Severus had never quite enjoyed going to the Dark Lord's meetings, even when he was a devoted follower. Since his one-time master's return to power, though, he had begun to positively dread them. The risk of bodily harm and amount of salacious words were bad enough, but now that Severus was a double agent he also had to practice legilimency before and during each meeting, and he also had to relay important happenings at once to the Headmaster and everything at a later date to the Order, as well. And he was sure most members of the Order hated him. Not Molly and Arthur; he had long come to the conclusion that there was no one in the world they truly hated. But the others, most definitely, except maybe for Remus Lupin.
He was at Grimmauld Place prior to an evening meeting that the Dark Lord had called. He almost always tried to be at Spinner's End before meetings, so that he could have some quiet time to prepare his mind before going to Lucius's manor. But tonight he had been on guard duty until four o'clock, and Albus had requested he stop by Headquarters to fill Tonks in on a potion that she needed brewed for a mission. Albus had forbade Tonks from telling Severus what the mission was; he liked to keep work separate and private until it was complete, which frustrated and angered Severus to no end. The meeting was at five, and the Order was to meet directly afterwards so that Severus could relay the latest news. Of all the members of the Order, he alone seemed to be the only one who was not allowed to keep secrets.
Severus had found Tonks in the kitchen, and attempted to pull her away from a conversation she was having with Black, but of course Black had nothing but time and decided to be infuriating and prolong their conversation. Tonks finally politely told Black they could finish another time – they were literally planning which rooms to clean next, which could be done at any time in the coming days – and talked with Severus about ingredients needed for the potion and how she could obtain them. He had to hand it to her, she must have still been scared of him from her school days but she was calm and professional during their talk, and as a result he found himself being almost human to her as well. She was willing to go after ingredients that he did not have, which would save him valuable time.
Once they finished, Severus checked the time. It was just past four thirty; he grimaced. Glancing around the kitchen, he saw that Lupin had come down at some point during his meeting with Tonks. Lupin smiled and waved when Severus made eye contact; Severus grimaced and went to stand next to him. "I don't suppose there might be somewhere quiet that I could have a few moments to myself, Lupin?" The man gave him a curious look, his brown and grey hair flopping into his eyes, but didn't ask any questions. "Why don't you just use my bedroom? It's the only place I can think of where children and dark creatures both don't usually intrude, for fear of my teeth and claws." Severus nearly smiled, instead schooling his expression and nodding his gratitude. He followed Lupin to the first floor; he had never been up here before. Lupin's room was large but very bare, with just a bed and wardrobe that Severus had no doubt was mostly empty. Severus conjured a chair in the corner of the room and made to sit before realizing that Lupin was still standing there, regarding him oddly.
"What?" he said, perhaps with more venom than he intended in his voice. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this for us, Severus," Lupin said quietly. "I hope you realize that most of the Order do recognize the sacrifices that you are making." Severus just stared at him, black eyes unfathomable, and then said "I'm not sure most of them do, but maybe you do," he conceded. "Please leave me now, I have little time." Lupin smiled, but his eyes were sad as he left the room.
Severus descended a few minutes later and slipped out of the house, thankfully running into no one. He could only imagine the dramatic scandal that would ensue if Black found him coming out of Lupin's private quarters. He apparated to Malfoy Manor and strode up the path to the imposing wrought iron gates.
The Dark Lord was not yet in the dining room where they met; Severus took his newly appointed seat and waited. Lucius and Narcissa came in and sat; Severus wondered where their boy was. He hardly imagined that they were keeping Draco in the same house where the Dark Lord was laying low, but then Lucius did surprise him sometimes.
It was five minutes after five o'clock when their master entered the room; Severus was slightly surprised that it wasn't later than that. Sometimes he kept his followers waiting for hours, just to see who was the most devoted. No doubt he had appointed someone in the room to make a list of exactly when everyone arrived; Severus made a point to always be fifteen minutes early. He thought of the perfect attendance record that must exist for him somewhere and let himself smile internally.
"Harry Potter is no longer at his relatives' house," the Dark Lord said as soon as he had sat down; his scarlet eyes moved immediately to Severus, who felt his heart drop and his skin grow clammy, but he kept his expression blank. "I was not aware, my lord" - the Dark Lord interrupted him. "I do not care if you were or not, Severus, the point is that it is your job to ensure you are aware, otherwise what good are you to me?" His tone was calm but Severus knew he was in trouble. He bowed his head and stayed quiet. He felt his master's presence in his mind and concentrated on what he wanted seen; a bit of memory where Albus had told him "Harry's moving date has not been decided, Severus; you will not be part of the Advance Guard, so don't bother yourself." He locked away the memories of the last Order meeting in the deepest corners of his mind. After a moment the Dark Lord withdrew.
"We are at a stage where we can begin to plan the extraction of our comrades from Azkaban," he proclaimed, and there was a faint stirring around the table. "Lucius, you will assist me in the beginning stages of this plan. Avery, you as well." Lucius looked openly terrified but nodded; after all he had no choice. Severus was faintly reminded of the way Albus delegated tasks and decided who was to know what information. "We are most definitely many months away from a successful operation, but I feel we can begin to move forward."
There were a few more updates; Crabbe had been in touch with McNair, who was parlaying with the giants, contested by Hagrid and Maxime. The Dark Lord was displeased to hear that Albus was vying for the giants' allegiance. "Severus?" he asked, but Severus only shook his head. "Dumbledore keeps many plans to himself, my lord. Within the Order we are given certain tasks, and only told what others have accomplished if we must know for a reason." The Dark Lord did not question him further, but Severus knew that his rank was dropping fast. If he kept his up he would be asked to change seats before the meeting was even over.
"Finally, our last order of business; what is the current status of the Department of Mysteries?" His eyes bored into Severus. Finally, an answerable question. "He keeps it guarded around the clock, master. I have several shifts each week, if you need a time when it is safe to enter." He sensed the Dark Lord was slightly mollified by this, but did not take up the offer. "No, then Dumbledore would never give you any other information. We shall plan a mission for a time when there is someone on duty who is easy to bypass. I will need the guard schedule by late August, Severus. These things must be spread out, in case anyone is watching… something small, here and there… no one will guess that anything greater is at stake. I will plan it for early September. That is all. You may go… Severus, come with me."
Severus had known there was a good chance this was coming, but had hoped that maybe the Dark Lord wouldn't be in the mood. He was always in the mood. He followed his master through the great double doors that led to the sitting room, and knew that behind his back everyone in the dining room would either be exiting hastily to avoid being involved themselves, or lingering to see what might happen to him.
"Close the doors, Severus." His master stood facing the wall of windows that looked out into the rose garden, his back to Severus. Obeying with alacrity, Severus stepped forward into the middle of the room. He knew it would do no good to show fear. "I can understand a certain amount of ignorance on your part, Severus. After all, Albus is far more secretive than I. But part of your role is not only to function as a regular member of the Order of the Phoenix; it is to infiltrate it, to find out information that even its members do not know. You spend much time in Dumbledore's pocket. You certainly should have been able to ascertain when Potter was being moved. Because of your failure, I have missed a valuable opportunity to find the boy unguarded before having to move out into the open. Because of your failure, I appear as a laughingstock to the rest of the Death Eaters, and to our comrades that still reside in Azkaban. Harry Potter, moving alone and virtually without protection, and I never even knew." He paused and turned to face Severus.
I hate to punish you Severus. I truly do. But I must be fair, and I would punish the others for far less. Severus met his eyes and read the raw cruelty there, knowing his master told only lies. He loved to hurt, to maim, to cause pain; he especially loved to see Severus, who hid his emotions so well, be forced to let his walls down. He resolved to give the Dark Lord as little satisfaction as possible.
The first cruciatus curse was never the worst. Severus had a theory that the worst hit between numbers four and five, when his veins were already vibrating and sore from the previous rounds, his face on fire, his nerves shrieking. He lost count but he thought the Dark Lord stopped at seven. He was fairly sure he had not made any noise, and maybe that was what made his master take the final step that he had not taken before with Severus. "Maybe a little something extra, to drive the lesson home…"
He stepped forward, and Severus was proud that he had also remained on his feet for this long. With the speed of a striking snake, the Dark Lord grabbed his right hand and made a slashing movement with his wand, and then repeated the action with his left hand. Severus made a point not to look but could feel where the skin and muscle was rent to the bone by whatever his master had done. The Dark Lord stepped back. "Bid me farewell, Severus, and remove yourself… run to Dumbledore… maybe he will reward your pain with some information that can benefit me. When you are back on your feet – and that will take a while – come to me with something useful. I want to see you again before the next meeting."
Severus dropped to his knees, careful not to use his hands, kissed the hem of the Dark Lord's robes, and then regained his feet and withdrew, careful not to flee. There was a problem when he reached the doors, as his hands were incapable of grasping; he could only assume that the spell had been designed to sever the nerves that controlled his hands. He could feel hot blood running down both hands now, and thought about how to move his arms at the elbow to enfold his hands in his billowing black robes. With wandless magic he spelled the doors open, swept through the dining room, unsurprised to see about half of the Death Eaters still gathered there, listening carefully, and exited the manor. He wondered vaguely if he had left a trail of blood. All he needed was to get out before the pain became too much.
Halfway to the gates he heard running footsteps behind him. It was Lucius. "Are you alright, my friend?" he called, out of breath. "Fine," Severus bit out. "I need to leave before it's too late. I will contact you later. I'll get to the Hogwarts healer, I'll be fine." He knew Lucius really did care, but he could not stop now. He had reached the gates; Lucius opened them for him. "Thank you," he said, and then gathered every last bit of physical and mental energy that he had and apparated to Grimmauld Place, hoping that Albus was already there.