Chapter 2: Welcome to the jungle
**Warning! Themes of child abuse, self-harm, and sexual violence. Read at own caution.
Phaedra's age: 19
Phaedra's P.O.V.:
Sleeping was almost no problem, almost. I couldn't lay down on my back because Apollo burned it where my wings had been. I'd cried myself to sleep again, partly because of the physical pain of the burn and the loss of my mother. Maybe it hurt more because I knew we could have started to fix things? I saw my good future with her engulfed in flames, never to come back. That killed me, I tried so hard to impress her when all my good efforts would get me beaten up in the end. My self-esteem was non-existent. There were brief moments of hope, the light at the end of a dark dreary tunnel. Those were moments when I thought I could escape. Thoughts of getting a ends-meet job and just starting anew.
But this was something completely different. How did these guys make money? Surely, they weren't real FBI. Waking up, I felt refreshed. The kind of feeling you get after taking a long hard sleep, or getting a well-deserved professional massage. It felt dreamy, and beyond relaxing. My back didn't hurt anymore, and it felt as if some of the tensed muscles had been soothed as well. I was being healed magically by some divine being. I stretched thinking I was alone in my bed inside the bunker, glancing behind me quickly realizing I was in fact, not alone. A man with a trench coat and piercing blue eyes was staring back at me.
"Oh, Hello." Was all he could spit out before I rudely interrupted him.
"Notus! " Gesturing with my hand I sent him flying out of my room, into the hallway and crashing against it. He landed with a grunt. Heavy feet came from beyond the hallway. A disgruntled Dean responded, "What the Hell?"
"That's what I should be saying. Who is this?" I said, shocked, up from bed and ready for a fight. Sam poked his head through the door way and smiled a bit at the defensive damage I'd done to him.
"Dean, your guest is very rude." Cas said getting up from the floor with a grunt.
"Yeah sorry about that. Uh, there isn't an easy way to say this but he's an angel. But he's not like the others, he's good." I felt uneasy about it.
"you can't expect me to be hunky dory withit." I told Dean. I didn't let the blue tied guy escape my gaze. I shouldn't have trusted these hunters. When I get the chance, I'll escape. Sam gawked at the broken wall and cursed under his breath. Realizing my mistake, I fixed it the only way I knew how, by magic.
"Watch this, Gaia!" I said while snapping my fingers, and the wall fixed itself, it's drywall and tiles forming together again to its previous perfect state. I smiled at my work, just like new! Pleased with the job I did, Dean turned to me,
"I knew I liked you. No need for a handyman anymore."
Sam checked his phone that was violently vibrating.
"Looks like we've got a case." He announced to no one in particular.
We all followed him to the main lobby, where the table with the map was. "What do we have now?" asked Dean.
"couples have started to commit murders together, and then offing themselves in Rothbury, Idaho."
"So, Bonnie and Clyde plus Romeo and Juliet?" pondered Dean. Cas looked confused at first but then remembered Romeo and Juliet were fictional characters.
"That's all? Why can't the local police handle that?" I asked.
"Well, they can't because there are too many of these murders happening. Rothbury has too much on it's plate, local PD can't keep up." Explained Sam.
"let's leave in 10." Dean said before leaving to pack up Baby and make sure her bells and whistles were all straightened out.
"My name is Castiel. But Sam and Dean call me Cas." The blue-eyed angel said to me. All I did was look at him and take a step away from him.
The drive over was awkward; I sat next to Cas the entire ride over. Driving through Rothbury was eerie. Barely anyone was walking around the streets and the people who were looked like they were all scared. It felt good to stretch my legs once we got out of the Impala. Dean parked in front of the police station. I felt a bit out of place since I wasn't dressed like the rest of the crew. Cas and Sam came around from the passenger side of the Impala.
"What's the plan?" Asked Cas getting a little too close to me, making me back up against the car.
"Sam and I will see what's up with the Sheriff. Phae you can interview the locals but no magic, that'll just complicate things." I crossed my arms and started walking down the barren sidewalks of Rothbury. Dean put a few more words in to Cas before letting him go. I was curious to find out if they were talking about me. I don't know the slightest thing about hunting. I don't even know how I can adjust to this, life. I suppose I don't have to be like this. But eventually along the road, won't there be some hunter waiting for me to get checked off his kill list too?
I am a witch but, I don't want to be like the others. My mom. I kept walking looking in the little shops and boutiques through their glass.I stopped to look at a real old sewing machine. The kind that had the manual foot peddle. Momma had one like it, I remember her usin' it to sew my yellow sundress. She'd made it herself; I was so happy that she'd made something for me. Being a ten-year-old I had no comprehension how long she'd spend on it. The countless hours. I remember being so sad when it was dirty, because it was the first thing Momma ever made me with genuine love. That's when she'd started to treat me like an unfit dog. All I wanted was to make her proud of me. To stop screwing up in school and do something with myself. I have been so confused over these past few weeks. What did she mean she'd been tricked? Wasn't she just psycho? There had to be some kind of scientific explanation for her actions.
I put my hand to the cool glass, "Momma, what happened?" I spoke to no one. I closed my eyes and put my forehead to the glass. I didn't let myself cry. I was sick of tears and hurting. But still my heart ached. Will I end up like you? In flames for existing here on Earth? I can't just up and lose my powers. I'm terrified. Those angels are going to hunt me down.
"Do you want to purchase that?" Cas asked startling me.
"No, I'm just looking." I told him giving the dusty sewing machine a last look before continuing. No one was around until a bookstore clerk fervently opened his door and went inside.
"Excuse me. Sir? Wait. We want to ask you about what's been happening here." I tried to stay polite without being overbearing. He locked the door from the other side.
"I'm sorry ma'am I have nothing to do with it." He said and continued about his humble business.
"What the hell? I'm just trying to help."
"Seems this will be tougher than we thought. Here, I have an idea." Cas trailed behind me like a puppy or rather some creepy stalker. It didn't make me feel any better that he dressed weird either. Who wears a trench coat anymore? I reluctantly followed him across the street to Betty's bar. Usually you'd expect a bar to be full of people but this time it wasn't. The aroma of beer was nice and thick, it was an unfamiliar smell. There was a couple at the bar too busy sucking face to pay attention to anyone else. Cas and I sat at the bar. The bartender stood in front of him silently asking him for his drink of choice.
Cas gave him a small smile and reflexively said, "Hennessey, please." As the bartender left us to fix Cas' drink, Cas leaned in closer to me to talk.
"You see the couple to our right? Isn't that our target? All the victims have been couples." The bartender came back with the drink and Cas thanked him for it. The bartender gave me a glass, but I politely pushed it back towards him and waved my hand as a thank you.
"So, you think we should wait for the prey to come to us?" I surmised.
"And so, the hunter becomes the hunted." Cas said. We waited as Cas downed his 20th drink.
"Dude, do angels even get alcohol poisoning?" I asked him.
"I suppose it's possible, I drank a liquor store once." Cas said.
"A whole store, just down the hatch?" I was amazed. Cas chuckled a bit.
"Yeah." He responded. Our attention was diverted from the door opening. I was trying hard to keep my cool. I'm a bad actress and an even worse liar. I started to get increasingly queasy, just like when I was in sixth grade drama class. I upchucked all over the stage during my part. It was painfully easy for Cas to see that something was wrong with me. The woman looked phenomenal. She was the embodiment of a playboy cover. She was fully equipped with a very red dress, dirty blonde hair, perfect makeup, tanned skin, ruby red lipstick, a voluptuous rack, and heels that I could only hope to wear.
She waltzed right up to the couple, embraced them across the shoulders and smiled,
"Young love. You should be celebrating. Bartender, two White Russians on me. And would you be so kind to give me a Bloody Mary?" The couple were astonished at the generosity of the strange woman and thanked her. The woman sat one seat next to me. Oh Gods, I can't do this. I covered my mouth; I could feel the sickening sting of bile rising in my esophagus and a knot forming in my stomach.
"I have to go to the bathroom." I managed to say muffled through my hand. Cas had a look on his face like I was abandoning him. I found the nearest stall and let it rip. The smell was atrocious and the feeling even more so. I washed my hands at the sink and looked at my face in the mirror. C'mon, Phaedra! I can't handle just one hunt?My new family will think I'm just as useless as my old family thought I was. Of course, they'll think that. Once a failure always a-.
The restroom door swung open. It was the incredibly pretty woman. She stood next to me and reapplied her lipstick. I stood there frozen.
"You know, people pay good money to have curls like yours. If only it wasn't so dry. A leave-in-conditioner should fix that. But I know what you really want." She ran her fingers through my hair, twirling a curl admiringly. This was way too close for comfort.
"I appreciate the beauty tips, Barbie. But has no one taught you about personal space?" I tried to be polite, but it ended up sounding rude.
The woman chuckled at me creepily and put her hands on my shoulders, she kissed my forehead and left the bathroom. I felt a wave of energy wash over me like hot shower water. It gave me chills, and then I felt good. Like I had no worries anymore. I didn't know where that strange woman went afterward but I wanted to thank her. I rounded the corner to see the couple from earlier had the Bartender and Cas at gun point. I stood next to Cas like nothing was wrong, but I still stared the couple down.
"What took you so long? I'm in a cucumber here" Cas said through his teeth. I laughed and corrected him,
"It's pickle, you're in a pickle. Hey, we're all in pickles. Hahaha." I sat in front of Cas on the bar stool and spun myself around like a kid.
"Well, lovebirds? What's all the bark without some bite? You gonna shoot or not?" I challenged them.
"Phaedra you're not acting like yourself. Where did that woman go?" Cas asked.
"Shhhh, let them have some fun. Sorry continue" I rolled my eyes.
"I have the perfect idea, Lawrence?" the woman's significant other pointed the gun towards the bartender. The bartender pleaded for his life, stammering over his words, "Please, I have two kids at home." Cas felt the need to chip in too. "Lawrence, you don't have to be a killer. Put it do—"
Lawrence gave the bartender no mercy and unloaded the whole clip into his chest, some of his blood got on my face, he slumped down against all the liquor. Some of the bottles fell. Lawrence and his wife were very pleased with themselves, giddy even. They embraced each other and kissed passionately. Cas looked very disappointed, but I was the one who started crying, oddly enough. I interrupted their make-out session.
"Hey, that wasn't nice. He said he had kids. Do you have any idea what it's like to grow up without a father? Your mother greets you home from school with a fist. And Daddy won't help you even when he watches. He leaves because you're not strong enough." I grabbed a half empty bottle of Fireball that was nearest to me and started chugging. It burned a lot, but that was okay. The couple gave each other one last kiss, joined hands, and blew themselves away.
Sam and Dean saw it happen too; they were at the door when the couple pulled their triggers. They must have come when they heard the Bartender get shot. The brothers had shocked looks on their faces. Sam holstered his gun first and came through the door.
"Why didn't you stop them?" Sam asked panning over the carnage.
"They held us hostage, I didn't want them to hurt Phaedra." Cas explained as he got up from his chair. I stared at the couple and the bartender for a moment. I've never witnessed murder before let alone see a real dead body. I felt sad for them, more so for the children of the bartender.
"Well, that sucks." I said to no one in particular, I took another swig of Fireball and banged on the bar from the sting. Dean looked at me and then back at Cas. Dean waltzed over to me and snatched the fireball out of my hand.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked wiping the bartender's blood from my face. He looked a little more concerned.
"The blood ain't mine dumbass." I took back the bottle and stormed out of the bar. I didn't get far, only to the end of the street. Out of habit I pressed that button on the crosswalk. I couldn't help myself from crying breaking down once again. Seems like that the only thing I'm good for, self-destruction. I drank the rest of what was in the bottle. I could hear Dean calling out for me. I leaned against the crosswalk and slumped down on my knees. I broke the empty bottle against the pillar. The neck was still intact, it's ends sharp and jagged. I knew what I wanted, I'd done it before, as cruel punishment. I knew it was wrong, but it was the only thing that gave me relief.
I pressed it against the soft skin on my forearm, I let it rip and tear, and the blood flowed so easily. It hurt, bad, I let out some kind of cry. I guess Dean finally realized what I was doing to myself. He got to me first.
"Phae! Dammit why'd you do that?" he raised my arm above my heart, looking at the gashes, getting blood on his suit. I felt dizzy and wanted to throw up. Weakly I responded to him as Cas and Sam caught up to us,
"I just want everything to go away. No one'll miss me anyway." All I could think about was monsters from my past, the real ones. Not gorgons or ghosts or ghouls. These monsters were supposed to love me unconditionally. My parents. I used to be very close to my father and mother, before they started the Trials. Since I was this "prophesized" chosen one for the Gods, much like Heracles and all the other demi-gods, I would be put to trails from a very young age. It started when I was 8. The trails were grueling and cruel even for a common fully-grown man. It's a lot like getting one of those old-school allergy tests. The type where they put a bunch of scratches on your back and see what you react to. Except they exposed me to magic of the Gods. Once a week for 2 years I would be put to the test to see what I could handle. What was too much or too little? I never succeeded once, or so I remember. They injected me with Hydra venom, made me experience the weight of the world and the Heavens just like Atlas, and they've broken my bones more times than I can count. The Trails stopped once Dad left, but those events never really left me. Mom was still aggressively abusive.
The feelings I was experiencing now, they were too real. I needed escape. I knew I was free from my parents, but I don't know how to handle being with another family. I don't ever want to let my guard down again. I'm too afraid of being hurt or abused, again. Naturally I started crying, something I hated doing, because throughout the Trials, I would do it non-stop. Mom beat it into my head that crying was a sign of vulnerability and weakness, most times she'd taught me that lesson literally.
I could feel the calming warmth wash over me again, Cas was healing me. In my confused and broken state, I couldn't exactly differentiate from Dean and Jamie, my real father. When I spoke, I was speaking to Jamie but looking at Dean, "No more. Please Daddy, no more Trails. I can't take anymore. I'm never going to be your demi-god." Dean, along with Sam and Cas, were speechless. They didn't know what they were getting themselves into. Even though Cas was healing me I felt some other pull, a strong gravity, I'd passed out before I knew anything else.
I remember going in and out of consciousness. I remember the rumble of Baby's engine, my head cradled in Dean's lap in the backseat, and talk of demi-god lore. I remember feeling like a burden to them, my new family, all my baggage was now out in the open.
"Greek lore states demi-gods are to be tested through Trials. Grueling exercises that included injecting the prophesized demi-god with Hydra venom, breaking bones, burning parts of their body, depriving them of food and drink. The list goes on." Cas sounded like he was reading from some article. I would have laughed seeing him read from a tablet or phone.
"Jesus Christ, they tortured her. If I only knew back in '05. Then I could've come and got her. I was so close, New Orleans, just a 5-hour drive. That's nothing." Said Dean.
"You would have been too late, once the prophesized demi-god turns 8 years of age the Trails start. Very few test subjects survive. The children usually die before their trials are completed." Informed Cas further.
"Savage sons' o' bitches." Cursed Dean.
"that's terrible but it makes sense why there are so few demi-gods in history." Sam spoke up.
"Some special cases have arisen throughout Greek history. If the test subject can wield sacred weapons of previous demi-gods their trails are complete. At this point they have reached their goal and are now full-fledged demi-gods. Special circumstances may take place where the child is able to fight with all the sacred Greek weapons, if such occurrences are true, the child will ascend to God or Goddess-hood. Thus, transcending their initial purpose." Cas stated.
"That's crazy. I didn't know it was like that." Sam said. I rustled a bit in Dean's lap, he instinctively combed the hair out of my face. I fell back into a deep dark sleep. I didn't dream about anything this time and I didn't go to the Astral. That's something I'm thankful for. I woke up with Cas staring at me from the other bed in the motel room.
"Are you always this creepy?" I asked him, sitting up in bed.
"I don't sleep." Cas responded, "How do you feel? You scared all of us."
"I have a headache. I'm hungry. I'm sad.I'm angry.I feel like I'm not worth anything."
"You think what happened to you. The Trials and your abuse, you think that's what dictates who you are today? You deserve so much better. Dean, he'd do anything to see you happy."
"I just. The wool is over my eyes. I can't see it yet. I need time." I told him.
Cas gave me a tender smile, " we'll give you all the time in the world." Before I could say thank you and tell him that he was an alright angel, Sam and Dean opened the door.
"well look who's up and at 'em." Said Dean with a smile on his face. Sam sat at the small hotel room table and pulled out his laptop. Dean grabbed a beer and something from the mini fridge.
"Tell them your theory Einstein." Said Dean through a mouthful of burger.
"Okay. So, as we know, couples have been offing themselves and murdering other people. And from what we saw with Phae. Plus, this influence of this gorgeous blonde woman. I think we are dealing with Aphrodite" said Sam.
"How do we know she just wasn't a witch?" I asked.
"we don't but we have some pretty good hunches. Cas, you said the couple acted normal until she touched them. We think she took away their love for others, hence murder would be as easy as swatting a fly" Sam explained.
"So then what happened to me?" I asked.
"Well, you downed that Fireball like it was nothing. That's odd because five minutes before chugging it you refused alcohol from the bartender." Cas recalled.
"And with cuts that deep, Sweet P. You weren't trying to discipline yourself" Dean said throwing his burger wrapper in the trash bin, as if he were playing basketball. He whispered a small yes to himself when he made it in. Sam gave him an evil eye for being inappropriately childish when we were clearly talking about something serious.
"I think Aphrodite took away your ability to love yourself." Sam concluded. I couldn't help but burst into laughter.
"I haven't loved myself since I was 8, Sam. How can she take away something I never had?" I replied to him.
"It doesn't matter, it's gone and you need it back. So let's go get it." Said Dean loading his gun with a bullet and holstering it behind his back. Sam looked surprised and walked after Dean who had opened the door and grabbed his bag, to leave for Baby.
"Dean! Wait! It's the middle of the night. Where would she be with no leads?" Sam said.
I put my hand on Sam's shoulder. I smiled at him, genuinely, "It's okay, let's go." Cas followed behind us and we all hastily packed up our things as Dean started the car. We got into town about 10 minutes later. Rothbury was even more of a ghost town at night. I liked it being in it's devoid streets. If I wanted to smash all the store windows, I felt like I could have. They all got ready in a few minutes and were ready, I noticed something was missing.
"Uh, so no weapon for me?" I asked. Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Phae, you've got Ju-Ju-juice. And I don't want to risk anything. You can get this back when you get better." He tapped a knife clipped to the outside of his pocket, ready to slice against flesh. I understood his concern and felt the same way. I kept my mouth shut, that would be best for everyone. We all paused in front of the building we were ready to go into. I took a deep breath. I had never been in a club before, but I've heard what goes on in them.
Walking in we stood out a little. Maybe more so I and Cas with his trench coat. I wasn't offended by the dancer's beautiful bodies. It made me a tad jealous since my own body wasn't filled out in certain areas. I looked around to find Aphrodite, was she wearing the same dress? The stench of beer permeated the club and was thick in the air. Dean motioned to Sam to split up and yelled in his ear. I couldn't hear him speak even though we were packed in like sardines. The music was too loud.
Some strange man grabbed me from behind. His hands treading where they shouldn't, his lips coaxing veins in my neck. Every effort to shove him away was thwarted, he was simply to strong. In that moment I couldn't act on my powers, I had forgotten how to use them. Dean turned noticing I wasn't near him. A flash of confusion was washed away by pure red rage on his face. Dean grabbed the knife from his pocket and stuck it into the man's shoulder with ease. The man let go of me. Dean punched him square in the jaw more than a couple times. The music stopped, the lights turned on, I looked around. All the patrons were gone, even the dancers.
"You fuckin' touch my daughter again I won't hesitate to kill you" Dean warned the man removing the blade without mercy. Clapping came from behind me on stage. It was Aphrodite in her rosy red dress.
"Do you see now little one? How much you are loved?" She preached. Dean was irritated. Sam and Cas caught up with us. Sam asked if I was alright, and I nodded.
"You got our attention by molesting her? That doesn't sound like the goddess of love to me" Dean said wiping the blood from the blade on his jeans.
"There are many kinds of love Dean. I've exposed you to them all, this should be no surprise to you." Aphrodite replied.
"Give it back, her self-love." Dean demanded. Aphrodite tensed her eyes at him.
"I don't do well with requests. The heart wants what it wants. And you, poor girl. I have tried so hard to get you to love yourself. You're feeling it now, you're afraid of it." Aphrodite hoped down from the stage and walked up to me. I was sobbing uncontrollably.
"I don't know how. Not after the Trials. I'm so confused, mama. She did unspeakable things to me. How can I love myself after that?" I confessed. Aphrodite placed her hand gently over my heart and uttered one word, Kardia. Aphrodite looked at me sadly before looking at the boys.
"I know you'll treat her well. She deserves every ounce. Goodbye my darlings." She said with a smile. She burst into fluttering doves and the club was back to normal with all their inhabitants. Kate Bush's "running up that hill" was playing loudly over the speakers. I was the first to exit the building. A couple walking down the sidewalk grazed my shoulder and made me trip. The man apologized to me but kept walking with his wife. It was Lawrence and his wife, the ones that killed themselves in the bar earlier that day.
"Well, looks like she restored the town to it's former loving glory" stated Cas. Sam and Cas loaded up in Baby, just as I was going to hop in my seat, Dean came from around the driver's side. He put his hand on my shoulder, "Hey, there's still hope." He told me and hugged me tight. He kissed my head sweetly. I got in Baby and he started her up smiling at her familiar purr.
"Oh, you can have this back now." Said Dean waving the knife in my face.
"Thank you. All of you." I said. I watched the town lights as we passed through. It was easy for me to fall asleep, the rumble of Baby's engine soothing me to sleep.
End of Chapter 2.