Disclaimer: I do not own the Mario Franchise, Pacman, or Bowsette.
Betaed by: Zim'smostloyalservant
Chapter 6
Game Start
Levels 1 & 2
One of the worst things about having an airship as a base of operations, Lamek had found out, was lab space. You couldn't really add on to the ship as needed. And the best parts of the ship were taken, and not likely to be repurposed for his needs when his boss desired a separate rec room and game room. Not to mention an employee lounge and separate executive lounge.
And of course, there was the fact the thing was unstable, with its flying about making certain delicate procedures various combinations of impossible and dangerous. Especially when his lab was squeezed near an engine room, with all the noise and vibrations one might expect.
His father had happily told him the job wasn't easy. He still felt his hopes had been dashed, somehow.
But with this conquest, he had been able to take over a royal wizard lab that he could describe as luxurious! Such size, such silence! Such no one opening the door looking for a mop or a green scratch pad for the bulkheads!
The stock was not up to par with the different magic systems, but that was small spuds. So he had been able to catch up on potion making and magic item production. Even done a little dabbling in studying mind controlling hats at Rage's paid commission.
Of course, it likely would not last with Mario now in play, so he was now rushing to fill his final quotas, hunched over a table, delicately mixing a potent Potion of Power.
"LAMEK GET IN HERE!" the Queen's yell startled Lamek into dropping too many drops form the vial into the potion. Purple smoke burst from the cauldron and Lamek had to pull the resulting beard out in clumps as he made his way through the castle. He found Bowsette in the royal den, scarfing down popcorn as she watched the deluxe crystal ball.
"You bellowed, Your Majesty?" he asked.
"Yeah, it's Mario, he's going through Larry's level!" she said, pointing at the ball while talking around stuffed cheeks of popcorn.
"The accountant messed up, did he?" Lamek sighed.
"No! Well, kind of, level one's not supposed to be this epic. I mean, he's got lots of stuff there. Look at that, Mario's having to evade Pac-Man ghosts!" she shouted, gesturing urgently.
"Shh, Majesty, I don't know if we can name names without paying royalties!" he shushed, glancing around.
"Oh, right. Well, he's also got the floating brains that can't be named that suck the life out of you. Oh, and those! Those things, I didn't know they still made those! Ohoho! Get over here and watch this! I love those things," Bowsette squealed, watching what seemed like a tribute piece starring Mario in various alternate realities and alien worlds of their strange universe.
"How did he do that on budget?" Lamek asked in awe, taking a seat next to Bowsette.
X X X
Larry was seated behind his desk in his well-organized work trailer when his boss called.
"Recycling," Larry said into his office phone, "Yes, Your Majesty, quite affordable. In fact, for making a level with 75% recycling materials, the organization has been nominated for an eco and fiscal award. Why thank you. Though it doesn't seem to be slowing Mario down much; they aren't working together as well as I hoped. Well, we don't have an underwater area here, so I couldn't use those. But I did direct some to Shell. Me? Well, I was going to use red tape and paperwork.
"Well, got to go. Need to put on my war tie," Larry said. Clipping his red tie off, he put on a game face, and clipped on a black tie.
X X X
Mario wiped the sweat off his brow and used the straw hat power-up to fan himself. It let him pass through the tall grass at normal speed and cut down the corn to clear different paths and reveal coins. As power-ups went it was pretty okee-dokey, he thought.
Still, that was pretty hard for a first level, the heroic plumber thought, looking back at the pastiche of various out-of-context stuff and enemies. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a fire-breathing green Zora!
It seemed like it was clear trails now to the coast, but then the music started to play. A biplane crossed the horizon and landed, rolling to a stop near him, the wind blowing the straw hat away. A Koopa Troopa wearing a black tie stood up in the cockpit.
"Well done, Mario, I should have known heroes would not be thwarted by economic soundness. But while you have beaten those blasts from the past, I offer you something I think you have never faced before. Who am I? I am Larry, and you are about to be accounted for," the Koopa said, sitting back in the cockpit and starting the crop duster up. Riding into the sky, Larry cranked the music up, filling it with country punctuated by the sound of a typewriter.
As the plane passed over, a red banner dropped from the bottom. Mario jumped, avoiding it, but landed on top of it.
"Wow!" Mario exclaimed, finding his feet stuck to the red tape. A Bob-omb landed next to him, already ticking down. With three jumping motions he tore free, but too late to not get caught in the explosion. Some health lost but not out, Mario dusted himself off and adjusted his hat as Larry came around for another pass.
Who would have guessed it, there were two Koopas named Larry, Mario thought.
Shortly:
Mario collected the Region Hat from where Larry laid on the ground, stars of unconsciousness flitting around the Koopa's head.
The stacks of paper he had tried to crush Mario with in addition to the Bob-ombs had proven his undoing. All Mario had to do was dodge them, and then using the paper as a platform he had been able, with a bit of aiming, to jump over the duster and onto Larry's head.
It had taken four jumps, and after the first three Larry had started dropping Bob-ombs twice as much opposed to paper and increased his speed. But the extra challenge had not been enough and now here they were in the clean field, with Larry's crashed plane smoldering nearby.
Mario put on the Region Hat now, and gave a victory sign as magic rippled through the countryside.
X X X
"We can go back to work now, son!" A farmer cheered as his hat reactivated.
"Meh," his son said, still watching TV. The father sighed, grabbing a hoe and opening a panel to cut off the circuit. An argument ensued as the land rejoiced in its freedom.
X X X
But the plumber could not rest on his laurels, Mario knew. There was still a lot of country to liberate.
"Well done, Mario! Rest tonight, and tomorrow will be a day at the beach," Hardhead the Homeless said, popping up from the bush disguise he was apparently wearing.
Mario stretched and popped his back, admitting he had best rest. Hardhead directed him toward a nearby farm under the idea they could get dinner and maybe a bed for the night.
X X X
"That was surprisingly impressive," Bowsette said, licking salt from her latest popcorn bowl.
"He still lost," Lamek pointed out.
"Yeah, but that was level one. A very impressive level one. Move him to a window cubicle," Bowsette ordered.
"We don't have cubicles, Your Majesty."
"Then get him a window and he can put it where he likes! I have you so I don't have to puzzle over the office minutia, Lamek. Now, it occurs to me Mario just may reach the castle, so I think I'll go practice my butt-kicking for a bit then head to bed. Now where did all those undead go?" Bowsette muttered, walking off and cracking her knuckles.
X X X
Mario had slept well, satisfied with a bit of heroing well done. Now, after a nice breakfast, enjoying the view of the sunrise over Straw Hat Hills, and getting cleaned up from all the level stuff, he was ready to go!
The ocean was beautiful of course, but the beach… less so. While one could glimpse the white sand and surf, the coast was littered with barricades, high-tech stompers, Thwomps, and ramps. And was that a giant mechanical shark lunging in a timed pattern from the water over the beach?
Well, it was the same course regardless, Mario thought, adjusting his hat.
"Here we go!" he declared, leaping down from the rise onto the hazardous beach.
X X X
"Wow, that is one big robot shark! And so is that one," Bowsette squeed. Wearing a black robe, she was lounging in the throne, eating a bowl of cereal as Mario's quest played out on the crystal ball.
"Yeah, it's hardly beached theme at all now," Lamek noted sourly.
"Wait, it's a water section! Ha! I know you hate drowning, Mario. Oh no wait, that's Wario's deal. Yeah, that makes sense," Bowsette remarked. Scraping the bottom of the bowl she frowned, and setting her spoon on the armrest grabbed the box of Malevol'Os to pour more of the cereal in.
"Minion, fetch me more milk!" she snapped at a Koopa guard. As he left, she resumed watching Mario struggle with futuristic beach peril.
"It's like a beach from a bad future," Lamek remarked. He turned away as a Shy Guy swooped in and handed him a manila envelope.
"Nah, bad futures are always overcast. I mean, how weird would that be for the world to be overrun will killer robots or the wrong kind of animal people, and it being nice out, making you want to strip down and sunbathe with your feet in a tub of water fresh from the hose," Bowsette said.
Lamek paled as he read the notice in the note.
"I can't believe you can get stuff like this from recycling!" Bowsette cackled, watching Mario battle a trio of giant mutant cyborg enemy crabs.
"You can't," Lamek stuttered.
"Than how did they get in budget?" Bowsette asked as her milk was handed to her. As she took a drink from the carton, Lamek held out the bill for her to see.
Bowsette doused the bill with milk, coughing before she looked at the soaked Magikoopa in horror.
"We don't have that kind of money. Return everything NOW!" she ordered. Explosions sounded from the crystal ball, and they both looked on as Mario cleared the level with a chain reaction, destroying everything and leaving the beach shiny and pristine. As triumphant music played and Mario struck a pose with a robot shark head landing behind him with Xs for eyes, Bowsette took a long drag from her milk.
"Lamek, increase the stupid taxes — if this goes south, we are gong to need a lot of money to run away with. And get Shell on the line! What was he thinking!?" Bowsette screamed with a milk mustache.
X X X
Mario climbed the dune, walking confidently but still on full alert for any more traps. Just because it looked like he'd gotten most of them didn't mean he gotten them all. Besides, he was probably getting close to the area's Boss at this point, which probably meant some final line of defense. Like a suddenly collapsing sand pit, or spikes emerging to enclose him, or-
"Huh?" the plumber couldn't help but blurt out as he crested the top of the dune and found himself staring at a huge Koopa sitting a few yards away on a bench, doing reps rather vigorously and seemingly oblivious to his presence.
"Uh, hello?" Mario called out slowly, trying to get the presumed Boss's attention, "It'sa me, Mario!"
"I am Shell!" the Koopa replied, still focusing on his reps. Had he even registered Mario's presence, or was that response some kind of instinct?
X X X
"Oh, for crying out loud! Why is he still working out?!" Bowsette exclaimed, throwing her bowl at the crystal ball.
"I'm afraid this might be the cost of hiring purely dumb muscle, Your Majesty," Lamek commented, "Though at the very least, this does explain why he's not answering our calls."
"Who cares?!" Boswette shouted, smacking Lamek upside the head, "Figure out a way to make him fight! And I mean now, before Mario just walks away and embarrasses us all by association with this mess!"
X X X
As Mario pondered whether this really was the Boss, a magical puff of smoke appeared over Shell and a black cat fell onto the Koopa's face. After a brief struggle with the cat, Shell tossed it aside and leapt to his feet.
"You dare stop Shell from doing all the reps!? I will show you! I AM SHELL!" the Koopa declared, flexing his muscles. Punching the sand, he reached into it and pulled out a boombox. Taking a moment to brush it off, he pressed the play button and bass heavy boss fight music started to play.
Mario actually felt relief as Shell advanced on him, throwing punches in the air. This he knew how to deal with.
X X X
"Well, at least he's tough," Bowsette noted, watching the fight unfold. Shell was slow, and while his hits had power, Mario was running circles around him. But getting far from Shell had its own dangers, as he then picked up barbells and started throwing them at Mario. Far more difficult for Mario to deal with, those attacks were.
And true to form, no matter how many times Mario jumped on Shell's head, it didn't even slow him down.
"It's a stalemate?" Lamek noted.
"If Shell actually captures Mario, I may actually not make him an indentured servant to pay for all that stuff," Bowsette remarked.
They both leaned in as Shell lost his patience and started hopping in place.
"I. AM. SHELL!" He declared, leaping into the air. He came down in an epic ground pound, sending Mario flying with a yell.
Grabbing his hat and dusting it off, Mario looked at the crater and watched Shell barely hop out of it. Narrowing his eyes, Mario smiled and leapt over Shell into the crater. Roaring, Shell hopped again on the crater's lip and ground-pounded down after Mario, who leapt and was pushed up and clear of the crater by the shockwave, whooping.
"Did he just…?" Bowsette asked, staring wide-eyed at the crystal ball an inch from her face as Shell roared, trying and failing to leap out of the crater, and then failing to climb out, because sand.
"Come down here so I can crush you!" Shell yelled. Mario tipped his hat to Shell, and ran around the crater to the Region Hat box by the flagpole. And stopped on his way to turn off the boss fight music.
"Yep," Lamek said.
"That was crap!" Bowsette yelled, kicking the crystal ball away.
It struck the far wall, cracked, sparked, and broke into three chunks. Bowsette and Lamek stood there, looking at the broken magic item for a moment before she turned to glare at him.
"Well, get the backup crystal ball!" Bowsette demanded of Lamek.
"That was the backup. The first one got destroyed during the toast incident, remember?" Lamek reminded her. Frowning, Bowestte grabbed him by the front of her robes and lifted him up to eye level.
"We agreed never to speak of that again, remember?" she growled, baring her fangs. Gulping, Lamek nodded.
"Right then," Bowsette said, dropping Lamek and the scary demeanor.
"You, prisoner king, where are your crystal balls for spying?" she asked.
"We don't have those, they are against our Constitution! All crystal balls are either set up for established channels, or for highly regulated police and scientific purposes! You can't just order them to home in on some random person!" the King objected. He seemed very offended about personal peeping tools, she noted.
"Well in that case, fix it," Bowsette ordered. Lamek glanced over and watched one of the pieces break in half as it laid there.
"Fix it?" he sadly repeated.
"Yeah, magic it up or something," Bowsette said waving her arms angrily.
X X X
"That's not magic at all!" Bowsette roared. She had gone to get changed into a gown and get ready for the day, more accurately afternoon, after binge-watching Mario's adventure.
And this was what she came back to. The crystal ball had been glued and taped back together. So much duct tape she could barely see the static playing on it.
"Well, I'm not skilled at making crystal balls," Lamek retorted. Bowsette picked up the crystal ball and shook it. The static remained unchanged.
"Well, then get someone who can," Bowsette snapped.
"Who?" Lamek asked. They both turned and looked to the caged king.
"*Sigh* I may know some guys," the King admitted.
X X X
"Let the ritual of crystal ball repair commence!" the leading robed figure declared dramatically. While Bowsette smiled on her throne, Lamek facepalmed.
"I thought you weren't hardly even wizards, Dave," Lamek said to the lead mysterious robed figure.
"Utter not such names amongst the uninitiated! And the Municipal Guild of Ancient Wizards are certified by three community magic colleges in magical artifact repair," Mysterious Dave said, whipping out a framed certification with a wizard's hat illustrated on it.
"It's not an artifact. They make them in the Mushroom Kingdom," Bowsette pointed out.
"Technicalities! Leave us! We shall set right the magic that has been misplaced," Mysterious Dave declared.
Grabbing Lamek and the King's cage, Bowsette exited as they started to gather around the abused crystal ball.
Five Hours Later:
Bowsette tapped her chin as she looked out over the grand entrance hall, now riddled with Thwomps, undead, and pitfalls.
"Okay, so hard enough to give Mario trouble. But not so hard I need to climb in and out of windows to get the king's mail. Well done!" she congratulated the foreman Koopa. Her hearty smack to the back sent him falling down the pit in front of them, screaming as he went. Until he stopped.
"Oops! Hey, you alive?!" she called down, cupping her mouth with her hands.
"Yes, I missed the spikes. …There are only three down here, Your Majesty!" he yelled back up.
"What?! Is someone embezzling spikes? Wait, do I punish them for stealing or is that evil initiative to be rewarded?" Bowsette wondered, tapping her chin.
"My Queen," Lamek said, teleporting behind Bowsette. With a yelp, she stumbled forward and fell into the pit.
"Lamek!" she shouted up from the pit, "We have a spike issue. I want every pit in the castle inspected pronto!"
"Very good. The hacks say they're done with your crystal ball!" Lamek called back down.
"Yeah!" Bowsette cheered, leaping back up and almost landing on Lamek.
X X X
"That will be four-hundred ninety nine gold and ninety nine coppers, Your Majesty."
"You just replaced the duct tape with scotch!" Bowsette screamed, pointing at the crystal ball.
"Yes, it wasn't easy," Mysterious Dave said, the others muttering.
"Dungeon! Dungeon for you all! I hope you like being a sidequest! The prize will be nothing but an alternate outfit that does NOTHING!" Bowsette ranted, shaking her fist as the "wizards" were dragged away.
"Yet it seems to actually be working," Lamek remarked, turning the crystal ball on.
"Really!?" Bowsette said, swiping him aside to loom over the crystal ball. Sure enough, it was swirling with smoke or whatever inside, awaiting commands.
"Mhm! Oh crystal ball, off the wall, you can't see all, but my order ain't so tall! To make go wow, now, show: MARIO!" Bowsette recited the incantation.
'Showing, Wario,' the words appeared as an image started to form.
"What, no! Not Wario! Mario! That's like a hundred points in charisma and pounds difference!" Bowsette objected. But heedless of the Queen, the image formed, showing a bathroom with a steaming tub. And Wario walked into sight, humming a jaunty tune, wearing nothing but a towel.
"NOOOO!" Bowsette screamed. Eyes blazing with fire, she slammed her fist on the taped crystal ball. The image vanished, the crystal ball ignited with fire, and lightning surged across it.
"Huh?" Bowsette and Lamek asked in sync.
BOOM
Bowsette blinked as she peeled herself off the blackened wall, leaving a cute silhouette of herself there. Spotting a dark lump next to her, she grabbed it and shook the soot off. Lamek coughed, and she dropped him to the ground.
"Look!" Bowsette said, pointing to the crystal ball which now shone, shiny like new and whole. Without prompting, it showed Mario walking down a city sidewalk.
"And you said I couldn't solve all my problems by hitting them," Bowsette admonished the wizard.
Author's Note:
This took far too long for such a short chapter. Hope it proved enjoyable anyway. Next chapter the Twins strike!
Long days and pleasant nights.