Steve walked up the stairs and toward the common room. He could hear the team talking and laughing as he approached. Steve wasn't feeling social, though. He felt overwhelmed, confused, and heartbroken. It was all too much information at once. He felt terrible that Tony thought he didn't care. Because the truth was, he did—more than he had any right to. Steve had never stopped loving him. When it came to Tony, he felt deeply and with everything he had—just like he did with Bucky. He wished that he could go back and change how things had played out, but he couldn't. Life didn't work that way. He would just have to accept that what they once shared was gone.

His mind wandered to the conversation they'd had and Tony's confession. He wondered if he'd played a role in his attempt on his life. Just the thought made his stomach do a flip. He felt nauseous thinking about it. He never imagined Tony suffering in such a way. He always thought of him as a firecracker who could handle anything. Steve didn't know how much Tony was hiding. He really had screwed everything up.

As he walked by the common area, the chatter died down, and everyone froze to look at him. His eye caught Rhodey, who was sitting on the arm of the couch. "Do you have a minute to talk?" Steve asked.

He glanced over to see Bucky studying him. He knew his friend had questions from the look on his face, but Steve put up a hand and shook his head, signaling they'd talk later. Bucky accepted it with a nod.

Rhodey began to stand. "Yeah, we can go to my office."

Steve nodded and gestured for him to lead the way.

His office was unremarkable, nothing fancy or extravagant. There was a desk, some leather chairs, and a small matching sofa. Steve walked over to the couch and sat down, putting his face in his hands.

"He told you, didn't he?" Rhodey pulled over one of the chairs, taking a seat across from him.

"Yeah." Steve breathed, dropping his hands to look at him. "He told me a lot, actually. I don't know what to think."

"Let's start small," Rhodey said. "He told you about the bipolar?"

Steve nodded. "I still don't understand it, though. He kinda explained it, but really, he was just putting himself down a lot."

"He does that, especially when he's depressed—like now. He hates thinking of himself as different or having a mental illness. He thinks it makes him weak, partly the reason we struggle to keep him on medication. It's actually pretty common for bipolar patients to have trouble staying on them, and Tony seems to have a running list of why he thinks he doesn't need them."

Steve nodded. "How long has he been off them?"

"From our best guess, a month or two. He's been here alone, so no one has really been keeping tabs. It wasn't until Pepper got a call from the pharmacy that he hadn't been picking up his meds that we knew something was wrong."

"So, these medications, they help him? What do they do?"

"Well, he's on a mood stabilizer called Depakote—that helps keep his manias under control more than anything. His biggest problem by far is mania," Rhodey explained. "It can be addicting. Tony described it to me like a rush. He feels like he's invincible like he can do anything, conquer the world with his arms tied behind his back. He goes days with only hours of sleep. He also has some nasty PTSD as well. When he came home from Afghanistan, he was a mess. He was nearly delusional from the torture and lack of sleep. It was never released, but he ended up needing a short hospital stay to get stable after that."

Steve leaned back, taking in the info. "And the shot, why that? Can't he just take pills? It clearly hurts him."

"Med compliance," Rhodey said simply. "It lasts for a month, so we know he's at least getting something."

"I feel awful." Steve rubbed at his eyes. "I had no idea."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Tony hides it well." Rhodey sighed. "He takes some other meds, too. They help him sleep and help with his anxiety attacks. He takes one to help with the tremors in his hands. Getting regular sleep helps keep him stable, making sure he eats, too. You guys kind of returned in the middle of an episode."

"Have you always known?" Steve asked.

Rhodey took a breath. "I suspected back when he was at MIT that something wasn't right. He self-medicated then though—trying to fix his problems with alcohol and drugs. His father pretty much fucked him up enough that he didn't reach out for real help until later. I think Obadiah might have known—not that that did him any favors."

"So, what now? I feel helpless here. I went down there to talk to him, but I think I just made everything worse," Steve said. "I brought up Bucky, and then he got upset and kicked me out."

Rhodey nodded. "I can see that—given how close you and Tony were getting before everything happened."

"I don't know what to do. I want to help him." Steve flopped back against the cushions. "I know it's selfish, but I never stopped caring for him."

"Look, man," Rhodey said, clearing his throat. "You need to decide what it is you want from him and make it clear, even if it hurts you. Tony needs stability. I don't think he can take another major letdown."

Steve sighed. "I care about them both."

"Short of making some ragtag three-way relationship, you're gonna have to choose. I'm not gonna stand by and let you mess with his head. He's got enough problems right now."

He knew Rhodey was joking, but part of him couldn't help but entertain the idea. He wished it could be that simple. He'd expected some bumps in the road coming home, but he never thought it would be like this. He never thought he'd find Tony so broken and his own feelings still so strong.

"I know what you're thinking and stop." Rhodey raised a brow. "I was kidding about the threesome. Tony is not in shape for some screwed up relationship between the man who left him for dead and the guy who killed his parents. I think it would be best if you didn't open old wounds and let him just get over you."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Steve said, though the idea still lingered in his mind.

Rhodey raised his brows, tipping his head to the side. "I know I'm right."

"So, what can I do to help?"

"Just be his friend." He made it sound so simple. "He needs people around him who care. Encourage him to eat and sleep on a schedule. He's as stubborn as a mule, so any help is appreciated."

"I can do that."

"Oh, let me grab you something else." Rhodey got up, walking over to his desk and pulling a drawer open. He grabbed a tattered yellow book and handed it to him; the cover read Bipolar for Dummies. Steve smiled at that. "I think reading this might help you understand a little better."

Steve thanked him, taking the book and heading towards the bedroom that he and Bucky shared.

He wasn't surprised to see Bucky stretched out on the bed reading when he stepped inside. Since leaving Wakanda, he would spend hours a day lost in fictional worlds where reality couldn't reach him. It was how he coped.

"Hey," Steve greeted him, toeing off his shoes and walking over to lay beside him.

"Penny for your thoughts." Bucky craned his neck to look at the book in Steve's hand but not making a comment.

Steve turned on his side to face Bucky, propping himself up on an elbow. "I saw Tony."

Bucky nodded for him to continue.

"He told me what was wrong. He is depressed, but there is more going on than that. He has this thing. I guess it's called bipolar. It means he has episodes of different moods, and he hasn't been taking care of himself." He paused, taking a breath. "And he told me about something—something that happened when we were gone. He … He tried to take his life, Buck."

Bucky sucked in a breath. "We did that to him, didn't we?"

"I don't know," Steve said. "I don't want to think we did, but part of me knows we played a part. I left him there, Buck. He thinks I chose you over him."

"Can you really blame him for seeing it that way? It wasn't just you who left him in that bunker. I was right beside you. We walked out of there together. What kind of people does that make us?"

Steve sighed. "I don't know. The worst kind."

"Can I ask you something and you be completely honest?"

He nodded, turning his head to look at Bucky.

"Do you still love him?" Bucky didn't look angry, just curious.

Steve closed his eyes and nodded. "I love you both. That's a problem, huh?"

Bucky surprised him by huffing a laugh. "Yeah, Stevie, some might call that a problem."

"I didn't mean it to happen. I never—"

Bucky rolled up onto his side, pressing his lips to Steve's, cutting off his apology before he even got started. He leaned in, resting their foreheads together. "I don't need to hear you apologizing for something out of your control. At least you have good taste. I would've had to judge you if you confessed secret feelings for Barton."

Steve laughed. "Clint's definitely safe from me, but seriously though, what does this mean for us?"

Bucky rolled and dropped onto his back, throwing an arm over his head. He shrugged. "I know it sounds weird, but I'm not really jealous. I don't know how to explain it, but I care about the guy. I get what you see in him."

Steve hummed in response, his mind going to Rhodey's joke about relationships. If only life were that simple, but then again, why did it have to be complicated?

"So, you gonna tell me about the book you brought back?" Bucky asked, snatching it from his grasp. "Bipolar for Dummies. This about that thing Tony has?"

"Yeah, Rhodey let me borrow it. I think he could tell I was out of my depth."

"Well, if the title is anything to go by, it was written just for you." Bucky flipped through the pages, occasionally stopping to read something he found interesting.

Steve rolled his eyes. "You're a real comedian."

"You know it," Bucky said, still flipping. "So, does this have something to do with why he's been limping?"

"Yeah, one of the meds is an injection. I guess he gets a nasty lump from it."

"Does he know you're telling me this?"

Steve nodded. "He knows. I think he wants to be more open with it, but he's afraid of getting hurt. I just had no idea any of this was going on. I feel so blindsided by it all. I don't want him to think he has to go through this alone."

"Because you love him."

"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve sighed. "I don't know how things got so screwed up."

He heard Bucky draw in a deep breath and then adjust in the bed, rolling onto his side to face him again. Steve blinked, looking at his partner, searching for signs of hurt or anger but finding none. Bucky laid his hand on his hip and sighed. "Steve, after all the bad I've done, after all the hurt I've left behind in the world, I ain't got a right to be angry at you for loving someone else. I wish there were a way to make it all work—to have our cake and eat it, too, but I don't think there's a way. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you want to be with him, you should be. Don't worry about me."

"Jesus, Buck. Don't even—losing you? That's the last thing I want out of this."

Maybe he was more selfish than he wanted to admit, but Steve found himself wishing he could have it all, though Rhodey was probably right. Even if everyone were interested, it would be a lot of stress on Tony, and he knew that wasn't fair. Tony had said he'd forgiven them but forgiving someone and dating someone who had a hand in killing your parents was two very different things. It was really too bad. If they had all met in another time and place, outside the disaster that was their lives, Bucky and Tony would have probably hit it off famously.

"Alright, I gotta know. What's got you thinking so hard I can see smoke coming out of your ears?"

Steve looked away. "It doesn't matter. It's not something that would ever happen. Just me being stupid."

"I can believe that. You got stupid down pat." Bucky chuckled, rubbing his thumb against his hip. "Come on, Steve. Tell old Bucky what's wrong."

"You sound like a creep when you talk like that."

Bucky shrugged, a smirk tugging at his lips. "Out with it. I know when something's bugging you, so you might as well spill."

Steve sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again to see Bucky staring at him, eyebrow raised. "You're gonna laugh. It really is stupid. It was just something Rhodey said as a joke. He wasn't serious. It just got me thinking is all."

"Okay, and what was the joke?"

Steve ducked his head, feeling a blush creep up his face. "That maybe the solution to the problem wasn't picking between the two of you but having you both."

He didn't dare look up and see Bucky's reaction. He felt him tense beside, and his hand that rubbing on his side stilled. "You mean like the three of us together or expecting us to be fine with sharing?"

Steve's head snapped up, his eyes wide. "No, I wouldn't do that. I meant the three of us together, but I know that wouldn't work. I told you it was stupid."

Bucky held his face in an unreadable mask, and Steve thought he had done it. He'd finally screwed things up beyond repair. He didn't want to lose Bucky, but from the blank look on his face, he already had.

And then the asshole shrugged.

He looked like he was casually considering the weather—not like his partner had just dumped his desire for a threesome in his lap. "Well, I don't think it's stupid. Seems alright to me, but I guess the real question would be if Tony is interested, and how do we find out without making a real mess of everything."

"You're taking this rather well."

Bucky laughed. "You threw yourself on a grenade in basic instead of getting out of the way. This is the least stupid idea you've had."