[From Once A Hero]
...
Not really a Tony-Claire interaction but I still think it's funny.
Claire sighed tiredly as she blinked hard, her eyes burning at how long she had been staring at the computer. Sliding her chair away she glanced around the bullpen. Abby was out getting the hair sample micro analyzed by someone who actually had the machinery, McGee was down in her lab working on forensics, Tony was still MIA, and Gibbs was somewhere in the building. This left only her and Ziva in the workroom.
"I'm going to get some coffee from the break room. Want anything?" Claire asked, standing up and looking over at Ziva. The Israeli shook her head as she was still talking to someone over the phone. With that Claire set off in search of caffeine. Walking past some of the legal department storerooms, a hand shot out from a closet and yanked her inside. With a yelp Claire turned in the dark room and tried to rid herself of the hands frantically reaching all over her.
"Wh…"
"Shhh it's just me! I've been waiting for you forever, it's been too long." The voice nervously rushed out in what seemed like an intent to be seductive. Claire's eyes bugged out at the voice.
"Palmer?!" she asked incredulously. The hands froze. Suddenly the light turned on in the closet and Jimmy stared in mortification and fear as Claire stood in front of him, just as bewildered.
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, slapping his hands away from her butt where they had frozen. Jimmy turned beet red and started sputtering.
"I was trying to be romantic." Claire blinked, totally lost.
"What?"
"I..I..I mean I thought you were someone else."
"….what?" Claire stared at him in utter confusion as Palmer pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'm so sorry, please don't say anything about this!" he urged pleadingly.
"Why are you hiding in a closet….waiting for someone?" she asked him. Jimmy bit his lip, unable to come up with a decent lie.
"Are you hooking up with someone in the office?" Palmer scratched the back of his head and refused to look at her. She raised her hands up.
"You know what….I don't really want to know." Claire quickly dismissed and turned to walk out. Just before she opened the door she turned around to look at him sternly.
"Just so we're clear…..I don't know what the hell just happened here…..but let's never discuss it or have a repeat. Okay?" Jimmy nodded fervently.
"Of course! Thank you!"
"Please don't thank me. It was traumatizing enough Palmer." She grimaced, walking out of the closet and on towards the break room. That was so weird. Who could he have possibly been waiting for?
...
...
"Jimmy! Ducky!" I called, stepping into autopsy. I paused, seeing that it was completely empty, which was weird for this time of day.
"Hello?" I called again. I walked over towards Ducky's desk when the door to the backrooms opened up and Palmer nearly had a heart attack at the sight of me.
"Claire! What…what are you doing here?" he asked nervously. Not that I could blame him as our last meeting was super weird.
"I was wondering if you knew were Agent Lee was?"
"Wh…why I would I know where she was? I haven't gone anywhere with her." he asked in confusion.
"You were the last one to see her?..." I pointed out.
"Right….well I signed Sergeant Wright's medical records the brought and then she left." Palmer explained, walking to the other side of the room.
"Well that was a while ago, did she say where she was going?" I asked, following him over.
"No, I've been in there all day." He gestured to the doors he had just come from. I frowned.
"The bathroom?" I asked skeptically. Jimmy paused and stared at me as if surprised I knew where that door led.
"Yes….I have a gastro-intestinal challenge." He winced, holding his stomach.
"Sorry about that. Wouldn't Ducky have something laying around to help with that?" I suggested.
"I drank it all." My eyes widened in alarm.
"Why would you do that?!" Palmer shrugged uncomfortably and walked over to wash his hands. I stood next to him by the sink.
"I didn't think it would hurt anything and I didn't want to be in there all day." He explained.
"TMI Jimmy." I grimaced.
"So what do you need Lee for anyway?" he asked, still scrubbing his hands.
"We have a sex trafficking case we need her help with." I briefly explained.
"OH THAT IS SO AWFUL!" Palmer shouted dramatically.
"Why are you yelling?" I asked, eyeing him warily. He was being so weird and twitchy.
"It…its just awful..." he weakly explained. I blinked and stared at him intently.
"Did those doors just open when you yelled?" I gestured to the automatic doors just behind me. Palmer blinked and swallowed.
"I don't think so." He whispered. I bit the inside of my lip, debating how I was going to go about this.
"Do I want to know?"
"Not really."
"Okay…..I'll just pretend today never happened as a whole. It keeps getting weirder. No offense Jimmy but I hope I don't see you for a while." I insincerely apologized as I backed up towards the doors.
"Understood." He nodded before quickly scurrying off to do something else.