===== December 11, 2022 - Floor 3: Necluda City =====

Zelda blinked herself awake in the middle of the night. She heard a steady drum-like beating, and looked over Link's shoulder out the window to see that it was raining. She grunted as she lay back down; fieldwork always sucked in the rain, and there was no telling how long it would last.

She was so consumed in her thoughts that she almost missed the briefest flash of light from the other end of the room.

Or had she imagined it? It was so fast, it was hard to tell. Still, she felt like something was wrong. She got up for a drink of water to calm her nerves, but she stopped short of pouring it.

There were three people in that bed, and I was in the middle...

She looked back at the bed, which now only had one person sleeping in it.

The second was standing agape at the realization that the third was no longer in the room.

Zelda realized that flash of light must have been Kiwi sneaking out of the room... but why?

She got dressed and headed out to find out.

Once outside, she activated her Tracking skill and picked up a faint trace of footprints. Her skill wasn't that high, which meant she needed to move fast if she was going to track Kiwi down. She managed to barely follow the tracks to some nearby woods just outside the city wall, where they finally vanished completely. All she could see was the darkness of the trees, and all she could hear was the rain in the leaves, so tracking another human entity wasn't going to be possible. She began to storm back to the city in frustration, when she tripped over something and face planted into a puddle of mud.

"Dammit... what else can go wrong tonight?" she winced.

"You're about to find out," a familiar voice hissed from behind her, presumably belonging to the person now holding a knife to her throat. "Who are you, and why are you following me?"

"Kiwi? Is that you?"

"Mistress?" The blade fell away and Zelda turned to face the young Sheikah girl, whose face she could barely make out in the darkness. "I almost killed you... why were you following me?"

"Why did you sneak out of the room in the middle of the night?"

"Shh." Kiwi held a hand up.

"Don't shush me-"

"Quiet!" Kiwi hissed as she now clamped that hand over Zelda's mouth, pinned her against a tree and eyed the woods suspiciously. Amidst the rain and thunder, she was certain she heard something. Something that did not bode well for either of them.

Without warning, Kiwi took Zelda's hand and began sprinting as fast as she could. Fortunately, Zelda didn't have to be told to keep up; she reasoned she could ask all the questions she wanted to once they stopped running.

They broke out of the woods, and Kiwi's head darted back and forth ever so quickly before she took off running again, with Zelda hot on her heels. Eventually, they reached the walls of Necluda City, exhausted and soaked (and in Zelda's case, covered in mud). They managed to make it just inside the gate before collapsing in the street.

"You... should change... your clothes," Kiwi gasped out, "before we go any further."

"I will... back... at the inn."

"We're not going back to the inn, at least not right away."

"Why not?" Zelda asked as she finally pulled herself back to her feet.

"You have some questions to answer. And since I'm not going back, you're coming with me."

"I have questions to answer? You're becoming a real pain in my ass, you know that?" She donned her Royal Regalia, since she'd had the sense to equip other clothes on her search for Kiwi. "Fine. Where are we going?"

"For a drink."

Zelda followed Kiwi to a back-alley tavern on the western side of the city. A hostess seated Zelda while Kiwi went down into the basement. The place didn't look suspicious or feel any sort of dangerous; it was full of people just eating and drinking as one would expect at a tavern. Still, for whatever reason she couldn't help but feel on edge. Even Kiwi's arrival at their booth, which in reality took less than two minutes but felt like an hour, wasn't enough to calm her down.

The arrival of a bottle and two glasses seemed to distract her, though.

"What's this?" she asked Kiwi.

"Plum wine," she said. "I always have some whenever I come into the city."

"Wine? How are you even old enough to drink?" Zelda asked incredulously, completely ignoring that video game "logic" would allow an NPC to drink.

"I'm twenty... that's old enough," Kiwi replied sarcastically as she poured each of them a glass. "And this is something I usually only do with my sister, so..."

"Oh... I see. Thank you," Zelda replied, attempting to respect the girl for sharing such an intimate part of her life with her. She nervously took a sip...

...and then a gulp...

...then polished off the glass and greedily poured another. "Wow, this stuff is good! What did you say it was?"

"Plum wine, but slow down! You'll get sick if you drink too much!"

"Who cares, we're taking tomorrow off anyway because of the weather. I'll just talk Link into it when we get back."

"Still, though-"

"Hey! Who is the Mistress here, anyway?"

"All right... suit yourself, Mistress," Kiwi sighed in resignation. This was going to be a very... interesting evening.

===== About half an hour later =====

"No way, you're kidding me!" Kiwi gasped in admiration. She had finished her first glass but practically stopped drinking.

"Nope, I'm not kidding you," Zelda slurred. She had already downed two glasses and was shakily pouring a third. "He got knocked down and was about to die, and I started crying 'cuz I didn't want him to die, and the monster breathed fire at us, but he got up and blocked it, and then we *hic* killed the monster."

"And that was the first time he told you he loved you?"

"No, that was the first time I said I loved him," she said in between gulps of wine.

"Wow... that sounds very romantic, but what took you both so long?"

"Huh?"

"Why didn't either of you say something before?"

"Whad'ya mean?"

"Well, I pay attention to how the two of you interact with each other. You've clearly known each other a long time, before you came to Aincrad."

"How *hic* did you know?"

"How long?"

Zelda lay her head down on the table to stop it from spinning; the wine was really doing a number on her. "Twenty years," she mumbled.

"Twenty years?! So since you both were kids?"

Zelda nodded. "We grew up *hic* across the street from each other. When we graduated high school, he decided to go to college in Japan, and I decided to follow him."

"So, you're not Japanese?"

"Yes, I am... both my parents from Japan."

"Oh... and him?"

"Nacadian... *hic* I mean Canadian."

"I see... you know, Mistress, I really think you've had enough to drink."

"I'm not *hic* paying you to think," Zelda giggled drunkenly.

"What the... you're not paying me at all!" Kiwi hissed.

"Even better... now pour *hic* me another cup."

"I can't... you drank the last of it."

"Well then, gimme another bottle."

"Okay, I tell you what: I didn't tell you or Master this, because I planned on keeping it all to myself. But there's a big bottle of plum wine back at the inn."

Zelda lifted her head, her glazed-over eyes shining. "Really? You promise? You're not just trying to tri-*hic*-ick me into going back with you?"

"Would I do that to my Mistress?"

"Hmm... all right, *hic* let's go."

Thus began Kiwi's arduous task of getting an intoxicated warrior princess from the tavern, through the back alleys of Necluda City, in a torrential downpour, to the inn the party was spending the night at, up the stairs and into their room. A task which her charge's belligerence made all the more difficult, but she persevered and got them both back safely.

Zelda passed out the moment she hit the bed, which was her only saving grace from the stream of profanities that burst out of Link's mouth.

The following morning, Zelda woke up with a splitting headache, blurred vision, and severely limited mobility, the VR version of a hangover.

"Ugh... Link?" she moaned, desperate for her partner's companionship.

"Master left early," a decidedly not Link voice replied. "He said he was going to the library to do some research. He wanted my help, but he wanted me to stay behind to make sure you were all right first."

"You? Why didn't he stay until I woke up?"

"Mistress... I don't really understand why, but he was really, really mad when we got back."

"Did he say why?"

"No... this morning I could tell he wasn't mad anymore. Just really disappointed."

"Kiwi... last night, did I do anything... a married woman shouldn't do?"

Kiwi couldn't help but giggle. "You didn't really do anything. Although you did talk... a lot."

"About what?"

"Nothing bad, I promise." Kiwi tucked Zelda back into bed. "Go back to sleep, Mistress. You need your rest."

"Fine," Zelda whined, pulling a pillow over her head.

Meanwhile, Link had gathered a pile of books at a table near a window so he could watch and listen to the rain fall outside. Zelda and Kiwi had definitely had the right idea, taking the day off instead of hunting out in the rain. Zelda getting shitfaced... not so much. He had absolutely panicked when Zelda fell on top of him in her drunken stupor, which had scared Kiwi so badly she wouldn't even come back to bed. He hoped she would at least come help him with his research once Zelda was awake, since that was precisely what he had instructed her to do. And he definitely needed her help, since he was coming across some fascinating reading material.

Link was so busy reading Mythology of the Triforce more thoroughly that he didn't even bother looking up when Kiwi sat down across from him. "How is she?" he asked curtly.

"Tired, sick... and embarrassed."

"Well, if that keeps her from going out and getting drunk in the middle of the night, then so be it," he said, still not lifting his head from the page he was laser-focused on.

A few tense moments went by before Link said, "What is it, Kiwi?"

"What is what?"

"You're quiet. Uncharacteristically so. And I don't see you with any books in front of you, so... what's the problem?"

"Master... are you still... mad at me?"

Finally Link stopped reading and looked up, but his expression was one of confusion, not anger. "Why would you think I was mad at you?"

"The way you screamed and yelled when we came back to the room last night. Not to mention I couldn't understand anything you were saying."

"Because I was speaking a language I at least presume you don't understand. It's called English, one of the official languages of my home country."

"Oh, that's right... Mistress said you and she came to Japan from Canada?"

"Exactly. She and I bo- wait a second... how do you know about Japan or Canada?"

"Because Mistress told me last night, I just said that."

"Oh... right." Link's NPC "logic" was thrown off yet again; she had named those places like she somehow knew of their existence, like she believed any land other than Hyrule or Aincrad was a real place that actually existed. "Yes, we both came to Japan to go to school. I fell in love with the culture from spending so much time with her and her family as a child."

"How long have you known each other?"

"Since we were two. We lived across the street from each other, and our families were really close friends."

"I see... so you're both twenty-two?"

"Close. I just had my twenty-second birthday not too long ago. Hers is still coming up."

"Oh okay... so can I ask you a personal question?"

Link scoffed. "Go ahead."

"How long have you been in love with her?"

"Wow, you don't waste time, do you?" Link grinned. "Honestly, I couldn't tell you. Longer than I was ever willing to admit, I know that much." He looked wistfully out the window. "Love is weird, especially with someone you feel like you're not supposed to love."

"Why would you think you weren't supposed to love her?"

"Because we were best friends since childhood, and best friends since childhood aren't supposed to fall in love with each other. I don't make the rules. They're supposed to stay friends through each other's crappy relationships and boring marriages, raise their children close by so they grow up close to each other, and... what are you smirking about?"

"Because what you're saying sounds absolutely ridiculous," Kiwi managed to say without laughing too much.

Link was now chuckling as well. "Yeah, you're right... hearing the words come out of my mouth make it really sound crazy. I should have told her so many years ago, but I always felt like she was out of my league. She was everything I always thought my dream girl should be: smart, funny, beautiful, athletic, kind, honest, loyal... I tried to date so many different girls throughout high school and college, just to try and make it easier to hide how I really felt about her. And now..."

Link wiped away a tear. "And now we're stuck in this virtual universe, and we could possibly die before I have a chance to tell her how I feel."

"What are you talking about? You've told her how you felt plenty, right?"

"Yeah, but it's... it's not-"

"Not real? Is that what you were trying to say?"

"Yeah..."

"Try telling her that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you think the fact that this isn't the world you're used to makes it any more or less real? Or that she doesn't feel as loved by you as she would in your world? Do you think her love for you is any less real?"

"Well, no..."

"You know, at the tavern she told me about the first time she said those magic words."

"She didn't!"

"She did. And do you know what I thought to myself when she did?"

"I can only imagine."

"I thought to myself, I hope I love someone that much some day."

"Yeah... me too. I mean, I hope that for you."

Kiwi reached across the table and took Link's hands in her own. "A little piece of advice: stop obsessing over what's real or what isn't real in this universe. It'll drive you insane. Stop using your head and follow your heart."

"Not the worst idea in the world... but I am gonna need those hands back at some point."

"Oh!" Kiwi drew her hands back like she'd been snakebit, which caused Link an exercise in containing his laughter. "Changing the subject: take a look at something with me." He produced a book from his stack covered in the same symbols he had seen decorating the various shrines they had come across.

Kiwi's eyes lit up at the sight. "No way... I had no idea... this is ancient Sheikah script!"

"You're kidding me... Sheikah script? That means you can read it, right?"

Kiwi shook her head. "I don't read it... I don't even think Grandmother, Auntie or even Robbie can read it."

"Who's Robbie?"

"Another ancient inventor, like my aunt. He specialized in weapons and armor using Guardian parts, while Aunt Purah focused on research." She produced the tablet she had built at the Hateno Laboratory. "She can't read the text itself, but she did say that there are things called 'Sheikah Ciphers' out in the world. There are twenty-six of them, and they each directly translate one character of your common alphabet."

"Really? How do they work with that tablet?"

"Apparently it can scan the ciphers, and then scan text to translate it into your language."

"I see... let's see if it works." He produced the 'H' and 'P' ciphers he and Zelda had found inside the Deku Tree.

Kiwi gasped in astonishment. "Are these the ciphers Auntie was talking about?!"

"Scan them and find out."

"Okay, let's see..." She framed the entire surface of the first cipher in the screen of her tablet, then tapped the screen. The cipher disappeared, and the tablet flashed a confirmation message: "Shiekah Cipher 'H' uploaded." She scanned the second and uploaded the letter 'P.'

"Hmm... that part's done, now what?"

Link opened the book to a random page. "Try scanning this page." Kiwi did so, and while the book remained the same, her tablet now translated all of the H and P characters.

"I get it now!" she squealed in amazement. "The tablet's a translator, and we have to find the translation data in order to be able to read the Sheikah alphabet."

"That's pretty fucking ingenious," Link marveled. He thought back to what Kiwi had said the prior day, before embarking on the Guardian hunt: Without this device, I cannot be nearly as helpful to you as you would like. He couldn't argue that; having that translator definitely made Kiwi even more helpful than she had already proven herself so far. Still, it seemed somewhat odd that she didn't even know what the machine she helped build could do as she was building it. Oh well... more NPC 'logic' at work.

Satisfied with his research up to that point, he suggested going back to the inn to check on Zelda, and hopefully pry her out of bed. The good news was she didn't have to be pried out of bed; the bad news is that she had to be pried off the bathroom floor. Apparently hangovers also came with a "poison" debuff that caused nausea like the real thing... the creators of Sword Art Online really went all-in.

"Hi," Zelda managed to groggily pry her head out of the toilet long enough to moan.

"Hi, love... I see you're out of bed."

"Not by choice, I promise you... are you still mad at me?"

"I... will admit I wasn't entirely too happy with your decision to go out and get plastered in the middle of the night, but I'm not mad."

"That's good... Kiwi said you were really mad when we came in last night."

"You literally flopped on top of me in full combat gear. I wasn't mad; I was freaked out."

"Oh... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got so drunk, too."

"Well, hopefully that'll be a lesson for the future. But good lord, how much did you drink?"

"Three glasses of plum wine. It was really good going down."

Almost on cue, she vomited again. "Coming back up, not so much."

Link winced; he'd never seen her in this bad a shape after a night of drinking. Even on her more extreme nights, the most she would ever do is sleep and eat all day. Now he was lifting her into the shower to try and help her feel better, despite her whining and moaning and overall lack of cooperation. He stripped down and got into the shower with her, turned it on and began to gently wash her body as she sat crumpled on the floor.

Slowly yet unexpectedly, Zelda found her strength, mobility and vision returning to her, as if the shower itself was sobering her up. In about five minutes, she was back on her feet, fully cured of any hangover symptoms. She was now able to fully appreciate the sensation of her husband's hands on her body and began to reciprocate.

"I see you're feeling better," Link mused.

"That's not all I'm feeling," Zelda said with a wicked grin.

Twenty minutes went by, and Kiwi was beginning to worry. What if both Master and Mistress had hurt themselves, but couldn't call for help for whatever reason? Why else would they be in the bathroom for so long? Another few minutes of gnashing anxiety passed before she finally let her curiosity get the better of her. She slowly turned the door handle and pushed it open ever so slightly. She heard sounds... not quite painful sounds, perhaps of physical exertion, but definitely not sounds she had ever heard human beings make before.

She got brave enough to take a peek, but made the mistake of making eye contact with Zelda.

Kiwi immediately slammed the door shut, hopefully preventing the flush of embarrassment on her face from showing any more.

What in Hylia's name are they doing in there?! And what was with that weird face Mistress was making?

Quite some time later, Zelda came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, clearly in better health and spirits than she had been going in. Link did the same shortly afterwards, and Kiwi couldn't help but look away as she was still trying to process exactly what she had seen and heard.

"Lesson number three," she heard Link say, commanding her attention.

"Umm... yes, Master?" she squeaked out as she forced herself to look him in the face.

"When two adults are behind a closed door..." Try as he might to be serious, he simply could not contain his laughter any longer, so Zelda finished the sentence for him: "Don't open it!"

"...Yes, Mistress."