A/N: HELLO MY LOVES! I know it's been a loooong while since you've heard from me. I managed to make my cross country move and I'm currently in my first semester of grad school. I'm pretty beat all of the time. And since my program is writing intensive, its often hard for me to write for fun after which has contributed to my lack of updates.
I'm so sorry, loves. It's been a year for me. Losing my mom, ending up in the hospital, and then moving from coast to coast. I'm still here though.
Now for this update: Sad to say it's short. It does answer a question that's been hanging around for a bit. I have a month of vacation coming up soon so I'll be updating everything with hopefully longer updates then. For now this is sort of my 'i'm not dead' reminder.
Please be aware of harsh language, mentions of questionable sexual encounters, and just all around shitty men.
Then
She's all too happy to prance around in her plaid shirt and white button up shirt for him, her hair pulled into long plaits that hang down her back. Fulfilling his fantasies has always been her favorite pastime and this one is his favorite.
Naughty schoolgirl and principal.
"I've been such a bad girl," Olivia giggles, smacking her solid thigh with a wooden ruler. In front of her Edison chuckled, undoing the conservative Navy blue tie from around his neck and rolling up his sleeves.
"Goddamn, Liv, it doesn't matter how many times I see you like this, each time is so much better than the last. The red lipstick was a nice touch, too."
Olivia's smile widens; she beams with pride. "A nice enough touch to get you to spend the night?" she asks, eagerness seeping into her tone. She hates nights like this. Nights they spend in bed doing every dirty thing imaginable just for him to slip from her sheets and head home to his wife. She doesn't know how much longer she can wait for him to leave her. For the first time in her short twenty years alive, she's in love and she wants to tell everyone, she's dying to scream it from the rooftop, but can't; Maryanne Davis stands in her way.
"Livvie…"
Her face falls at the sound of the name he uses only when he knows he's about to break her world. She turns away from him as the tears threaten to leave tracks down her face. He can't stay.
"I thought she was going to her mother's," Olivia can't stop the whininess that seeps into her voice. "I want to spend some time with you, Eddie, outside of your apartment.
"Hey, hey now…" He closes the distance she's put between their bodies, and slides his arm around her waist, pulling her close. His erection is clear as day. "I love you. I want to be with you. I'm going to figure this out so we can be together. Once the baby's born, and I can talk to my lawyer, I will find a way."
Olivia nods, believing him because what reason does she have to not. He went out on a limb to bring her onto his team so young and he really cares what she thinks. He values her opinion and he treats her like gold.
Or so she thinks.
She doesn't see the blinking red light coming from the wall in the corner as he slides a hand under her skirt, yanking at the stockings that cover her ass, and guides her towards the bed.
/
A few days later she climbs the stairs to his penthouse apartment, the notes he asked her to take for yesterday's meeting freshly typed and in hand. He asked her to bring them by later, much later, but she knows he'll be taking lunch soon and since she has her own key, she's eager to surprise him. The picnic basket of strawberries and whip cream slams into her leg as she reaches his front door. The door is slightly ajar and she hears a chorus of voices. Pushing on the door slightly, but not enough to cause someone to notice, Olivia sticks her head through the spaces she's opened.
Edison's name sits on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn't yell it out. Their relationship is somewhat of a secret. Instead her eyes sweep around the room as she notices the wide open space has become a microcosm of D.C's who's who. Senators, representatives and lobbyists — all male — sit on the leather furniture elbowing one another and laughing. They oversized TV is lit up with something Olivia can't quite make out from behind her spot at the door. Careful not to cause a scene, she drops the basket at the entrance and slips into the apartment unnoticed. She stays against the wall, wondering what everyone is doing in Edison's home without him being here.
But then she hears it; her own voice greets her, quickly followed by a loud slap. "Right there, Eddie…"
The men laugh and Olivia's heart drops. What? It couldn't be. That wasn't her, was it?
"God she has such a pretty little pussy, Edison you lucky son of a bitch!" Michael Ackley, the senior senator from Ohio calls out. Olivia notices him immediately. "How'd you pull her in the intern pool?"
"Well, you know…"
For the first time since she's slipped into the apartment, Olivia sees Edison. He's being clapped on the back by John Hatch, the twelve year incumbent House Rep from Georgia.
Her eyes pivot to the TV screen and she feels like she's going to be sick. On the screen before her, she sees herself, clad only in a plaid skirt, on her knees in front of Edison. She didn't know he was recording her. Ever.
"Want to borrow her sometime?" Edison asks, elbowing Hatch. "I'm sure she could be persuaded. I've already gotten her to do a threesome. She kept up with the pro well."
Bile burns Olivia's throat and tears sting her eyes. She recalls with ease the exact day he's referring to. He'd come to her early that day, promising to stay with her all night, telling her he had a surprise. She'd been hesitant at first when the other woman had walked in, uncomfortable even. Every inch of her screamed 'no' as she silently agreed to the experimental tryst. 'Just this one time, Olivia. If you don't like it, we'll never do it again.' She'd hated it — the woman's touch; the woman's face between her legs. But she'd done it for him, she'd done it out of love, saving her tears for the bathroom later that night as Edison slipped out of bed.
"All I've gotta do is ask, throw around some 'I love you's' and that little bitch does anything I want." Edison laughs.
A sob catches in Olivia's throat at his words and her legs nearly give.
That little bitch.
Want to borrow her sometime?
"Just look at her jaw technique." Someone else calls out and the tears blind Olivia.
"I want to fuck her!"
"Can I see that tape?"
Edison's laughter grows above the rest and Olivia's feels as if she's been kicked down a flight of stairs.
"We can watch it after this one," Edison says and the room breaks into whoops and whistles.
Olivia nearly doubles over as she scurries out of the apartment, the door slamming shut behind her as she kicks over the basket of fruit and hurries down the stairs. She feels dirty, filthy. Used. The love they made, the love she thought they shared….
She nearly trips on the last stair, the sound of footsteps behind her nearly causing her to pause, but keeps going.
Somehow she makes it home. Somehow she manages to maneuver her car through the DC streets and into the driveway of the townhome she shares with her father. She doesn't pay attention to his car in the driveway as she runs to her room, so far out of breath her chest aches.
She feels so fucking dirty. Filthy. Like a whore. Everything she's done to Edison the last few months, has let him do to her — things she's never wanted in a million years; the hitting, the toys, the other women — flood her memories. He'd been taping it all. Taping it and passing it around. Promising to share her with all those men.
The bile that's been rumbling in her stomach finally slips from her lips. All of DC has seen her on her knees. The tears don't stop until she collapses on the floor, sobs crack open her chest.
He was never going to leave his wife for you. All you were — are — is his whore. Hoelivia. All of DC knows what kind of slut you are now. They've all seen you. They want to share you. Imagine trying to get a job now. What if everyone from school finds out?
Olivia closes her eyes, covering her ears as she turns on her side and brings her knees up to her chest. She hasn't felt pain like this since her mother's death. It burns; the betrayal like a collapsed lung.
How are you so stupid? How can you be so naive? To ever think he'd actually leave his wife for you? How long did it take before you sucked him off? One, no two dates?
She forces shaky fingers into her ears, trying to drown out her own voice, but to no avail.
What would your mom say now if she could see what you've become?
The voice — her voice — grows louder and screams. Blinding rage seizes her tiny frame and climbs to her feet. Everything in her path becomes a casualty of the pain she feels. She knocks over picture frames, perfume bottles, and stuffed animals. She rips books from their pristine shelves and sends them rocketing to the floor. Soon she sits in the middle of a mess, physically spent, and wishing her mind was, too.
You don't deserve to be loved.
She doesn't realize she's climbed to her feet and gone into her father's bathroom, pulling out the pills she knows he sometimes uses to sleep. She tips the bottle to her lips swallowing pill after pill in search of the darkness, in search of silencing the voices and laughter in her head. Before she knows it, she hits ground.
/
Now.
It's amazing, she thinks, how just one mention of certain past events is like a reopening of an old, although painful wound.
Olivia doesn't like to think about Edison, about what happened that day, nor the month long stay in an inpatient psychiatric facility following her suicide attempt. The culmination of eight years of pain and anger she hadn't realized she kept shoving down and away that ended with her laying on her father's bedroom floor with a fading pulse, covered in scratch marks. Thankfully the Pope patriarch had simply been down the street, enjoying the sunshine in the park. According to the paramedics, had he just spent five more minutes away, Olivia would've died.
She curls into herself tighter, trying to block out the nearly five year old memories. It's been a few hours since her argument with Fitz and she hasn't moved from her bed. The day's events flit about her mind and she rolls over on her back, wondering if Fitz is satisfied. Now that he knows the part of her she's been trying to hide, will he finally go away? She loves him, she's in love with him, but doesn't think she deserves him. He's a good man, one full of God and grace. And her? A senator's former whore.
If the world found out…
She hugs her knees, eyes brimming with tears.
Why hadn't she let her father do what he'd wanted to Edison? Why had she fought father's blood lust for revenge?
Because an eye for an eye made the whole world blind, according to her grandmother.
Because to fight Edison meant to confess to the world what she'd done – what she'd let be done to her.
Olivia sits up in bed and dabs at her eyes. The heat is still stifling.
She needs to tell Fitz the truth.