A/N: So, this isn't what I wanted to publish. It's a lot shorter, but between traveling and family, this is the only thing I was able to write for Christmas. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy. Once New Years is done, hopefully I'll be able to run away and get some hardcore writing done.

Merry Christmas loves. I hope you enjoy.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned." Fitz's elbows rest on his knees and he sighs, the words are heavy on his tongue. The expression on Olivia's face the night prior weighs heavily on his mind. His words hurt her and he can't take them back, he can't reverse them, and for that, he's nearly inconsolable.

"Fitz," Father Stabler says. "You know we can speak in my office. We don't…"

"Here," Fitz responds, clasping his hands together, knuckles brushing against his nose, "here is better. I can't run here, I can't...I have to confess this like this."

"Well then, my child, go ahead."

He sighs, working a calmly hand down his face as he builds up the courage to abide by Father Stabler's encouragement. His heart catches in his throat and anxiety buzzes through his appendages. "I…. I've fallen in love with a woman, a beautiful woman; an incredibly smart and so selfless woman. I've never met someone like her before. Ever," Fitz confesses as he tries to sum up his feelings for Olivia in a concise manner.

On the other end of the confession booth, Father Stabler signals for him to continue with a soft, "yes."

"And I've broken my vow of celibacy. We've made love several times and I can't seem to feel or find guilt for my actions. For my transgressions against God as a man of the cloth…." he stops. His eyes lift to the inside of the confession booth. "Which makes me feel guilt for not feeling guilt. But the reason I'm here, the main reason is that I'm...I hurt her. I shamed her. I accused her…."

"Fitz," Father Stabler tries. "Fitzgerald…"

"I was jealous and afraid that she'd find fault in me, that her confession of love was threadbare and her past dictated her future. I'm supposed to be magnanimous, faithful. Good." Fitz fires off, one word after another. "I am none of those things. Not for Olivia, not for God. I am a sham of a man. I couldn't be there for my family, I let them die. I am a failure."

"Enough, Fitzgerald!" Stabler hisses through the separator. "Stop...get out of the confessional. Come to my office, now."

The door of the separator shuts with a hollow thunk and Fitz can feel tears budding behind his eyes. His feet are lead as he stands and forces himself through the church and to Father Stabler's office.

Once inside, the damn breaks. His bottom lip trembles as he crumbles into the nearest chair. The tears are endless as Father Stabler wraps his arms around Fitz. "My son, your penchant for self blame is unhealthy...I need you to stop. I need you to breath. This isn't what you want to do. Not one bit, not at all." Stabler continues.

Fitz's shoulders roll forward as he leans into Father Stabler. Everything just feels so heavy. So lost. He's hurt Olivia, he's destroyed his faith, he's….

"Nearly a year ago we sat in this same office and I told you, Fitzgerald, that God already knew what you were going to do, and he's already forgiven you. There is no need to shed tears and you're right to feel no guilt. What you've done has already been forgiven."

The tears begin to dry as Fitz hangs onto Stabler's words, trying to remember a year ago. He'd come here, he'd been here, in the same position as now; conflicted over Olivia, at war with himself.

"This is your second chance."

Fitz pulls away from Father Stabler, his breaths evening out. He's lost his way in the last year, made missteps and mishaps, but along the way, one truth has become painfully clear. It's a truth that, if he's being honest with himself, he saw coming as soon as Olivia found his way into his heart. "I was horrible to Olivia. God may forgive me, but she has no reason to."

Father Stabler nods, a half smile on his face as he walks around his desk and takes a seat across from Fitz.

"You've broken your vows for her?"

Redness tints Fitz's cheeks as he nods. "I'm in love with her. I let my jealousy get the best of me. I let my envy doubt her."

Father Stabler nods.

"I don't know why. She's never given me any reason to doubt her. She isn't always forthcoming with information about her past, but I don't think…. I can't be a priest any more." Fitz switches gears. "I can't. I'm leaving, for her. And I want to know if I do that I'm not throwing away my relationship with God for someone who will leave. She's younger than me, she has no reason to keep me around and... " The anxieties, the ones Olivia's father stoked weeks ago, the ones he's been afraid to voice to Olivia run from his lips as he speaks to Father Stabler.

"I knew you'd leave, eventually."

Fitz brows furrow at Stabler's words. "Excuse me?"

"You were built to love, Fitzgerald, and not just as a priest leading his flock to their messiah. I suggested to you last year that you needed to save Olivia." Father Stabler shakes his head. "I think, I think that that is still it, but I think the person you're saving here, Fitz, is yourself."

Fitz doesn't speak.

"Unlike with God, I can't speak for Olivia. You'll only know what she's thinking if you ask her. But as someone who does speak for God, who can speak to his love and his light...I say there are other ways to serve him. Ones that don't consist of you cutting yourself off to love."

"You think I'm doing the right thing by leaving?"

"I do."

"Even if I leave for Olivia and she…"

"You're not leaving for her, you're leaving for you."

/

She wrings her fingers together, pushing and pulling them apart and together. Every inch of her is anxious. It's taken her two days since their fight to build up the courage to confront his findings and subsequent accusations. In those two days, he hasn't reached out to her, either. She wonders if he's chosen to cut his losses, leave her and find someone — or something else. What had she been doing chasing a priest anyways?

But she hadn't chased him, nor him her. They'd fallen together, connected like magnets and their attraction…

She feels like a jezebel. Like a simpleton wrapped in sin for falling for him as easily as she did. His heart had been on his sleeve, open to all, and she easily found herself slipping inside. A man so hurt by the world, but still so kind had been a rarity in her life. And admittedly, a few years prior, she would've gravitated towards him because of his age, his authority, her. . . daddy issues. But that isn't why she gravitated towards him now. He understood her. They shared common interests and tastes. She couldn't explain the entire reason why she gravitated towards him, but simply put, he felt right.

His office door is slightly ajar once she reaches it. She raises a shaky fist to knock, but the door opens. A red faced Father Beene meets her gaze.

"May God have mercy on your souls," the old man hisses, taking one look back at Fitz before storming away.

Olivia's brow raises, her bottom lip juts out slightly as she turns to meet Fitz's gaze. She has a brief moment of dejavu, of Fitz returning to Saint Gabriel's a year prior to save her from herself with Sister Langston.

"What was—" Olivia starts, but Fitz cuts her short.

"Nothing for you to worry about. Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"That's why I came here, Fitz. We...I need to explain the other night."

"And I need to apologise, please."

/

Save for the sound of the rails on the track, they ride back to DC in relative silence. Tension rolls off of both of their shoulders as they make the familiar trek up the steps to Olivia's apartment.

She's so damn nervous that she nearly drops her keys as she unlocks her door. The last person she told what she's about to tell Fitz had been her therapist. She's about to bare another part of herself to him and if he chooses to walk away from her after, it's understandable. Her life is a lot to take on, nevermind the fact that he's a priest.

"Can I get you some water, something to drink?" Olivia asks once the door's open and they're inside. She tosses her keys onto the counter.

"No, I—" he walks over to the counter and grabs her wrist. "Livvie, I've missed you so much. The other night, I was out of line. I—"

"No, I mean yes. You were, but I...Fitz, can we sit?" she asks as she leads him to the couch that seems like forever ago they'd almost made love on.

"Livvie—"

"Just, don't speak. Let me say this. Let me tell you my truth."

Fitz nods.

"But when you're done, I need to speak mine. I need to tell you something, Liv."

"If you can still look at me after I say what I have to say, then okay…"

"Okay."

Tears bud behind Olivia's eyes once more and she takes a shaky breath. "I have had questionable relationships in the past. With men older than me." The first admission makes her stomach drop. "And a lot of them I guess have been because I have daddy issues...or had them. My dad didn't...when my mom died from cancer, he sort of died, too. He was still here physically, but he didn't know how to be a father and it showed. My therapist says I tried to fill the void he left with older, unattainable men." She stops to collect her thoughts, thinking of everything Fitz had said days ago. A lone tear slips down her cheek. "The most unattainable came when I was twenty; I fell in love with a man by the name of Edison Davis. Head over heels in love with him. He was everything, including married. But that didn't stop me from letting him do things to me. Things I thought were love. Things...He's the reason I couldn't let you tell me that you...loved...he's. He betrayed me, Fitz. He hurt me, badly."

Her words are jumbling together in her head and she tries to sort through them, but they hurt. It's been so long since she's talked about Edison, about what happened with someone who isn't her therapist that finding a way to get it off of her back is like busting open fresh stitches. "He told me he loved me, told me he was leaving his wife and he lied. He lied to keep my clothes coming off, to keep me pliant and willing to do whatever salacious thing he wanted and I did it all. I did things with other women because he asked me. I let him…" once more she stops and bites down on her bottom lip. Another tear slips down her sharp cheek. "He recorded it all and showed it to everyone on Capitol Hill…. He showed it to them while offering to lend them to me. Like some Polly prostitute…"

Next to her Fitz intakes a sharp breathe.

"I'd never been more embarrassed in my entire life. But it wasn't just embarrassment, my heart was broken. And...and I. I don't know if I actively tried to kill myself, I just. I wanted to sleep. I swallowed some sleeping pills in my dad's cabinet and woke up in the hospital. And that's — he's why I can't. It scared me the other day to admit I love you, Fitz. Last time I loved someone he hurt me. And I don't think you'll hurt me, but I don't think I'm good enough for you, either. You deserve someone better than me; better than who and what I am." Olivia tries to explain the feelings, but her vision grows blurry; she's crying. Tears stream from her eyes. "You're such a good man and I'm—"

His mouth on hers silences her words. His kiss is hungry and eager, yet soft. He coaxes her lips apart and slides his tongue against, drawing her body to him. She sighs, relaxing into his touch, her brows unfurl, her arms wrap around his neck, and for the first time in weeks she breathes.