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To Sacrifice the Sun

Chapter Five

September 16, 2016
19:42
Palenque Ruins, Mexico

Palenque after sunset was a very different place. Silent. Dark. Eerie. The air was heavy and damp, the sky inky black and every sound that broke the silence made Felicity's muscles twitch.

There was plenty to be afraid of in the darkness with the jungle only yards away. There were howler monkeys and jaguars and poisonous snakes. The air smelled like an impending summer storm and in this area of the world it could turn into a hurricane in an instant. There were ample shadows for HIVE operatives to hide in and their threat was constant.

But it wasn't the rational threats that sent shivers down her spine. Call it the spirit of the Mayans or…something else, but sitting there in the dark, Felicity almost had a heightened sense of the good and evil inhabiting the world.

Rarely had Felicity had the occasion to visit the ruins at night. Even that final Tikal mission, they had arrived during the day.

The park authorities didn't make much of an effort to keep it lit at night. They merely closed the parks well before sunset. The tourists, the workers…all gone before night came.

Felicity had always thought it odd. In America, they would have lit it up and sold tickets to see the ruins against the night sky, probably even set off fireworks twice a week. But not here. If it weren't for the light of Curtis' glow ball in Felicity's pocket and the campfire in the distance, the darkness would be complete but for the stars and the tiny sliver left of the moon.

One would have thought that after the day Felicity had had the last thing she would want would be to sit alone. In the dark. Staring at the jungle. That she would have sought the comfort of the campfire, of her friends. But, somehow, the darkness grounded her. With the stars above and wilderness surrounding her, it helped her remember that she was just a speck in the universe. A blip in time.

Because this was no longer a world of modern tourists and adventure seekers, of historians and archaeologists. This was the Mayan's world.

Secretly, Felicity had always imagined that the ghost of King Pacal came out when the skies darkened and the living left. That his warriors once again walked the streets and protected the city. That the priests reappeared to perform their rituals and worship their gods. Perhaps that was why the local governments cleared everyone out before sunset. Maybe they knew they weren't welcome any longer.

All those human sacrifices…did they wander the crumbling ruins, looking for revenge? The athletes that lost their lives in the bloody ballfield, did their spirits play over and over again, trying to change the outcome?

Sometimes, Felicity imagined that as soon as the last living soul left for the night, the streets would come alive again with the Mayan way of life. Woman and children and—

"Felicity."

Her name was only a whisper, but it made her jump, yelping, "Ahh!" her hand flying up to cover her heart.

It was incredibly dignified. As was the way Felicity sprang to her feet, her legs tangling and missing the crumbling stone steps beneath them completely. She would have gone tumbling backward, down the not yet restored steps of the Palace, if two strong hands hadn't grabbed her, steadying her.

"Whoa! You all right? I didn't mean…?" The hands were against her back, thumbs curling around to rest gently against her ribs. Familiar hands.

"Oliver," Felicity sighed, relieved.

But then, she realized he was holding her upright and that his hands were almost burning her skin through her clothes and, wow, that was nice. Also his thumbs were really close to the underside of her breasts and her shirt was thin and damp with sweat and he just stood there, immobile…

Then Oliver must have realized what was going on too, because he unfroze in an instant, adjusting his hands down, to circle her waist (away from her more delicate anatomy) and lifted her off what Felicity was sure were once perfectly stable steps and placed her next to him on solid ground.

Oliver let go as soon as Felicity was half-way able to stand herself, his hands flying off of her as if he too felt the burn. He didn't seem to like it nearly as much though. Except, maybe, like her, he liked it too much.

Just like that, the spell was broken and Felicity had the irrational thought that she somehow wanted to…unbreak it.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Oliver almost stammered, sounding awkward and unsure. Oliver should never sound awkward and unsure. It broke her heart. Everything about him now seemed to send her heart shattering into tinier and tinier shards.

"No. No. You just startled me," Felicity quickly tried to reassure. Anything to bring the old Oliver back. The confident Oliver. "I was just…er…stuck in my own thoughts and I…"

Recognition flashed in Oliver's eyes and a small, but genuinely fond, smile played on his lips. "Imagining the ghosts are out to play?"

Ugh. Oliver would remember that of all things. What had Felicity said about wanting confident Oliver back? She took it back. She took it all back.

Blushing and turning from the light so he wouldn't see, (which was really dumb since the main source of light was in her pocket and therefor followed her) Felicity muttered, "Oh, shush up, you."

And that was really far too familiar for the status of their relationship. Currently. But, clearly, Felicity's already faulty filter was nonexistent when in the company of her gorgeous ex. Especially when she was embarrassed. Or nervous. Both of which were a given in Oliver's presence lately.

The gorgeous ex in question, by the way, was chuckling softly at her, which kind sorta made Felicity's heart do this tiny skipping thing, along with intensifying her blush, because it really had been forever since she had heard Oliver laugh. And he was actually doing it with her. Well, maybe at her, but her heart didn't seem to acknowledge that there was a difference.

Felicity sat back down at her perch at the edge of the grassy area on the expanse above the stairs to the old Palace. Oliver swung down next to her and…

Well, that was unexpected.

Actually, Felicity hadn't expected anything, really…but she certainly had not thought Oliver would just stroll over and sit next to her, like they were going to hang out, like they were friends or something.

Could they be friends? After everything? Had the weird hug thing she had given him somehow conveyed to Oliver that that was what she wanted? Was it what she wanted? Felicity would do just about anything to have him back in her life, in whatever small way that was, but…had they ever been just friends?

Then Felicity realized that while her brain was loud and busy, her body was just sitting there, silently staring out at the jungle. And while it wasn't as awkward as it should-slash-could be, it also wasn't exactly the best way to encourage Oliver to seek out her company. And she really, really wanted to encourage him.

"You weren't supposed to remember that," Felicity finally whispered, referring to the last thing Oliver said, though, it seemed like he said it hours ago. But it was the only thing Felicity could think of to say.

Peeking over, Felicity caught sight of Oliver's lips tipping upward as he said softly, "It's kind of hard to forget."

Did Oliver sound nostalgic? Felicity thought, perhaps, there was a compliment in there somewhere. Or at least an olive branch. She couldn't afford to ignore the opportunity.

"Sometimes…don't you wish things were easier to forget?" Felicity asked, realizing too late that the tone was all wrong. It was too intimate, too vulnerable. Too bitter, even. Oh, why was she so terrible at small talk?

"Not that one. I like that memory," Oliver admitted quietly and, maybe, his tone was just as vulnerable and intimate as hers was. He was looking out over the steps, his gaze lost in the darkness as hers had been only moments before. His words were sweet and quiet and maybe even a little sad.

Everything Oliver said now seemed a little bit sad. But maybe that was just Felicity's bias.

"That's because you can't see how scary the ghosts are in my head. The Mayans make terrifying ghosts." Apparently, Felicity's brain, sans filter, was going to try for humor now. Not a terrible choice. She hoped. It could have been worse.

Oliver appeared to swallow another chuckle and Felicity wished he would just let go. She wanted to hear him laugh out loud like he used to. "I thought that the ghosts had celebrations and festivals and those sorts of things."

Oh god, he did remember everything. Felicity didn't even remember telling Oliver that. Well, she hadn't. She remembered now.

Now, Felicity couldn't help but recall laying in Oliver's arms on a dark and humid night, whispering her tales of the Mayan Undead as he held her, amused and relaxed. Maybe it was a good memory. A very good memory, actually, full of intimacy and comfort and sweaty skin that she used to be allowed to touch.

"Yes, but the ghosts only celebrate after they've relived the horrors of ritual sacrifice." Because Felicity couldn't imagine that dead Mayans would be any gentler than the living ones. And she needed to distract herself from thoughts of lying in Oliver's arms. Those thoughts were much more dangerous than dead Mayans.

"Well, I see how that might be less fun," Oliver agreed, nodding, though amusement was still evident in his voice.

"Especially for those involved."

Oliver turned his head and they shared a smile that had Felicity flushing and turning her gaze away like a school girl. So much for keeping her thoughts platonic.

Then Oliver surprised…no, shocked her by saying, "You know, I don't really have any bad memories of this place."

Felicity's head snapped up and she looked over at him, her eyes wide and incredulous. He had to be kidding.

But Oliver shrugged. "That was Tikal," he said simply, as if he could read her mind. Which, apparently, he could. Still could. Felicity wasn't sure if that was a comforting or a terrifying thought. "This is Palenque."

"Isn't one ancient Mayan ruin the same as any other in the dark?" Because it certainly felt that way to Felicity. Limestone, humidity, and restless spirits.

But Oliver gave her a lopsided smile, giving her this look that made Felicity confused enough to run the last thing she said over in her head…oh dear lord, had she really said that? And had Oliver really taken it that way?

The laughter in Oliver's eyes certainly said that he had. Then he confirmed her suspicions by murmuring, his grin just the slightest bit wicked, "There is no way to interpret that sentence that would make it true."

And Felicity felt like giggling. Because here she was, sitting with the estranged love of her life, and he might actually be flirting with her. She was suddenly glad for the inky black night because the eye contact was too much.

She didn't laugh, though. She didn't even flirt back. She was terrible at flirting, anyway. Maybe she should have tried though, because instead Felicity said, "Well, if you can sit in these ruins and have them remind you of happy things, then you are doing better than I am." And, of course, Oliver was doing better that her. That was obvious.

"Really? Because some of those memories were really good."

Oliver just whispered the words. The tone wasn't particularly suggestive. But maybe it was the way he glanced at her from beneath those unfairly long eyelashes…

Because a rush of heat assailed her and Felicity couldn't help but recall one particular very, very good memory. In fact, the images practically assaulted her with their…goodness.

It was early in their mission against Shadowspire. The team hadn't been in Central America for very long and Felicity had been just beginning her research of the Mayan world. Much of what they were doing was recon in small groups, which Oliver and Felicity had really enjoyed since it meant a lot of time alone, just them.

That particular night, Oliver had helped her sneak back into the ruins after dark to look at an area that was restricted. In fact, it had been the first time Felicity had been in the ruins after dark, so she was surprised she hadn't remembered it earlier. It seemed she had locked up the good memories even more securely than the bad.

Alone and enjoying the adventure, they…Felicity and Oliver had been so young and so in love. Reckless.

They'd had particularly wild sex on a glassy landing just like this one. Only it was on the edge of the Observatory and…

And, suddenly, Felicity was very aware of how close Oliver was sitting and the air was thick with more than just humidity. The tension between them was palpable, but without even a speck of the awkwardness that had been there before. And so much more dangerous.

Had they ever really been that young and free and hopeful? Lord, Felicity had forgotten that she had ever had that much…fun.

But she didn't say any of that. Instead, Felicity muttered, "That was Chichen Itza."

As if reminding Oliver that that particular 'good' memory was from a third set of ruins would…what? Take power from the memory? Be some sort of come back?

Let him know that she hadn't forgotten either?

Oliver's eyes widened and he burst out laughing and, as insulting as it was, it was more…more…Felicity didn't even know what but for the first time, since everything, she saw her Oliver.

Then Oliver went and ruined it by saying, "That wasn't the memory I was referring to but, well, it was certainly one of the better ones, that's for sure."

Okay. So maybe Felicity's mind had taken her in an unnecessarily dirty direction and maybe she was a little bit humiliated now, but did he have to rub it in?

"That absolutely was what you were referring to," Felicity insisted, because there was no way her mind was dirtier than Oliver's. He couldn't have changed that much.

"I was referring to the first time we were in Palenque," Oliver insisted, his eyes dancing in the muted light of Curtis' device and Felicity wasn't sure if she believed him or not. But the joy at seeing his eyes express something other than guilt and misery was probably worth the embarrassment.

Also, it was probably a good idea to steer away from discussing their (impressive) sexual past. Thinking about it had been dangerous enough. Felicity couldn't handle talking about it. Especially not with him.

So, Felicity forced herself to remember the first time they had come to read the glyphs at Palenque and she smiled, because the memory was, while less fiery, still rather lovely. "You were very good at playing the lackadaisical college student backpacking around the world." If only it had been true.

"Ahh…except I never graduated college," Oliver retorted in that self-deprecating way that always came so easily to him. He was very good at not taking himself too seriously. It was one of things she loved about him.

"Which only goes to prove my point." Felicity shrugged, hoping a little banter would help make the tone a bit lighter. "Once you graduate, the college days are done and the fun ends."

There was a pause, then Oliver said quietly, "But the fun ended anyway, didn't it?"

So much for lightness. "Yeah." Felicity sighed, remembering how fun it really had been to case out the ruins, pretending to be nothing more than two young backpackers out on an adventure, holding hands and seeing the sights. It hadn't felt much like they were pretending. "It was nice. Almost like we were on vacation."

Actually, it was the most vacation-like thing she had ever experienced. Felicity couldn't remember ever being that happy. Oliver was right. There were a lot of good memories in this place. A beautiful climb before the fall.

Oliver huffed out a laugh. "Where did all the good undercover missions go?"

"I don't suppose Russia was much of a vacation?" Felicity asked, because, apparently, she wanted to kill any pleasant atmosphere they were creating, all the positive emotions.

Or maybe Felicity just felt the need to remind herself that she didn't deserve them. It wouldn't help either of them if she let herself forget everything she had done to him.

"No," Oliver murmured, his eyes back to examining the black depths of the jungle. "Not really."

They lapsed into silence. Felicity didn't really know what to say so she joined Oliver in his examination of the emptiness. Only it wasn't empty. The jungle was anything but empty. It was just…hidden.

Had Oliver found anything hiding in those shadows? Was he contemplating his own daemons? Felicity really doubted that Oliver was lost in happy thoughts this time. Though, even the happy memories were bittersweet. Painful reminders of everything that was lost. Of a time they could never have again.

It wasn't long before the silence became too much for her. Too loud. Too vacant. And Felicity's damn fool mouth had to go run away with itself. Again.

"So I don't imagine you wandered over here just to keep me company?" Felicity asked. And immediately regretted it, because her words implied that their spending time together was ridiculous. Or, even worse, that she didn't want Oliver here. "Not that…you can keep me company anytime. I welcome it, actually."

And…there she went, back to the weird socially awkward dork. And, while it was an improvement over insulting Oliver, Felicity just…she hated it when she sounded that way. It always made her feel so inferior, especially around him. Smooth, charming Oliver Queen.

For the next several heartbeats, the only sign Oliver even heard her was the way he careful ran his tongue over his upper lip. And the insecure part of Felicity thought the silence was because he didn't want to be around a weirdo like her and he was just trying to figure out a way to escape without hurting her feelings.

But the semi-rational part, the part that still knew Oliver, who had his every tic and mannerism burned into her brain…she saw an anxious gesture. But that didn't fit either. What did Oliver have to be anxious about?

He shook his head, almost like he was trying to break himself out of a trance. When he looked back at Felicity, the distant casual Oliver was back. The mask.

God, how Felicity hated that mask.

"Right. Sorry. I was told you need to be dragged to dinner."

Oh frak.

Annnnnd…Felicity was going to murder Caitlin and Curtis. It was one thing to tease her about not feeding herself. That was endearing. Another to tell Sara. That was annoying. But to not only tell Oliver that she needed a nursemaid, but to appoint him said nursemaid…that was way over the line. So totally not cool.

"And you were elected?" Felicity asked and she knew it came out bitter, because how could it not? She was already imagining the humiliating interaction between her friends and Oliver. What had they said about her? The whole thing made her sick to her stomach.

But what Felicity wasn't expecting was Oliver to look at his feet and mumble under his breath, "I volunteered."

Felicity's first thought was that he was lying. That Oliver was just saying that to make her feel better. But the way he was avoiding her gaze and generally acting like a middle schooler trying to ask a girl out for the first time…

Okay. So, if he had volunteered…what did that mean? And, since Felicity didn't know what to make of it, of course, she kept talking, "Well, that, um…they totally exaggerate, you know? Caitlin. And Curtis. He is a complete drama queen." Oh why did she even try to talk when she was flustered. "I get a little distracted by work is all. I don't skip meals on purpose or anything like—"

"It's all right," Oliver gently stopped her defensive ramble, like he always used to do, saving her from herself. "You've always been…single-minded. I get it." And Felicity wanted to hug him, just because he was so wonderful. But she couldn't. He still wasn't even looking at her, just gnawing on his lip nervously. "Anyway, it's our last night where we get to eat a real meal and it's been a long time since I've gotten to cook over a campfire, so I made chili and—"

"Wait. Your chili?" Because hold the presses. That was something that needed to be addressed. And, maybe, it was a welcome distraction as well. "The one that is so hot it's made some of the scariest agents in ARGUS cry? That chili?"

Oliver had the grace to look sheepish. "Well, Slade felt it was an important initiation rite for Curtis and Roy. And Digg agreed, so—"

"Oh god," Felicity burst out laughing. Those poor, poor boys. "Are you at least going to warn them?"

Oliver's shrug spoke volumes. Of course, Slade would never allow them to be warned. That would ruin his fun. Felicity dissolved into laughter, just imagining it. It was mean, but she had to say she was feeling pretty good about getting one over on Curtis right now. Especially after all the 'Tall Gorgeous and Dangerous' crap. And, lord, she was not going to miss those first bites.

"Roy's never gotten the chance to try it?" Felicity asked, because she really did feel bad for the poor sweet puppy and if they spent three years together, Oliver must have cooked for him.

And maybe Felicity was dying for some clue as to what it was like for Oliver in Russia. Some hint that there might have been something normal, even good.

Oliver shrugged again, but his shoulders seemed heavier. "It wasn't exactly a common dish in Russia. I would have had to go out of my way to get the ingredients and that wouldn't have exactly been blending in. It's better over a campfire anyway." He tried for a lighter tone at the end, but the atmosphere between them had shifted. Again.

And all Felicity could think about was what it must have been like for Oliver when he first arrived in that cold, unforgiving place, trying to blend in with the Russian Bratva. The violence. The ugliness. It wasn't a place Oliver belonged. It was the opposite of everything she had wanted for him.

But when had Felicity ever gotten what she wanted?

"You weren't supposed to go to Russia."

After the words escaped her mouth, it took Felicity a full minute to accept that she had actually said them out loud. Then she wanted to clasp her hands over her mouth and force them back inside.

Oliver was staring at her, his eyes narrowed, his expression incredulous. Oh god, she had gone and ruined everything!

"And where exactly was I supposed to go?" The edge to Oliver's voice made Felicity flinch. It was the first time since they had seen each other again that he actually sounded angry, and, while she knew she deserved it, it was horrible to experience.

But there was no backing out now. "Starling." It came out as a pathetic little whimper.

Oliver didn't answer immediately. He blinked at her, his face going through a range of emotions before he finally said, "I don't think I understand."

Felicity was inordinately relieved that he wasn't screaming. Yet.

But...of course, Oliver didn't understand. It was incomprehensible. How could Felicity make him understand something incomprehensible? Especially without burdening him with the full knowledge of her…medical condition.

"After…After…" After Felicity broke his heart and refused to tell him why, betraying everything they had, completely and absolutely. "After Tikal, you were supposed to go home to Starling. You said…" She closed her eyes, wishing she hadn't started this, wishing she had kept her big fat mouth shut. "You said that you didn't want to stay in ARGUS without me, so I…you were supposed to go home to Starling and be happy."

"You thought I would be happy?" Oliver spat out, his anger now palpable.

Tensing, Felicity prepared herself for the yelling, the rage. God knew she deserved it and at least it was better than his self-loathing, right?

"How on earth was a supposed to be happy?"

Felicity flinched, his pointed words hitting their mark with perfect precision. Maybe Oliver didn't have to raise his voice. His cold, even tone worked just as well.

"By retiring? By going home to be with your family? By finding someone new?" Each offering was a pitiful whisper, becoming less confident with every word. It all sounded so stupid now.

And it only seemed to make Oliver angrier. His fist clenched at his side and his jaw hardened as he turned his eyes back to the jungle. "Well, I'm sorry that I didn't appease your guilt by living happily ever after."

"That wasn't…" Crap. Now it sounded like Felicity just hadn't wanted to be with him, that not talking to Oliver after the attack was just any easy out, a way to get rid of him. God, could anything be further from the truth? "It wasn't like that." And, yeah, that was convincing. Excellent argument. Well done.

"Then what was it like, Felicity?" Oliver's voice was hard, but controlled, almost tired. "Because I have no fucking clue."

Felicity knew she deserved to be swore out, but she flinched at his words just the same. Oliver never used that kind of language with her. Well, not at her. "I don't know. I was just really messed up after Tikal—"

"That doesn't explain—"

"I just didn't think I could ever be happy again," Felicity burst out. She still didn't, honestly. "And I wanted you to be happy. So I thought if I left…you would find a way."

The crazy part was that it was the complete truth. Felicity really had been convinced that she was sacrificing her happiness for Oliver's. And, though she knew she handled it all wrong, she still didn't have any idea what she should have done instead.

Oliver shook his head in disbelief. "I don't…that doesn't even make sense."

"I didn't say it was logical," Felicity threw back, her own frustration making her raise her voice. God, she hoped no one heard. But she was not making this worse my telling Oliver about the hysterectomy. She was not. "Obviously, I wasn't thinking clearly. I'd actually venture to say that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

Oliver watched her with a furrowed brow. Did her confession finally take the edge off his anger? Felicity was giving him a lot. Too much, maybe. She was basically admitting she never should have broken up with him, which was one step away from admitting that she was still in love with him.

Felicity had just made herself incredibly vulnerable, even more so than before. And while it was something Oliver deserved, that didn't make it any easier. God, what he must think of her. Was he finally realizing that the brilliant (somewhat) together girl he once knew had died that night, leaving this irrational nutcase in her place.

Yet, Oliver was still missing a vital piece of information. Something that might at least show some sort of logic to her thought processes. But even if she thought telling him was the right thing to do, even if she wanted the words to come…Felicity knew that her voice wouldn't cooperate. It was protective and it was keeping that last piece of the puzzle buried deep.

Finally, Oliver whispered, "I don't know what to say." But the heat was gone from his voice and that made Felicity incredibly relieved. "There is too much I could say."

Felicity was honestly scared of what that was. She may deserve his ire, but that didn't mean that she could handle it. "You don't owe me anything. This was my mistake, not yours."

Oliver sighed and Felicity could see the weight of the word take its place back on his shoulders. "It takes two, Felicity."

And just when she thought that she had at least accomplished one thing, making him understand this wasn't his fault, Felicity realized that she had accomplished nothing. Guilt or anger? When was Oliver going to realize those weren't the only two options?

"Maybe a relationship takes two people to work, but that wasn't our problem and this…this was all on me." And Reiter and fate and…

It wasn't fair. Oliver didn't deserve this. Felicity didn't deserve this. It was all so cruel. Why hadn't it gone the way she'd planned? At least then, something could have been salvaged. "But, god, why Russia?"

Because if Oliver hadn't chosen Russia, one of them at least could have been happy.

Shrugging, Oliver answered simply, "I was needed. It was far."

Far. Far from her. Far from the memories. Felicity supposed that it had been easy for Oliver to hide in Russia, just like it had been easy for her to hide in her Cave.

The only thing was, her Cave really wasn't so bad. Felicity had friends. She was surrounded by good people. It was temperature controlled. It wasn't a frozen wasteland surrounded by soulless mobsters.

"But Starling," Felicity whimpered, because there was a part of her that still didn't understand why that part of the plan couldn't have happened, making it all worth it.

Probably. Probably worth it. The idea of Oliver happy with another woman was harder to bear with him sitting next to her.

"I really don't understand why you thought I could go home," Oliver said in a way that made Felicity question that as well. "Not after that night."

Because Oliver had made it clear that he only wanted to go home after he felt like he had redeemed himself and, of course, he wouldn't feel like a conquering hero with Ronnie in the grave and Felicity…lost to him. But the ironic part was that he had been a hero that night. If there had been anything left to redeem, surely, he had done so.

But there was also an accusation buried in Oliver's words. An implication that Felicity should have known better, known him better than to think he would be able to go home after Tikal. And he was right. She should have. She should apologize. She should…

"I tried to keep you from going to Russia."

She should have her mouth sewn shut. Because if it couldn't be attached to her brain, then Felicity didn't want the damn thing.

"What? How?" And, now, Oliver was back to being shocked and confused. Frak.

"I came…" Great, now that she burst out with that particular bombshell, Felicity had another thing to explain. God, her head hurt. "I went looking for you to…oh, it doesn't matter now, but I started to realize how messed up my thinking was and the last thing in the world I wanted for you was to take the goddamn Bratva mission," she spat the last out part in disgust, "so I tried to stop you from going. But I was too late."

Always too late. Just like with the translations. Too late. Not good enough. Why did the stakes always have to be so damn high?

"I…" Oliver shook his head. "I wish you had said something."

She had tried but… "I was too late," Felicity repeated. It was the only response that was fair to give. She refused to make excuses. All she deserved was to take the blame. She couldn't look Oliver in the eye, but then…she couldn't not, either. The eye contact was painful. It felt like she was being pulled into those deep blue eyes, being sucked dry.

Oliver's jaw clenched and he looked away. Felicity watched his Adam's apple bob and tears filled her eyes. She wished…

Why had she even brought up Russia? Couldn't she have stuck to the weather? It felt like rain. The air was thick and it had that smell…surely that would have been a good topic of conversation. Important even. It was hurricane season after all and they were damn close to the equator.

Things had been going so well. They had almost been interacting as friends before Felicity had gone and ruined it with her mindless confessions.

"I'm sorry," Felicity whimpered, not sure if she meant for ruining what might have been a half-way decent evening or the laundry list of sins that led up to it.

The corner of Oliver's lip tipped up. "You don't have to be."

And Felicity laughed, because no statement had ever been more false. She didn't have to be? Showed how little Oliver knew. Though maybe he was just being polite. "Oh, but I do. There are not enough sorries in the world. And, now, I think…I think I just made it all worse."

"No," Oliver breathed, with an almost imperceptible shake of his head, his eyes unfocused and…away. "I'm glad you told me. I wish you had…" He sighed. "Thank you for telling me."

Felicity laughed a bitter little laugh. Moira Queen would be so proud of her little boy's manners. A tear pushed its way free and Felicity was quick to swipe it away before he saw. She wouldn't burden Oliver with that as well. "Trust me, you have nothing to thank me for."

"Well…" Oliver stood up and dusted himself off before, incredibly, holding out his hands to Felicity. "Then how about you start making it up to me by eating my chili."

Felicity took his hands gratefully, allowing him to pull her to her feet. If eating Oliver's chili was her penance, she would gladly do it, even if it made her eyes water and her mouth numb for days after.

But she must have made a face, because Oliver broke out into a teasing grin and Felicity's shoulders slumped with relief. Maybe she hadn't ruined everything.

"Well," Oliver whispered, leaning in and, believe it or not, taking on that flirty tone again. "I may have stashed away a batch for you and Cait before I added the really good stuff. I wouldn't want to mess with those delicate stomachs of yours."

Felicity's heart fluttered and she felt her eyes fill with tears again. She was having trouble letting go of Oliver's hands. Because, god, that was so sweet and thoughtful and he was the most prefect man and she really didn't have the right to speak to him, but miraculously, after everything, he was still speaking to her.

Looking at his playful smile, Felicity actually felt a spark of hope. She had gotten half her story out and disaster hadn't struck. Oliver was smiling at her. Maybe it could all be okay.

Yeah and, maybe, those two boys would just love the chili.

Author's Notes:

(More photographs and art for this chapter here)

Palenque Park in Mexico does close every day at 4:30 pm and I had a very difficult time finding pictures of any of the Mayan ruins after dark. The photograph of Palenque Palace at the beginning of this chapter (where Felicity and Oliver have their conversation) was a day picture whose light I adjusted.

For anyone who doesn't know, it is DC Comic cannon that Oliver Queen makes a chili so hot it makes Superman cry and only he and Bruce Wayne can eat it. I actually found the recipe and plan to post it with the next chapter.

Thank you for everyone who has stuck with me through all the angst and pain. I think we're through the worst of it. The next two chapters are lighter and more fun, a break from the angst and (for the most part) plot. There's a lot of bonding.

After that, The Olicity Fic Big Bang is starting August 29 and I have Of Redemption and Inebriation coming out then, a five chapter (finished!) post -season 4 reconciliation piece that's fun and smutty and full of alcohol and few surprises.

None of this would be possible without the hard work and support of fairytalehearts and ireland1733, and the kind encouragement of readers like you.

Don't forget to let me know what you think. You can also find me at:

(where I post teasers for my stories and plan to start posting videos relevant to the story next week.)

Thanks!

Emmy