The story you guys have been waiting for…

Thanks Sherry and Paige!

"And when I see you

I really see you upside down

But my brain knows better

It picks you up and turns you around

Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged

When there's a lack of color here

Please don't worry lover

It's really bursting at the seams

From absorbing everything, the spectrum's A to Z."

-Death Cab for Cutie-

EPOV:

"I know what you must think of me," Esme says, with an open posture and a facial expression that indicates she means to hold nothing back.

I haven't been here long, and I'm happy to find that Esme wasn't going to beat around the bush. We had enough small-talk during our last meeting, and I'm not prepared for more today. I need to hear what the fuck happened and I can't let the mystery weigh on me a second longer.

Think of her? What do I think of her? How the hell could I know what to think? So many thoughts swim around in my mind, one contradicting the next. One second I pity her for the abuse I believe she suffered, and the next I'm angry at her for leaving me behind. She can't possibly know what I think of her, because I don't know myself.

"I didn't want to leave you, Edward. I swear I didn't." She gives me a sad smile, her eyes looking very tired all of a sudden. "I was just so young…I was in such a bad place. Nothing I could ever say will excuse my behavior, excuse the mistakes I've made. I just wanted to tell you everything, so you would know the truth. Then you could decide whether or not you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

Forgiveness always feels like it's so much for a person to ask for. We always seek it from others after we've fucked up, but when someone asks us to forgive, suddenly it feels like an impossible task. It goes to show how fucking strong my dad must be, considering everything he has forgiven me for in the past. I take a deep breath, and nod, telling her to go ahead and continue.

"I met my husband when I was waiting tables to pay for school. Your father had been accepted to a school out of state and wanted me to go with him. My family couldn't afford it, so I stayed behind to go to a community college in the city. Your father wanted us to stay together, but I couldn't stand the separation. I was rather codependent back then, as much as I hate to admit it, and I always worried that he would find a girl better suited for him. We came from families with very different backgrounds, but when you're young like we were, that sort of thing never matters. I suppose it's why we romanticize high school sweethearts. When you're that young, you don't care about money, status, or success in life. All you care about is each other.

Anyway, I met Charles when I was working and on a break from my relationship with your father. There's no denying it, Charles was very charming when we first met. He knew just what to say and just what to do to make me feel special. He came with a family that also struggled with money and was working his way through college. He won my heart easily, and I think that it was because I had been so utterly depressed at the time. I ate up everything he told me and before I knew it, with the encouragement from my parents, I was a married woman. As soon as we married, Charles changed. It was just little things at first. When we were dating he was always charming, kind, and gentle. Never did he raise his voice, and we hadn't fought. However, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, he started acting different. He would get mad at the smallest things and alienated me from my friends and family. We had been married almost a year when your father returned. I suppose he discovered the news and went straight back to Boston. I was so disappointed, because despite it all, I still loved him." She pauses to gather her thoughts and with a shaky breath she continues, "Looking back, I'm so ashamed of myself. I should have waited for your father, but I'd been young and stupid. There are so many things I wish I hadn't done, but it's too late to change any of it now.

Your father graduated and returned to Washington married and with a child on the way. Just as he returned, Charles was relocated to Austin, Texas and we left straight away. We stayed in Texas for a few years and that's when the abuse started. It wasn't too bad at first and every time he hit me, he would apologize right away. His whole demeanor would change and he would morph back into the man I fell in love with. I was so stupid and every time he told me he would never strike me again, I would always believe him. One night, he came home drunk and I ended up in the hospital with thirty stitches. You'd think I would have left, but I didn't. We moved to Colorado and things got better and a year later we went back to Washington.

That's when I found your father again. We became friends again and we both connected just as we had years before. The spark was still there, and it was as if we'd never left one another. We were both unhappily married, although neither one of us admitted it. When my husband was deployed and Elizabeth was out of town, we had a short affair. Your brother, Seth, had been with his grandparents at the time, and Carlisle had his house all to himself. As terrible as it might sound, I loved every second of it. Until then, I hadn't realized what I was missing. I couldn't leave my husband, because he had threatened me so many times before I knew better than to consider that. So, I just pretended. For that one weekend, I pretended that Carlisle and I were the only people in the universe."

Esme pauses, and seems to be lost in her own thoughts with a pleasant smile on her face. It's the first time she has truly smiled since my arrival, and it makes her look so young, like a young dreamer with the whole world ahead of her. So, her husband had abused her and my dad was a means of escape. I'll never understand what it's like to be physically abused by someone you loved, so I can't judge her decision to stay. I know that abusers are fucking manipulators, playing with their victim's mind like a fucking psychopath.

Knowing that her husband raised a hand to her makes me want to fucking punch something, just to release the anger that's boiling inside of me. How the fuck could anyone hurt someone like Esme? She has this sweet innocence about her. It's painful to think about and I fucking wish I could've been there to defend her. Despite the fact that I hadn't been born yet, of course. Esme finally comes back to reality and smiles at me before continuing her story.

"That's when you were conceived. I knew that your father and I couldn't be together. I didn't want to be the type of woman to tear apart someone's family, and I told him that. He had a little boy who meant everything to him, and he was a wonderful father. I didn't want to ruin that. So, we stayed good friends during my pregnancy. My husband was stationed hours away from me by plane and your father would visit me every time his wife was busy. He helped me through my pregnancy and was there whenever he could be. He was so excited for you, Edward. Your father named you and everything."

I had been wondering about my father's role in everything. When I heard what Elizabeth said, I assumed he hadn't known about me or anything like that. Knowing that he had…well, I don't even know what to feel. I was wanted. Despite being an accident, they'd both wanted me. They had both loved me.

"Charles returned to Washington to find me with you in my arms. I had made up an elaborate story, saying that you belonged to my sister. Abigail had always been extremely irresponsible, so it wasn't hard to believe my story. She had given birth to a little girl when she was fifteen and it was taken away a year later. Charles knew this, so he claimed to believe you were her son. Although, there were times when he would look at you and me together, and I swore he knew deep down that you were my child.

We were safe for a while, but Charles started drinking again and would get violent with me. I tried to protect you, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. I allowed him to take all of his anger out on me so he wouldn't get to you. At first, I thought he wouldn't hurt you because you were just a little baby," she stops, and a sob escapes her lips.

My heart breaks for her as I watch the tears begin to fall from her eyes. I move from my seat in the chair across from her, to sit beside her on the couch. My body moves on its own accord, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders to pull her against my chest. It's the first time I realize how small my mom is. Her five foot frame shakes against me and I hold her until she regains control.

"I wanted to be your mom so bad, Edward," she says with a quivering breath.

"You are my mom," I tell her, hoping that she'll find comfort in my words, but instead they make her cry harder.

"One night I had fallen asleep early and I didn't hear him come home," she takes a breath, and closes her eyes as she continues. "Your cries woke me up and I rushed to stop him. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't woken up." Another tear slips down her cheek. "I took you in my arms to make sure you were still breathing, and as soon as I felt your little breath against my cheek, I knew I still had a chance to make things right." She reaches up and puts her hand on her cheek, cradling her face as she says, "I can still feel your little, warm breath now. It's one of the memories which has stuck with me after all these years."

She smiles at me and I bend down to kiss her cheek. I don't think anymore, I only feel as I absorb this information. I want to protect her now, and I fucking hope it makes a difference. We need each other now. We're both broken in our own ways and we've finally found each other. When my emotions do come back, I feel so fucking angry at this man that no longer fucking exists. He's dead and I hope his death was a fucking painful one. I hope he got what he fucking deserved. How could my mom have put up with him for so many fucking years? I might have been a kid, but I would have fucking protected her from anything. I wish he were alive so I could kill him all over again.

"I beat him until he was unconscious. I never knew how to fight, but when you threaten a woman's child, it just comes naturally, I suppose. I called Carlisle and then called the police. He was livid when he arrived and I convinced him to take you with him. I knew I couldn't protect you anymore. Carlisle left with you, but before he went, he begged me to go with him. I was so messed up, Edward. I barely knew myself and I couldn't understand how deep Charles's hooks were in me." She gasps for air and puts her head in her hands. "I didn't even press charges," she cries, unable to control herself.

I feel my own tears begin to fall as I watch her. This man ruined her. I honestly can't believe that after all these years, she's even here to tell this story. She's survived so much and still appears to be so loving and so fucking kind. I'm proud of her. She made mistakes and overcame them…just like I have. There's a bond between us now, and I honestly can't fucking believe it. I thought I would hate her, I thought I wouldn't be able to forgive her, but I do.

"I understand, Esme." I stop to wipe away a tear. "I understand, mom. You did all that you could."

Mom stiffens beside me and sits up to look in my eyes. I called her mom and I'm just now realizing it. She is my mom. We're both so flawed and yet, strong enough to become better.

"I always wanted to reach out to you. Every birthday I would send you a card, but I knew you would never see them. When Carlisle adopted you, his wife, Elizabeth, had made him promise to cut all ties from me. I wanted you to have a safe home and I was so happy Carlisle managed to get her to agree to take you in at all. I agreed to her terms and Carlisle promised to always take care of you. Losing you was devastating, but I knew that it was what was best for you. I did visit you once before I left. You were completely healed and playing with your new brother, Seth. It was nice to hear you laugh again and I was able to leave knowing that you would have a better future than anything I could have given you."

My heart breaks for her. I couldn't imagine leaving Charlie. God, just the thought of losing him makes me want to fucking breakdown. He's so fucking precious to me; he's the center of my universe. However, if I knew it was for the best, I would let him go to give him a better life. If I ever thought for a second, that I truly could not care for him, I would give him to someone who could. Although, I love him so much it hurts and I know that I will give him an amazing life. Every decision I make, I do with him in mind. I work hard for him every day, just so I can give him everything he could possibly need. And soon, the most amazing woman in the world will be his mother. Bella loves him just as much as I do.

"I love you, mom," I say, because it feels natural to do so. "I don't know you well and we have a lot of catching up to do," I continue, stumbling through my words.

Her eyes fill with tears and she cries again. Although this time, they aren't tears of sadness, they are tears of joy.

"Edward, I love you too. I've loved you every day, even when I wasn't here to tell you that. Carlisle would send me all your school pictures and they kept me going, when nothing else did."

"Why'd you stay with him, mom?" I just can't understand. How fucking deep were his fucking claws?

"I did at first, then I got away for a while. I stayed with my mom and various friends when he was away. We were still legally married, but I stayed safely out of his grasp. When he finally died, I was so…relieved. I didn't have to fear him anymore. I returned to Washington in hopes of finding you as soon as I could manage."

She came to me as soon as she could.

"How did he die?" The morbid part of me wants to know.

"He died in a car accident," she says quietly. "He rear-ended a tractor trailer and was decapitated."

I want to say what most people would say in this situation, "God, that's so horrible!" Instead, I remain silent. I don't feel horror at all. If I feel anything it's satisfaction knowing that he's gone.

"I'm glad he's gone too," Mom says, as if hearing my thoughts. "Although, I wish he hadn't met such a terrible fate. It was such a horrific way to go."

The way she says this, makes me think she's lying. Although, I don't say anything. We sit in silence for a while, my arm wrapped comfortably around her narrow shoulders. It feels natural and like we're making up for lost time.

"Where do we go from here?" I finally ask.

Esme shrugs her shoulders, seeming exhausted after her giant revelation. "I guess we just continue on, as mother and son. At least, I hope we can do that. I know there's so much to forgive, but I want more than anything to have a relationship with you."

I want that as well. Although I'll never fucking admit it out loud, I've always wanted a mom who loved me. I've always wanted that sort of relationship. It was so hard growing up, watching my brother receive so much love from Elizabeth, while I was a fucking outcast. It makes sense now, and I can understand why Elizabeth couldn't love me. That doesn't erase the years of hurt I had to endure. I guess I can relate to my mom's abuse in that way. Elizabeth had been rotten toward me, practically fucking emotionally abusing me for years, and I continued to want to forgive her and brush it under the rug. Elizabeth had her moments when she was nice enough, so I thought that everything would get better. I never would say Elizabeth was truly abusive, at least it didn't feel that way to me, but I can still understand the psychology behind staying with an abuser, regardless.

"I want that as well, mom."

"Carlisle was right about you," she tells me.

"What do you mean?"

"You are pretty incredible. Carlisle used to always say that. Every time he would send me your school picture he would write, 'Our son is pretty incredible, Esme.' And you are."

My brows knit together in confusion. I can't believe my dad wrote that about me. I was such a little shit growing up. Nevertheless, his remark makes me grin.

"Our son is pretty incredible."

Thanks, dad.

A/N: So…what do you guys think of Esme? Please review, I'm really looking forward to hearing what you guys have to say!

Song- "A Lack of Color" by Death Cab for Cutie.