouth."

"Thanks," he whispers and greedily drinks the water. His nose scrunched up at the taste of willow in the water.

A soft laugh escapes me at the betrayed look on his face as I gestor at him to finish the drink. "What was in it to make it taste so bad?" he spits out.

"It has willow bark powder in it to help with pain. Most of my drinking water has some in it," I tell him pleased that he was healed enough to complain about the taste of the water.

He looks at me as I finish checking the tightness of his bandages. "Why?" comes his question.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do I you have a powder for pain mixed into your water?"

I unwrap part of my left arm revealing the blackened skin underneath. His face flashes with surprise, horror, and then understanding.

"Does it hurt?" he asked and looks so very young.

"Most days it is just a dull throbbing pain, but sometimes infection sets in and the pain is so bad that I can't move from my bed," I tell him with a shrug as I re-bandage my hand.

"How long ago did it happen?" I look at him and he looks curious, yet scared of my answer.

"It has been three years, but that does not matter, Kadar. This is the first time you are truly awake since I picked you up a week ago. So you must be hungry. If you like I can help you out so that you can eat with us," I tell him not noticing the flinch following me saying his name.

"How do you know my name?" he asks suspicion filling his voice.

'Oh shit,' I think. "You told to me," I lie.

I watch the confusion fill his eyes. "When did I do that?"

"The first day that you woke up after you called me an angel," I tell him mixing my lie with a bit of truth.

An adorable flush covers his cheeks. "OH," he stutters.

"So would you like me to help you to the fire?" I ask him.

"Yes, I would like that." He nods and I help him up. I bring his arm around my neck and together we hobble outside. In the courtyard I see Havva and she looks up from where she was pouring some soup into Omar's bowl. I feel my heart shatter at the look she sends me and Kadar. It is filled with hate and pain. 'It has been 2 weeks since Hadi died and I miss him as much as she does, but she still avoids me and spits hurtful words at me when she can't avoid me. It hurts, but the lack of her by my side hurts more than all the words and the hate,' I think to myself.

"Here," she spits out after Kadar and I sit down and she hands us each a bowl of soup.

"Thanks," I say really meaning it. Her hand touches mine as she passes the bowl and I ache even more as I long for the touch of the woman I consider my sister.

"Hope it burns your throat or you chock on it," she snarls in response to my comment. She spins on her heels and marches away.

"She hasn't eaten anything," I hear Kadar note beside me.

"No, she hasn't," I agree with him. My eyes distant as I get lost in my loneliness. A loud hum from Omar brings my attention back to the moment. "Sorry," I say sheepishly. I place the bowl on my lap and gesture at the people sitting around. "Everyone this is Kadar, as you know he has been in my tender care for two weeks now." A chorus of hellos and heys answer my statement as well as a horrified sound from Kadar.

His arms go slack out of the half-raised wave. "Two weeks?!" he exclaims in horror and I suddenly feel terrible for him.

"Yes," I nod. "You were almost dead when I found you. You are honestly lucky to be awake much less breathing right now," I tell him watching as his face become progressively paler as my words register in his mind.

"I almost died," he says.

I nod again. "Yes, and I will be keeping you in my clinic for a week at least before your family can pick you up or until I say you are healthy enough to travel."

He nods at my words still looking lost and I am so grateful that no one says anything, but rather continues to eat in silence.

"Anyways," I say softly. "As I was saying. This is Omar," I point at the boy in scholar white. "He can't talk, but that doesn't mean he isn't the sassiest person know." Omar waves and sticks his tongue out at me before signing something rude to me. I burst out laughing and I can see that even though Kadar is confused he looks a bit amused. "This is old Aqeel and Erma, Aqeel is blind but he will hit you with his cane if you insult him. Erma will adopt you if you are not careful though," I tell him pointing at the old man and woman sitting next to each other.

"It is nice to see you awake young man, I was starting to think that Desmond took a hopeless case, but I shouldn't have doubted them, they always come through in the end," she says and I flush at the praise.

Kadar gives a little wave.

"This is Dareen and Dana," I say pointing to the two young girls sitting next to Omar. Dareen's dad and uncle are away so I am watching her and Dana is practically my kid. Though if you aren't careful they just might make you play with them," I tell him in a playfully warning tone.

"Desmond," they whine. "You spoiled our hunt, Desmond. How are we supposed to do a surprise attack now?" Dareen pouts and Dana follows her example.

I laugh and point at the last person around the pot," This is Haru he helped me bring you to the clinic."

Haru nods his head and continues to eat.

"The woman who gave us our soup is Havva. She is angry at me. "

"OK," he says. "It is nice to meet all of you."

The rest of the meal passes in silence. At one point I see Kadar almost choke on the soup, but otherwise, he seems fine and I am glad that the soup was little more than broth today. It would be easier on his stomach.

"I'll clean the dishes up," signs Omar and I thank him. With Haru's help, I manage to get Kadar back to his cot. He passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow and I feel guilty. 'Must have been ruff for him to wake up sounded by strangers and then to find out that not only did he almost die but he has been out for almost 2 weeks,' I think to myself as I walk outside. Erma comes and taps me on the shoulder.

"Yes?" I ask her. She just pulls me into a hug and I allow myself to cry, to mourn not only the death of Hadi, but also the loss of my best friend. I sob out all the stress of trying to keep Kadar alive because I already failed one person. I can't fail another. I sob out my fear, my fear of failing to keep him alive, my fear of never having Havva forgive me. I just sob until I can't anymore and then I sob some more. I don't know how long I stood there in Erma's arms being comforted, being allowed to grieve, but when I finally have no more tears to cry I don't feel better, but I feel okay and I guess that is good enough.

"Better?" she asks.

"No," I say, the sound is muffled against her chest. "But I will be and that is good enough." she nods and just holds me.

She pulls back but keeps her hands on my shoulders and looks up into my eyes. "Now Desmond, you go drink the tea that Aqeel made for you and sleep." A cup gets pushed into my hands and I try to protest. "No, Kadar isn't dying anymore and I will keep watch overnight." I want to protest because she is old and I can do it. Before I can say anything Haru interrupts.

"You have been awake for 5 straight days, you are frayed at the edges and this is exactly why you shouldn't keep sending your apprentices off two different cities after you train them," he tells me. "Besides I will take over after Erma gets tired. You need rest Desmond. No arguments."

I sigh knowing that I won't win this argument. "Fine, but if anything goes wrong, wake me. Got it?"

"Yes, yes stop worrying. Now go to sleep," Haru says and I walk up to my room. I sip the tea and enjoy the calming feeling that follows every sip. It is only a few stairs, but as soon as I get to the top I feel exhausted and the bed looks really comfortable. My eyes seal shut as I lay down and I can't find a good reason why I should open them again. Sleep really sounds good right now.

Mimic

Thank you very much to everyone who followed and favorited this Fic. Every bit of support is appreciated. Shout out to whitewolf7410, Delphine Pryde, Mim, Leramina, and RIMmtns who left a review. It really helped me get this chapter out. Sorry it took so long real life decided to eat all my time and when I wanted to post it last week, my computer crashed and I lost most of this chapter, so I had to rewrite it.

All the usual no beta if you see a mistake you can leave it in a review or in a pm. If you enjoyed this fic please consider following, favoriting or leaving a review. I would really appreciate it.

Silent out. ;)