I just want to say that although some somewhat scandalous stuff is coming up, the story will not be diving into M-rated lemon territory, so rest assured. Some stuff just...happens. But I will be keeping this accessible to all readers 13+. I swear.
Rin watches, enraptured as I use a tortillion to smudge a stripe of charcoal and create a slight shadow under her eye. I'm actually kind of impressed. After drawing a whole three quarters of her face, she's still as attentive as when I began, and drawing is no quick thing. Sesshomaru has also been observing from where he sits on the wall to my right, but his patience is nothing new. I finish the area under Rin's eye and move on to her cheek bone, using the tortillion as a measuring stick to ensure that its curve ends up in the right place. I can't describe how nice it feels to finally have my sketchbook back in my hands. All those things I've wanted to draw, I can finally put them into shapes! I can get to those things later, though, since the whole reason we came here was for Rin's amusement.
"So this is what I look like?" Rin breathes when I eventually finish. I pass her the sketchbook, and she traces the edge of the drawing with her finger, careful not to touch the actual image and smear it. Then, with face-splitting grin, she flips it so Sesshomaru can see. "What do you think, Lord Sesshomaru? Does it look like me?"
He examines it critically. "It does."
I begin to pack away my supplies when a soft knock has us all looking up at the door. When Sesshomaru says, "Enter," Sango lifts the drape and steps into the hut. Her eyes find mine, but before she can say anything I glance at what's in her hands and spring to my feet.
"Is that what I think it is?" Excitement edges in my voice as I hastily sidestep the fireplace in the room's center and approach Sango.
"One of the women heard you like to paint and thought you could use it. Apparently it used to belong to her father, but ever since he passed away she's had no use for it."
I delicately take the black rectangle from her in both hands, my heart pounding. It's simple, without any designs like most of the ones preserved in the modern day, but the fact that I'm holding holding a feudal era ink stone is plenty enough a delight! And there even an ink stick and brush, which means…!
"She also has some parchment scrolls at her house, if you want them."
"I do!" As soon as the words come out of my mouth, though, I hesitate. I want the paper, obviously to paint on, but also because it's authentic, handmade paper, which is beyond cool, but would I have to go get them myself? Ever since we arrived yesterday, I've been getting what I can only describe as hot flashes, and their frequency has been steadily increasing. I would be drawing outside, except that I've discovered that being in the sun when they happen makes the heat unbearable. I'm starting to suspect I'm coming down with whatever Rin had a few days back.
Thankfully, Sango says, "Alright, I'll bring them over, then."
When Sango leaves, Rin sidles up to my side and asks, "If you're going to paint, does that mean you're not gonna be using those sticks?"
Sticks? The tortillions? Or does she mean the charcoal? Either way the answer is, "I won't."
"Then can I try using them?"
"Sure." Normally I would hesitate, especially considering I only have as much stuff as I brought with me from my time, but seeing the way her eyes light up I can hardly refuse. Besides, who am I to stop someone who wants to make art? I hand her the bag of charcoal and a tortillion, requesting, "Just don't wear them down too much, please, and don't use the point of the tortillion, or you'll end up ruining it."
"I'm gonna go draw A-Un!" she declares, darting up and out of the house. I find myself glad she's going outside. She hasn't really gone out since we've arrived, I think because she's uneasy around a lot of people, but with Jaken and A-Un to watch her and an activity to occupy her mind, she'll probably be fine.
Sango returns shortly after, and I set aside the ink stone in order to take the papers. As I delicately set the scrolls on the (now clean) ground, the demon slayer informs me that Miroku thinks he and I could leave the day after tomorrow. Apparently, Kagome's taking a trip back home starting today, and the rest of them are departing tomorrow to continue their search. I briefly wonder if Kagome's figured out yet that, in that era, I'm a runaway. She didn't mention it yesterday, but if she's gone back to school since I came here, she must have heard about it. If she didn't bring it up, though, it probably doesn't matter. I traded that life for sunshine and Sesshomaru. What happens there no longer has anything to do with me.
"Is there anything you need, Lord Sesshomaru?" Sango asks before she leaves. When he gives her a slight shake of his head, she says, "Let us know if you do," and exits the building.
I spread one of the papers across the floor, using a medicine bottle, a box of pencils, my flashlight, and the edge of my bag to pin down the corners lest they curl and make the ink run while I work. Then, I stare at the ink stone and think.
A flood of tingling heat waves throughout my body and I press my eyes shut, willing it to pass. When I open them, though, I suddenly know what I want to paint. I grab the ink stick off the stone, then pause again. I've dabbled with traditional painting before, but in the art club, we were just given pre-made ink.
"Is something wrong?" Sesshomaru questions. I look up to meet his gaze, and realize he's about to watch me.
Heat continuing to radiate through me, I swallow the discomfort and reply, "I just...have nothing to grind the ink with." His brows draw slightly downwards, not quite forming a crease between them, so I explain, "To make the ink, you grind this into a fine dust, and mix it with water." I guess he's never painted before. I can imagine it, though, him before a canvas. His precise attention and grace of movement would be perfect for painting, and just seeing such a thing would be a fount of inspiration. The brush resting delicately in his hand, his hair, purer than the blank canvas, tied back into a messy, long ponytail, his shirt off to avoid dirtying it…
"Give it to me."
Puzzled, I don't react immediately, but after a few seconds I get up and place the ink stick in his awaiting hand. He closes his fingers around it, holding it, then splays his palm to reveal a pile of black powder. I stare for a second, then grab the ink stone and hold it out so he can drop the crushed ink in.
"Thank you," I smile. "I'll be right back." Leaving the ink stone, I rush out of the house to the village well. Thankfully, despite being outside, the hot flash dies off as I pull up a bucket of water and head back. Now with everything I need, I seat myself in front of the stretched sheet of paper, and carefully use cupped hands to add water to the powder. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face even if I wanted to as I successfully reach the right consistency for the ink. I grab the bowl I've been using for rice, fill it with water, and mix in some of the ink. At the last second, I think to remove the bow wrapped around my wrist, and set aside the silk so it doesn't get stained. Drawing the weasel-hair brush through the murky liquid, I look up to meet Sesshomaru's golden eyes once more, then press the brush down in the first stroke.
The very tip of the brush traces a sharp edge, shaping his hair, the tool angled so the watered-down portion farther up the bristles creates a slight shadow beneath the line, effectively shading the picture as I trace his facade. I glance at his face between strokes, determined to capture the beauty within it. I come to his ear, pointing the tip, pulling it down in a way that angles his head slightly over and down, moving on to his neck before lifting the brush and creating his jaw. I use the markings on cheeks to create depth to his face, lightly half-painting his lips, and utilizing different ink potencies to form the shadow of his nose. His eyelids droop, looking down, the shading coloring his eyelids, and I lastly draw the bangs framing the crescent moon before dropping back down to his neck.
I paint what I haven't been able to get out of my mind since I saw it: Sesshomaru's chest, his shirt half falling off his right arm, the left side pulled up the other shoulder to hide his missing arm. His right hand sits before him, gently cupping a flower I trace from memory.
I set aside the brush and take in my work.
It's unlike any portrait of him I've ever painted. It's black, white, and grey, but the lack of color doesn't bother me for once. It's precise, intentional, beautiful, everything that he is. I've perhaps never painted a better painting.
"What is it, in the hand?"
I startle, abruptly yanked from my high, and realize that intense heat has returned sometime while I was focused. I brush my hair away from my face in a meager attempt to keep myself cool. My fever or whatever can be dealt with later. At this moment, I have to deal with the fact that Sesshomaru wants an explanation, and I'm not entirely sure I want to give him one.
"It's...a type of water lily. One name for it is a lotus, but it's also...called renge." Just by confessing that, it seems pretty obvious, but I should still probably just come out and say it. "It's...my namesake."
I don't explain any farther. Sesshomaru rises, coming to stand beside me as he examines the art. My heart thuds against its cage as the situation sinks in. I just painted him in a pose that is undeniably suggestive, and a symbol of me in his hands! And he's looking at it! I didn't mean…! I mean, being in his hands would certainly be nice, but… Oh, god no! What am I thinking? For crying out loud, Ren! In all these years I've never once turned Sesshomaru into a sexual fantasy! I saw him with his shirt off one time, and that's all it took? I'm not some sex-crazed teenager! Well, eighteen, but not sex-crazed!
But...with him...it'd probably…
I stand abruptly, causing Sesshomaru to lift his head from the painting. "I-I'm gonna go see if they have any colors I can use." Unable to look him in the face, I hightail it out of the house, worsening the heat of the sweltering hotness spreading throughout my body preferable to facing what I've just done.
Calm down, Ren. This is normal. In fact, it's not normal that you've never had urges like this in the past, right?
Normal or not, I don't want to be looking at him like that! Yes, he's attractive! Very, very much so! And yes, he's been gentle and accommodating with me. And I do love the dignity with which he holds himself…
You love him, don't you?
May...maybe so. I might like him like that. I've never been in love before, though, so how should I know?
Love means desire, and you desire him.
I groan, collapsing in the shade of a tree and burying my head in my hands. I get that. I get that people generally want the person their in love with, but never in my life did I think that desire would be so potent! I...I need time to recover. I need to clear my mind and get over these thoughts. I can love him, but acting on it is a different story.
But…
No excuses! He doesn't feel the same, so I'll act like nothing's changed. It hasn't. I still admire him, respect him, want to be with him, and that's how it'll continue. Nothing's changed. And luckily, we'll be apart in a few days. I'll use the journey with Miroku to push these thoughts away, and when we return, everything will be resolved.
Until we leave, I'll just keep busy. Hopefully these thoughts will go away if my hands are full.
Again, I want to clarify this will be kept PG-13, but if you guys have seen any PG-13 movies recently, the rating does allow me a bit of leeway into this area. And, I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I think Sesshomaru is pretty damn attractive, so I think I'd be struggling with some fantasies were I in Ren's place. Anyway, do leave a comment if the inclination is about you, and stay tuned for the next chapter! I'll try to get it up pretty quickly.