Huge thanks to Paige and Sherry! This story would not be the same without you girls!
"Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?"
-Pink Floyd-
EPOV:
How can change happen, when everyone around you predicts your next steps, based off a notion of the past you find no longer relevant. I can't change it, no matter how much I want to, and all I can do now, is move on. I am older than I once was, and have dealt with enough to encourage a change.
I don't miss my past, and now that I am sober, I realize how drugs had controlled me. Drugs stole my free will and changed me to the point I must have been unrecognizable to anyone from my old life. Thank God, they never saw me, for their opinion of me would be even worse. One thing I especially regret about using was the lack of progress I made during those dark years. It was as if my life was at a standstill and I was just passing through the days without truly living.
Now I am twenty-five years old with a GED and no prospects. And with little Charlie to care for, it will be difficult to find a job that will also allow me the time to be a new father. Father.That word is frightening. Especially because I am not truly his father and I have no idea how to care for the boy.
Now, waiting for my first job interview to start, I stare at the photo of Charlie, I had placed in my wallet earlier, to remind me why I was doing this. The picture was taken professionally right after his birth. He looks to be sleeping peacefully and he is so small, tinier than he is now. I wish I knew him back then. I wish I had been in the right state of mind to see my brother one last time.
"Edward Cullen."
Taking a deep breath, I give the secretary a tense smile before making my way inside the manager's office.
I sit in my car completely beat. I am not asking for much, besides a livable income for Charlie and me, but still I haven't received an offer, or many calls back to set up interviews. I stare at the convenience store across the street and contemplate how wonderful a Marlboro 27 would be. I can taste the nicotine right now just thinking about it. I can't anymore. I don't have the money to support the habit and I know I can't smoke around a baby.
Running my hands through my hair, I yank, hoping the pain will defuse my tension. Throwing myself back against the driver's seat, I pull Charlie's photo from my wallet again and let the image of his little face calm me. Perhaps I need to return home and spend time with him. His laughter will definitely distract me from my self-loathing.
When I arrive home, I find Mom holding Charlie, who is asleep in her arms. "How did the interview go?" Her voice is passive and she doesn't even look at me as she asks.
"They are going to get back to me," I lie, before taking a seat on the chair across from her.
As if sensing my presence, Charlie stirs awake and his big eyes scan the room until they find me. When he does, he begins to cry and I immediately want to hold him.
"I can take him mom," I say, reaching out for the baby.
Mom tenses and holds the baby against her chest, "I raised two children Edward, I think I've got this," she scoffs.
As the baby continues to cry, I roll my eyes and hold my hands out again, more insistent this time. "Mom, he wants me to hold him."
"Of course, he does," she says sardonically before finally handing him to me.
Charlie's cries cease right away and he looks up at me with a small smile. He makes a bunch of noises as if he was having a conversation with me and reaches his hand out, and I give him my finger to take. He grips it and gives me a huge grin, laughing in my arms. I laugh too, and feel as if all the stress from the day has dissipated.
"Well, I'm going to get started on dinner," Mom says, her voice tight and her posture tense.
I don't understand her upset. Would she not want Charlie and me to have a good relationship? Or am I just so beyond redemption she doesn't want me anywhere near the baby?
"I have a few more interviews tomorrow," I tell her, hoping the comment will make her more optimistic about my situation.
Although she is standing in the dark hallway leading to the kitchen, I can see the condescending look on her face. She looks so different like this, unrecognizable. Mom had once been beautiful, with a face that was always relaxed and carefree. Now she looks older, insincere, and repressed. Even as she stands a few feet away, there is a distance between us.
"That's good Edward," she finally says, and leaves before she can say much else.
I watch her leave, wondering if she had always treated me like this and I had never noticed. I turn my tension back to Charlie, who giggles so loudly he can't be ignored. He is so happy and has his whole life ahead of him. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and redo things.
"Your day seems to be better than mine," I chuckle as I bounce the giggling baby on my lap.
Charlie giggles, and replies with a few noises as if to tell me he had fun here. I'm glad he had fun with his grandmother, and I hope mom will be willing to help me once I get a job and an apartment of my own. I know there is no way I could do this alone. Even if she is not willing to do it for me, I hope she is willing to do it for Charlie.
The next day, I wake up early and head to my first interview at a construction company. It isn't much and but it pays more than any other job I can get with my GED and no college education. I dress in a pair of nice jeans and a long-sleeved shirt to hide my full sleeves of tattoos on both arms. For some reason, employers aren't too keen on tattoos and piercings.
I'm shocked at how well the interview went, with Charlie in mind, I was able to overcome my nerves and present myself in a "more becoming manner," as my mom used to put it. As soon as I was offered the job, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. Just a few months ago I was high with no dreams for the future, and now I am sober and employed.
Regardless of my family's thoughts, I am proud of myself. And if Charlie could understand, I know he would be proud of me too.
A/N: I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story! It is really fun to write something entirely in Edward's POV. I know you hate his mother now, but she will definitely develop as the story goes on! But, Edward got a job this chapter so yay! Now all he has to do is make a little money so he can move in next to a special someone…
Thanks so much for reading! Please review!
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Song- "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd