AN: Here we are, another chapter here.
If you missed the last chapter, because this is the second today, don't forget to go and read it!
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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When Carol woke, she felt safe and secure in a way that she didn't normally feel. She drifted slowly into consciousness. The first thing she became aware of was the fact that her bladder, although it wasn't screaming at her that she was on the verge of an embarrassing accident, was letting her know that she should plan a future trip to the bathroom at her earliest convenience. The second thing she became aware of was the fact that, while she rested on her side, an arm looped over her and tucked around her, catching her just above her belly and below her breasts.
In his sleep, it seemed, Daryl had found her and pulled her to him like a pillow or a teddy bear. He slept soundly. She could hear the sound of him breathing—the noise he was making just short of a snore—as he snuggled tight against her.
It was then that Carol became aware of the third thing she felt. Her face ran warm as she realized, slowly, what she was feeling. Daryl was almost flush against her and he was suffering from what Carol knew to be a normally occurring phenomenon for men. She would have to move eventually, though, to appease her bladder, and she was certain that Daryl would be horrified to know that his erection had been pressing into her back while he slept.
Daryl was no stranger to erections, and that much Carol knew was true, but it appeared that he must simply be a man who was sensitive to his surroundings and prone to becoming easily—and unintentionally—aroused. She'd noticed his arousal quite a few times in the time she'd spent being close to him since she'd met him. They seemed to be something that just happened to him no matter the time nor the circumstances.
He also seemed somewhat embarrassed by them. Sometimes, Carol had to admit to herself that she might not have noticed that Daryl was suffering with some seemingly unwanted bodily response if he hadn't gone through some efforts to try and hide the fact that he'd become aroused by something.
Of course, Carol could understand that he'd be embarrassed if his erections didn't indicate true arousal and, instead, simply came from some kind of sensitivity. He wouldn't want to give the wrong idea, especially if he were in the presence of something—or someone—toward which he felt very little actual attraction.
Daryl had tried to hide his arousal numerous times in Carol's presence. The night before, even, Carol had noticed that Daryl had been aroused. It had been impossible to hide his condition, but he'd done his best to keep her from noticing. As a courtesy to him, and in an effort to save him any embarrassment that he had no reason to feel, Carol hadn't drawn attention to his condition. After all, she had no idea what it would be like if she were unable to hide the fact that she was aroused whenever such an occurrence took place.
Even at the moment, and even though she had no right to feel the way she did, she could feel an ache between her legs as her body woke up and took full notice of Daryl's arousal. Her body responded to his arousal by preparing itself—foolishly and without reason—for sex.
Carol hardly wanted anything more than she wanted to wake Daryl and invite him to relieve himself. She wanted to feel him inside of her. She wanted to make him feel good. She knew that she wasn't very good at sex, and that she didn't possess whatever skills there were that most other women seemed to naturally possess, but she wanted to offer her body to Daryl to use as he pleased.
She understood that his arousal wasn't truly directed toward her. She understood that he couldn't help what happened while he was sleeping. She also understood that his need to hide his arousal so entirely was probably because he didn't want her getting the wrong idea and having some expectation of him.
Still, she would have gladly offered—even knowing that—to let him find some relief in her.
It had been some time since the outbreak had first started, and Carol knew that Daryl had been without a woman's attentions since then. Even though his need was probably purely physical, she would have gladly met it. It would only make it more difficult, she was sure, to see him move on—when he finally did—but she would at least enjoy it while it lasted.
She would gladly take whatever he was willing to give her of himself, even if she was just a stand-in until something better came along.
She'd heard of friends with benefits, but she didn't know exactly how people got into such a situation. She wasn't sure she was bold enough to suggest such a thing. She wasn't sure that she was strong enough, either, to gracefully take the rejection if Daryl was horrified by such a proposal.
And she was afraid of losing him as a friend. She was terrified of losing him entirely.
It would hurt to see him with someone else, but at least she would see him.
The ache between Carol's legs slowly migrated to her chest until she couldn't breathe. It was her need to move around and hopefully get oxygen that drove her from the bed. For once, her bladder hadn't won the fight.
Carol did her best to ease out from under Daryl's arm. Once she started moving it, though, to escape, it started to wake Daryl. As he woke, he moved, and in his movement, he rolled onto his back. He made a few sounds of coming into consciousness.
Carol couldn't bear to look at him at that moment, so she kept her back to him. She got up as quickly as she could and went to the bathroom. Daryl said something to her—he mumbled something she couldn't or wouldn't make out—but she didn't respond. Carol closed the bathroom door behind her and then stood there, in the dark bathroom, for a moment before she even switched on the light.
When she finally switched on the light, she took in the reality of her reflection.
Her hair was a mess. It was beginning to grow and it was just gaining enough length that it started to be flattened here or there and to stick out at odd angles.
Her face was puffy from sleep and her eyes were a little purple—evidence that she either wasn't sleeping enough, hadn't caught up on all the sleep she'd missed over the last while, or wasn't sleeping as well as she wanted to be sleeping.
The nightgown she wore was comfortable and soft. It was a little low cut and a little shorter than she would have probably chosen for herself. It had been a gift from Andrea and it was a great deal more suited to the blonde—and not only because Carol was carrying a baby that was a great deal larger than the practically microscopic fetus that Andrea carried. Even before she'd gotten pregnant, Carol wouldn't have been fit for this gown.
Ed had always told her that she was fat and, worse than that, oddly proportioned. No matter how much weight she lost through diets and practically self-imposed starvation, she was still fat. He would point it out to her. He would pinch, poke, and pull at her fat. She was lumpy and bumpy and she'd never have a flat belly or abs. She was soft around the middle even before she'd gotten pregnant for the very first time, and pregnancy had only made that worse and streaked her belly with stretchmarks. She always had love handles, too, that she could never get rid of and her thighs were too large and dimpled with cellulite.
And now, on top of everything that had been there before, she was pregnant again.
Some women were beautiful when they were pregnant. Their bellies were perfect and round. They made pregnancy look amazing. Their breasts were perky and perfect.
Carol's belly was currently somewhat lopsided—thanks to the baby's apparent decision to take a position leaning against one side of her belly. Her breasts were heavy and drooped instead of standing at attention—and she would only become less attractive as the next twelve weeks marched on.
Suddenly, Carol wanted to cry more than she could recall wanting to cry in the last little while.
She turned on the water and took down her towel from the rack where it hung. She used the towel to muffle her sobs, but she allowed herself to indulge in the tears that she felt. She was sure she'd drown if she didn't get them out. She couldn't breathe for all the room they took up within her body, so they couldn't stay there.
Carol was unsure how long she sobbed into the towel, but she did her best to draw things to a close as quickly as possible. She didn't want to waste the running water, and she didn't know what Daryl might be doing outside the bathroom. There were other bathrooms that he could use if he needed to relieve himself, but she didn't want him worrying about her if he was outside the bathroom and wondering what was taking her so long.
Carol pulled herself together, blew her nose, emptied her bladder, and then she washed her face and hands and brushed her teeth before she used some of the water to try to convince her hair to look a little less matted on the side where her face had spent much of the night pressed into the pillow.
Finally, she dried her face and stared at her reflection again.
Water could only do so much. It wasn't some sort of magic elixir. Her eyes were slightly pink from the crying, and her nose was slightly red from the blowing, but she felt better, at least.
Carol sighed.
Daryl would probably never find her attractive. She may even discover that it was the case that Ed was right—no man would ever really find her attractive and she could never do better than him, who had claimed to have taken pity on her. Maybe, when Daryl moved on from this and found someone to truly have a relationship with, she'd simply be alone.
At least she'd have friends, though, and she'd have her daughter—if she could manage to get her here safely and keep her safe.
She could do without a man if she had to, and, even though it would be difficult for her to see it, she'd be happy for Daryl if he did find someone to love. He'd been in love before, after all. He'd said so himself. Daryl was the kindest man that Carol had ever known. Carol didn't know what had happened, but if the woman he'd loved had known his feelings, she'd have been a fool not reciprocate them. Of course, Carol didn't know if there was some underlying tragedy that he had never shared with her surrounding the absence of that woman in his life now. At any rate, she hoped he found love again. He certainly deserved it.
He deserved happiness in the meantime, too, though. And he deserved the simple comforts that a man needed. He deserved the simple, animal comforts that a man needed.
And she would welcome any comfort that she could draw from providing them.
Carol gathered up her courage to emerge from the room and offer herself over to him. She gathered up her courage to be able to tell him that she understood what a paltry offering she was really making. She gathered up her strength to withstand the rejection if he felt that she was even too disappointing for something as simply as a little relief from natural urges and instincts.
And then she stepped out of the bathroom.
Daryl had clearly chosen to go to the bathroom in the other part of the house. There would have been no other reason for him to have put on the pants that he was now wearing. He sat on her side of the bed, facing the bathroom door, with his hands folded in his lap. His hair, like her own before she'd wet it down, was matted on one side and stuck out at odd angles elsewhere.
He frowned at her.
"You OK?" He asked.
"I had to—pee," Carol said.
"That was the longest piss in history," Daryl commented.
Carol laughed to herself.
"And I washed my face," Carol said. "And brushed my teeth, and fixed my hair and…"
"And you was upset," Daryl offered. Carol must have made a face to give away the surprise she felt that was followed by the sinking feeling. "Them walls ain't as thick as any of us would want 'em to be."
"Hormones," Carol offered.
"Yeah," Daryl said. "I reckon so." He didn't sound convinced. "Listen—about—this mornin'. I'm…hell…I'm sorry about…ya know…but it just kinda got away from me. I swear I ain't meant to…to…hell, it just got away from me."
"I know you didn't mean it," Carol said. "I wanted to tell you, though—and this is up to you and I'm sorry if…if you'd rather I hadn't said anything—that…as long as we're being married for show. For Merle and Andrea and for settling into this place. And until it's time to, you know, dissolve this for something else…I know that there are certain things that—that people need. Just normal things they…sometimes need. And I know that you're a man and you have needs and…even if you wanted to say it was practice…"
She nearly choked, but the word made her laugh a little. It broke the tension, for just a second, that was tying everything up inside of her.
Daryl was staring at her, brow furrowed and mouth partially open, but he still hadn't said anything. She wasn't allowing him time to say anything and, maybe, she hadn't been fully clear just yet.
"What I'm trying to say is that—if you wanted to, and you don't have to say you do if you don't, I could help you take care of that. I would be—more than willing to do that for you. With you."
Daryl stared at her, mouth open.
"If you want…" Carol added again, hoping to let him know that she didn't want him to feel pressured into anything. She wanted him to feel like the offer was casual. She didn't want him to know how desperately she really wanted something far greater than that which she was offering.
She was willing to settle, after all, for anything he wanted.
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AN: I usually try not to post a second chapter of a fic on the same day as I posted the first and, I'll be entirely honest, it's because people don't review both chapters if you do.
I wrote this one, though, and I wanted to share it. I will be that person, though, and ask you review both chapters if you enjoyed both. (My apologies to those readers who dislike when authors ask for you to review. I'm only requesting reviews if you enjoyed what you read. If you didn't, feel free to ignore me entirely.) I won't sugarcoat things. I'll be entirely honest. Work doesn't always provide a lot of thanks or appreciation. Sometimes this is the only place I find any of it, and it's been a very long week. So, if you liked what you read, I'd appreciate knowing. Have a great day!