Troubling though it was, Hermione did her best to forget about the note. She already had enough to worry about, physically and emotionally drained as she struggled with her pregnancy.
Despite the potion, she still felt queasy during meals, her stomach roiling whenever she caught a whiff of cooked meat. She'd started avoiding the Great Hall, surviving on tea and dry toast whenever she could choke it down.
To make matters worse, she was exhausted. It was all she could do just to drag herself out of bed each morning, nights plagued by bad dreams and bouts of insomnia. Days weren't much better, her moods fluctuating so rapidly she could hardly keep up. Even her appearance…
She'd noticed it when she'd gotten out of the shower that morning, her eyes filling with tears as she ran a hand over her stomach. The curve was so slight it was barely detectable, but how long could that last? Another few weeks… two or three months…
It was only going to get worse. She knew that, cringing whenever she imagined what she'd look like that summer. Huge, distended belly, swollen and miserable as she awaited her due date in September…
Not just September. Mid-September. What a way to celebrate her 20th birthday, her body forced to deliver a surprise she'd never asked for and certainly didn't want.
"When the potion is ready, you can put an end to this situation if that is what you wish."
Just two weeks… two more weeks and she'd have another alternative. Unfortunately, she couldn't take it without paying a heavy price.
IF YOU DON'T COME HOME AND WORK THIS OUT, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. NEVER!
She couldn't work it out. Not the way Ron would've preferred. She couldn't marry him, couldn't live at the Burrow, couldn't give him the big, happy family he obviously wanted. But to lose him as a friend after everything they'd been through? Just the thought of it broke her heart.
That was the real choice she was making. It wasn't just ending an unwanted pregnancy – she'd be terminating her friendship with Ron, too. Not only him, but the rest of the Weasleys, people she'd loved since she was a child. Even Harry…
She knew Harry wouldn't judge her. He wouldn't freeze her out like the others would. Still, how much of a friendship could she hope to have with him if his best friend and girlfriend both hated her, if she wasn't even welcome in their home?
It was terribly unfair. Deep down, she knew that. But it was also the reality of her situation, one she couldn't escape much longer.
Hey 'Mione. Just wanted to check and see how you're doing.
Hermione shook her head, sighing heavily as she retrieved her quill and parchment.
I'm fine, Ron, though I would've been better if you and your mum hadn't sent that Howler.
Look, I'm sorry, he wrote back. I was upset, okay?
How do you think I felt? I'd just received the most shocking news of my life and you couldn't even give me a minute to process it. Shouting at me, telling me what to do, not caring how I felt? You were a prat, Ron.
You're right, he responded. I should've given you time to get used to the idea before I jumped on you like that. I was just excited, you know?
Excited? Hermione rolled her eyes, taking a sip of nausea potion as she penned her reply.
I needed time. I still need time. I'm trying to focus on school, which isn't easy with the way I've been feeling lately. I don't have the time or energy to worry about anything else.
Yeah, he wrote back. I'm sure it'll be easier when you're done with that. Anyway, it's only a few more months, right?
The last thing Hermione wanted to do was start another fight. Then again, she didn't want to give him false hope either. That would just lead to bigger problems later on.
Ron, I said I didn't want to get married and I meant it. That isn't going to change just because I'm not at Hogwarts anymore.
His response was annoyingly cheerful, proof that he still didn't get it.
Well, you're not really that pregnant yet. We'll see how you feel this summer, yeah?
Not that pregnant? She glared at the parchment, tempted to set it on fire as she read the next few lines.
Mum says it'll be different once the reality sets in. For now, she told me to be patient, try not to upset you or stress you out too much. It's not good for the baby.
Bad for the baby? What about Hermione herself?
It was infuriating, the way her own needs and feelings had ceased to matter. They'd clearly decided she was in denial, assuming she'd come around when she realized she had no other choice.
Ron, you and your mom don't own me. I get to decide what's best for myself, and as I said, I don't want to get married. I don't even want to be pregnant, and you know what? I don't have to be. There's a potion…
Hermione shook her head, vanishing the unfinished letter with a flick of her wand. No, they already had too much influence over her decision. She deserved the chance to make up her mind without further interference.
Speaking of stress, she wrote instead, could you tell your sister to lay off? She's been a real pain lately.
Yeah, well, you know how she gets. She was pretty mad when you took off the way you did.
Mad? She's got no right to be mad. This has nothing to do with… Hermione sighed, scratching out what she'd written. Just tell her to stop, okay? I'd prefer it if she didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy either.
Oh, she won't. Mum told her to keep it to herself until we're married or at least have a wedding date. Less of a scandal that way.
Scandal? Were they living in the bloody 19th century?
Mum says your robes should be enough to hide it for the next couple months. It'll be a lot more obvious in May and June, but even then, there's a glamour you can use. Just point your wand at your stomach and…
Stuffing the letter in her trunk, Hermione ducked into the bathroom. She lifted her jumper, turning this way and that as she inspected her stomach. That tiny swell… was it her imagination, or was it slightly bigger than it had been a few days ago?
Disturbing, though she didn't have time to dwell on it. She summoned her school robes, resisting the urge to cry as she headed off to Potions.
"Over the next couple weeks, you will learn how to brew Veritaserum. You'll also learn the antidote, which is far more complex. To begin with…"
Severus paced in front of the class, making a point to stare at several other students before he allowed himself to look at Hermione. As usual, he had her full attention, eyes fixed on him as he finished his instructions. She followed them flawlessly, her focus never wavering as she chopped and stirred.
Despite that, he knew something was wrong. The slump of her shoulders, those dark circles under her eyes… was the pregnancy itself taking a toll on her? Or was it more than that, her impending decision troubling her in ways he couldn't begin to understand?
It seemed so simple from his perspective. If she didn't want to have a child, she shouldn't have one. End of story. But he couldn't pretend he knew what it was like to be in her situation either, all the more so when he considered her relationship with the Weasleys.
There was a deep attachment between them. He understood that much. What he couldn't comprehend was this ridiculous idea that she owed them something, that their feelings should take precedence over hers.
Why? Why did they feel so entitled? Why were they willing to demand so much, insisting that she sacrifice her entire future to become like them? Didn't they realize that she'd be miserable if she did what they wanted? Or did they just not care?
All of this put Severus in a difficult position. On one hand, he didn't want to influence her decision. On the other? He couldn't allow the Weasleys to do so either. That was his biggest fear, the idea that they might wear her down until she felt obligated to give in.
If she decided she wanted the child? That was another story. Granted, it wouldn't be his preferred outcome, but he could live with it. What he couldn't stomach was the idea of her doing it against her will, all for the sake of a bunch of selfish, ungrateful…
Severus lost his train of thought, realizing he was glaring daggers at Ginevra Weasley. She was frowning as she peered into her cauldron, the contents having turned a murky shade of brown.
"Pathetic," he said, his voice dripping with contempt. "Miss Weasley, did I not instruct you to stir clockwise 14 times?"
"I did!"
"No, you stirred counterclockwise. 20 points from Gryffindor."
"20 points?! It was an honest mistake!"
"Honest? Then why did you lie about it?"
Ginevra stammered, her face turning red. "I… I didn't lie, I just…"
"Another lie, which has just earned you detention. Would you like to continue?"
She shook her head, arms folded over her chest.
"Very well," he said. "Report to my office next Tuesday. 8 PM."
He glanced at Hermione, afraid he'd been too harsh. To his surprise, her lips were twitching, dark eyes dancing with amusement. A good sign, perhaps? If she was still angry with Ginevra, with all the Weasleys…
The truth was, he didn't know how she was feeling. Their encounters had been brief – a hasty kiss stolen after class, a quick embrace in a deserted corridor. They hadn't had time for a real conversation in weeks, not since that night in his private lab.
"Miss Granger?"
Her eyes connected with his, sending a pleasant jolt through his body.
"Sir?"
"I wish to discuss… your most recent essay. See me after class."
She stood aside as the other students filed out, lingering in the back of the classroom. Finally, he shut the door, taking a second to ward it before he closed the distance between them.
"Are you all right?"
"No," she said. "I feel like rubbish."
"Do you need more potion?"
"Yes, but it isn't just that. This whole thing…" She scowled, gesturing at her stomach. "It's awful. I'm tired, I'm sore, I can't eat or sleep, my moods are all over the place, and I… I hate it."
"The abortifacient will be ready in a week," he said. "If you can make it until then…"
Several emotions flitted across her face, eagerness gradually giving way to trepidation.
"I still haven't decided."
"If you don't wish to be pregnant…"
"It isn't that simple."
He wanted to argue, though the look on her face made it clear that this wasn't the time. Instead, he drew her into his arms, her body sagging against his as she pressed her face into his shoulder. Her sniffles were muffled, but they tore at his heart, making him wonder why it hurt him so much to hear her cry. No one else's tears had ever affected him that way, not even…
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said quietly. "I just wish there was something I could do."
"You're already doing it. Seriously, this helps."
"Good."
"When is your next class?" she said, sounding a little more composed.
"10 minutes."
"Right. I'd better go."
"Saturday."
"What?"
"Saturday," he repeated. "Detention in my office, 9 AM?"
She pulled back to stare at him, eyes wide. "What did I do?"
"Not a real detention, I assure you. Just a convenient excuse."
"No disemboweling bats, then?"
He smirked. "I'm saving that particular task for Miss Weasley."
Hermione laughed, pulling out of his arms as she swung her bag over her shoulder. "Good," she said. "Make her do a bunch of them."
"25?"
"How about 50?"
He nodded. "I'll see what I can do."
Hermione felt better as she left the Potions classroom, though she wasn't prepared for what happened next. Ginny was waiting outside, glancing from her to the door and back again.
"What was that about?"
"Nothing. I mean, he was giving me detention."
"For your essay?" Ginny frowned. "What was wrong with it?"
Hermione hesitated, bewildered by her newfound friendliness. "I don't know, I… I guess he's just in a mood today."
"Tell me about it." Ginny rolled her eyes. "Can you believe what he said to me in class?"
"Yeah, that was…" She trailed off, glancing pointedly at her watch. "Sorry to cut this short, but I've got to get to Transfigur…"
"Hermione?"
She stopped in her tracks, glancing back over her shoulder.
"Look, I know I've been a rubbish friend lately. I'm sorry, I just…"
"You don't have to explain."
"No, I want to. Do you think we could talk?"
"I'm going to be late."
"Not right now," Ginny said hastily. "Later tonight, maybe?"
Ginny was nothing if not persistent. Hermione found her waiting in the common room that evening, her expression friendly, almost eager as she gestured at the seat beside her.
"Right now? I'm a bit tired."
"Don't worry," Ginny said cheerfully. "This won't take long."
Suppressing a sigh, Hermione dropped onto the couch. She cast a Muffliato, though really, there was no need for it. Most of the students had long since retired, the room empty aside from a pair of fifth years who were thoroughly engrossed in a game of Exploding Snaps.
Being in the common room was strange, to say the least. Hermione couldn't help picturing Harry sitting beside her, both of them laughing at one of Ron's silly jokes. Had that only been a few years ago? It seemed like another lifetime, all three of them convinced that nothing could ever come between them.
"Hey, you okay?"
She blinked, returning her attention to Ginny. "Yeah, why?"
"You had a weird look on your face. Almost like you were in pain."
"Yeah, well, things haven't been easy lately."
"That's why I wanted to talk," Ginny said. "I wanted to apologize, you know, for the way I've been treating you."
"It's fine."
"No, it isn't. I've been a total prat."
She couldn't bring herself to disagree, saying nothing as she waited for Ginny to continue.
"I should've been more sympathetic, should've thought about what it would feel like if it happened to me. I'm sure I'd be confused, scared… I'd have no idea what to do."
Hermione nodded. "It's a lot to take in."
"I know, and I really am sorry for not seeing that. I don't know how to explain, I just…"
"It's all right," Hermione said, glancing at the staircase that led up to the dormitory. "Really, it's fine. Let's just forgive and move on."
"That's what I want, too. I mean, we're family now, right?"
Family. That one word triggered something in Hermione, her stomach twisting in a way that had nothing to do with morning sickness. She'd wanted to end this conversation without any conflict, but the Howler, those dirty looks, that awful note… she was sick of keeping her mouth shut.
"Family," she repeated. "Because of the baby?"
Ginny nodded, her obvious excitement grating on Hermione's nerves.
"And what about Harry? Is he family? Your mum treats him like an adopted son."
"Well, of course she does. He's always been…"
"He's always been family," Hermione interrupted, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "I'm not family unless there's a baby involved."
"What?" Ginny's eyes widened. "I never said that!"
"You didn't have to."
"What's your problem? You're jealous of Harry?"
"Jealous?" Hermione said. "No, I'm just pointing out the unfairness of it all. Harry doesn't have to do anything to be accepted. Me? I'm frozen out unless I play by the rules, marry Ron, and have his babies."
With that, Ginny changed tactics. She took a deep breath, shifting back to the friendly tone she'd used earlier.
"I know you feel that way now," she said quietly. "You're still scared, I can see that. Mum said you might need a little more time…"
"Your mom can bugger off! I don't want this baby!"
"Hermione…"
"I didn't want it when I found out, I don't want it now, and I'm not going to want it in three months, or six months, or…"
"You're pregnant, Hermione," Ginny interrupted. "In six months, you'll be giving birth."
"6 1/2."
"Whatever. The point is, this is happening whether you want it or not. You're going to have a baby – might as well get used to the idea."
"You really believe that's the only option?" Hermione said.
"Of course. I mean, it's not like you can use a Time Turner."
Ginny didn't know about the abortifacient. Of course she didn't, and why would she? It obviously wasn't taught in school, nor could Hermione imagine Molly passing such knowledge along.
"I'm not talking about that. What I mean is…"
She trailed off, reminding herself that it wasn't a good idea to mention the potion. Even if the Weasleys didn't try to interfere, which hardly seemed likely, there were other factors to consider. How would she explain where she'd gotten the potion when she was stuck here at Hogwarts? How, when that potion had never been mentioned in any of her textbooks?
Stuck at Hogwarts… with a Potions Master.
Would they make that connection? It seemed so obvious… too obvious to take the risk.
"I do have options," she finally said, "I don't have to get married, and I don't have to live at the Burrow. I know that's what all of you expect, but it isn't what I want."
"Maybe after school lets out…"
"Gin, I'm not marrying Ron."
"But he loves you. He'd take good care of you and the baby."
"He doesn't even know how to take care of himself."
"That's not true," Ginny said, sounding peevish. "Even if it was, you'd still have Mum and the rest of us to help out. Why can't you just…"
"I can't marry someone I don't love."
"You don't love him?"
Hermione shook her head. "Not that way."
"Yeah, well, maybe you should've figured that out before you let this happen."
"It's not like I did it on purpose! I tried to take precautions, I never meant…"
"Maybe not, but you're pregnant, and it's Ron's baby, too. You can't just leave him out of it."
"So you think I should marry him regardless of how I feel?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"I think it would be best for everyone, yes."
"Everyone except me."
Ginny hesitated, her expression equal parts baffled and furious. She clearly wasn't familiar with coparenting or custody arrangements, nor any of the other alternatives that were common in the Muggle world. All she had was her limited pureblood experience, a world where single parents rarely existed aside from widows and widowers.
"If you'd just give him a chance…"
"I did give him a chance! I spent months trying to make it work and it didn't. That's not my fault or his – we're just too different. Different needs, different goals, different priorities…"
"Taking care of my niece or nephew should be your biggest priority," Ginny interrupted. "His, too. You'll have that in common, won't you? Isn't that more important than anything else?"
Ownership. The thing inside Hermione was smaller than a Snitch, and already, Ginny felt she had the right to interfere. Didn't matter how Hermione felt or what she wanted, whether she loved Ron or not. It was a selfish thing, really, disregarding not just her needs but Ron's, too. How could Ginny and Molly want him to marry someone who clearly didn't want to be with him? Why couldn't they see that she was doing him a favor by refusing?
Either way…
"I'm not marrying Ron. Either you accept that, or you can sod off."
Ginny rose from the couch, her cheeks as red as her hair. Turning on her heel, she stormed upstairs, followed by the sound of a slamming door.
Exhausted though she was, Hermione couldn't bring herself to follow. She stayed in the common room, struggling to focus on a bit of homework. After a few minutes, she gave up, leaning her head against the backrest as her eyes drifted closed.
It was still dark when Hermione awoke, the clock informing her that it was just after 6 AM. She stifled a yawn as she trudged up to the dormitory, wondering if she had time for a hot bath before the other students got up.
"What the hell?"
Her bed. Her things. It looked like a tornado had swept through the room, only touching down in the place where she slept. Her trunk lay open, flipped on its side, bedding stripped off and tossed on the floor. Rolls of parchment lay shredded, books covered in slime from her spilled toiletries.
Who would've done this?
There was only one person she could think of, her suspicions confirmed as she searched for two important objects. The Invisibility Cloak was nowhere to be found. The Marauder's Map? Gone. Who else would've taken those things? Who even knew that she'd had them?
It was Ginny. It had to be. Ginny had motive. Ginny had access. Ginny…
Ginny wasn't in her bed.
Saturday. Of course. Ginny always got up early on game days, determined to get in a few hours of practice before she faced her opponents. Today was no different, it seemed… well, other than the destruction she'd caused on her way out the door.
"Hermione? Bloody hell, what happened?"
She glanced over her shoulder, watching as several girls clambered out of their beds. "I don't know," she said. "I was hoping one of you could tell me."
"I have no idea."
"Me either."
"You didn't hear anything? See anything?"
"No."
"Not me."
The other girls murmured in agreement, moving closer to inspect her ruined things.
"Your books… Hermione, I'm so sorry."
"Thanks," she said, doing her best to fight back tears. "Could one of you fetch the headmistress, please?"