Calamity's Reign: Chapter 8 - Lost Heart
Hours.
It took hours of taking everyone's memories in and sorting them out and putting them together before Aerith was ready to implant them. During that time, she started to get worried. While they had Genesis ready to cast sleep if Tifa woke up, she hadn't. She SHOULD have woken up by now at least once. The fact that she hadn't was unnerving. It had almost been a full eight hours since Morbunova had been sent into the sun. Yet, Tifa didn't react to sound or touch. Aerith was afraid, had she screwed up earlier by forcing all those memories into Tifa's head at once? She hoped she hadn't damaged her...
Aerith rubbed her eyes and looked around the Highwind's infirmary. Everyone that was at the battle was still gathered. While Aerith hoped and prayed she'd be able help Tifa, perhaps it was for the best that they all were still there to restrain her if things went south. The only one out of them all that she couldn't figure out was Sephiroth. She had expected him to either attack them or take off. He had done neither, he simply stood at the back of the room, watching with indifference. Or... rather... fake indifference. She had caught him studying Tifa intently several times when he thought no one was watching. He seemed fascinated with her, and it made Aerith a bit nervous. Drawing Sephiroth's specific attention was never a good thing. It had ended with her own death once, and Cloud's constant struggles with the One-Winged Angel.
"Yo, earth to 'Rith, you ready?" asked Barret.
Aerith blinked a few times before refocusing and nodding. "Yes. Cloud, Zack, I don't know how she will react to this. Could you please be ready to restrain her if need be?"
Zack and Cloud moved to stand on the opposing sides of Tifa's bed, each having a preemptive hand on her shoulder. Aerith took in a deep breath, let it out, tapped into what little of Holy's power she could feel right now, and placed a hand on Tifa's head. She forced her way into Tifa's memories and found them almost completely undisturbed. That confused Aerith. She thought Tifa would have tried acknowledging or confronting the memories. Yet it was as if she had taken one look at them and shied away... like she had...
"Did she really...?" muttered Aerith.
Cloud raised a worried eyebrow. "What?"
"I never took Tifa for a coward," murmured Aerith, "She's completely shut herself away in her head..."
"Meaning... what?" asked Cloud.
Aerith pursed her lips. "Meaning that were going to do a bit of prodding after I finish."
Aerith took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and focused. She began to shift and combine the memories she had taken from the others into the ones she had left earlier, doing her best to try and follow a timeline for them all. It was... a bit hectic. This was the first time she had ever really done something like this. It took her several more hours to finish. When she did, and Tifa STILL didn't react, Aerith scowled at her.
"Not gonna make this easy for us are you Tifa?" chided Aerith.
She bit her lip, looking back and forth between Cloud and Barret. "Hmm... you two know her the best. One of you are going to need to go in."
Cloud and Barret exchanged glances. "Go in?"
"Into her head," explained Aerith.
Barret pointed a thumb at Cloud. "Let em' do it. She did it for him once, let em' return da favor."
Cloud shrugged. "Sure."
"Zack, pull up another bed," asked Aerith.
When he did, Aerith motioned to it. "Lay down Cloud."
He did so and waited.
Aerith pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the bed near their heads, placing a hand on each. "Close your eyes and relax Cloud."
He did so.
"I... don't really know what to expect. I have no clue what state of mind she's in right now. I... don't think you'll be in danger, but, be careful, for both of your sakes. I'm going to try and force her hand a bit, just... be there for her," said Aerith, her hands starting to glow with Holy's power...
Of all the things Cloud might have expected, it wasn't to suddenly find himself in Sector 7 of Midgar outside of the old 7th Heaven. He looked around briefly, finding it all eerily familiar. Familiar in that everything *kind* of seemed the same as he remembered it. Eerie in that nothing had a solid edge to it. Things seemed blurry. People walking around... their faces were blank, lacking emotion or distinguishing features. It was like they all blurred together.
Cloud pondered it briefly for a moment. Perhaps this was some kind of memory? Or a reflection of one? Or some mental landscape in Tifa's head? He really didn't know. He sighed, shook his head, and walked up and into 7th Heaven. He was... shocked... to see Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge sitting at one table. It was... humbling and saddening to see the old AVALANCHE members seeming so cheerful. He looked around, suddenly noticing an oddity...
There was a SECOND group of Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge. This group seemed angry and resentful, and were shooting dirty looks towards the bar, and the one who was standing behind it hurriedly preparing drinks. Tifa, in her Meteorfall clothes, in her pre-Calamity infected state, was scrambling. She seemed nervous and a little scared, something he had never seen her like behind the bar. She was always calm, cool, and collected.
"God damn that bitch is slow," muttered the angry Wedge.
Cloud shot him a look, frowning intently. Wedge had NEVER taken that kind of tone or language with Tifa...
Tifa rushed over, holding up several drinks at once. "S-sorry for the wait, here's your drinks."
The three of them frowned at them and took them. Biggs however, had his hand trail along Tifa's arm, making her shiver, before he took the drink. His other hand reached down past her waist, giving her butt a brief squeeze before focusing on his drink and the others. Tifa seemed petrified for a moment before she scurried away, getting drinks for the other table.
Cloud was dumbfounded, and a bit mortified. For one, Biggs was not a pervert or a molester! He had never, not once, manhandled or touched Tifa like that. For two, why the hell hadn't Tifa punched his light's out?! Cloud found himself disturbed and recalled what Aerith had said. Tifa's entire memories had been replaced and with bad memories by the Calamity. So this was the truth of it then? It turned her friends against her in her mind and had them do such things to her?
Cloud clenched his fists in anger. He had only been here for minutes and her was already pissed. He dreaded thinking of what his 'evil' memory counterpart have done to Tifa. Speaking of Tifa...
She was suddenly acting differently. She walked with her normal air of confidence he knew from her over to the table with the cheerful AVALANCHE, dropping their drinks off and giving them a warm greeting.
"Thanks Teef, your drinks are the best!" said cheerful Jessie, downing her drink in one go.
Tifa brightened at the thanks before scowling. "Sucking up to the barmaid doesn't get you free drinks you know."
They shared a laugh before Tifa returned to the bar. Cloud watched as a peculiar thing happened. She started washing the bar, and looking over the room at the same time. When she looked at the angry AVALANCHE, the entire room distorted into a darker atmosphere, along with Tifa suddenly growing fearful and a bit meek. When her gaze turned to the cheerful AVALANCHE, everything seemed to brighten and Tifa grew confident and happy. However... each time she looked back and forth between them, Cloud could faintly hear the sound of cracking and splintering. He could see little breaks happening throughout the room.
When Tifa looked at neither group, when she looked at a reflection of herself in the spit-shinned bar, everything turned blurry and she grew confused, lost. The reflection in the bar... it was of the Calamity infected Tifa, and the Tifa at the bar just didn't seem to understand what she was seeing.
Cloud wasn't one for deep understandings or knowing the complexities of the mind. But, he had gone through something like this before, though, it was to a lesser degree. Tifa was trying to understand what was real and what wasn't, but... she didn't seem able to do so, and it was a damaging experience to not be able to. He knew from personal experience how bad it was to not have a firm grip on reality. She had two entire lifetimes worth of memories conflicting in her head, and he'd do whatever it took to help her find out that the one with them as her friends was the right one.
"Tifa!" Cloud called out.
Tifa blinked a few times, looking up to see him. "Cloud...?"
The two groups of the old AVALANCHE members faded away. Tifa walked around the bar and up to him, uncertainty on her face.
She looked him over. "It's... good to see you Cloud. I haven't seen you in years. Look at those muscles! And those clothes! I take it you got into SOLDIER huh?"
Cloud blinked a few times and looked himself over, he was in his Meteorfall clothes. "Umm... not really...?"
She frowned. "Huh?"
This was off... they hadn't first met in the bar like this after Nibelheim, she had never even asked him if he had made SOLDIER. He frowned briefly, wondering if he should play along with the memory or not. No, no he didn't think he should. This memory never happened, he needed to get her away from it and towards the truth.
"Tifa... what do you remember of Nibelheim?" he asked.
Tifa froze for a moment, before growing furious. "I remember that YOU weren't there! You refused the promise! When I needed you the most you weren't there!"
"I made the promise Tifa! I said I would protect you and I WAS there! I... I was one of the Shinra Troopers with my helmet on, I was to embarrassed to show my face after not making SOLDIER, but, when Sephiroth cut you, I came and drove him away," said Cloud.
A hazy look filled Tifa's eyes. "Cloud... I... never would have cared... if you had made SOLDIER or not..."
Suddenly, the scene changed. He was back in Nibelheim, and before him, strangely enough, were two water towers, with a younger Tifa and a younger Cloud on each. Cloud watched as the scene progressed. One Cloud made the promise, one Cloud spit on Tifa and left. The scenes merged into one, and an older Tifa appeared in her normal black leather clothes. She looked at him passively and crossed her arms, waiting.
"I made the promise Tifa, I swear it," said Cloud.
"If that's true, then why weren't you there?" she demanded.
"I was there at Nibelheim! I told you I..." he began.
"When my father was murdered, when the town burned, when I chased Sephiroth down and tried to avenge them, when I was cut down, why weren't you there?" she demanded bitterly.
To that, Cloud could offer nothing, in truth, he was dumbfounded. While he had often blamed himself for what had happened, Tifa had never done so... she... had never blamed him for what happened or accused him of anything. He stood there, shock on his face. Was this... was this something she really meant? A resentment she hid deep down? Or was this something brought on by Morbunova's memories? For the moment, Cloud felt more lost than he thought Tifa was.
"I... I'm... sorry Tifa...," was all he could whisper.
The scene changed again, and continued to change rapidly. Duel memories, parallel lives started flashing by his eyes, depicting two similar, yet frighteningly different scenes each time. Cloud struggled to keep up with what was flashing infront of him. It was like he was a ghost watching from above at two seperate memories. One real, one a sickening reflection of it:
Barret praising Tifa for her effort at Reactor 5 and telling her not to blame herself for Cloud falling / Barret hitting Tifa upside the head with his gun arm, bruising and bleeding her, yelling at her for not being better and letting Cloud fall.
Him, Barret, and Tifa agreeing to go after Aerith into the depths of Shinra and to fight on for the others / Him and Barret accusing Tifa for being responsible for the destruction of Sector 7 and everyone in it.
Him, Tifa, and Barret walking to Kalm while Aerith and Nanaki took a separate route / Him, Barret, Aerith, and Nanaki going together and leaving Tifa to 'try' and not get herself killed alone on the way to Kalm.
The entire group laughing to one another as they tried to catch Chocobos to cross the swamp and avoid the Midgar Zolom / Tifa struggling alone to get a chocobo, and nearly getting killed by the Zolom, only for Cloud to be forced to save her and get critically injured, resulting in them falling behind Sephiroth's trail and her getting blamed.
Them successfully defending Fort Condor for the first time / All of them save for Tifa successfully defended their sides, only for a few troopers to get by Tifa and shoot at the Condor, hurting it and drawing the ire of the Fort's inhabitants, blaming her for her weakness.
Them all sneaking into Junon and into the boat, safely getting across barring the encounter with Jenova / Tifa getting caught, brutally interrogated, forcing them to rescue her and have to run and hide for the entire boat-ride, once again blaming her for the situation despite what she had been through.
Cloud shivered and fell to a knee, blood starting to ooze out of his nose. "T-tifa... s-slow down..."
The memories were overwhelming, one right after another, forced onto his consciousness. It was physically and mentally painful to go through these, along with enraging. The Calamity had crafted these memories well, not only had it constantly turned them against her, it had also weakened Tifa in her own mind, making her seem meeker and more prone to failure in her memories, and thus far easier to manipulate and less likely to resist it's words or influence...
More memories hit him suddenly, no, they had never stopped, even while he was trying to pull away to think...
In Rocket Town, they try and escape Shinra, only to get shot down despite Cid's piloting / In a rare display of confidence, Tifa tries to fly the Tiny-Bronco while Cid is getting on-board, they still get shot down, but she's blamed and rebuked for her attempt.
Yuffie steals their materia mid combat and flees to Wutai / Tifa is supposed to be standing watch, falls asleep, and thus allows Yuffie to steal their materia, and is blamed.
Yuffie is caught by Don Corneo, and they rescue her / Tifa is instead the one caught, and they're forced to rescue her, once again citing how useless she is.
He and Tifa go on a wonderful, if but awkward date at the Gold Saucer / Tifa approaches him for a date, is rejected, and he snubs her as he left with Aeris instead, leaving her heartbroken and miserable.
Cait Sith steals the keystone during their date / Tifa is left to guard the keystone, but it gets stolen, and she is viciously blamed, even gentle Aerith seemed angry with her for losing it.
Cloud shook and clutched his head. "T-tifa! Stop! Wait! Your not even letting me help you figure out whats real!"
"It's doesn't matter whats real or not," a tormented whisper resonated through the air, "What does a monster deserve of reality?
Before Cloud could try to argue, the memories assaulted him again...
Cloud is devastated by Aerith's death, Tifa tries to comfort him as best as she can / Cloud is devastated by Aerith's death, Tifa tries to comfort him, but is knocked aside and accused of trying to use Aerith's death to move in on Cloud.
They struggled and made their way slowly to the northern crater chasing Sephiroth, doing their best to look after one another, even on the freezing climb up Gaia's Cliffs / They speed along as fast as they can in hot pursuit, Tifa continually falls behind, freezing and shivering, forcing them to slow down. The climb up the cliffs is a slow, agonizing process as they are forced to accommodate Tifa, calling her a burden.
Sephiroth breaks the illusion Cloud had of being a SOLDIER 1st Class / Sephiroth breaks the illusion Cloud had of being a SOLDIER 1st Class, but before Cloud breaks and hands Sephiroth the black materia, he bitterly accuses Tifa of hiding the truth from him.
Tifa finds and looks after Cloud in Mideel, the others reluctantly leave her there, the doctors are kind and praise her for her dedication to looking after him / Tifa finds and looks after Cloud in Mideel, the others are glad to be rid of her, the doctors are crude and cruel, and call her lecherous in the way she looks at and after Cloud.
After they fall into the lifestream, Tifa helps Cloud to recover his memories and find his true self and they continue their journey to fight Sephiroth / After they fall into the lifestream, Tifa helps Cloud to recover his memories and find his true self, but rather than be appreciative or admitting to his own failings, he yells at Tifa for stealing Zack's legacy from him, he hits her in a rage...
Cloud went rigged and tensed. No. Enough was enough. He would bear this NO LONGER! He would never have raised a hand to Tifa like that! He wasn't sure he could ever get that image out of his mind. He was sick and tired of seeing this... this... this garbage! These lies that the Calamity had put in Tifa's mind!
"TIFA!" yelled Cloud, "That's ENOUGH! STOP!"
Everything shattered around him into thousands of pieces. Cloud found himself falling into a black abyss, he landed with a grunt and picked himself up. There was nothing around him, nothing by blackness. He frowned, catching sight of something in the distance. He ran after it, but it almost seemed like it was running away from him. No wait... it... it was Tifa!
"Tifa! Come back!" he called out, "I would never hurt you, please let me help!"
Suddenly he was back at the confrontation between them and Tifa and Morbunova. He saw himself run Tifa through from behind, desperately trying to save Aerith's life.
Tifa, with blood running down her clothes, looked straight at him and screamed. "LIAR!"
Cloud recoiled at the memory as it shattered and once again he found himself in a black abyss. He fell to his knees, grimacing...
"But, I suppose I can't blame you," a voice spoke.
He looked up to see Tifa as he remembered her before the Calamity infected her. "Tifa..."
"After all, you loved her, not me," said Tifa bitterly, "Despite how much I gave up for you in both lines of memories."
Cloud rose to his feet and walked over, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Tifa, those feelings I had for Aerith... they were Zack's... and... I'm sorry. I didn't want hurt you..."
Tifa met his gaze and spoke quietly. "I know. I saw the tears. In what few memories I know to be true and real, I saw that you didn't want to hurt me."
She broke his grip and turned, walking a few steps. "I... don't know who I am anymore. Am I your friend? Or am I your burden?"
"Your my friend! All of us, your a friend to all of us!" said Cloud.
She shook her head, her voice cracking, "No... I... can't accept it."
"Why?" demanded Cloud.
"Because... if those memories are the real ones... then... I... I killed an innocent little girl, Marlene, who felt nothing but love towards me. If those memories are the real ones, then... I... I killed our adopted son... I killed Denzel... I killed everyone in Edge... I burned it to the ground... I... I'm no better than Sephiroth. He murdered strangers when he went insane, I murdered everyone who cared about me, who I cared about, I'm even worse than him! I'm a monster!" sobbed Tifa.
"No, no your not!" he argued, "The Calamity destroyed your memories and remade them, it lied to you, tricked you!"
She bowed her head. "It doesn't matter either way..."
"Why not?!" he exclaimed, "Tifa... we don't blame you... it was the Calamity's fault..."
Suddenly, the scene changed. He saw a Calamity tainted Tifa in the burning town of Edge, holding Denzel's phone with one hand, the other gripping the top of his head, one of her feet pinning his back to the ground. Cloud gagged, cried out, and flinched away as Tifa tore Denzel's head off in a brutal spray of blood.
She held up Denzel's head and turned to him. "Then why do I see the accusation in your eyes?"
Cloud choked, struggling to speak. "T-tifa..."
The scene faded, and they were both alone, staring at each-other in the black abyss of her mind, and she was back to her normal brown hair and eyes. "Whether one line of memories is true or the other, it doesn't matter. I'm still a monster..."
He shook his head. "Tifa... your... your not a monster..."
Suddenly Tifa's hair went silver. Her eyes went catlike and red, she waved her right arm to the side and a wing exploded out of her shoulder in a spray of blood, feathers, and flesh, the background changed to Edge burning, to Marlene and Denzel's corpses at her feet, and the rest of the town's inhabitants lined up dead on the ground for Morbunova to infect. "THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL ME?"
Cloud took a step back, stunned by the sudden action, stunned by the scene, stunned by agony and venom in her voice and eyes. In that moment, when he had backed away, he knew he had made a mistake in the action. The sadness and resignation that filled her eyes was crippling. He cursed himself, she had been looking to him for comfort, for acceptance, for ANYTHING; instead, he had backed away, in that moment he had abandoned her.
"T-tifa wait!" he exclaimed.
"Get out, leave me to rot," she said bitterly.
He rushed forward and grabbed her shoulder. "Tifa!"
"GET OUT!" she screamed.
Cloud screamed and clutched his head, blood gushing out of his nose as he rolled off the bed and hit the floor of the infirmary. "TIFA NO!"
"Woah! Easy their Spikey!" came Zack's voice.
Cloud raised a hand in the air, gave a cry of fury, and slammed it down on the floor. "DAMMIT!"
Silence filled the infirmary as Cloud laid there on the ground, seething to himself, loathing himself. Finally, he pushed himself up to his feet and turned. Tifa still laid on the bed, not moving, not reacting. He had failed her... no... he refused!
Cloud looked to Aerith and spoke hoarsely, "Send me back in, I have to try again..."
Aerith gave him a pained, tired look and shook her head. "I don't have the strength right now to force her to confront her memories or to let you back in. She shoved and locked us out. At bare minimum, I need a night's rest and a good meal. We all do."
Cloud bowed his head and sighed with frustration. "..."
Zack put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be alright Spikey. You'll try again tomorrow, and next time, you'll drag her out of her head kicking and screaming if you have to."
Cloud sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh. "I... I hope so... I just..."
"That bad huh?" asked Zack.
Cloud slowly shook his head. "Tifa... thinks she's a monster."
"An apt description if I'm the standard to go by," mused Sephiroth.
Cloud glared at him. "Watch it Sephiroth!"
Sephiroth merely held his gaze, an amused look on his face.
Aerith cleared her throat. "Enough. For now, lets all get some rest. We'll alternate and switch through the night on who will watch Tifa. Okay? No arguing and no fighting."
Cloud slowly nodded his head, sighed once more, and left the room to try and find something to eat and then a place to rest his tired mind and body...
Sephiroth could admit, he was amused. Through his connection to Cloud, he had watched everything that had happened in Lockheart's head. He was a bumbling failure and a puppet in need of a master to pull his strings. He had botched that attempt so badly it was cringe worthy. He went to Lockheart, trying to be her friend and help her through it, barely getting a word out. How little he understood. She did not need a friend. No, what she needed was to be grounded on cold, hard, reality.
He might have been content to let her rot within her own mind, but... Lockheart interested him, for a few reasons that he could admit.
The first reason was that she was a challenge in battle. When she had engaged him in hand to hand like that, fearlessly matching him, it had been a thrill he hadn't experienced in a long time. Her final barrage of limit breaks at the end, oh, it was blissful, even if he had been on the receiving end of it. Fighting the Puppet had become a force of habit, while enjoyable, it wasn't the same. Lockheart's potential was enormous. She had so little experience with her newfound power. How powerful might she one day become if allowed to grow, if she was properly trained? Might she become a true, worthy rival perhaps? While he doubted he could ever get her to pick up a sword, he'd settle for being able to fight hand to hand against a true equal. It was something he had always lacked back when he was a SOLDIER 1st Class, a true, worthy rival to keep up with and push him.
The second, amusing, reason, was that she was a continual source of despair for the Puppet, surprisingly even moreso than he himself. From the moment Cloud had heard his adopted son die on the phone, she had hurt and maimed Cloud again and again. Even now, by rejecting his help, she was inflicting pain and despair on the Puppet. He might have resented her at first for taking his gift away from Cloud and giving it herself, but, he could admit he approved of it now. He was more than willing to let her be the source of despair in Cloud's life, especially if he could augment that despair on the side, without even having to take any direct action against the Puppet himself.
He was no fool. He knew he could no longer take direct action against the Puppet without being destroyed. The Ancient was powerful, on her own she now might even be enough to match him. She had been reborn as a WEAPON, and not only that, he could feel the truth in what she had become. She had taken Holy into herself, merging with it. That alone demanded his respect and wariness, without even considering what else she might now be capable of. He would not cross her unless he absolutely had to.
Returning to his previous train of thought, there was a... third reason he was interested in Lockheart, though he was loath to admit or acknowledge it. She was... similar to him. All of his life, there had been no one else like him on the entire planet. Now that there was... he was curious about her. Curious to see what she would become, and who she would choose to be. So far, she had mirrored his life to an eerie degree. It was a sense of... kinship that he was unfamiliar with. To no longer truly be alone was...
Sephiroth shook his head and banished the thought. Enough. He waited patiently until Genesis finished his shift watching Lockheart and took over, He was moderately surprised they trusted him enough to leave him alone in the same room as her. Setting up a mental ward to alert him incase anyone started coming his way, he walked over to Lockheart.
He hesitated briefly before reaching down and brushing a strand of silvery hair off her pale face. Looking at it from the outside, perhaps he could understand why the Silver Elite had admired his hair and looks back in the day, down to even knowing what shampoo he had used, ridiculous as it was. He was still immensely curious, and perhaps still furious, as to how they had found that out. He shook his head and refocused on her. She was... alluring, was that what the sensation was? His hand trailed down her shoulder, touching her wing. He gently plucked a feather and rubbed it between his fingers before letting it fall.
He narrowed his eyes and put a hand on her head. "You will awaken Lockheart. I will not permit yourself to drown in your own pathetic self-loathing, you will awaken and show me your worth..."
Sephiroth looked around, finding himself walking into Nibelheim for the first time with Zackery Fair and three Shinra troopers on his heels. He could feel Tifa's presence, watching them curiously. Sephiroth smirked, looking at the unmarred town. He was not going to play along with whatever memory game Lockheart was playing. No, he was going to break the game, destroy the rules, and immensely enjoy himself while he was at it.
Sephiroth turned, drew Masamune, and decapitated the memory Zackery in one fluid motion before impaling the Shinra troopers. He only briefly acknowledged that one of them was Cloud Strife in his mind before he turned and started setting fire to Nibelheim once again. He searched and searched, slaughtering everyone in his path, before he found him. He smiled cruelly at Tifa's father before gutting him with an honest smile on his face.
"Pappa!" came a scream.
Sephiroth intentionally let go of his sword and walked away. Waiting for it...
The scene changed, and his was walking up the reactor steps towards the core, the door labeled JENOVA. There was a pattering of feet behind him. He turned, sighting a younger Tifa rushing at him, his own sword in her hand. She made to strike him, but he grabbed her hands and took his blade from her. With one fluid slash, he sliced down, sending her falling down the steps. This time though, he did not turn to enter his mother's chambers. He watched Tifa fall, hitting each step, her body bouncing along until she came to a rest. She raised her head weakly one final time, still managing the defiance to glare hatefully at him one last time before her head fell back. He smiled softly at the sight, such defiance...
"If there's one consistency between both memory lines, it's that you are still a monster," said a voice.
The reactor faded away, leaving him in a black abyss. Sephiroth turned to see Lockheart staring at him in her pre-changed form. He blinked a few times, noticing something peculiar in her gaze. The defiance, the anger, the resentment towards him, where was it? He had just enjoyed being reminded of it, where had it gone? What she was looking at him like now... it was... cold indifference? No one had ever looked at him like that before. There wasn't anything in the gaze, no judgement, no awe, no fear, nothing, just acknowledgement. How... fascinating...
He frowned briefly and looked her over. "Why do you hide in that pitiful form?"
She bristled. "Because it's who I..."
She bowed her head. "It's who I wish I could be..."
Sephiroth crossed his arms. "Is it?"
She glared at him, her form changing to her current one. "Yes! Do you think I want to be a monster?"
She bowed her head again, her wing dipping dejectedly to the ground. "But it doesn't matter what I want, I am a monster..."
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Your point being what exactly?"
Tifa raised her head to look at him with confusion. "...?"
"Show it to me," said Sephiroth, "Show me what makes you a monster."
The world changed, and Edge burned; He watched her, fascinated, as she butchered the town and set it aflame; The way her body moved, her fists lashed out, her legs swung. She was graceful and deadly, beauty in the form on a silver haired red eyed grim reaper. "Remarkable..."
A second Tifa appeared and stood next to him, watching grimly. "You think it's remarkable? I guess I really am a monster worse than you are. I killed those I cared for, those who once cared for me."
She bowed her head. "But... what right do I even have to weigh whose worse than who? I'd be a hypocrite to judge."
Ah, so that's it. That's where the cold indifference came from. She didn't differentiate herself from him and his actions at all. In fact, she probably used what he had done as her own base line to judge herself. How... amusing.
"I don't know who or what I am anymore," she said bitterly, "Which life is real? Which me is real?"
Sephiroth shrugged. "Does it honestly matter at this point?"
She looked at him, confused. "Huh?"
He turned to face her. "Between what you said to the Puppet and what you now say to me, your going in circles. Does either life matter? Who I see standing before me is not the Tifa Lockheart who lived through either of those lives. The one who destroyed Edge is neither of them. You as you are came into existence at that moment. Does either of those lives make a difference at this point? Which one was real, which one was fake... does it change anything?"
Tifa seemed to ponder it. "..."
The scene of Edge burning slowly faded away. "No... I guess it doesn't... but... I still want to know."
She turned to him. "Cloud... the promise denier... Cloud... my dear friend. I don't know which one is the truth, I can't trust what he says. But you... you... Sephiroth... you were the same in both memory lines. You never changed, you always treated me the same. You... I can trust to be who you really are. So tell me... which life was the lie?"
Sephiroth answered bluntly, "The life of weakness you lived as your friend's hateful burden."
Tifa seemed crushed. "So then... they were my friends... and... I really did do it... I... murdered Marlene and Denzel... I killed two innocent children who loved me... I tried to help consume and destroy the planet on a lie..."
Sephiroth grew amused. "I believe the phrase is 'join the club'?"
Tifa glanced up at him, startled. "Huh?"
Sephiroth threw back his head and laughed before mocking himself, "In my veins courses the blood of the Ancients. I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet! I am the chosen one, I have been chosen to rule this planet!"
He brought up a hand to block his laughter. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Tifa stared at him, shocked. "You... knew? You KNEW it wasn't true?"
Sephiroth scoffed. "During the Nibelheim Incident itself? No, I was delusional I suppose, insane as others would say. But, from the moment Cloud defeated me and cast me into the mako in the reactor, I flowed in the lifestream, absorbing knowledge from it. Truth came rather quickly."
"Then why..." she began desperately.
He shrugged. "Why not?"
"No, I refuse to accept that!" she yelled at him, "I... I thought I had nothing and no one, but you? One doesn't just try to destroy the world when there's so much left for them in it!"
He narrowed his eyes, unable for once to control his anger. "Left for me? How little you know. Tell me, child, what do you actually know of me? Of my life before I came to Nibelheim?"
Tifa took a hesitating step back. "I..."
"I was raised as Hojo's pet experiment. I was sent to slaughter villages in Wutai at the age of twelve as part of the war. I was idolized and put on a pedestal for the whole world to see as part of Shinra's endless publicity campaign. I lived and breathed nothing but being a SOLDIER, nothing but that building, going on missions, training, and Hojo's labs. My only two friends I ever had turned their backs on me, abandoned me, left me behind when I would have gladly gone with them had they had but asked. The only Mother that I knew was a two-thousand year old monster, as Genesis so aptly put it. When I finally snapped and slaughtered everyone around me, when I burned your village to the ground and nearly killed Zackery, the only one who I might have had left to call a friend, what did I have left to go back too but my Mother's embrace and desires?" he spat out viciously.
He slowly shook his head. "No Lockheart. This world had nothing left to offer me. So, as you did, I tried to take what I could from it. Mother, as your Father did, tried to use me to her own ends, but, unlike you and your Father, she was weak when I was strong. I overruled her will as time progressed, and, like any good monster, I tried to destroy the world."
He tilted his head back and laughed once more. "I spoke to Cloud once, telling him of my desire to find a new world. To create on it's soil a shining future. I question now what I could find there. After all..."
He grew amused. "What future could monsters truly have?"
He turned to look at Tifa, half expecting her to be staring at him in mute horror. Instead, all he found was sadness in her gaze.
"None," she whispered sadly, "We have no future..."
She bowed her head. "Cloud can say it all he wants, that it wasn't my fault, but I see it in his eyes. I imagine I'd see it in the other's too. I'll never have a real place with them anymore. To them, at best, I'm a memory of their former friend..."
A memory...
Sephiroth frowned intently. "Never chose to just be a memory."
Tifa raised her head slowly. "What else is there? What future is there for me? I'm a monster, a monster without a future..."
Sephiroth curled his lips, agitated with her, and with himself for going on that tirade. "If you so wish to wallow in your own despair, then so be it, breath deep and drown in it. Rot for all I care if you prove to be so weak. Otherwise..."
He walked forward, stopping inches from her, but she did not flinch away, she looked up at him, into eyes, searching for an answer. "Otherwise...?"
"Otherwise, you can pick yourself up and move on. The only future a monster has is the one it takes for itself," said Sephiroth.
He smirked. "And a monster is something capable of taking and desiring a great many things."
He stared at her, into her red catlike eyes for a time. Eyes so very like his own. The proximity was intoxicating, with their minds connected like this, her presence was a melody in his head that would not go away. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair from her face, grasping and twiddling it between his fingers.
He studied her face for a moment, before an impulse took him, a desire. He grew amused by the so mortal craving, and decided to follow through with it this one time. He leaned forward and devoured her lips, cupping the back of her head his his hands and pressing her against him. For a brief moment, he let himself enjoy the taste of her before he pulled and turned away.
"Choose your fate Lockheart. I leave within the hour to choose my own," said Sephiroth, not even bothering to stay and watch whatever her reaction to the kiss had been.
With that, he severed his connection to her mind and pulled out.
Sephiroth blinked a few times and moved his hand away from Tifa's head. He walked around her bed, to the infirmary door, and walked out. He made for the deck of the ship and stood along the side, gazing out into the night's sky.
At the turn of the hour, he extended his wing, ready to leave, only to pause at the soft footfall of feet. He turned his head to see Tifa walking towards him. She closed the distance and turned, her eyes looking out at the sky, her wing stretching itself out to the side to get rid of it's stiffness.
Sephiroth said nothing, and made no indication to suggest that she do so, but when he took off into the night's sky, she followed...
Author's Notes:
Being inside Tifa's head is not a nice place to be.
I'll be straight and honest right now, reading or writing Sephiroth X Anyone romance is difficult, if not awkward, as he was shown loving/caring very few things, if at all, in the games to my knowledge, thus giving very little indication of how to properly portray that side of him. As such, whenever I see it or write it, I can't help but feel "OOC". It's a simple matter of fact for his character, and why I usually ignore/accept it when reading other fanfics that contain it.
So, take Sephiroth's spin in Tifa's mind and the ending of the chapter as my attempt at the beginning of this story's 'Sephiroth-mance'. It will never be a full lovey dovey "I love you" kind of romance, not even close, I will say that now. In fact, Sephiroth will most likely never say those three words.
Take it for what you will.