I'm back with another update!
Giant thanks to my betas Sherry and Paige! This story would be nothing without you! Have to dedicate this chapter to Sherry :). I hope you feel better real soon!
"I'm in love with a girl
Finest girl in the world
I didn't know I could feel this way.
Think about her all the time
Always on my mind
I didn't know about love.
I'm in love with a girl
Finest girl in the world
I didn't know this could happen to me."
-Big Star-
EPOV:
Never wanting to miss an opportunity to show off to her wealth of friends, mom agrees to watch Charlie for the evening. I didn't tell her my reasoning for the night off, but instead, I explained that I figured she must miss her grandson. Bella has been watching him more and more often, freeing mom up to do, whatever it is she does, during the day. After a few minutes of reverse psychology, my night was freed up for my date with Bella.
I put aside a good chunk of money to take her out on a proper date. I even purchased a few shirts that weren't covered in holes from cigarette burns for the occasion. I wanted to impress her, I didn't want her to see me as some fuck up she is going on a pity date with. As much as I hate myself, I know I can't think so poorly of Bella. Perhaps my self-contempt is something I can discuss during one of my therapy sessions. I don't know when it began, or what it stemmed from, but there has been this sense of inferiority that is always at the back of my mind. There's this voice in my head that constantly reminds me of all my shortcomings and every set back I have ever had. I am sure it is not healthy, but how can you avoid a voice that sounds so logical?
I shake off the feelings that inspire my self-doubt and focus on enjoying the night with my girl. My problems won't be attractive to her, and although she sees into my soul as if it were the matching puzzle piece to her own, I don't want to be the man who needs to be consoled throughout the night.
I put more effort into my appearance tonight than I ever have. I cover up my sleeves of tattoos with a dress shirt and try to tame my hair, before deciding that it is no use. It's nearing the time for me to "pick up" Bella anyhow, which consists of me walking across the hall and knocking on her door.
Bella looks like every fantasy I have ever had. As soon as she opened her door, my jaw dropped and it feels like I am seeing her for the very first time. She looks so innocent, yet so sexy, in her purple dress and jean jacket. It fits her body like a glove, and I give myself a moment to appreciate her curves, before realizing that it is rude to gawk at her. But how could any man help it when faced with such a sight?
"Is this alright for where we are going?" she asks, unsure of herself as she plays with the bottom of her dress, which lands a good foot above her knees.
"It's perfect Bella," I assure her, as I imagine those legs wrapped around my waist.
The car ride is short, but is a great chance to give Bella some insight on my love for obscure punk bands and classic rock. If she doesn't enjoy the music, she doesn't comment and watches me with a thoughtful expression instead.
"What is this?" she asks, causing me to wonder if I should have played something more mellow for our drive.
"Bobot Adrenaline," I answer, happy when I see a nod of approval from her.
She says she likes them and reaches for the volume to turn it up. I knew she loved classic and independent rock, but to also find she likes skate punk and even ska….could this woman be any more perfect for me?
By the time we arrive at the restaurant, I am feeling secure and confident, and I hope Bella notices the change in me. I toss the valet my keys, and grab Bella's hand to hold firmly in mine. Her palm is warm and a little slick, I wonder if she is just as nervous as I am. She doesn't look it, but then again, she always looks incredibly beautiful and collected.
I'm proud to say that I reserved a table for us, for once, thinking ahead. We are lead to a table in the corner of the restaurant, and handed an extensive wine list. I spend a moment, looking at the list and pretending like I didn't down wine from a box in high school. But I nod my head at the choices, and do my best to pretend like I know what I'm looking at.
The waiter comes, and spends a few moments too long, looking at my date. I straightened up in my chair and glare at him, although he is too busy gazing at Bella to notice. Not that I blame him, she does look incredible, but that doesn't mean I don't want to beat him until he learns a few manners.
When he finally looks to me, and sees the tense look on my face, he gulps and looks at his pad. I order a moderately priced bottle, being as curt as I can, and the man walks away as quickly as he can manage.
"What was that about?" Bella questions, giving me a pleased smile.
"I don't like the way that man was looking at you," I say with a shrug of my shoulders.
I know that if Bella is going to be mine, I will have to get used to the attention she will receive. I can't go around ripping out every guy's throat. She doesn't know it, as modest as she is, but she is extremely desirable, a beautiful girl with a good head on her shoulders.
"He wasn't looking at me any particular way," she reasons, but I know she is teasing me.
This girl is going to be the death of me.As she looks over the menu, I enjoy the time in which I can look at her without her noticing. With creamy skin, brown doe eyes, and a plump mouth, she is perfection itself. I wonder if she knows this? I doubt it, women are always so down on themselves, only seeing their "flaws." If only she could see what I see.
"You figure out what you want?" she asks, smirking at me to let me know that I've been caught watching her again.
"Of course," I smirk back. So what if she knows I enjoy looking at her? It's not as if I'm trying to hide my feelings any longer.
The waiter returns, and this time, he keeps his eyes down and doesn't try anything. I must have really scared the shit out of this guy. I adjust my posture, so I'm sitting up straight in my seat, and smirk at the man, as if to say, "Yeah, dude, this girl is with me."
I frown when I hear Bella order the cheapest dish on the menu, mushroom ravioli, and I wonder if she believes I can't afford this restaurant? Not that I can blame her, I am not exactly well off, but it still hurts just the same. I push my feelings of inadequacy aside and focus on the positive, which is that Bella agreed to spend time alone with me at all.
When we first became friends, I truly believed that Bella pitied me. That she would go home and laugh at her loser neighbor who was trying to take care of a baby. But as our friendship grew, I knew that wasn't the case with her. She is kind and filled with empathy. But still, you can be friends with someone and empathize with their situation, and still not want to have any romantic attachment to them.
As soon as the wine arrives at our table, I realize my mistake. The moment I became Charlie's guardian, I made a promise that I would stop drinking. I never realized I had a problem until that day. Alcohol is always in the back of my mind, taunting me with its healing potential. It's hard to avoid something that can make you forget about the problems you face. I abused it for so long, believing that I was being healed, and now that I'm without it, I can finally be myself again. But, I feel as if I will never truly be free.
"Are you alright Edward?" Bella asks, reaching across the table to take my hand in hers.
I feel ashamed, I don't want her to know my problem, but I can't control the look on my face. My weakness must be clear to her, and the thought makes my stomach turn. Unable to explain myself, I look into Bella's eyes and find nothing but understanding.
"Edward, we can send it back."
I shake my head, not wanting to explain myself to the waiter, "You can enjoy it," I insist.
Instead, we both drink our ice waters.
"This doesn't make you weak Edward. Being able to overcome a problem in your life makes you incredibly strong. You should feel proud of yourself."
This isn't how I planned on this night going. I feel so vulnerable, and I despise that feeling. I don't know how her words make me feel. While I appreciate the fact that Bella is so kind and understanding, I also realize that she can see me. She can see who I am, or at least, who I have been. Never have I been more regretful of my past until right now.
"Thanks, Bella."
She frowns, and I wonder if my discomfort is obvious to her. She smartly changes the subject and I relax. I'm happy to see that she treats me the same, regardless of this new information. Perhaps, there is hope for this relationship after all.
Dinner arrives and Bella digs right in, illustrating that this is her favorite dish after all.
"I used to be a vegetarian for a very long time," she explains between bites.
I smile, happy to talk about her. Any glimpse of her past is welcomed. "what made you choose to do that?"
"When I was nine, I saw this documentary on animal cruelty. I was so heartbroken, I marched right up to my parents and told them I wouldn't eat meat ever again." She giggles at the memory, "Dad told me I was being silly, but my mom supported my decision. She went out the next day and purchased a few vegetarian cookbooks."
Bella smiles as she talks about her mother, and I hope one day it will be that easy for me to discuss my time with Seth.
"Your mom seems like an incredible woman."
"She was," Bella smiles wistfully. "She would have loved you Edward."
I don't know why this thought makes me so sad.
"What's your mom like?" Bella asks me, not knowing how touchy the subject is.
I never talk about my mom. I've always been that way. But, not wanting to be rude, I answer her.
"She's alright. She was very successful in her career and then stayed home with me and my brother while my dad continued to work."
Bella nods her head and doesn't press the topic further. Our conversation turns to books, a favorite topic of hers. She tells me all about one of her favorites she is rereading, all about time-travel, Scotland, and falling in love with a trusted friend. I love listening to her recount the story. Her soft voice is so expressive when she speaks of something she loves. There is so much depth to this girl. It makes me realize how incredibly shallow all the women from my past have been, including my mother.
The waiter comes to check on us, looks confused by the untouched bottle of wine, and asks if we want to see the dessert menu.
"Of course, we do," Bella tells him, before a blush burns her cheeks.
I'm glad she isn't one of those girls who refuses to eat on a date. I've never been on a date to know personally, but Seth used to say a lot of his dates were like that, embarrassed to eat in front of him.
The waiter returns with a menu and we both decide on tiramisu. I'm so happy this date took a turn for the better.
The connection that I feel between us is palpable, and I find that it is very easy to fall for a girl like Bella Swan.
A/N: Hey everyone! So, a new chapter in Bella's POV will be posted on my blog by tomorrow night. I had a poll on my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) and chapter 12 had the second largest number of votes, so I'll be posting a BPOV of that! If you aren't already, subscribe to my blog so you can get all these updates :). I just didn't want differing POVs in this story. I'm also planning on doing a Carlisle POV for one of the chapters coming up.
Song- "I'm In Love With A Girl" by Big Star. This song is on the Adventureland soundtrack!