"Hey, Sulky Lord, this is pretty good!" Toph grinned as she slurped down the spicy noodle soup. "Way better than your cooking, anyway."
Zuko felt his mouth quirk into an amused smile. He watched Toph splash the broth across the ancient, carefully lacquered table that had first been commissioned for Fire Lord Azulon's coronation and felt a grim sense of satisfaction at the way Azula's eyes narrowed in response.
"Thanks, Toph," He said mildly. "Glad to see you're enjoying it."
Azula's eyes snapped to his and her mouth twisted in irritation. He could practically feel the outrage pouring off her but she kept her mouth shut and no lightning crackled at her hands. He took that to be progress.
Beside her, their mother's eyes were fixed on the blind earthbender, her smile carefully polite even as her eyebrows rose in surprise at the girl's table manners. Kiyi stifled a giggle on Ursa's other side as Toph burped loudly.
Iroh chuckled gently along with Kiyi. Zuko didn't miss the way his mother tensed at the laugh or the twitch of her hand towards her youngest child. He didn't understand why; he couldn't remember Iroh being anything but kind even before Lu Ten's death. "It's good to see young people with a good appetite," The older man said fondly and Sokka nodded eagerly.
"That's what I keep saying!" He announced, helping himself to a third portion of koala sheep hot pot. "Growing teens need their food!"
"No one needs as much as you do, Sokka," Katara teased. "And it's Kiyi who has the most growing to do."
Kiyi began shovelling rice into her mouth in response. "I'll be as big as Zuko- no, bigger!"
"Slowly," Ursa chided and the tone used was so similar to the one she'd once used on Zuko himself that he paused, briefly haunted by the flicker of a different scene with a different cast at the same table.
But his mother's shoulders weren't as tense as back then and the smile on her face remained even when Kiyi looked away.
He wondered if Azula remembered it the same way. She was still glaring at Toph's sloppy eating with a scowl on her face but when Ursa leaned in to remind her to eat while her food was still hot she did so dutifully.
Zuko might not have the teasing relationship with either sister that Sokka and Katara shared, but he had to hold onto the hope that they could function as a family. The little girl who had once played with him on the beach had to be in there, somewhere, hidden beneath the iron layers of perfection that Azula and their father had forged together.
Conversation flowed easily enough, the buffer of his friends making up for the stilted awkwardness of his family members. Iroh joked and laughed with Sokka and Toph as Katara and the other girls mostly spoke with Ursa and Ikem. Aang seemed happy enough to flit between the conversations- ever the bridge between worlds. Everyone liked Aang, everyone found him easy to talk to. Except for Azula.
Azula remained bitterly silent for most of the meal.
"I came across the girls sparring today," Zuko looked up to see his mother smiling at him. "I'd like to watch you practice if that's alright? I'm sure you've learned a lot since your lessons with the old tutors."
Zuko felt his face heat at the memory of his early attempts at firebending. "Uh-" He floundered and Azula looked up with a smirk.
"Zu-Zu's hardly a master firebender, Mother. If you want a show you should watch me."
The table fell silent. Mai and Ty Lee exchanged a panicked look. Ursa looked at her daughter with steady, unwavering eyes. Eyes, Zuko realised with a jolt, that looked very much like the eyes she'd watch his father with- wary, unblinking. "That would be lovely, Azula. One day."
Zuko's hands balled into fists. "Not until you're better, Azula."
"Better?" Azula scoffed. "Please. You mean compliant." She leaned forward, towards him. Zuko fought the impulse to lean away. "You're scared of me."
Ice skated over the table and ghosted over Azula's hands, not quite fixing her to the table but enough to catch her attention. "That's enough, Azula," Zuko said as coolly as he could, mindful of the little girl who had shrunk down in her seat at Azula's words. "Your freedom in this palace depends on you following the rules we agreed."
Chief among which was 'no bending'.
Azula was barely acknowledging him now, eyes fixed instead on Katara. She didn't say anything but leaned back in her chair, breaking the light cover of ice on her hands and taking a long sip of wine. Zuko didn't dare look to Katara, not wanting to see her face which he just knew would be screaming 'I told you so'. Instead, he turned to his mother.
"I tend to practice in the mornings, at sunrise," He attempted a smile. "Of course you're welcome to watch."
"Zuko's firebending is truly remarkable these days," Iroh offered and Ursa glanced at him warily. "I had the great honour of teaching him during his travels."
"His banishment," Azula corrected.
"Zuko taught me firebending," Aang enthused and bobbed his head at Zuko in an excited imitation of a bow. "And ever since we met- uh since we went on a life-changing field trip together, his firebending has been awesome."
"Life-changing field trip?" Ikem smiled and Aang blushed beet red.
"Just a turn of phrase," Katara interjected. "We all got one."
"No we didn't, Sweetness," Toph denied. "Still waiting for mine."
"You got one with Uncle, he's better at it than I am."
"Mother, didn't you have a life-changing field trip with Uncle once?" Azula piped up and Ursa froze, staring at her daughter in stunned silence. "Back in the good old days?" Azula sounded bored, using that carefully crafted tone she used when playing with someone like a cat with a mouse.
Zuko turned to look at his uncle, whose face was stony and cold. The sight of it sent a little shiver through him, a long forgotten memory stirring in his subconscious.
"Woah," Toph said lowly. "Secret drama, huh? Your heartbeats are going crazy."
"What's going on?" Zuko asked. Azula grinned at him and Ikem rested a hand on Ursa's, which was trembling. "Mother?"
But it was Iroh who spoke. "I'm sorry, Nephew, I appear to have over-indulged," He chuckled but the sound of it was off, forced somehow. "I will see you tomorrow at the council meeting but if you'll excuse me…"
Zuko watched, stunned, as the one reliable, dependable member of his family stood and left the room.
"What the hell was that?" Toph huffed and Kiyi climbed into her mother's lap for a hug.
Ursa smiled and patted the girl's back reassuringly. "It's alright, Kiyi," Azula's eyes flickered to her mother with a sneer and she stood abruptly, causing Mai and Ty Lee to flinch.
"Well, this has been a wonderful dinner, Zu-Zu," She smiled sweetly. "I am so looking forward to tomorrow's entertainment," Zuko glared at her as she made her way to the door where her guard and doctor jumped to attention at her appearance, bowing to Zuko before escorting Azula away.
Zuko breathed out slowly, fighting the urge to firebend out of frustration; Azula had always been good at winding people up and he was more susceptible to it than most. He hadn't realised how tightly he'd balled his hands into fists until Katara's hand, cool and soothing like water, smoothed out his fingers and laid flat against his palm.
His mother opened her mouth to say something but at that moment, having seen Iroh and Azula leave, Lei led the house attendants into the dining room to clear the table. Katara's hand flinched almost instinctively but Zuko wound his fingers through hers, anchoring her beside him. If they were going to be open about courting each other, it may as well start by not flinching apart whenever a door opened.
He met Lai's eyes as the younger house attendants bustled to clear away the crockery. "Will you be wanting any dessert for your guests, Fire Lord Zuko?" She asked politely and Zuko looked around the room at the awkward, frozen faces of his friends and family.
"No thank you," He sighed. "I think we've all had enough."
Lai bowed deeply and led the attendants back out of the room. As they left, Ursa stood, picking up Kiyi with the practised movements he remembered her using on him and Azula. Ikem stood with her, looking concerned. "I'd better get Kiyi to bed," She said softly, not quite meeting any of their eyes.
Zuko stood quickly, wanting to follow her but something in Ikem's frown made him pause. "We'll talk later," He said instead and Ursa paused at the doorway, back to him.
"Yes, my love. Of course."
He sagged back into his chair, watching the doorway as she left, a curious, hollow feeling in his chest. What did Azula mean? Why had his mother reacted like that? Why had Uncle reacted like that?
"So… that was awkward," Sokka muttered and Suki elbowed him in the side. "What? It was."
Katara shot him a sharp look. "Sokka, leave it."
The room fell silent and Zuko felt lost. He didn't know what to say to diffuse the tension in the air, he never did. Katara's hand remained in his, cool and comforting.
"I'm going home," Mai announced, getting up with a significant glance at Ty Lee, who scrambled to follow.
"I'll go too. See you at the party tomorrow, guys."
It seemed to break the stalemate at the table. The others got up, wishing each other goodnight and ambling off to their rooms, more than willing to call it an early night. Aang gave him a shy, encouraging smile as he left. "It'll be okay," The young Avatar said with more certainty than Zuko thought the situation deserved. "I'm sure of it."
Then the door closed, leaving Zuko and Katara alone.
"I'm an idiot," He said softly. "This is a disaster."
Katara, thankfully, refrained from any 'I told you so's and simply rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," She said.
He ran his hand through his hair, disturbing the topknot and yanking it loose in exhausted frustration. "I thought it would be okay… Azula's been fine with Mother on her own."
"Maybe it was too much at once," Katara offered. Zuko looked up to see her face was thoughtful and sincere. "Everyone together like that."
"Tomorrow night will be worse then."
"Probably."
Zuko groaned and flopped forward onto the table. "And what the hell was that with Mother and Uncle?" He exclaimed. "What was Azula even talking about?" The adults were supposed to be the rational ones, the dependable ones, not the ones who ran away at the first hint of something embarrassing or secretive.
Katara sat in silence for a long moment. "Zuko, we have no real idea what life was like for your mother before she left, or what her relationship with your uncle was like…"
Zuko stared at her. "You think they might have been… uh... romantic?"
His mother? And his uncle? The thought was a little sickening but Katara shook her head. "I don't think so… But you'll have to ask her."
The thought made him extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't even just the idea that there might have been some sort of… dalliance between them… General Iroh had been the pride of the Fire Nation, his Grandfather's favourite son, the Dragon of the West. What if Uncle had been cruel to her? He didn't dare voice the thought, in case he gave it legitimacy by speaking it aloud.
Instead, he swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, I will."
"Hey," She ran a hand up his arm, holding onto his shoulder tightly. "Whatever it is, it doesn't change the fact that they're your family. Iroh and Ursa both love you so much- you know that, right?"
"I know," He said, feeling a little reassured. "Thanks."
She kissed him sweetly. "I love you."
"I love you," He responded, the words flowing like water, so easily.
He didn't have the sort of family that Katara had- one that loved each other unconditionally, but maybe his family could patchwork themselves together into something functional.
And maybe, he thought later that night as he ran his fingers through a sleeping Katara's hair, he might one day have the chance to build the sort of family he wanted. One day.
.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Katara asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and sitting up in bed. Her hair tumbled over her naked shoulders in twisted, knotted waves and Zuko smiled at the sight of her but shook his head.
"It's okay. If she comes then it's probably better if I speak to her alone," She slumped back down, clearly a bit relieved that she wouldn't have to rise with the sun. "I won't see you until this evening."
"I know- we're all expected to spend the afternoon in the royal spa getting ready," Katara grinned.
He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Sounds awful."
"Just terrible," She hummed. "But I'll do my best to get through it."
Zuko pulled his hair back and headed to the door. "I'll try to honour your sacrifice when I'm with the council."
"Good luck," Katara called after him as the door closed.
Every step felt heavy with his own dread. He didn't know whether he dreaded his mother being there, having the conversation, or whether he was dreading her not being there, leaving his questions unanswered.
He hesitated slightly, then opened the palace doors into the training courtyard, where the pre dawn sky glowed pale blue, the moon still high and shining down on him. He sent up a silent prayer of sorts, to Yue, though he still didn't know what exactly he wanted. The training area was ruptured and rocky from, he presumed, the girls' sparring session the previous afternoon. Boulders lay strewn across the once finely decorated paving stones, which were shattered and sticking out of the earth at odd angles.
He'd previously joked to Toph that with each visit she was slowly transforming his gardens into gravel, which had always been met with a simple shrug.
Zuko walked out to the centre of the arena, mindful of the trip hazards, and tried to settle the churning of his stomach.
She wasn't here.
There was a bitter taste in his mouth; disappointment and self-pity warred together at the thought that once again, his mother had left him to pick up the pieces.
No, he thought, that wasn't fair to her. He knew it wasn't.
But still.
He raised his hands to the sky, feeling the nearness of the sun as it struggled to drag itself over the horizon, dragging his own body through the warm-up positions. He was sure-footed, picking his way through the uneven courtyard and through the motions of the Dancing Dragon.
It lacked the power he felt when he did it with Aang, but it centred him and he could feel the life-giving nature of fire as he fell into the final position. In a flowing motion like he was waterbending, he fell from the final form into a low squat, bringing a flowing stream of fire down before him.
He practiced some of the more fluid forms that had once taken his sister so by surprise, sending whips of fire across the courtyard as he flowed over upturned paving slabs. When the sun was bright and his back was slick with sweat, Zuko finished by sending two twisting dragon forms up to the sky in a final salute to the rising sun, hanging heavy and bright in the lightened sky.
"You really have improved."
He didn't look but his heart thudded hard against his ribcage. Behind him he could hear the sound of his mother's robes rustling as she quietly made her way across the broken earth towards him.
"You came," He settled on saying, managing to keep his voice even. He shrugged off his shirt and lifted the fabric to smear the sticky sweat from his face. Ursa's footsteps stopped, still a fair distance from him and he turned to look.
His mother held her hands in front of her, clasped and twitching as she surveyed the courtyard. "When you were a little boy, you could barely move across the polished floors of the palace without tripping over your own feet, do you remember?"
All too well.
"I remember," He sighed, walking over to a particularly large boulder and sitting down heavily. "Lu Ten kept telling me I'd find my feet eventually."
"And you did," Ursa smiled, though her face was oddly unreadable. "Look at you now. You've surpassed both Azula and Lu Ten."
He wasn't sure whether she meant his firebending or his title, and the comparison made him uncomfortable. "Azula's still the better bender," He said matter-of-factly. "And who knows what Lu Ten might have been like, had he lived."
"Probably very like your Uncle," Zuko didn't say anything, waiting for her to lead the conversation lest he say something stupid. Ursa's hands twisted together nervously. "Prince Iroh was the pride of the Fire Nation when he was younger. He joined the army young, and quickly proved himself as an accomplished firebending master, as well as proving the might of his bloodline by slaying the last of the dragons."
"He didn't," Zuko blurted before he could stop himself. "Uncle never killed a dragon... he lied to protect them. They're still alive."
"Oh…" Ursa trailed off, looking like she'd lost her train of thought. "That's… I see."
She delicately picked her way across the courtyard and sat down on a raised chunk of rock. Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. "Sorry. I just- I thought you should know..." He paused, watching the way his mother's eyes stared vacantly at the floor. "Sorry… Carry on."
She blinked and glanced at him nervously. "Perhaps he wasn't so eager to please Fire Lord Azulon that he killed a dragon," She said slowly. "But he was eager enough to find the most politically suitable bride for his brother."
"What do you mean?" Zuko asked.
"When I was a little girl, Prince Iroh visited the village, though not officially. My family tried to keep our ancestry hidden, knowing the risks posed to Avatar Roku's family after Fire Lord Sozin left him to die on the island. Iroh never spoke with my parents, but I remember a young man visiting and showing me firebending tricks."
She paused, thinking over her words carefully.
"When Fire Lord Azulon came to Hira'a with his son, my parents couldn't understand how they had found us but at my wedding, I met Iroh and recognised him immediately," Her eyes were alight with some furious emotion Zuko couldn't quite place. "He had grown older but it was him."
Zuko furrowed his eyebrows in contemplation. "So… Uncle was the one who found you for Grandfather?"
"He told me so himself, not long after the wedding," Ursa closed her eyes in concentration. "He found out about… well, your father had a room for me, where I would be locked away if I didn't behave as he wished. When your uncle found out, he came to apologise for his part in my… marriage and brought me some mementos of Hira'a to hide, to make my time there less lonely."
Zuko could see it in his mind's eye; his Uncle, eyes pleading and sorrowful, handing a young Ursa the box of theatre programmes and her old clothing. I'm sorry, he'd have said, I underestimated my brother's cruelty. Forgive me.
He could also see his father, the man he'd once so adored, smirking cruelly as he ordered his wife locked up in a darkened room for whatever slight he perceived. "I'm sorry," He said thickly. "I never had any idea…"
"You were so young," Ursa took his hand in hers. "How could you have known? It wasn't as often, after you were born. He was proud to have an heir, then Azula was born and he was… not kind exactly, but he was pleased to have two firebending children. You didn't see his cruelty until later."
So the memories he had of family holidays to Ember Island, of playing on the beach with his father as a young child, they weren't a fabrication of wishful thinking. He had once had a father who wanted him. "It took a long time but yes, I saw it eventually."
His fingers skimmed over the left side of his face without conscious thought. The skin was smooth and even but he could still feel the ghost of the scar Ozai had given him. Ursa's hand flattened over his own and her eyes shone with tears. "He burned you."
It was like a dam breaking, the pain and confusion of a thirteen year old boy who didn't understand what he'd done to deserve his punishment. Tears fell from Zuko's eyes as he swallowed hard. "Yes."
"It wasn't until my letter to Ikem that he changed; suddenly nothing you did was good enough, and Azula had his full attention. I tried to compensate, to spend more time with you but in doing so I neglected Azula…" Ursa raised her other hand so that she was cradling his face, fingers tight on his skin. "I wish I'd done things differently. I shouldn't have provoked him, I shouldn't have let him-"
"It's not your fault," Zuko said softly, feeling for the first time like he believed it. "You were on your own, you did your best."
"It wasn't enough," She said softly and Zuko pulled her into a tight hug. They clung to each other for a long time, mother and son trying to ease each other's pain while knowing it wouldn't ever really go away.
Zuko didn't want to push but he had to know more... For his own peace of mind. "Uncle wasn't cruel to you?" He asked softly, face buried in his mother's shoulder. The thought of his gentle uncle inflicting any direct misery on his mother… the thought was sickening.
Ursa considered the question carefully. "No, Iroh was never cruel like Ozai." They pulled apart slowly, regaining their composure. Ursa watched him carefully. "He's been good to you, then? Since I left?"
Zuko turned his face up to the sun, allowing its heat to dry his tears. "Uncle didn't return to the Capital for a long time after Lu Ten's death. When he did return, I didn't see him often but when I did he was…" He was surprised at the lump in his throat. "He was very kind. When I was banished- when Ozai burned me, he was the one who called for a physician. He found a crew and a ship and took me as far away as he could."
Iroh had been there for over three years of banishment, not able to set foot on Fire Nation soil and even returning to the site of his son's death for Zuko's sake.
"He was much more of a father to me than Ozai ever was."
Ursa was quiet for a moment, face unreadable. "I'm glad that you had someone like that," She said eventually. "And I'm grateful to him for looking after you."
But, he realised with a little pang of sorrow, it wasn't enough to heal the wrong Iroh had done to her, herself. Maybe they would never regard each other as family. Zuko had to make peace with that.
.
After bathing and dressing properly, Zuko made his way to Azula's rooms. After Katara's previous concerns, he'd increased the security around her; all firebenders and doctors vetted by himself or his uncle.
The guards at her door bowed as he approached and he gave them what he hoped was an appreciative smile. "How has it been this morning?" Has she hurt anyone yet?
"The tailor was here first thing this morning to drop off Lady Azula's robes for the banquet but there's been no other activity," The older guard, Kuron, reported. No one's been hurt yet.
The other guard, Lee Yung nodded. "Lady Ursa is expected to walk with her to the royal spa, later."
Zuko nodded, the tightness in his chest easing a little, as it did every day Azula didn't lash out. The guards stepped aside and Zuko knocked twice before opening the door. Azula was reclined on her sofa, reading a letter. "Good morning, brother."
"Good morning, Azula."
She sat up slowly, folding the letter away and smirking at him. "So? How was the rest of your evening?" Her eyes danced with mirth and Zuko sighed heavily, sitting down across from her heavily.
"Are you happy with your robes?" Zuko asked, deliberately changing the subject. The robes lay across her bed, dark red with gold and silver embroidery criss crossing the fabric like Azula's own lightning.
"They're perfectly suitable for a minor royal," Azula watched him intently. "You're not curious how I knew?" She asked.
"How are you feeling?"
"Bored."
Of course, she was bored; she wasn't allowed out alone, she wasn't allowed to firebend, she wasn't allowed to participate in the ruling of the country. "Isn't it better than the hospital?" He tried, almost pleading. I'm doing the best I can for you.
Azula's smirk slipped into a grimace. "How? Wherever I am, she haunts me."
"Mother wants to help you get better…"
"Does she?" Azula's voice was acerbic, sharp.
"We both do."
"Zu-zu," Azula's voice softened and she stood, looking down at him with pity. "You never were very bright..." Zuko frowned up at her, tense and ready for any move she might make against him but she simply swept her dark hair over one shoulder and turned away, opening a small trinket box and placing her letter inside. "Don't you have more important matters to attend to?"
"I can stay if you'd like."
He couldn't; he had the council meeting to attend to and had to go through the pile of revisions of the budget that was sitting on his desk, but he wanted to if it would help her.
Azula shot him a withering look over her shoulder and he sighed, standing and walking back to the door. "I'll see you later, then."
Azula said nothing and Zuko left her, alone, with her box of letters.
It wasn't until much later, in the middle of the council meeting, that it occurred to him to wonder who was writing to his sister.
Sorry guys, really struggling to fit writing in at the moment but I'm trying to keep it going! As a result, I've not double-checked this chapter like I normally would so I'm sorry if it's not great. Quite dialogue heavy but I think Zuko needed it, if that makes sense?
I keep thinking we're at Ursa's banquet and I keep not quite reaching it... Next chapter though! I'm sure of it!