Chapter 25: I, Me, Myself
Words: 3,121
Recap: You know that moment when that difficult problem you've been dealing is finally resolved? Your tension eased, your muscle relaxed, your mind cleared, and you feel everything is going alright now that it's over? Yeah, I don't have it. Instead of getting my rest, I was almost expelled for the use of - what for it - Unforgivable Curse, and almost got my butt land on Azkaban. Forget Youngest Seeker, I'll be known as the Youngest Prisoner at that point. Thankfully I didn't get to that point, but it certainly hadn't given me a peaceful mind, and boy does it show in my dream.
Fortunately, I had most of the year sleeping blissfully with the occasional nightmare, but even that hasn't been bad. There's so many of them you get to experience until you're dulled from the dullness of repeating the same theme over and over; Losing battle, people you love dying, Smelly Gabe, yada yada yada. Oh, the thought of it still scares me to death, but spending time having out of body experience and after last year's fiasco, you learned a thing or two to discern what's real and not. So most of the time I had an uneventful night, just the way I like it.
So the moment my consciousness realized I was standing in a living room filled with dead animal coat to decorate the stoned wall room, even without the cold vibe that gave the air a creepy feeling, anyone who thinks dead animals would make a good room decor has serious issues.
The first thought that came to mind was 'Well, well, prophetic dreams, my old friend, we meet again at last.'
The door of the room burst open suddenly, and I turned to find a robed figure coming in with angry steps. The person stood in the middle of the room, just breathing heavily before grabbing the oil lamp and throwing it to the fireplace with a hysteric cry. There was a short burst of explosion, the flame licking dangerously out from its confinement.
"You may have won this round, Perseus Jackson, but mark my words, one of these days, you will suffer."
I couldn't help but snort out loud at her words, now sure who it was the figure was, "Keep dreaming Circe, you can try all you want to change your future but rest assured I'll be there to thwart you."
I expected another outburst from her, maybe even trying to expel me from her place. Instead, she kept her back on me while keeping her voice low and threatening, "I was kind enough to leave your little friends out, thinking you'll leave my plan alone. It would seem that isn't an option with the way things are."
I tried to float closer, but I find I was nailed to one place, so I had to be content with growling at her, "Lay off my friends Circe, they have nothing to do with us."
The laugh was harsh and hard to my ears, "Oh, Percy, Percy, Dear Percy, haven't you realized? They have everything to do with us."
. . .
When I woke up from my deep slumber, it was way past noon, and I was taken aback by how long I was out. The others weren't any better as I found to be just as dead to the world, with the exception of Peter and Remus who were nowhere to be found.
I stretched and popped my shoulders, feeling lighter and refreshed. I glanced around, seeing no one, and took the first step out of bed–
–and Madam Pomfrey promptly appeared as if summoned by a wayward patient.
"Do I even need to tell you?" She asked simply.
I said nothing as I threw my legs back up to the bed, pulling the blanket up, and smiled my best innocent smile.
Pomfrey huffed before thrusting me a nasty purple concoction, the stink of it was enough to ward off any monsters as good as Gabe had done. Still, being eyed by the watchful gaze of Hogwarts' temperamental nurse. Though being the only nurse to wayward pubescent kids learning volatile magic, she has the right to be one.
Bracing myself, I shut my nose and took one giant gulp of my potion before I heaved a large breath after almost choked by it. "So can I go now?"
"Out of the question! You will be staying here until I clear you fully healed," Madam Pomfrey almost shriek.
"But I am healed, check me out yourself!"
Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips, looking reluctant but pushed aside her own feelings to tend me by the books. This means checking me out for having a clean bill because of my freakishly good healing speed she was still in denial. Her nurse instinct tells her I should spend a normal amount of time resting. But faced with her diagnose that told her I was healthy as any other boy, she had nothing to tie me down. It's a plus when I always kept an Ambrosia in my pocket for the occasion.
Confirming her fear(?) that I have a clean bill. Madam Pomfrey reluctantly cleared me so I could join my house for lunch. She tried (to no avail) catering to my age since most kids love to find reasons not to go to class, but for an ADHD like me. Sitting still with nothing to do is a torture worse than listening to Professor McGonagall drone about the science of magic. At least there's wand-waving in her class.
On my way to the feast, it was purely coincidence I spotted Remus and Peter together heading toward the same way, "Yo, Remus, Peter!"
They whipped their heads around, body taut from the sight of me before they inched closer to one another. Their stand guarded and unwelcome, which I wasn't expecting from them.
"What do you want, Jackson?" Remus asked in neutral tone.
"I…" licking my lips, I continued. "I want to know if you guys were alright?"
"Fine," he cliply told me, "we weren't there during the action so we were saved from the worst brunt."
They still acted out of the norm for me, so I edged closer worryingly, "Are you guys oka–"
"Sta, sta, stay away!" Peter voiced out, voice high yet clear for me to halt my track. He went so far as to even hid partially behind his fellow Gryffindor.
"What–?"
"I'm sorry, but it's best that we leave. Come on, Peter."
"What, wait! Peter, Remus! I don't get it, what did I do?"
Remus turned back, this time with an icy glare directed at me, "As if you don't know."
I did know, I was just still in denial. "I'm stupid. Elaborate."
"You...you honestly think we're supposed to buy that?" The scarred boy scoffed, "How stupid do you think we are? You use an Unforgivable Curse, only the vilest and wicked wizards use that. It goes to show the kind of person you really are. You know, I didn't want to believe what James told me to watch out over you, told him he was paranoid even. Guess, he was right." He left with that parting shot.
I did nothing but stood on the spot, blankly staring at the empty corridor before I finally move and made my way to The Great Hall. The place was already buzzing with chatter and clatters. I thought I could sneak into my house table, and get on with my day like nothing happened.
No such luck, the moment I was about to take a handful of duck roast, my hand lost grip of my plate. It clattered, and my house instinctively turned to the sudden noise. They went silent as all eyes locked to my presence and awkwardly waved.
"Hi."
"PERCY!"
The whole table shook by the shout, and I hid in my palms from the startling gazes of the other houses, not to mention the endless stream of questions that are impossible to answer.
"Uh-hum," the familiar sound of cleared throat caused them to silence while my muscle went taut for a whole 'nother reason, I turned my head to the sight of McGonagall, looking as strict and no-nonsense as any other day. I wasn't looking forward to meeting with any of the teachers, I wasn't ready to feel how different they would treat me, but a part of me also wants to get it over with so I know what to expect.
But out of all the teachers, McGonagall is the hardest to get a read on, which makes this meeting as tense as walking on a tightrope. There was nothing for me to say other than to grin sheepishly, not knowing what to hope from her. She stood, staring impassively, "I didn't think you are well enough to be up today, Mr Jackson."
"Madam Pomfrey cleared me herself. I do heal fast."
She hummed, and her gaze lingered a moment longer, confirming my words herself. "Then I suggest all of you leave Mr Jackson to his meal and hold off the pestering questions."
The crowd dispersed without much protest, not against McGonagall anyway. I tried to expressed my gratitude but her response was a smile that was slightly pulled unnaturally on her lips, it was further proven when she turned her back to head for her chair on the Faculty's table and saw her shoulders sagged after much distance from me.
It was a small act, a small act I don't think it'll get over my head anytime soon. Even though she didn't do anything wrong and did everything right, it was still a reminder that I will no longer be just another student to them (although who gets up to trouble more times unintentional) and instead see me as someone different. Someone outside the box labeled "Hogwarts Students" in their head and instead has cautionary police strip that has my name on it.
They can try, but things will never be the same.
I swallowed my resignation and promptly sat to continue my lunch. Doc and Gwen sat between me, they were the first to demand some answers and not leaving my sides without it.
"Percy, are you alright mate?"
"Honestly, what have you done this time? I mean, I'm glad you look fine now, but what have you done?"
"Gwen!"
"What, Doc? A teacher was sacked and few students went missing, how were we supposed to take that?"
"Doesn't mean Percy's involved."
"Don't kid yourself, Doc. Statistically speaking, he's more likely the cause, reason, or unintentionally involve for the mess. Whatever mess is anyway?"
She's not wrong but still… I tried not to care much as I went on munching my roasted duck.
"Besides, there were words of Percy getting thrown to Azkaban."
That managed to make me spit out my food or risk choking myself. Where is Hades' hell hole did she hear that? It's barely been a day. There shouldn't even be a rumor about it yet.
"What?!" Doc exclaimed, sharing my sentiment, "That's mad, this is Percy we're talking."
"You know what's mad? That he's been caught using an Unforgivable Spell."
Okay, there's no way she knows something this accurate without inside sources, but it's not like I can ask how she knew, that's as good as an admission of guilt.
"Gwen, where do you find these ridiculous rumours?" Doc asked, and I wish I could kiss the boy.
"Snitches get Stitches, Doc. I don't spill my sources. Besides, I'm not saying I believe them. Rumour tends to embellish and Percy barely ables to charm a fire out to light a match, not to mention highly difficult spell."
The tension resided in my muscles loosen. Glad to know whatever rumors that might crop could easily be diminished by word mongers like Gwen. Still, it was disconcerting that it might get spread out around Hogwarts. Those spells aren't something to joke about.
The image made me curled my lips and pushed my plate away. "Guys, I know what you're both thinking, but I don't really want to talk about so can I eat my lunch in peace?"
They relented. I managed to keep eating but it wasn't as peaceful as I hoped. Even while it was getting harder to ignore the layered voices around. My body twitched and tremored, self-conscious I was with the word of mouth that may pertain me. Feeling the subtle gazes from over the High Table that they can't seem to help. The memory of the night before still fresh on their mind. Probably searching something bizarre they've failed to notice, finding a reason or a sign that makes me unlike the other kids that they've known to teach almost all their lives.
It's no wonder I decided to leave my food unfinished, leaving a hall to find a place to just… get away from everything. My feet kept a hasty pace even as I don't know where I'm going. But my godly blood sure did because soon I found myself standing at the edge of the Black Lake, doing nothing but gazing at the horizon. Greg briefly making an appearance to wave at me, which I indulged but did nothing more than that. The smell of freshwater cleared my mind of any worries, the sound of waves soothing the tight knot in my chest and clearing the crease between my brows. I might have been tempted to walk further into the lake and make a brief dive if my name wasn't called so suddenly.
"Percy, what are you standing alone over there?" Hagrid appeared, looking worried as he came over to my side, "Yeh should be eating in teh Great Hall, yer still a growing boy. Gotta eat a lot to fill yeh up, em I right?"
"Hagrid." I smiled up at the big man, but even to me it felt forced, "Shouldn't you be eating with the Professors?"
"Eh, not like I'm a professor of meh own. They don't need meh up there."
"And you think I do," I said in miffed tone but regretted as soon as I spoke it. Hagrid immediately looked saddened by my words, "Sorry, you don't deserve that."
"I'm more worried about you, Percy." He sat down on the banks, and I followed his lead. "Yeh don't 'ave teh tell meh if yeh don' wan' teh, but no one should be alone. If yeh really don't wan' meh here, say the word an' em gone."
I kept my lips tight from saying anything impulsive, which is a thing for me. I heaved in a large breath before slowly breathing out, a trick I learned to clear my mind, before actually finding out what I really want or need at the moment. "No, I, I'm not sure I want to be alone."
Hagrid nodded then said nothing else. We just sat side by side, looking over the lake. We let the world fill the silence between us, with the wave of water, the chirps of the passing birds, and the rustling of leaves from the flowing wind. I took everything in and appreciating what is and forgetting the troubles that tried to break me apart.
But it seems I'm still not ready to let go because then I asked Hagrid, "Haven't you heard?"
"Heard wha', Percy?"
"You mean the Professors haven't been talking about me? Or haven't you noticed they were eyeing me the whole time?"
The Half-Giant tilted his head, "Well, can't say that's peculiar seeing as we do talk about you a lot, and the trouble you got up to."
"IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO CAUSE TROUBLE!" I exploded, standing up as frustration finally erupted to the surface, but there's a limit of how I can take up shit on my face. I thought I was done with that after high school, and even then I had the camp and Mom as my safe havens. There's no such place for me in this time, and the unfairness of this quest began to strike me again.
"For gods' sake, I didn't cause half the trouble on purpose. It's not like I know what half the spells supposed to do or what wizarding should and shouldn't do, I never grew up as one yet no one seemed to take the hint I'm clueless on what I'm doing, including using a cursed considered forbidden fo its use in torture!"
It occurred to me what I said, and my blood halted its track from rushing to my face as if these tiny cells knew how screwed I was after spilling what I've done wrong. To Hagrid no less, probably one of the few friends I had I could really open up to. 'Way to butchered that friendship, Percy.' I thought as I dragged my body to turn in trepidation so I could face him properly even when I want to do the opposite.
Hagrid's small—well, small when you consider his huge figure and bushy hair—eyes were round and wide, looking up at me with apparent astonishment. There was little I could do other than being the mercy of his judgment at that moment.
I have half a mind turning back and just hastily—not running mind you—walk away when Hagrid said, "Well, what did teh othe' guy do?"
My jaw dropped at his reaction, not expecting the curious lit of his tone or the same openness and unguarded glint in his eyes.
"He...he tortured Lily, left me and some others to die, and almost tried to wipe Lily's memories." I let everything out in a rush and fell into a hush at the end.
"What?!" Hagrid roared, actually roared, like he's sounding the angriest I've ever heard him in. That shocked me considering he is the most docile I knew that could rival Tyson, "That cowardly bastard, I'd say you gave him a taste of his own medicine, yeh did."
That got my eyes popping at the big guy, his reaction not at all like the rest of the school. "You're okay with that?"
"Well, no of course not. That spell is forbidden for a reason, Percy. But I trust you wouldn't do it again, at least not irresponsibly, with that sort of ability. You're a good person after all."
My lips went dry again, and softly, almost hesitatingly I asked, "Why?"
Hagrid blinked like he couldn't understand the question, "Because you're Percy, why else is there?" He stated blandly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, it was enough to make me doubled over in laughter. Of course, Hagrid would say that. This is the guy who saw man-eating spiders, leathered fire-breathing dragon, and winged monstrosity of every size and shape and thinks how to befriend them like a beefy-version of Hiccup Haddock. He knows what I did, and he didn't judge for what I did, he judges me for who I am.
It didn't take much thinking before I threw myself at Hagrid, hugging the man while my shortened arms struggled to twine around his neck. I let go since the man looked shocked and awkward in whether to hug me back.
"What's this about?"
"Nothing, just… for being you. Thanks, Hagrid."
"Of course Percy, what are friends for."
AN: Now for those fans of Remus, don't be too harsh on me. Remember, he's still a kid, and I need to make it clear the ramification of Percy's use of the Unforgivable and how awesome Hagrid is. Also, I'm glad ya'll seem to have an appropriate reaction to my Percy using it. I've been giggling like a mad person while writing since it's an idea I couldn't wait to post.
Bunearybunny: Wow, I'm honestly shocked by how fast you reviewed. I'm glad you like it.
FokLuz21: I'm happy you like my Dark!Percy. Hope you don't mind that he won't come out as often, I want him to appear during stressful moment/ Makes his appearance that much special if he doesn't come out too much is what I think, and yet influence Percy slowly but deeply in how he thinks and views the world in his daily life. Besides, I can't have you trashing in your bed every single time my chapter comes out. The suspense comes from the waiting too.
No need to be too concern of loving Dark!Percy, I think having recognizing your favourite character, who unknowingly acknowledge as morally superior, can have dark and flaws thoughts really put excitement in the moral conflict of Percy Jackson because now you never know just how far Dark!Percy would go and I have much, much planning for him. *Evil laugh* Thank you also for your input, I'll be sure to keep it in mind :)
Patolemus: Don't plan murder! We still need Harry in the future! Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I'm actually flattered the Marauders annoyed you? Because that would my characterization aren't too far off. I'm curious what you think of Remus' reaction in this chapter. Dumby isn't TOO mad at Percy, he just realized Percy isn't really your average demigod and isn't sure his 100 years experience is enough to handle him at the same time, trying to think of a way to hide the Sword of Gryffindor until it's useful for the war. Basically, Dumbly isn't mad he's just fighting off a massive headache. HAHA!
dauntlessofthesea: Nope, it's not looking good for Percy.
perseus99: I'm glad you like it :) Don't worry, it's not brush off, just not mention. It's why Heckler will be sent to Azkaban.
budhayes: Thank you for your input, I'll keep it mind :) I just hope I kept the marauders in-characters since they're not just bully, but charismatic bullies. Having personal experience with bullies make it hard to make them likeable while still being a little shits mix with a bundle of hormones.