I had been up for hours, since the sun had first tentatively placed its fingers on the windowsill, hoisted itself up and peeked through like a furtive child. Now, the sun had matured, standing just beyond the centre of the sky, half-obscured by a stray but substantive cloud on an otherwise clear day. It was hot. I was wandering around town. My shirts didn't suit the weather but armour would have been worse so I didn't bother to look for Tyron and I couldn't go bloody shirtless. That's what I told myself anyway.

I went to breakfast late to avoid the others, and ate quickly. I can't say why. After we caught Fristad I didn't have an immediate objective again, and that always left me despondent. A few things proudly strutted about the empty canvas of my mind. The Book's existence had profoundly affected how I viewed my prior interactions with Fristad - I felt simultaneously vindicated in my suspicions and worried that I had unnecessarily antagonised an innocent man controlled by a malevolent outside influence; the Entity was still likely searching for us or maybe not; and I was still no closer to finding a way home. The forces of the Tower seemed to be the only ones with a clear idea of how to get home. Well… there was that Steve fellow (the other one). I didn't know where to find him, though. Maybe he was dead already. He had indicated he would join us at the Tower, then never materialised. Then again, fighting had been pretty fierce.

This was the primary issue. I had so many goals. Get home. Figure out whether the Entity is a real threat or not. Stop him, I guess, if necessary. Get everyone else home. Bring Warnado to join my friends. Protect them. But there wasn't a task I could carry out to definitely advance any of these goals. I was being handed "X"s without maps.

I needed tasks: defend Zine from whatever they throw at you; get free of the games; kill Hamish; get to the Vanilla Craft. They were simple and actionable. Why couldn't anything else be like that?

I punched the wall, surprised by the gesture. The hand before me shook, and the sweat glistening on it was freezing. I hadn't realised just how angry I was about it all. It almost disappointed me to see no imprint on the wall. Rage like this should have broken everything that dared stand in its way.

My lungs seemed to react automatically and began to shovel air in to cool my temperament, with the desperation of sailors bailing out a sinking vessel.

The inn arose before me as I turned. My feet had carried me on a circuit, but not a cycle. The tableau of the inn had changed since I last stood before it. The sun was glaring off a set of versatile claws, and the dome of black scales they were raised before.

Fire clenched his talons and unclenched them, observing them impassively. The claws retracted, the hand lowered and then he looked at me. A polite wave invited me to join him. To join them. He had two others with him, one I didn't recognise and one I recognised all too well: Destiny. They sat on horseback, dressed for travelling. Fire had no horse, but he wore a large backpack covered in small bags. The sheen of enchantment slid across their surface every now and then. Before I knew it, I was upon them.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead: "Right, where are you off to?" My voice came out distrustful and almost-angry - predictably given the circumstances.

"We're off to build a shelter for the Prophet's congregation. It's a long story involving a prophecy and a promise I made to a certain Steve, not our Steve, a different one who takes care of the Prophet. I would have told everyone earlier if there hadn't been the business with the… with Fristad."

My eyebrows raised and furrowed and I struggled to separate the two questions. "What does he look like? Why in the Mods' names didn't you mention this before?"

"Stubbly beard, t-shirt, wooden sword, brown cloak, seems generally on edge. I only met him just yesterday and I was busy making the device for Fristad all night."

Something rose in me and another plummeted back into the depths. It just about balanced out, my better nature trying desperately to hold the two weight in equilibrium. A purpose, and a confusing… I don't know what it was. A betrayal? A diversion? An obstacle?

"Steve's here. That's good. And, hello Destiny," I sighed. Now for the enigmatic girl. I didn't quite look at her because the sun adorned my brow, white light pressing through and lighting up the auburn hairs before piercing my eyes, but I thrust my hand in her general direction. "Sorry, who might you be?"

"Lucy," she responded. Cheerfully. I tried to look up further and got a brief glimpse of her face. Blonde. Pretty. I circled round to the back of the horse as she spoke so I could actually look her in the eye. The cheerfulness seemed to be genuine.

"And how is it you know Fire?" I was maintaining the barely-balanced tone.

"To be honest, I was a 'volunteer' at the pyromancy show he put on in the town square some days ago. He then somehow found me again and I came with him, helping people sounds a lot better than being a maid honestly. He also told me that he sees some sort of talent in me that will help with his effort. You're Kay, right?"

"Yes. He's mentioned me?" My ego had been poked just in the right direction for a moment. I had missed that feeling from home, of rarely having to introduce myself to people because people already knew my reputation and obviously iconic image. Nah, I'm kidding - I just missed being among friends and mutual friends.

"He was just telling me about his journey in Nexus so far, we were just at the part where this quarter-demon Warnado shows up outside of the door."

"Ah, that's a good part to be sure." A sudden realisation unbalanced the weights in my head. "And, you are going to be off establishing this shelter for how long exactly?"

Fire spoke: "We don't know how long it'll take. On that note, you probably shouldn't get too attached to this place, the Ender showed up at the Prophet's hill yesterday too and did a sweep. From what I can tell she didn't find anyone who was willing to talk. Additionally the experiments Steve, Jennifer and Shadow performed are bound to attract some attention as well."

"Okay, I knew about the experiments, but do you not think that a confirmed sighting of the Entity's elite guard and kidnapping force was something to raise with the rest of us? Wasn't the guy we had already captured and detained a tad less important than that?!"

"I do admit, I should have told more people-"

"Oh really? Who on earth did you actually tell? Who?" I was livid, but I'd stopped myself from squaring up to him yet. I wasn't shouting either so as far as I was concerned I was the pinnacle of serenity. My accent had slipped though.

"He told me," said Destiny, flatly irritated.

I bit my tongue, well aware of Destiny's fragile state. Steve had told me about the episode with the harmless necromancer. It then struck me that I never thought I'd use the term "harmless necromancer" and have reason to believe it.

"Can we talk apart, Fire? Just for a moment?"

"Of course."

We took a brief stroll. Sweat rolled down the back of my neck as the sun returned from its repose behind the cloud in full force.

"So, the Ender has shown up and you think the best option, instead of telling everyone and advocating a full-scale evacuation, is to take a girl you met at a magic show and possibly the most emotionally vulnerable member of the group aside from the literal child far away from the rest of us while we all dick around worrying about some swineherd giving us bad dreams?

"Kay, look. I am perfectly aware how bad this may look but Destiny needs some kind of purpose right now so she can distract herself from the brunt of her trauma, it's not optimal but it's a first step. As for why I didn't tell everyone, I was going to, namely at the morning gathering where everyone is together and we are in a soundproof room. The morning gathering that didn't happen because of the events of last night. Shadow was going to tell you in my stead at the next possible opportunity."

I bit my tongue until Fire finished speaking. How dare he lecture me about trauma? BUT, that was the second most important thing so I was going to calmly explain to him why he needs to make it an issue with the group because we are all supposed to be part of a team and this had serious ramifications for all of us. Not only was relying on a grapevine through your sister deeply irresponsible, but kind of makes me feel as though you regard us as beneath your attention. This also arguably figures you automatically in a leadership position. That is not to say that I am supposed to possess it though I am arguably qualified enough, but that there is an arrogance to it, especially after your absence at the Tower. I also must raise questions as to whether dividing our numbers leaves us weaker or not. Hence why we should have discussed this in a group and we could at least all have been forced to compromise, knowing more or less everyone's full reasoning.

But of course I didn't say that. That would be bloody ridiculous. Here's what I actually said:

"O-ho-bloody-ho! The leisuretime warrior wants to lecture me about how trauma works as though I've never experienced it! Yes, of course you need a purpose. Something to keep you going even in spite of the fact that someone you cared about and who cared about you went and died or got hurt or just straight up left and turned on you. Yes, you need a reason to get up in the morning instead of moping around caves! Something to build! Something to show for it all!

"But you need to be careful what it is. Think through what your problem is and how you can fix it healthily. Otherwise you spend years bumming around as a mercenary, thieving and killing, telling yourself it's part of some rebellious statement against the injustices of society all while reinforcing them. Or you devote years of your life to the service of a god who betrays everything you thought they stood for, slaps a meaningless title on you and stops responding once you've outlived your usefulness! You need a purpose that's going to stand up to scrutiny because nothing - nothing - is more painful than seeing yet another cause you thought was going to save you crumble away like ashes in your fist!"

My teeth were bared. Fists clenched. One near my scabbard. I was definitely shouting. I can't say how loudly but I thought I saw a passer-by staring at my anger. Fire scarcely seemed more than surprised. That's when I added what I thought would be the real kicker. Softly, I added: "But what do you know about loss? Go back to playing your games. We can handle the Ender without you."

Fire's voice was lowered to a growl. "What do you think made me start playing my 'games' in the first place?"

I tried to maintain my glare, but something in this hushed the winds driving me onward. I had to do something that felt moral, but I was still livid at him. I raised my eyes again after they drooped, and said: "Then you should understand she needs a chance to reconsider."

I immediately marched back off toward the horses. By Notch I was so warm. Not even hot anymore, just suffocatingly warm. I wanted to be with my friends. No, I wanted to be back with my friends in that cave, ready to make it to Vanilla Craft, but never going in. I wanted to be there, on the border forever, carrying out small, actionable tasks that brought us closer to our goal just by keeping us alive. And the goal would never, ever be satisfied so I'd never have to think about having another goal. I wanted to be nowhere.

"Destiny," I called, composing my features as I wiped my brow anew.

"Yes, Kay?" She was frowning down at me, clearly eager to leave.

"Listen," I began, eyes drifting shut but my voice becoming clearer and calmer. "Are you sure about this? Going off to set up this shelter and help run it?"

"I am."

"Okay… I think I know how you're feeling right now. You feel like you've lost the map that was taking you through life, and that you need something to take you in the right direction again. So, you're ready to take the first path the world offers you so you don't have to think too hard about where you really want to go, because it hurts. And I get that. I really do. Just be careful, sometimes the path the world offers you gets…" I sighed. "A little sore on your feet. And it isn't always as long or clear as it makes out.

"I'm not saying don't trust Fire," I resisted the urge to look back angrily. "Just weigh your options."

I opened my eyes and saw her staring at me quizzically.

"Have a nice day, Destiny. A pleasure, Lucy."

I marched off in the direction of the Prophet's hill. This other Steve would be waiting there with the next path I was going to cling to.