Big thanks to Sherry and Paige! You girls are absolutely incredible!

"The phone is ringing and the clock says four A.M.

If it's your friends, well I don't want to hear from them

Please leave your number and a message at the tone

Or you can just go on and leave me alone."

-Husker Du-

EPOV:

There are moments that take us back in time; images that conjure up memories that have been long forgotten. Seeing Paul again took me back to my time in high school, where Seth was the star athlete and I was a stoned brawler, who couldn't go a week without receiving some sort of discipline. Paul had been on the football team with my brother, and the three of us had once been close, despite my differences.

"You have to quit dicking around. You know mom is going to freak when she hears about this."

With a busted lip and a fucked-up nose, there is no way mom is going to keep her mouth shut this time. Not that she notices me much anyway, I can usually just slide by her and she won't even bother to look up. I love how inattentive she is when it comes to me. I can spend my days away from home and come back in the morning the next day and no one has noticed. Of course, dad would freak if he was home to see this.

"She won't hear about anything Seth," I say as I dab my upper lip with a rag, "Just distract her like you always do. Just tell her about football or some shit like that. She loves your stories."

Seth rolls his eyes, but he knows it's true. "I'll cover for you this time, but you have to stop wailing on everyone you see."

This time, I roll my eyes. "That's an exaggeration, you know Dean had it coming for a while."

"You fucked his girlfriend Ed, of course he was upset."

Natalie was a prime piece, but, one of the main reasons I hooked up with her was to mess with her dick of a boyfriend. Truly, hooking up has become a sport for me. It's amazing, that regardless of the amount of shit I get for my actions, I am never in need of a girl. Seth, my poster boy brother, is the opposite. While he still gets laid just as much as I do, Seth has a girlfriend who doesn't exactly like me. Kate thinks my behavior is disgusting, but if a girl wants to drop her panties for some random asshole she has just met, then who am I to stop her?

Paul jogs toward us with a shit-eating grin on his face. His parents just left town and Paul has been itching for another party. He isn't exactly close to his parents and they travel constantly, leaving him to spend his nights at our house after school. Mom loves him like a son.

"You two coming by tonight?" Paul asks.

"Of course, dude, I told you Ed and I were coming," Seth says with his bright, all-American, smile.

They get to talking as we head to the car and I lag behind like I usually do. Paul jumps into the passenger seat and Seth pulls me aside before I jump into the back.

"Don't bring your shit tonight Ed," Seth says seriously. "We almost had an accident last time because of you."

I nod, feeling sick all of the sudden. I wasn't in my right mind at the time, and it's haunted me to this day. I've never seen anyone look like that. I had lost track of my pills after one too many drinks. It was a wake-up call, and since then I have been more careful.

"Ed?" Paul's voice pulls me from one of many unpleasant memories. "Ed, is that you?"

He walks to the back of the sandwich shop where I'm sitting with Charlie and I don't know how I feel seeing him. I'm happy to see my old friend, but at the same time, seeing Paul reminds me of Seth and it just hurts too much. Paul reminds me of what I have lost.

"Hey, man! It's been forever! I haven't seen you since you left," Paul says, gesturing to the unoccupied side of the booth to ask if he could sit.

I nod my head and he slides in with a huge grin on his face. "You've got little Charlie with you too," he says with a bittersweet smile before his face transforms into a tired grimace. "How are you doing Ed?" he finally asks.

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting him to see how affected I am by his presence. "I'm fine. Got back into town recently, started work, and have been taking care of Charlie."

"That's great Ed," Paul says, looking more relaxed now. "Maybe we can hang some time, you know, to talk about things?"

I don't know if I could handle that right now. I don't like to think about the past, let alone speak about it. I have reminisced to Bella, but that was different. She wasn't my brother's friend, and we didn't share memories together.

"I don't know if I can talk about him," I honestly say, "Especially with you. I see him when I look at you...and it's too painful."

Paul frowns, but it is obvious he can understand. "Ed, I don't want to make things more difficult. But, we used to be close and I hope we can be friends again. I think Seth would want that."

I don't know if it is caused by the stress of seeing an old face, or if this has been building up inside of me since my brother has died, but I finally burst.

"My brother is dead! Who the fuck knows what he wanted?"

Charlie begins to cry in my arms and I feel myself grow pale. I don't know what made me lash out at Paul like that. It isn't Paul, but what he represents, which is a past I can no longer hold onto, memories that so are distant at times I worry that I will forget them someday. Someone once told me, pain was good, it proves that we are still living. If we can't feel pain, then we can't feel anything else. But I'm not sure I want to feel, I would rather be numb and blind like my mother.

Paul's eyes are wide with surprise, but they are also filled with understanding. Something that only agitates me more. I don't want his pity."I'm sorry Paul, I have to go." I stand, rocking Charlie in my arms and back away from the booth.

"That's fine Ed," Paul says, "I understand. Just know that I'm here if you need me."

I throw some cash on the table and give him a tense smile before walking out of the diner. I feel like a coward. Paul misses Seth just as much as I do, but I'm just not ready. I can't bring myself to face him and I don't know if I will ever be able to. I avoided him at Seth and Kate's funeral and I have always been thankful that I haven't seen him around town. Maybe one day I'll find the strength to speak about what my brother was without losing it.

But today, I am in pieces.

A/N: So, what do you think of this glimpse of Edward's past? He sure is different than he is today! Please review!

Song-"Don't Want to Know if You Are Lonely" by Husker Du.