So here's the deal. Roommates are a thing in college. I am a socially awkward human being. When I responded to a potential roommate that reached out to me, I expected the website would email me if she replied back, since it did the first time she reached out to me. There was no email. Just now, almost a full month after she replied to me, I just found out she replied, and now I'm sitting here absolutely mortified because I've left her hanging for so long. I sent her a message back, and since I've wasted so much time, I want to text the number she gave, but I have no idea what I would say after a month of being MIA. So I currently want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Life is great. Enjoy your chapter ^-^
After spending the night preparing to leave, the group sleeps through the day with me, although I learn upon nightfall that most of them slept restlessly. When I apologize, Sango assures me it's just part of changing their sleep cycle. I at first try to bring along my personal bag, but seeing the effort I use to lift it, Kagome tells me to take out what's important and put it in her bag, lest I won't be able to walk very far. I hesitate, not really wanting to let go of my clothes, but I hand over my medication and flashlight, deciding those are the utmost priority. I carry only my sunglasses, tucked on the collar of my shirt in memory of my last pair, and my parasol that's hooked in its usual place on my wrist. Then, with a goodbye to the kind priestess who housed me, we depart.
A few hours out, the weight of the journey I've decided to undertake finally settles on my shoulders. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say it settles in my feet. Knowing the terrain would be rough, I chose to bring a pair of sturdy boots to the Feudal Era instead of converse, but having lived my life inside, none of my shoes are built for walking. Seeing my distress, Miroku offers to carry me on his back. Kagome immediately declines for me on the grounds that he would just use the chance to grope me. Although the monk innocently denies this, Sango ends up offering Kilala, her little two tailed kitty, for help. This confuses me until the creature transforms into a giant sabertooth the size of a horse. I had considered it might be a demon when I first saw its dual tails, but now there's not a doubt in my mind. Spirits really are all over the place here. The girl then tries to assist me up, but I tell her I can get up on my own. It takes a mortifyingly long time to hoist myself up, but thankfully the others let me struggle on my own until I'm seated atop the feline. I apologize for the delay and we return to walking.
There isn't much conversation between anyone. Every now and again, someone yawns, or a few tired words are exchanged, but other than that, we travel in silence. Having long ago left the village behind, as well as the forest, we journey through a wide valley of wild grass with shadows of mountains on either side. Above us, half a moon drifts among a swath of stars, the Milky Way brilliantly clear. Up until now, I've only ever seen such a view in pictures. Even after the past few nights of seeing it, I find it hard to believe there's such a sky over my head. It's even more incredulous to think that Sesshomaru is somewhere under the same sky.
We stop before sunrise, having come across a semi-ruined hut that could serve as shelter from the sun. I help Kagome tie up a blanket in a half tent against one of the solid walls, and as the stars begin to fade from the brightening sky, I climb under and try to get comfortable. The others fall asleep rather quickly from what I can tell. I can only see Inuyasha from beneath by little hovel, and he sits upright while he rests. I imagine they must be used to uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. Meanwhile, the hard, jagged floor keeps me awake well into day, and as time drags on, fear of sunlight somehow leaking in makes it even harder to fall asleep. I must pass out at some point, though, because before I know it, I'm blinking awake to the sound of footsteps.
Tonight, Shippo offers to make me a fox-fire torch out of the old wood of the house, but I politely turn him down, the unpleasant thought of having to hold a torch up for hours on end preventing me from accepting his kindness. Besides, there's still enough of a moon to see by so long as we're in the open.
Inuyasha heads our pack, Kagome pushing a bike by his side. Sango and Miroku trail a small distance behind them, and Shippo and I ride Kilala in the back. This night proves noisier than the last. At least, Inuyasha's much more vocal about his distaste for his brother. I can't count how many times he complains about how disgusting it is to have to seek out Sesshomaru's scent. His blatant hatred admittedly makes me wilt a bit. I mean, he's Lord Sesshomaru's brother, after all. My beloved character has a brother! I'd love to get along with him, to ask him all about Sesshomaru, but he'd probably just spill more insults at him. I wonder why they don't get along. Is it because they're both prideful? But it would probably take more than that to drive such a stake between the two of them. What could it possibly be?
On the third night, Inuyasha finally catches Sesshomaru's scent, and we tilt our direction to follow it.
"So," Shippo asks as we go along, "what do you plan to do when you find Sesshomaru?" The little fox child walks by my feet, having followed in my decision to walk awhile on my own tonight. It's true that Kilala has shown no distress after carrying me for the past two nights, but I feel so useless riding her while everyone else walks. I may not be able to go on my feet for far, but I can at least go for a few hours like I did the first night. The helpful little demon has put up little tufts of blue flame to float in front of my feet, allowing me both to see where I step, and his face in addition to his silhouette.
"I don't really know," I admit. I just want to see him and experience the fact that he's real. I haven't really thought beyond that.
"Will you go back to your side of the well?"
An unpleasant chill runs through my blood, and I shiver. Of course that's the logical thing to do. I came here to see him, so once I've done so, I have no reason to stay. Having seen him in the flesh, I shouldn't care anymore about the images of him Mom stole away. I could just take a picture of him with my phone, and all would be well. I could stop arguing with Mom, and she could stop sending me to psychiatrists. Theoretically, a lot of my at-home problems would be solved if this expedition is a success. But the thought of leaving behind the world he lives in, the world he breathes in, is unbearable. Faced with this dilemma, I can only repeat in a quieter voice, "I'm not sure."
"Then will you stay in the village with Lady Kaede?"
"That's one option," I suppose. It wouldn't be very prudent of me. Modern technology and architecture allows me more freedom during the day, not to mention the obvious obligation of school, and especially how anxious my parents must be about my absence. I knew I'd cause them worry when I ran away, but I intended to keep it temporary. I left with the full intention to return, but...I don't want to. This contradiction disturbs me thoroughly, so I force myself to decide, "I'll go home, but I'll visit as often as I can." I mean, I guess I could maybe say I'm going to spend the night at Kagome's. I'm not sure my parents will allow that after everything that's happened, though. I'll...just have to find a way.
Shippo nods, accepting my answer before speculating, "I wonder how Sesshomaru's gonna react to you. I mean, clearly you have some connection with him, but you haven't even met before! It's strange to me, and I'm not even to object of your affections!"
"A-Affections?" I stammer, taken off-guard. "I-It's not like that, I just...he's always been a part of my life. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. Like you said, I've never even met him before."
"I didn't say love, I just mean you clearly have some sort of strong feelings for him. You have to, considering you're going after him like this."
I cross my arms, shifting the umbrella so it doesn't knock against my knee with every step. "I mean, I guess you could say that. He does mean a lot to me. I've been trying to draw him right since I was a child. I started painting because the colored paint could make him more life-like than pencils, but I could never seem to get him right. He's kind of like a childhood friend to me, I guess. He's always been there, comforting me, inspiring me, protecting me…"
"Wow, the way you say it, it actually does sound like love."
"It's not!" I deny sharply, cheeks coloring. "But...you're right to say I have affection for him."
"Well, I hope you'll be okay. Sesshomaru isn't exactly easy to get along with. He absolutely hates Inuyasha, and he doesn't really like the rest of us either. He's ruthless!"
"Why does he hate Inuyasha?"
"It's because Inuyasha got the sword their father left behind. Also, he doesn't like humans very much, so Inuyasha's got that going against him, too."
Lord Sesshomaru doesn't like humans? That somehow feels wrong to me. I'm sure there must be something I'm missing. Ruthless feels like it could apply, but it also feels somewhat off. Then again, who am I to say that's wrong? I guess even if I'm familiar with his visage, there's no reason to say the personality I've dreamt up with is also right.
"He's suuuper powerful, though," Shippo enthuses. "The sword he wields has such a strong demonic aura, none of us can even go near it, but he was able to pick it up without a problem! He really lives up to his bloodline as the son of the great dog demon! It can be really scary watching him and Inuyasha fight. Sesshomaru can hardly be touched, but Inuyasha can hardly be stopped! In a weird way, you can really tell they're siblings."
"Are those trees in the distance?"
I lift my gaze when Kagome speaks, finding that, far off, there's an obvious point where shadows cut into the sky.
"Indeed," Miroku confirms. "It seems we've come upon another forest. Is it in that direction of Lord Sesshomaru's scent, Inuyasha?"
"Hmph, using me like some hunting dog," the half demon grumbles. "Yeah, his stench leads that way."
Sango chimes in as well. "Perfect. We should be able to make it my morning. Hopefully we can find some cover for Ren there."
I wince. "Sorry to be such a concern."
"Oh, you're fine," Kagome waves. Then, as an afterthought, she adds, "This nocturnal lifestyle's gonna kill me when I go back to school, though."
The reminder of my actual life renders me silent. After some time, when my feet have once again grown sore, I climb back onto Kilala, and I remain there on our way to the forest. Shippo soon falls asleep hugging the feline's neck, so I spend my time listening in on Sango and Miroku's conversation. Miroku brings up a nasty rat demon he once came across and had to exorcise, prompting Sango to explain how when her people came across such vermin-like demons, they usually just drove them away. Apparently their hides aren't tough enough to use as armor, and their teeth would rather shatter than be carved into shapes, despite their hardness. I'm left to wonder if these rat demons are some sort of hideous monsters that merely behave like rats, or whether they're just gigantic rodents.
I eventually do ask Sango later that night who her "people" she mentioned are, and she enlightens me on their history of demon slaying. I can't help but think of the old ninja clans, the way she describes her village.
"Would it maybe be okay if I visited your home sometime?" I ask, curiosity piqued.
"Well, I suppose you could. You may find it rather boring."
"It doesn't sound boring at all! In my era, villages like yours can old be found in stories!"
Even in the darkness, I can make out her shaking her head. "I don't mean it like that. At one time, it probably would have been fun. I would have loved to take everyone here to my home, and the village would have had a feast! It was always a special occasion when we had guests. I could have showed you the workshops, and the weapon smiths at work, and I'd ask my little brother to perform with his scythe. He's really talented with it! He won't say it himself, but his scythe skills were some of the best in the village!"
Hearing the wistfulness, and the note of sadness in her voice, I can't bring myself to ask what happened. Thankfully, Miroku next to her fills in the rest of the story. "Sango's village was attacked by demons. Naraku lured out the village's best, and told those with a grudge against the slayers that the village was undefended. Sango and her brother Kohaku luckily survived. As for the rest of the demon slayers…"
"They're put to rest within the village walls," Sango finishes. "For me, it's my home, and the resting place of those dear to me, but to outsiders it isn't much more than a graveyard. That's why I say it might be boring for you."
...Should I apologize? I brought up something so terrible, so I feel like I should, but her voice doesn't sound like the voice of someone in mourning. The way she talks of it, it sounds like she's come to terms with it, although I can't imagine how she could. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I came home to find Mom, Dad, and Una dead. Just the mere thought makes my heart feel heavy, but she had to live through that. Her whole village.
"I'm glad you still have your brother," I finally say tentatively.
"Yeah." Despite her agreement, her tone makes it clear her thoughts are even farther off than before. "I'm glad he's alive, too."
When we reach the trees, I'm relieved to have something else to focus on. It hasn't begun to get light out yet, but when Kagome quite literally stumbles across an empty den tucked beneath the roots of an old tree, the others decide we should stop and set up camp. Miroku starts up a fire and we eat, and then Kagome and I get to work setting up my bed for the day. I don't entirely fit within the den, so we pop my parasol and spread a blanket over it and the tree to give me a little extra space. The den actually proves to be more comfortable than my resting place from the first, even with the uneven dirt. Here there aren't pieces of wood threatening to scrape me if I shift in my sleep. Kilala sneaks in in her kitten form from a tiny gap between the parasol and the tree that, when it's not being used as an entrance by a little demon cat, is covered by the blanket. The little visitor makes me a feel even more at ease as she curls up next to me, her warm back pressing gently against the side of my arm. Una would sometimes sleep with me like this, back home.
With thoughts of my white pomeranian, I drift off to sleep much quicker than the last few nights.
Can I be Ren right now? I want a Kilala to snuggle with. I need her comfort. Also sorry about the rant at the beginning, I'm just currently regretting my tendency to not double check things. We all have those days, right? Yes? Hopefully? Or not hopefully. It would be nice if the world was such a nice place that I was the only that had these days. Anyway. Diary time done. I'll see you all in the next chapter (and I will try to keep my ranting to a minimum).