Kakashi had never liked hospitals. Whenever he'd had the misfortune to be admitted to one he had always found a way to discharge himself as quickly as possible. He hadn't visited Tsunade once. There was something hopeless about the place that he couldn't describe with any kind of coherency. For Kakashi it was as if there were a physical shadow over the very building, the shadow of tragedy and death.
No good had ever come from the place, and yet with Sakura beside him in the elevator he was inclined to hope. Captain Tsunade was awake. It was a good sign. They weren't here to identify a body or to pull the plug on a friend.
All the same, Kakashi still couldn't shake the feeling that Sakura was still at war with herself.
"I'm fine," she stated matter-of-factly with that uncanny mind read ability.
"Okay, but I didn't ask—"
"Yes, you were not asking, very loudly." She sighed as the elevator lurched before the doors opened with a ping. "I mean it, I'm alright, let's just check on her and fill her in on what we've found... If she's strong enough, that is."
"You think she'll have permanent damage?"
"Too soon to tell. The effects of being in a coma are wide-ranged and can be lasting. The longer someone is under the worse it can be. But that doesn't mean a full recovery can't take place. They said on the phone that she was awake and talking, right?"
Kakashi opened his mouth to answer when a door at the end of the corridor opened and answered for him. Perhaps the sound was more jarring because he hadn't heard it in some time, but Tsunade's voice seemed louder than ever. They were too far away to tell exactly what she was saying but there was no mistaking that seismic tone. When he looked to gauge Sakura's reaction he watched the smile that spread on her face before she sped ahead. Her smile had been absent for the last day at least, and Kakashi was relieved to see it back where it belonged.
He took his time as he walked down the hall, giving Sakura a moment alone with her aunt before he arrived. The closer he got the more familiar the sounds were to his ears. That baritone of Tsunade was the only constant he'd been able to rely on in the last decade and he hadn't realized just how much he had missed it until now.
Sakura was standing in the corner of the room with a nurse, a chart in her hand and a serious look on her face.
"Would you stop fussing, girl! I'll be just fine as soon as someone gets me a cheeseburger and a cigar."
"Hey now, I thought the two c's were reserved for closing cases only." Kakashi couldn't help the quip as he smiled at his Captain.
"Kakashi, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's good to see you."
Tsunade looked a little worse for wear, maybe she just appeared smaller from where she lay in the bed, but Kakashi knew that her inner strength was still there simmering under the surface.
"Likewise, Captain." He glanced over to his partner who seemed to be in deep conversation with the nurse still and took the opportunity to sit on the edge of the bed. "You had us worried for a minute there."
"A couple weeks is not a minute, Hatake. Can you please talk some sense into Haruno and get me something to eat?"
"No, Tsunade. Your digestive system has been out of commission for so long it doesn't know how to process solids!" Sakura spat back, only to seamlessly continue her serious conversation the next second.
"I'll sneak you something later," Kakashi mumbled when he was sure Sakura couldn't hear him.
"Thanks, Hatake. I can always count on you." Tsunade sat herself up a little further, causing Sakura and the nurse to come to her side though she waved them off. "And I mean it, thank you. You saved my life. You saved the precinct."
"Well, I had a lot of help." He nodded towards Sakura. "Your niece is pretty exceptional."
Considering what had transpired earlier this evening it seemed that the well of emotions were still controlling him to some extent. He would never have said such a thing in front of Tsunade before, but now it just seemed too pale a description of all that she was. He enjoyed the fleeting dust of blush on her cheeks.
"That she is." Tsunade offered one of her seldom seen smirks of pride. "Now, tell me quickly, have you made any progress?"
"Ah, see, the thing is, we had to turn the case in its entirety over to Major Crimes. But before I shot the guy, he intimated to us that there is more than one Kyuubi Killer in action..."
"I know," she said in that infuriating know-it-all way which Kakashi hadn't missed so much. "I wouldn't think a little detail like that would stop either of you from investigating."
"Wait," Sakura interrupted. "How is it that you know those details?"
"Well, you see, you weren't my first visitor."
In the time it took Kakashi to exchange a confused look with Sakura there was a deliberate coughing noise from the doorway. He was a man whose reputation preceded him no matter where he went, and that wasn't always a good thing. Commissioner Jiraiya was a powerful man, a man of justice, but he would have rather Tsunade take the job. Something he reminded her of frequently no matter who was present.
Long ago she had run unopposed for the position, and when the death of Captain Minato shattered their world so unexpectedly, she withdrew her name from candidacy. Tsunade's former partner was called upon for the role of commissioner for his years of experience on the job. They had practically begged Jiraiya in the end, and he had accepted begrudgingly but it was no secret that he was ready to hand the job back to her as soon as she would allow it. Over the years, Kakashi had his fair share of run-ins with the Commissioner. While he was a reasonable man with all the qualifications for the job, he didn't work through conventional methods. Before Obito's death it had been a hot point of contention between them, but for the last year Kakashi hadn't cared enough to become heated about it.
Kakashi's love of doing things by the book had died along with his former partner. Now all he cared about were the results of his actions, what he could do to protect those who needed protection, and keeping Sakura alive at all costs. Doing the job right was just an added bonus these days.
So when the commissioner himself stepped into that hospital room with a brown paper bag in hand, it caused an insurgence of uncertainty for Kakashi. It was like an aftertaste of all those times he'd gone toe to toe with the man even though they were on the same side.
"Commissioner!" Sakura greeted him with a smile until she saw the bag in his hand.
"Please, call me Uncle Jiraiya. It's nice to see you, Sakura. Tsunade, I believe this is what you were after?"
The captain snatched that bag with more vigor than Kakashi would expect from someone who had been comatose for the better part of a month. Recognizing the look on Sakura's face, he made sure to stand back and out of the immediate blast zone. Watching Sakura try and pry the burger and cigar from their captain's hands was all he was willing to do. Getting in between them would surely result in bodily harm. Jiraiya was also no fool and took a large step back, falling in line beside Kakashi.
While the two women bickered, Kakashi crossed his arms and took a good look at the commissioner.
"Something tells me that you're not just here to deliver food to our lovely captain." Kakashi spoke quietly and deliberately so that Jiraiya would be the only one to hear his words.
"Nothing gets past you, Hatake. Nice to see your mind isn't aging as badly as your facial features." Jiraiya kept his face straight, and because it wasn't accompanied by the usual shit eating grin, Kakashi assumed that the man wasn't finished. "No, I'm here for business as usual. Just so happened that I got the call about Tsunade while I was on my way over to your precinct."
"Something you need to speak with me about?"
Jiraiya nodded before indicating with a jerk of his head. Kakashi stepped out of the room behind him, following quietly while Sakura continued to wrestle the cigar out of Tsunade's hand. Whatever this was about, Kakashi had a feeling of jitters, the cinders of that new lead were going to go out soon and they needed to get back to work.
The way the commissioner stood with his hands in his pockets of his raggedy brown suit gave Kakashi little confidence.
"Do you know what this Saturday is?"
Jiraiya's eyes were discerning and they narrowed as he asked the question. Perhaps Kakashi's mind was still addled from the close call he'd had with Sakura on that sofa, or perhaps he was just not willing to focus on anything that wasn't to do with the case they had finally cracked.
"Not without looking at the calendar. It's been a hell of a week."
"It's the execution date of our mutual friend, Kakashi. You really must be getting old. Thought you'd remember something as important as that."
"Says the man twenty years older than me."
"In age alone—appearance is another matter." Jiraiya combed a hand through his own crafted silver locks. "No, I know your mind is on other things, I just didn't expect you to forget a date like this."
Bitterness and frustration began to rise in his chest like bile. The physical reaction caused him to step back from Jiraiya to try and get some air to his suddenly struggling lungs. There were some wounds that time could never heal, some absences that hurt too much to be able to ignore or move on from.
"If you're asking if I'll be attending, the answer is yes." Kakashi met his stare with every ounce of disdain he could muster. "I made a promise that I would be there to see the lights go out, but nothing more. And if you think for a second that that man holds any importance in my mind, you've got another thing coming. He's worse than trash, scum that doesn't deserve to breathe the air around him."
"Calm down before your heart gives out, old man."
"Jiraiya, you're older than me, you senile piece of..."
Kakashi trailed off as the commissioner stepped forward and placed a finger to his chest. It was a powerful move; despite the man's age he was still towering over six feet, and his presence suddenly commanded the respect of his position.
"I know the wound runs deep. In fact, it was my intention to remind you." Jiraiya's hand dropped to his side. Kakashi held himself back so that the man could finish. "You at least got to bury your girl. Now think of the families that didn't get that courtesy."
Kakashi couldn't take it any longer. At least he hadn't said Rin's name aloud—it might have caused him to step forward and be violent. Instead he took steps back, he turned, he watched the elevator and decided to move at the first possible opportunity.
"I know what you're going to ask." Kakashi was suddenly aware of emerald eyes following him but it didn't matter. "I won't do it. I won't play his game again and I will not talk to him."
"Hatake, you're the only one he respects enough to speak to, you're the man who caught him."
"Caught him too late." The words came out louder than he had intended but the control was slipping away from him fast. "And at too heavy a price. Look, I get it, I know that closure is important. But I'm telling you now, no good can ever come from speaking to Hanzo Sanshouo. His games all end the same way: death. I want no part of it."
Before Jiraiya could open his mouth and change his mind, Kakashi was already pounding the button for the elevator and making his exit. There was only one place he wanted to be at that moment, only one place that called to him like a siren song for the first time in months. Maybe it would be quiet enough there for him to process his thoughts and move on so that he could get back to work. All he wanted was to get back to work. This was just a speed bump that he could choose to ignore, and he would, as soon as he was out of here and able to think.
He could move fast enough when he wanted to, and he wanted to be out of that building as quickly as his feet would allow him to move.
He hadn't forgotten the case that had launched his career; his heart would not allow him to forget. It wasn't for lack of trying—in those early days he had attempted to erase it all by whatever means necessary: alcohol, meaningless sex, case after case. It was only through taking care of Obito in the aftermath that he was able to function again himself.
Sakura didn't need this heavy weight on her now, and it was futile to think that she wouldn't try to share the burden. Though it had been said early on in their partnership, she adhered to the 50/50 rule above all others. But there were more important things she needed to be doing right now. Her mind was in the game and able to find fresh leads. Kakashi needed to clear his head before he could catch up to her.
Just one mention of Hanzo Sanshouo, the Knife Man of Konoha, and Kakashi was itching to hide those closest to him. Lock them away in a safety deposit box where they couldn't be hurt.
But Sakura was not the kind of woman to be locked away. Her mind was too powerful, as was her strength and sense of self—she truly was a force to be reckoned with. And she had just blown the case wide open. She didn't need him weighing her down.
The streets were cold but there was no way Kakashi could trust himself behind the wheel right now, so he walked the eight blocks. It passed in an overthinking blur of anxiety and thin sheets of drizzle. Such a contrasting feeling to the heat that had transpired between him and his partner earlier tonight, though it felt like an eternity had passed since then. She would probably kick his ass for leaving without an explanation, but he just didn't care. It could all wait—it would have to wait until he had his head on straight. Sakura deserved no less than his full concentration and effort.
The closer his feet brought him to those iron gates the more he lamented the passage of time. It had been so long since the Knife Man had terrorized the city. Everything that had to do with the brutalness of society happened in Konoha during those days, and now the names of the victims lay forgotten. But the name Hanzo remained renowned and feared to this very day.
The long-ago game of cat and mouse with a serial killer had cost Kakashi dearly. It had almost consumed him wholly: his mind, and his early partnership with Obito. But more than that, it had robbed Konoha of one of its finest officers, stripped him and Obito of a precious friend. It had taken many years for the both of them to recover, and things had never been the same since. To preserve what was left of their sanity, Obito and Kakashi gave up on their search for the other victims. They had removed themselves from the twisted game that Hanzo was playing.
It had been the beginning of the end. The first domino of a friend to fall before the others followed suit, and Kakashi would never forgive himself.
As he entered, Kakashi picked some of the wild lilies by the roadside. It would not do to turn up empty-handed after so long. He couldn't remember the last time he'd visited her specifically. Obito had been the one to remind him at every anniversary or birthday. That meant it had to have been over a year. She deserved more than roadside flowers, she deserved to be more than a slab of earth to retreat to so that no one would find him. As he passed the path that led to the section of the cemetery where Obito lay, Kakashi nodded as if the man himself were standing there watching and judging his tardiness. If he could go back in time and place them beside each other he would. It had been an unfortunate oversight. Just like this moment was.
He should have anticipated that Hanzo would try and get a stay of execution. To put it off by suddenly coming forth with information about where his victims lay. And while he and Obito had tortured themselves about that very issue, nothing good could ever come from keeping Hanzo alive. He was the kind of vermin who would do whatever it took to stay clinging to the earth after the bomb had gone off. He lived for that control—it was why he had killed so many, and it was why Kakashi would not waver in his decision.
Kakashi came to a stop at the familiar plot, used his sleeve to brush away some of the detritus from the headstone, and stood back with a sigh. How many times had Obito stood here beside him with tears in his eyes?
"Sorry I'm late, Rin, seems I've inherited more than just Obito's eating habits."
There were many things he wanted to tell her, about the cases he had worked, about his new partner. But it felt like a disservice to her memory as well as Obito's. So, instead, he stood with his head hung slightly and tried to calm the beating of his heart.
Get your head on straight, there's work to do.
That's what Obito would have said, but it came out in a mixture of his voice and Sakura's. Minutes or hours may have passed, and in that time Kakashi made the decision to remain calm, to stick to his guns, and to get back to work on the case they had just broken instead of wallowing in the past.
"Thought I would find you here."
Her voice broke through the darkness like a beacon, but it was probably the street light reflecting off the pink of her hair that made her stand out.
"You could have just called, Haruno."
"We're back to that now, are we?" The question was rhetorical, she obviously didn't expect an answer as she stood beside him and looked over the granite slab. "What was she like?"
Kakashi wasn't sure on how to proceed, he wasn't sure what information Sakura had been able to wrangle from the commissioner and captain, and he wasn't sure how to answer in a way that would honor his fallen friend. But Sakura deserved honesty. She had broken the case tonight and that at least warranted the truth. He owed her as much for everything else that she did for him.
"Well, there are two kinds of cops, Haruno, when they walk into a crime scene. The first kind looks at the possible evidence to protect, reduces the risk of contamination by other officers and witnesses. And the second—"
"Let me guess, the second looks to protect everyone."
"No." Kakashi interrupted with a smirk. "No, not quite. The second will loudly exclaim that this is above their pay grade and immediately calls in the cavalry."
"Huh." Sakura knelt beside him, her eyes running over the name etched as if she were studying for an exam. Kakashi recognized that look even in the dark of night: she was trying to get information from him in her own way. "So, what kind was Rin Nohara? The first or the second?"
"Both and neither." He paused in his thoughts, tentatively placing the lilies that he hadn't realized were still clutched in his hand.
"You know that's an oxymoron and functionally incorrect."
"Killjoy. We really gotta work on getting you out and having some fun, Haruno."
"Don't you worry, I get out plenty. Now answer the goddamn question."
"It's difficult..." The words came out in a stutter despite himself. "It's difficult for me to describe. She was Obito's girl, his light. For lack of better words, she was to Obito what you are to me."
"That's sweet." She averted her gaze as she stood, but Kakashi was no longer watching her so closely, his own mind was struggling to catch up with words he'd never said aloud before.
"There was nothing sweet about the way she died. And now the commissioner, in his infinite wisdom, wants me to convince her murderer into disclosing the location of his other victims."
"Other victims?"
Kakashi raked a hand through his hair, paused for a moment before the horrible details left his mouth and couldn't be ignored
"22 in total, that we could get him for, but we only found 5 bodies."
"You're talking about the Knifeman..."
"The one and the same. It was one of the first cases Obito and I solved under Captain Minato. Fat lot of good it did."
"Kakashi, you got him off the street, you stopped him from killing anymore innocent people."
"I stopped him too late, Sakura."
She was too close, she was too in his face. He had forgotten where they were for the second and his voice was raised. It betrayed the calm that he had been trying to trick himself into, the calm that he would have to claw back if he wanted to proceed with the serious work they had ahead of them. He tried to pull back to collect himself but Sakura followed, keeping close despite his obvious discomfort. When he realized he couldn't escape her, he froze and closed his eyes. Timid fingers were fumbling to button his jacket. He could feel the warmth of her hands, her breath, her presence. Before he could make sense of what was happening, Kakashi found himself leaning into her and reveling in the comfort that he found with his forehead pressed against hers.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do, Kakashi, and I know I wasn't there when this happened. I have no way of knowing what you're going through." She took a deep shuddering breath as if the words were heavy in her chest and difficult to get out. "But I can imagine how not knowing would consume you, because I've seen it, I've seen what that does to you."
"I can't, I won't play his game, the devastation it caused the last time..."
"You don't need to play his game, or any game for that matter. But I can promise that this time is different."
"How so?"
"This time, you've got me." This time it was Kakashi who shuddered a sigh, Sakura seemed to breathe in his own pain and turmoil. "Just think about it. You don't even need to say anything to him. Jiraiya said you're the only person he respects enough to speak to. He said nothing about speaking back."
"I taught you well." Kakashi smirked.
"Excuse me, you taught me nothing—I'm a woman. We know a thing or two when it comes to disobeying men who think they know better."
During this exchange they had remained tethered to one another. It felt as if Kakashi were clinging to a lifeline in the wreckage of a storm. Sakura really was his light, and it hurt all the more to realize how Obito must have felt to have his snuffed out. Rin had deserved better, Obito had deserved better, Sakura... she deserved better.
Maybe he could be better for her.
"Alright, I'll think about it." He sighed heavily again. "For you."
"Atta' boy." She placed a kiss on his lips, slowly, reverently, and for a moment time really did stand still for Kakashi. It made her next sentence like a hammer that was knocking him back to Earth. "Just hurry up, because we've got work to do."
She patted his arm like an adult would do to a child, turned on her heels and began to walk back out the gates. Kakashi glanced over to the lilies adorning Rin's grave with a smile.
"She's something else, isn't she?"
"You coming or not?" Sakura shouted as she continued to walk.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming."
The thought of being in the same room as Hanzo once more set his teeth on edge and made the ghosts inside him rattle their chains, but he almost dared to believe that it would be alright, as long as that head of pink hair was still in sight.
Authors Note; Usually I refrain from these on ffnet, but I had someone comment that this fic should be renamed Seinfeld because nothing was happening, I am now addressing that person directly. You commented as a guest which gave me no way to reply, but I would ask that you refrain from reading my works in future. Thanks.