Sirius was beside himself. Not long after Snape had waltzed in with the Wolfsbane, Remus had packed his things and left for his house, leaving Sirius alone except for the children. The rest of the Order were out being useful, and he wasn't even able to accompany his best friend and offer assistance and support during his transformation. Sirius had been feeling pretty good lately, but when he realized how much Snape's sly comments had negatively affected his mood he realized he had only been teetering on a precipice, ready to fall back into the depressive slump he had been in a few weeks ago. He could think of nothing to do so he went upstairs to lay down for a while.
To drift off to sleep, Sirius usually pictured Harry. Not just Harry, but a life in which he and Harry had a home together (not Grimmauld Place) where they were both safe and happy. This nearly always relaxed him enough that he could fall asleep. Today that worked, but half an hour later Sirius found himself somewhere between sleeping and waking; his body still tired and mostly asleep but his mind overactive and working double time, thinking about Snape and Remus and Snape going to care for Remus and Snape hexing Remus and leaving him helpless on the floor… his twisted black eyes and smirking mouth as he apparated away… now fully awake, Sirius felt such anger that he even scared himself. Anger at not being able to sleep, anger at giving Snape the power to wake him up, to control his thoughts. He tried to turn his thoughts back to that house where he and Harry would live. There would be a corner of the living room set aside just for his godson to study in. What kind of books should he keep there? And if Snape ever came to call, he could throw the books at his head… anger pierced him again.
After nearly three hours of hanging on the edge of sleep, rage coursing through him, Sirius got up. He was in a terrible mood. He felt groggy and strange; it was four in the afternoon. He was sweaty and clammy from lingering under the blankets and not really sleeping. He raged down the stairs, cursing Snape and worrying about Remus simultaneously. Fred and George were in the hallway, dangling something over the banister; when they saw him they began to hail him and then saw his face and stepped back to let him go by.
Hermione popped out of her and Ginny's room when she heard his footsteps. "Sirius, did you want us to make dinner tonight?" she asked softly; he brushed by her. "No, I'll do it. Are you hungry now?" he asked, continuing to walk away as he waited for her response. "I'm not, Ron has been complaining though, he sent me to ask." Sirius barked a laugh. "Come down in a half hour, I'll have something by then."
No one was in the kitchen. He had forgotten that the children were used to an odd meal schedule, since their eating habits had come to be based around the shift changes for guard duty. Supper wasn't until the midnight shift change; the house generally went to bed around one in the morning. Molly had said it would be easier for everyone if they did this, and therefore spared the hassle of crafting six meals per day. Since they ate at eight each morning though, by four Ron, Fred and George especially were usually getting very peckish.
Sirius made what was probably the worst meal he had ever cooked that night. He had gone for something simple, but had still managed to burn the bread and overcook the vegetables in the soup he had reheated from last night's dinner. The children were quiet, trying not to bother him as he stormed around like a thunder cloud. At first they had been boisterous as usual, but when Ron had complained that his broccoli was soggy Sirius had all but screamed "Eat it anyways! Then you won't be whinging that you're hungry by eleven tonight!" And that had shut them all up right and proper, he thought with relish.
There was that small part of him that knew he would regret his actions once he had calmed down and the moment had passed, but this was how he was once angered. Although that rational side tried to speak, the anger overpowered everything and he only felt pleasure in being even more awful. It wasn't until hours later that he knew remorse would set in.
The doorbell rang. The children froze; usually one of them would run up in front of him to see who it was and report, since they had been forbidden from opening it themselves by Arthur and Molly. "No takers today, eh?" he sneered, and that rational part of his brain told him he probably looked just like Snape. He could feel them exchanging looks behind his back as he went upstairs.
It was Nymphadora, but what she was doing here he wasn't sure; it was already five o'clock, and usually when she came for dinner it was right after guard duty, at four. "What do you want?" he said abruptly, not letting her in. "Excuse me?" she looked bright and happy, not at all what he needed to see right now. "I thought we were all welcome here at any time, for food or rest. My flat is being recarpeted right now, and I thought I'd stay here tonight, so I swung by after work to get my things." He hadn't seen a whole lot of Nymphadora or talked to her much; she had come to the meeting and for dinner a few times, but she mostly talked to Ginny while she ate and left right after. And her big smile and bright pink hair were not at all what Sirius wanted to deal with for the entire evening. He growled like a feral dog, knowing he had no choice, and opened the door the rest of the way to let her enter.
"Thanks Sirius!" she said happily, not picking up on his mood at all, and headed down to the kitchen, tripping down the last three stairs almost nonchalantly. He followed her and slapped some soup into a bowl. "We're having dinner." He slid the bowl down to where she had taken a seat, almost off the table and into her lap. She caught it, looked surprised at herself, sniffed the soup, looked around at the children and finally seemed to take in the mood.
"Sirius, can I have a word?" He rolled his eyes and traipsed over to the corner where Remus usually took him for a talking to, prepared to be threatened with Albus's presence, told to make better food, and possibly just sent up to his room for the evening. "Have you had a rough day?" The question caught Sirius entirely by surprise. He made real eye contact with Nymphadora for the first time ever, trying to see what she was playing at. "Because if you have, that's very understandable. I don't think I could be shut up in this awful place and not allowed to leave for so long, and have a bunch of children to care for too. I mean, I know we all have to do our bit, but I feel like your bit is much more difficult than what some of the others are doing. How about you go upstairs and get cleaned up? It looks like you haven't changed in a while. I'll stay down here with the kids."
Sirius was astounded. He had not expected anything of such wisdom from a woman who had only recently graduated Hogwarts and begun life in the world. He looked down at his clothes and realized he had not changed them in days; maybe he had not been doing as well as he'd thought. "Thanks," he said softly, and left the kitchen.
Sirius returned to the kitchen forty five minutes later, freshly showered and in a set of clean clothes. He felt much better already, and was already ashamed of his earlier behavior. When he entered the kitchen though, it was clear all was forgiven; all the children, looking far happier, were seated around the table waiting for him. Nymphadora was at one end of the table, and there was a big spread of food set and waiting. Ron looked a little apprehensive, but the others smiled when they saw him, and Sirius couldn't help smiling as well. As he passed behind Ron he put a hand on his shoulder; a further apology was needed but could wait until later.
"Thanks so much Nymphadora!" he actually felt enthusiastic for the first time that day. "It's Tonks, Sirius, how many times to I have to tell everyone that," she said, rolling her eyes. "But the twins did most of it honestly, I just helped. And Hermione made the spaghetti from scratch." He thanked them all and they sat down to eat; the food was delicious and everyone was in a better mood after. Sirius realized he'd never really given Tonks the time of day before this; sure, he had loved spending time with her mother, but he had been so involved with the house and Remus and wanting to be out doing other things that he hadn't spent any time getting to know the people who were right in front of him.
After supper was finished and cleared away, Ron, Hermione and Ginny went upstairs to play Exploding Snap. Fred and George requested to stay downstairs with Tonks and Sirius, and Sirius nearly denied them, thinking that they had seen the bottle of Firewhiskey that Tonks had pulled out of her bag upon her arrival and shoved in a cupboard. Tonks stopped him from sending the twins away though, and it turned out that they actually wanted to run their latest invention by him – the strings he had seen them holding earlier.
"They're called Extended Ears, at least that's what we're calling them right now. They – well actually, here, they're pretty self-explanatory," said Fred excitedly, handing a piece of string each to Tonks and Sirius. Up close the string was the same color as Sirius's skin, and it had an odd feeling to it that was also almost skin like. He traced the string back to Fred's pocket, and at the end of it was a large ear, also of the same color and material. As he watched, Fred dropped the ears on the floor and said "go!"
The enchanted ears disappeared up the stairs. "They find the closest sound to you first, if it's not right you just say "go" again and they find another set of sounds," George explained. "Now hold those strings to your ears." Sirius looked dubiously at Tonks; she looked just as puzzled. He shrugged at her and they both raised the strings to their ears. Clear as day, Sirius could hear Ron, Hermione and Ginny's voices, talking over the dealing of Exploding Snap cards – at least two thick floors and however many walls away from them. Startled, he looked again at Tonks, who also looked shocked, and then to Fred and George, who were grinning ear to ear.
The ears received rave reviews; Tonks suggested calling them "Extendable Ears" instead, since "they're not really always extended now, are they?" Sirius thought it might be splitting hairs, but the twins were enthusiastic. Sirius talked over price points with them and helped them work on a marketing plan for the ears, and after a few hours they hurried upstairs to continue work on their own, thanking Sirius and Tonks profusely as they went.
It was about eight o'clock when Tonks popped out the Firewhiskey. "We have a few hours before we need to cook for Molly and Arthur, let's try and get this finished up by then," she said, and that was when Sirius knew he would really enjoy the company of his cousin's daughter.
"So why were you in such a rage earlier, Sirius?" Tonks asked after a few drinks. She wasn't prodding, Sirius realized, just genuinely concerned. "Remus transforms tonight, and I wasn't allowed to go with him. Snape is supposed to go check on him tomorrow morning instead. It shouldn't bother me like it does, but there you are. I think it bothers me more because right now Remus and this house are literally my entire world, and so by default Remus is the only thing in the world that I don't hate with a passion," he said.
Tonks studied him carefully. "That's very valid," she said slowly, "but you have to remember that there actually are other things in your world, Sirius; you've just been ignoring them. You've made no attempt to get to know me better, or Molly or Arthur, or anyone really except Fred and George; and they approached you because of the business. Once they did though, you realized how much you enjoyed spending time with them. If I'm not mistaken, I'll bet your years in prison and then on the run have taught you to trust no one. Remus is the only person who's proved beyond a doubt that he is worthy of your trust, so you invest only in him. I know I'm a lot younger than you, and I've seen a fraction of the horror that you have, but I implore you, Sirius, get to know us all better and you'll find there are people who are very worth knowing – and trusting."
Sirius couldn't remember the last time he had been teary eyed, but he certainly was after Tonks finished speaking. He couldn't quite find words within him to answer her, but he stood up from his chair and gave her a giant hug before sitting back down to finish out the bottle of Firewhiskey and get to know the only decent blood relative he had a little better. And once the midnight meal was made and everyone was there to eat it, Sirius sat down with them and participated the best he could, asking Molly and Arthur how their guard shifts had gone (to their great surprise) and telling them how Tonks had helped cook supper.
Sirius led Tonks to a room on the second floor, next to Remus's. She smiled when she saw how clean it was. "You really are doing a splendid job here, Sirius!" He grinned at her, said "see you in the morning," and then realized he hadn't thought of Remus – or Snape, for that matter – in quite a few hours. As he climbed the stairs to his own room a comforting thought dawned upon him. No matter if something had gone wrong with the transformation or not, it was absolutely out of his hands. Maybe he ought to stop trying to control things he had no power over, he thought idly, as he entered his room, changed into pyjamas, and fell into bed and right into a restful sleep that was entirely devoid of demons.