Thanks Paige and Sherry for being such amazing betas! This story would definitely not be the same without you. Any mistakes are my own!

"It's sixteen miles to the promised land

And I promise you, I'm doing the best I can

Now, don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than a man

'Cause you'll probably end up dead

I visit the mountains with frequency

And I stand here with my arms up.

Now some days, they last longer than others

But this day by the lake went too fast

And if you want me, you better speak

I won't wait

So, you better move fast."

-Rilo Kiley-

EPOV:

The past few weeks seemed to have escaped me completely. I've been so fucking busy, that I all the days seem to blend together. Work has become brutal as the year is nearing its end. The weather makes being outside almost unbearable and our project couldn't be done soon enough. If I didn't have a family to care for, I would walk away now and find another job. However, while the work can be grueling and shitty, it's reliable and pays well. Now that I'm going to be a homeowner soon, I can't just quit.

Homeowner. Fuck, I still can't believe it. The notion still seems unreal. I would've never guessed I'd have my life together this soon. Sometimes I want to pinch myself, just to make sure I'm not fucking dreaming. Bella and I have planned to move into the home after the new year, only a few short weeks away. Now that it's December, I'm getting nervous about everything. Although Bella has assured me I have nothing to worry about, stating she could afford the house all by herself. With her salary from editing textbooks and the money her mother left her when she died, she could buy the home and still have money left over. This doesn't make me feel better, because I want to be able to have enough money to take care of her. I know it's the 21st century and all, but I want to take care of my girl.

Luckily, things have been so fucking busy I haven't had too much time to get stressed out over this shit. Charlie's birthday is only a day away and the holidays are only a week after that. Buying gifts and planning everything has been fun, but a nightmare at the same time. The malls are like hell itself and the traffic is so fucking horrible I swear I could get from point A to point B by foot in a shorter time frame. My only solace is my AA meetings with Paul…something I never thought I'd fucking say. It's just so strangely relaxing to sit in a quiet room and listen to people's stories. I haven't talked about Seth. I don't know why exactly, I guess I never had the inclination. I'd rather keep my story to myself, just because I feel like it's my way of holding onto him. It may be selfish, but part of me doesn't want to share him. However, at the same time I believe people deserve to know just how great he is. This battle in my head causes me to spend every meeting in silence next to Paul.

Paul hasn't spoken up either. Like me, he's always kept to himself and has been very introspective when it comes to his problems. While, I'm extremely introverted and he is as extroverted as one can be, we both tend to keep to ourselves when we're dealing with a difficult situation. Bella jokes that I get stuck in my own head, lost in my thoughts. I laugh because nothing could be truer. I get lost in my own thoughts constantly and forget the world around me. Whenever I apologize to Bella, she brushes it off, and states that I look 'cute' when I'm thinking. I roll my eyes now, just thinking of it. When have I ever looked fucking 'cute'?

Tonight, I'm going to AA with Paul while Bella gets everything ready for Charlie's birthday party at home. She told me I was 'distracting' her, complaining that she never can get anything done while I'm around. She didn't seem unhappy when she was bent over our bed screaming my name…As much as I'd rather spend the time with her, I agreed to go out and leave her to it. She had bags of party supplies all around the house, so whatever she's planning must be fucking serious.

I meet up with Paul at a local church, where tonight's AA meeting is being held. He's early, as usual, and is waiting for me outside the entrance. I watch people shuffle inside, and while their faces look familiar, I've never paid enough attention to learn their names. I don't really stick around after meetings to try to make friends. I know that having people in your life who understand your situation can be a good thing, but I'm not one for small talk and dancing around the elephant in the room. I don't avoid other members, I just don't reach out to them either. Hell, I barely talk to Paul during the meetings and he's one of my best friends. Usually after the meeting ends, I say goodbye to Paul, grab some cookies and orange juice off the 'refreshments' table, and head straight home so I can see Bella and our son. That's my plans for tonight. Paul's pretty taciturn when it comes to this shit anyway, so I know he won't mind.

"Hey, man!" Paul calls out as he sees me approach.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I got caught up with things at home."

"It's cool," he says with a shrug. "The meeting hasn't started yet."

By the time we arrive at the room where the meeting is being held tonight, everyone's already in their seats ready to get started. Paul and I take a seat in the back, away from everyone else in the room. I feel like no one can see me back here, and that puts my mind at ease. The man running tonight's meeting still isn't here yet, so I turn to Paul and start talking to avoid the awkward silence that normally fills the room before these meetings begin.

"I thought I'd warn you before tomorrow, Elizabeth might be coming to Charlie's party."

Last week I told Paul everything about the situation with Elizabeth, my dad, and my biological mother. To say he was astounded would be a fucking understatement. While Paul was beyond shocked, he found that it wasn't impossible to come to terms with. With the way Elizabeth treated me growing up, it gave my whole story credibility. She'd been fucking horrible to me, and while Paul wasn't usually around for her breakdowns toward me, he could still see that she hadn't loved me. We made so many excuses for her, but at the end of the day, she didn't even try to like me. She cast me off like I was less than nothing.

The one thing Paul couldn't wrap his mind around was the fact that my dad lied to me for so many years. I explained that it was 'necessary' because of the shitty situation with Elizabeth and Esme's ex-husband, Charles. However, the years of deception burns just as badly as the truth.

I know it's strange for Paul to look at Elizabeth as Seth's mom and not mine. Fuck, it's weird for me as well. Elizabeth loved Paul almost as much as she loved Seth. She always told him that she thought of him as a son. I know that Paul's close to her, but not as close as he once was. He hasn't talked to her much since Seth's death, but he is closer to her than anyone else when you think about it. He's the only one she hasn't had a falling out with.

"Will your mom be there too?"

"Yeah, I invited them both. I hadn't planned on inviting Elizabeth, because, like I said, I thought she was out of my life completely. But last night I had a change of heart I guess, because Charlie is her grandson. I thought it would be wrong to leave her out. I just hope they can all be adults about this."

Paul gives me a small smile before saying, "I think it'll work out fine. Well, at least I hope it will. It's a kid's birthday party for fuck's sake."

I snicker at this and hope he's right. A few grown ass adults wouldn't ruin a baby's birthday party because of all their drama. I mean, I know it's going to be awkward as hell, but I just hope they can find it in their heart to focus on Charlie.

"I just hope everything runs smoothly tomorrow. Bella's been working so hard on the party and it's such a special day…I'd be pissed if anyone did anything to ruin it."

"I'll help you if things go south," he promises, before we're interrupted by the beginning of the meeting.

The meeting starts off the same as it usually does. Mark, the man who's running the meeting tonight, talks about acceptance, forgiveness, and all that crap. It's important, but I've heard this so many times I tend to tune him out. I sit back in my seat and wait for the first member to speak up.

The first one up tonight is Abigail, a housewife who has been abusing alcohol for the past ten years. She lost her mother right when she graduated high school and was never the same since. I don't know if it's because she lost her mother in a car accident, but I can feel her pain and connect with her words. It's nice knowing that I'm not alone, even in my darkest of times, there are always others suffering just as I am.

"I realized that no matter how long I self-medicated, my past would never be any different," Abigail goes on to say. "I was destroying my present and my future by drinking constantly and feeling like a victim. When I stopped drinking, my entire life changed for the better. Now, when I talk about my mom, I feel nothing but joy. Which is something I haven't felt in a long time."

I don't know if it's this woman's story, or the fact that it's Charlie's first birthday tomorrow, but I want to share my story with the group. Seth died almost six months ago, but it feels like it was just yesterday. I haven't had the chance to fucking mourn him properly, and I've had so much shit thrown at me in such a short period of time. I've reached a level of acceptance, but I still wish he were here every fucking day. I just want to share with the fucking world how amazing he was. He was an amazing son, brother, husband, and father and everyone should know. However, I can't share it with the world, so I'll share it with the people in this room who are willing to listen.

As soon as Abigail is finished speaking, I stand up so fast I almost knock my fucking chair over. I'm so fucking nervous for some reason, and I walk to front of the room before said nerves kick in and I pussy out. Mark's brows rise with surprise, as he watches me make my way to the desk by where he's sitting. I don't think he's ever heard me utter a word, so I can understand his, and everyone else's, shock.

When I finally get to the front of the room, I look out at the crowd, peering over every nameless face until I see Paul's. His expression is unreadable, I can't tell if he's proud of me for speaking up or not. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to gather my thoughts before I begin to speak. I can't believe I'm fucking doing this.

"Hello, I'm Edward," I awkwardly begin. "Alcohol wasn't my only drug of choice. I left my home here in Washington, and lost myself. I tried every drug I could get ahold of. I rarely asked what it was and consumed it without a second thought. Coke, meth, acid…you name it, and I've tried it at least once. I don't know why I allowed drugs and alcohol to consume my life the way I did. As sad as it sounds, I really felt as though I had nothing to live for and I couldn't see a future for myself. It was as though I wanted to destroy my own life, while I masked my actions as trying to live every day to its fullest. It was fun, an escape from reality, but it wasn't until my brother died that I realized it had to end.

"Seth was my older brother. He was a father and a husband. He had the life anyone would kill for. Everyone who knew him loved him. It was hard not to, he was pretty much perfect. So perfect that I hated it at times," I say with a small, sad smile. "He died about six months ago, along with my sister-in-law, Kate. Two amazing people who left this world too fucking soon. They were killed in a hit-and-run accident one night on their way home from a date. Luckily, their son, Charlie, wasn't with them. Kate died on impact, and I found out only a week ago that my brother was taken to the hospital in critical condition and died in surgery a few short hours later. I thought he died in the car with his wife, but I guess my dad only said that to make me feel better. My dad tried to get ahold of me while Seth was in the hospital, but I was too high and drunk to answer my phone. By the time I called my dad back, my brother was dead.

"For some unfathomable reason, my brother and sister-in-law made me their son's guardian, so, I returned to Washington, sobered up, and begun to take care of Charlie. Withdraw was horrible, I felt so fucking sick all the time, but luckily, I wasn't addicted to the point where it got any worse than that. I was so busy with the transition going on in my life, I didn't have time to stop and pay attention to how sick I was. Instead, I focused all my time and energy on my new son. I stayed with my parents at first, and they helped out, but eventually I was able to get my own apartment with the help of my dad. I went from a druggie with an alcohol problem, to a dad who recently became engaged. Sobriety has changed my entire life.

"Seth believed in me when no one else did. He was always like that, so positive regardless of what was happening in the world around him. His optimism is one of the things I miss most about him. His son, Charlie, turns one tomorrow. And while it's a happy time, I still wish Seth and Kate could be here to see it. They would be so fucking proud of Charlie. He's so smart and so amazing, I honestly can't believe I'm his dad now. I worry all the time that I won't be good enough for him. That I'll relapse and lose everything in my life. Honestly, if it weren't for him and my fiancée, Bella, I don't know if I'd be sober right now. If it weren't for Charlie, I think my life would have spiraled out of control after my brother's death. I was so fucking heartbroken when he died…still am, and I think that if I didn't have his son to care for, I might be dead right now as well.

"Every day I tell myself I have to stay strong for Seth. That I have to make Seth proud. I can't turn back to my old ways, because I have everything to live for now. While I want to say the desire to get drunk or high is gone completely, that wouldn't be true. It's still fucking there, lurking around with every step I take. I wonder if it'll ever go away."

Saying this out loud makes me fucking shake. I've barely been able to admit this to myself. I knew the inclination wouldn't leave overnight, but I hoped if I fought against it hard enough, it would go away. However, it's still fucking there. I can still taste the burn of tequila on my tongue and I can still remember the weightless feeling of floating through space as I was tripping. I can also remember the bad stuff as well. I can remember watching my friend pull her hair out during a bad trip. I remember being too high to stop her. I remember the feelings of helplessness I would have when I was too far gone. I remember choking on my own vomit on the hard, cold floor of some rest stop bathroom. I don't miss a single thing about my old life, but my body misses the feelings that self-medicating brought. It scares me sometimes, and if it weren't for Bella and Charlie, I'm not sure I'd have my impulses under control.

I can feel everyone's stares, but I can't bring myself to look up. I want to look at Paul, to see if he's as heartbroken as I am after my little speech, but I can't bring myself to do that either. I stare at the ground as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Edward…" I hear Mark begin.

Feeling more vulnerable than ever, I leave the room, feeling as if I'm about to puke. I hear the door slam shut behind me, as I walk down the empty hallway toward the entrance with tears in my eyes. Thankfully, I don't hear the door open again. I didn't want anyone to try to be a hero and fucking follow me. All I need now is my space. I leave the building and go straight to my car, happy to get the fuck out of here.

I can't control myself, I cry the whole way home. Not gut-wrenching sobs, but silent tears instead. I blare Joy Division in my car and let the tears trail down my cheeks as I drive. My mind is blank and my body is numb. While my heart fucking hurts, the smallest part of me feels relieved as well. I never thought I'd be able to talk in front of a giant group like that, and yet, I did it. I should be proud of myself, but I'm too fucked up to really feel anything.

I'm too depressed to go home. So, I pull off the road and park outside a gas station that is standing on its last leg. There's no one around, so I let myself relax. I turn up the music and close my eyes, letting my mind relax as one track skips to the next. I want to go inside and buy a pack of cigarettes, but instead I gnaw on my lip and wait for the craving to pass. It never does, of course, so I pull out my emergency package of gum from my glove compartment and pop a piece into my mouth. I wipe up my face with the sleeve of my shirt and turn up the music before closing my eyes again.

"And did you exchange, a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage?"

The classic melody eases my mind, but nothing really helps.

I don't get home until ten o'clock. I check my phone before heading up to my apartment. I have a few missed calls from Bella and a worried text. The meetings usually end around eight and she knows I always come directly home once they're finished. As guilty as I feel, I wasn't ready to come home a moment sooner. I didn't want her to see me like that. I needed the time in solitude to control my emotions before coming back to reality.

I open the front door to find my apartment is decked out for Charlie's party. It looks fucking fantastic and I can't believe Bella did all this by herself. There's Winnie the Pooh stuff everywhere. My eyes fill with tears, and I feel so fucking sappy, crying over a giant display of balloons that are formed to look like Winnie the Pooh. Charlie's going to fucking love this. I pull myself together by the time Bella greets me.

"Thank god, you're home. I was getting so worried about you," Bella says, slipping up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

I enjoy the feel of her warm body against mine. I feel every one of my muscles relax as I feel her heartbeat against my back. Her body is so fucking soothing. Now, I regret staying out so long.

"Sorry, babe. I just had to have some time to think," I say regretfully.

"Is everything all right?"

I gently grab her arm and bring her around my body so I can look into her eyes. "Everything's okay now," I say, before bringing my lips to hers.

Whenever she's near, it's hard to think about anything else. I enjoy our kiss for a while, and break away before things go any further.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" She asks, as she shyly looks around the room.

I realize I haven't told her just how incredible everything looks. The amount of work she's put into this is incredible, and I'm so fucking proud of her.

"I'm so excited," I tell her, giving her a real smile. "This place looks incredible, I can't believe you did all this."

She blushes and smiles at me, "Well, I called Alice for some help with the balloons, but I did everything else. I had Cyndy play with Charlie in his room, so he hasn't seen any of it yet."

"He's going to love it," I assure her. Fuck, Charlie's going to be so thrilled, I can't even begin to imagine.

"I'm so excited to celebrate with him," she says with a huge grin. "I can't believe he's turning one tomorrow."

My little boy is going to be one. I can't believe that I've had him for six months and he's still happy and healthy. I can't believe we've come this far together. I can't believe I've been successful at this parenting thing so far. I hope that tomorrow is filled with love and happiness. I want Charlie to know just how many people love him. He's lost so much in his life already, but I promise myself I'll do my best to make him happy and give him as much love as possible, every single day.

A/N: Guys, once again, thank you so much for your support! It's so overwhelming! I can't believe these are the last ten chapters. All of your questions are about to be answered…I've loved to see all your theories in the comments, and really wish I could respond to them!

I'll be posting that outtake for you guys soon and I'll keep you updated on my FB group. Also, there will be some special surprises I'll be announcing in my group soon, so if you're not part of it already, you might want to join ?. I would love to have you!

Song- "With Arms Outstretched" by Rilo Kiley. (Another amazing band!)