So, this chapter is a doozy. Thanks so much, Sherry and Paige, for editing it! Any mistakes are my own.
"Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face,
Do you realize we're floating in space?
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry,
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round."
-The Flaming Lips-
EPOV:
Charlie is up before dawn, as if he could sense the excitement ahead. My heart felt as if it were going to burst as I picked him up this morning, because I was holding my one-year-old son for the first time. He feels the same, smells the same, and sounds the same. I don't know what I was expecting, but I thought there would be something different about my little boy, instead, he's the same little guy I've grown to love. Maybe I was just worried, fearing that he would be so much older overnight. I don't know where this fear has come from…maybe I'm afraid of missing a crucial moment of his life. After losing my brother, I can admit that I've been a bit obsessive when it comes to Charlie. I'm just so fucking paranoid, and I don't even realize it until moments like these.
"Da da!" Charlie squeals as I take him to the bathroom to get him ready.
He's so fucking giddy today. He's like the Energizer bunny, as he kicks his feet and waves his hands around while I'm getting his bath ready. As I hold him, I take a moment to stop and etch every feeling into my memory. He's one now, and soon he'll be two, three, four…soon he'll be going to pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school, and hopefully college. Shit flies by so fast, and if I don't allow myself a moment to appreciate the present, it'll pass me by before I can grab a hold of it.
"Happy birthday, buddy," I say, before pressing a kiss against his forehead.
He laughs loudly and grabs my finger, bringing it to his mouth to gnaw on. I love seeing him like this. So happy and so carefree. He's too little to understand how hard his life has been. The happiness on his face is so…pure, so beautifully pure and completely unaffected by the world around him. I've never seen Charlie truly upset, and I hope I never have to, as unrealistic as that hope may be.
"Da da," he says again with a giggle.
"You're one year old today! How does it feel, buddy?" I ask, bouncing him on my knee while I fill the tub with water.
His eyes widen with excitement as he listens to the inflection of my voice. He has no idea what I'm talking about, but he knows I sound excited, so his eyes brighten, his mouth drops open as if he were surprised, and his cheeks flush. I've got to laugh at his expression, because it's the fucking cutest thing I've ever seen. As soon as I laugh, he does as well, giggling loudly as I get him undressed and ready to bathe.
"Do you feel older, Charlie?" I ask again, as I reach down to tickle his stomach.
He squeals and wiggles away from me, causing me to grab him tighter so he doesn't slip off my lap and onto the floor. He nods his head and claps his hands. I suppose I can take that as a 'yes'. That thought makes my heart sink for a moment, part of me doesn't want him to grow up. However, another part of me is excited for the day that he's potty-trained, walking, and talking all on his own. I'm also not going to miss going to sleep paranoid all the time, worried that something is going to happen to him during the night.
"We got to get you all washed up, buddy. Today's your special day!"
Charlie laughs as I lower him into the tub. He immediately reaches for one of his rubber duckies floating in the water, splashing it against the water and mountains of bubbles. He's so fucking playful today, as if he senses my excitement, and it's really making it a struggle to wash him. I get him as clean as I possibly can, before allowing him time to play in the water on his own. He looks so fucking cute, and before I know it, I'm grabbing my phone to snap a picture of him. I want to remember this day forever. He's not going to be this small forever.
I take a few pictures of him as he plays with his rubber duckies and splashes around. "Charlie, look at daddy! I want to take your picture!"
Charlie turns his head and gives me a bright and loving smile, which makes my heart swell until it feels as if it's about to burst. Tears prick my eyes as I look at my happy little boy. He looks so much like my brother when he smiles. I have to look away before I burst into fucking tears. I'm sure he'll only look more and more like him as he grows older. He has my brother's eyes and his fucking smile. Seth's smile was so optimistic and easy-going, you could tell that he was truly happy with everything in his life. Even when he wasn't happy, he was always so positive and he'd smile through whatever shit life threw at him. Even though it's too early to tell, Charlie seems to be just like his dad.
As fucking hard as it is to remember my brother at times, I'm happy Charlie looks like him. He's like a little piece of Seth I'll always get to keep. Today's as exciting and amazing, as it is fucking hard. It's Charlie's first birthday, and Seth and Kate won't be here for it. I force myself to push those thoughts aside, because I've got to get through today. I've got to focus on the positive and the positive is that I have a happy, healthy baby who's experiencing his first birthday. This is a day for celebrating, not for sadness. Charlie must sense the shift in my mood, because he abandons his toys and reaches out to me, wanting to be held. I take him in my arms and wrap him in a towel before holding him close to my chest. It's so nice to feel his soft breath against my skin, because I know he's safe. I close my eyes for a moment, and let Charlie lift my spirits. Today is about him, and I'll push my own pain aside to give him the best day possible.
"Let's get you dressed, buddy."
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A short while later, I have him dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and the shirt Bella purchased for him a few days before, which reads, "I make one look good." I laughed when Bella showed it to me. I have no idea where she finds this sort of shit, but it's really fucking cute.
I get dressed while I let Charlie play on the floor of my bedroom. I don't want him to see the decorations just yet, not with Bella still fast asleep. She was up all-night decorating, so after we had sex a few times I thought I'd let her rest. I want Bella to get to see the look on Charlie's face when he sees his party for the first time. I know I'm going to be taking all the fucking pictures I can. I jump in the shower, then jump back out to style my hair and brush my teeth, before throwing on a pair of jeans and a nice button-up shirt. It's past ten, and I know Bella's going to want to get up to get ready soon. Our guests should be arriving around one o'clock and there's still so much stuff to do.
"Babe, it's ten o'clock," I say softly, as I nudge my girl awake.
She moans in her sleep and shoos me away, before my words finally register and she shoots out of bed.
"Fuck, Edward! Why didn't you tell me?"
I have to laugh because my girl rarely curses. When she pouts at me, I cover my mouth with my hand to hide my smile and take a moment before answering. "I thought you'd want to sleep. We have a busy day ahead of us, so I thought you'd appreciate your rest."
I force myself to look so contrite that Bella gives me a small smile and a kiss on the cheek before heading to the bathroom to shower. I entertain Charlie while she's getting ready, making sure he doesn't take a peek into the living room. When he starts getting fussy, I run and grab him a snack, bringing it back into the bedroom. He smiles as soon as he sees food in my hands, but then pouts when he sees it's just a banana. I'd bring more, but I want us to have his birthday breakfast as a family.
The banana keeps him satisfied for the duration of time it takes Bella to get herself ready. When she exits the bathroom, she looks so beautiful it takes my breath away. Her hair is curled and pulled back from her glowing face. Her makeup is light, and she's wearing this pretty dress that has shorts. I have no idea what the fuck it is—it looks like one of those onesies I put Charlie in—regardless, it's fucking hot on her.
"You look hot, babe."
She blushes and smiles at me. Hell, she always blushes when I call her 'hot' and I have no idea why. Is she unaware of how beautiful and tempting she is?
"So do you," she tells me before joining Charlie and me on the floor. "Happy birthday, baby," she coos before picking Charlie up and holding him close to her heart.
"Ma ma," he says, before practically motor-boating her boobs and giving me a giant grin.
"He's been pretty excited all morning," I tell her.
He has seemed more energetic today, although I know he doesn't really understand what today is.
"Maybe we can show him all the decorations now?" Bella suggests.
She looks just as excited as our son. I'm excited as well; it's been so long since I've seen a day like this. A day where I'm truly happy. I almost forgot what happiness felt like until now. Everything feels like it's coming together in my life. I never realized moments like these could be so meaningful. Who knew a quiet moment in my apartment with my son and fiancée could impact me so much? Such a simple moment could become something I'll remember forever.
I smile at my sappy thoughts as Bella's inquiring look brings me back to reality. "Let's go check it out," I tell Charlie, as I peel myself off the floor and help Bella to her feet.
The look on Charlie's face as we enter the decorated living room is one I'll never forget. His eyes are wide and bright, his face is lit up with a huge smile, and his entire body is shaking with excitement as he takes in all the work Bella did for his party. Gibberish flies out of his mouth as he looks around at Winnie the Pooh balloons, Winnie the Pooh party banners, and the numerous Winnie the Pooh decorations. It's as if he's trying to tell us how much he loves everything. I pull my phone out and take a few pictures of Bella and my son. The pictures capture my son's joyful surprise and my girl's happiness. As I'm snapping pictures, Bella looks down at my son, her eyes watery and her smile bright and loving. I can feel the love radiating off her body as I take the picture. The way she looks at my son makes my eyes water. She has no biological connection to him, yet she loves him as if he were her own. I wish I'd received that type of love when I was growing up. Bella loves him unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. I'm so thankful my son has a woman like her in his life.
"Want me to take a picture of Charlie and you?" Bella asks, as soon as she notices me snapping photos.
I smile and hand her my phone. Charlie's body is still shaking with excitement as she passes him off to me. I've never seen him this giddy. My cheeks ache as I smile for the camera. I guess I've been smiling all morning and haven't realized it.
"That's a cute one," Bella says, as she snaps another picture. "What do you think of all this, birthday boy?" Bella asks, handing me back my phone.
"Ma ma," Charlie, says smiling in approval.
I carry him around the room, showing him every little detail. He looks more and more excited with each thing he sees. If he's this excited now, I can't imagine how excited he'll be when he sees the cake. The cake is so fucking extravagant, I was shocked. Of course, Bella purchased it from a nearby bakery, stating it was beyond anything she could ever do. The fact that anyone could make a cake like that is fucking unreal to me. Bella did make some Winnie the Pooh cupcakes and other desserts, which look just as incredible in my biased opinion. Just knowing she slaved away in the kitchen for our son makes her desserts the most incredible I've ever seen.
"Are you ready for your birthday breakfast, Charlie?" I ask, as we walk toward the kitchen.
His little tummy responds with a loud grumble, causing us all to laugh. As I sit him in his highchair and get his breakfast ready, I try to ignore the uncomfortable twisting in my stomach. Whenever things seem to be going right, something always comes along to fuck it up. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but with the life I've led so far, it's hard not to be. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's just that I'm so happy right now, so much so that it seems fucking unreal. Whenever things are going too well, I get worried, because nothing stays perfect for long. I push these unpleasant thoughts aside and try to enjoy happiness while I have it.
I turn on morning cartoons for some background noise and help Bella cook Charlie's favorite meal, apple and potato pancakes. Charlie is babbling away in his seat and gazing over at the TV as it plays reruns of Sesame Street. Everything's alright, I tell myself as I look at him. You're just not used to feeling this happy. Stop being so negative, Cullen! I smile, although it feels more forced than it did earlier in the morning.
"Is something wrong?" Bella says, as she finishes up the pancakes and begins to plate them.
"No," I say too quickly. "No, I was just thinking. I can't believe Charlie is growing up so fast," I say with an unconvincing laugh.
She gives me an odd look before her face relaxes and she smiles at me. "Yeah, he'll be a toddler before we know it." She stops to look at me again. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, it's fine, babe," I assure her.
Bella doesn't push, and instead kisses my cheek before turning her attention back to our son.
"Breakfast for the birthday boy!" Bella coos as she sets the plate of pancakes before him, sitting at his side to help him eat.
Charlie claps his hands in excitement as he looks at his meal, before quite literally digging in. He takes a handful of pancakes and attempts to shove it into his mouth before Bella stops him.
"Slow down, birthday boy," she giggles.
"Do you want me to make you some tea?"
She turns to smile at me and says, "Yes, please," before turning back to our overzealous son.
I make a cup of English Breakfast tea for her and a cup of black coffee for myself. I down one cup of coffee and pour another before joining my family at the table. I'm going to need a hell of a lot of coffee today, as I can already tell it's going to be exhausting. If Elizabeth does show up, she's going to have to be stuck in my small apartment with my mom and dad. It's going to be fucking awkward to say the least. I'm going to do my best to keep all my focus on my son. I don't want to let some drama ruin Charlie's first birthday party.
It's going to be a small affair, which might make the awkwardness between Elizabeth and my parents even worse. At times like these, I'm sad to say Bella and I don't have a ton of friends. We're both such recluses that we mainly hang out with each other and Charlie. However, the people we did invite all are very close to us. I'd rather have a few close friends than a bunch that are more like acquaintances. We invited Alice, Jasper, and Cyndy, Emmett and his girlfriend-whom I've never met-Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme, Elizabeth, Paul, and Kate's parents who couldn't afford to fly down, as much as they wanted to. I even dug a little deeper and found the names and addresses of some of Kate's extended family and sent them an invitation. None of them live in Washington and couldn't fly down for the small party. As bad as it may sound, I wasn't too broken up to hear about this. I'm terrible when it comes to making small-talk and I didn't really want to deal with meeting Kate's extended family for the first time while I'm trying to focus on enjoying the day with my son. Luckily, I don't really have an extended family…well, at least not technically. Elizabeth has a sister she barely sees and I invited her just to be nice, however I doubt Hannah will come. Despite being Charlie's biological great aunt, she's only seen him a few times and that was before I became his legal guardian.
"Everything's going to be just fine," Bella tells me.
Was I really being that fucking obvious? I give her an embarrassed smile and continue to drink my coffee.
"Maybe we should have gotten Charlie ready after we had breakfast," Bella giggles as she tries to prevent our little guy from making a giant mess of himself.
"I can wash him up again if we have to," I assure her.
His face is covered in pancakes and he looks like he's on cloud nine. I can't resist taking out my phone and snapping another picture. How many pictures am I going to take today? Fuck, like it matters. My entire camera roll is pretty much filled with pictures of Charlie…and a few pictures of Bella I took while she was sleeping after sex. Which I'm sure she would kill me if she knew I had.
"I'm going to finish getting everything set up. Maybe you and Charlie could watch a movie?" She suggests, obviously wanting her space in the kitchen.
"Of course, babe."
I grab a handful of paper towels to clean my son up before heading to the living room to put on a movie. I find one of his favorites, The Lion King, and quickly pop it into the DVD player before joining him on the couch. As soon as the opening titles come on, Charlie's eyes widen with excitement. I chuckle at the huge smile on his face before wiping up the remnants of his breakfast.
I have to admit, I don't really pay attention to the movie. Instead, I pay attention to my fuck-hot fiancée as she gets the party all setup. I bite my lip every time I watch her bend over to adjust the treats on the dessert table. It doesn't take long to tell she's doing it for my benefit. When she 'accidentally' drops something, and bends to pick it up, I can see my favorite pink lacy thong covering her beautiful pussy as the loose shorts of that dress thing she's wearing moves aside to give me the smallest peek. The faintest groan escapes my mouth and she turns her head around to wink at me. She's so fucking playful today. If we weren't having guests over soon and my son wasn't watching a movie in the same room, I would pull that onesie thing off of her and fuck the shit out of her for teasing me like this.
"Are you feeling okay, babe? You look really uncomfortable," Bella teases.
"I'm fine," I say gruffly, rolling my eyes at her.
She giggles and skips back into the kitchen.
Bella comes back with a two-layer, honeycomb inspired, bright yellow, Winnie the Pooh birthday cake. She's focusing on it like she's certain she's going to drop it. I resist pointing it out to Charlie until she has it placed safely on the table she set up for the party.
"Buddy! Look at the cake mommy got for you!"
I shake Charlie's shoulder to get him to take his eyes off the TV, and when he does, he squeals and tries to climb off my lap. I chuckle and help him down, before taking his hand in mine and helping him walk toward the dessert table. He's getting so good at walking, soon he'll be doing it without my help.
"This is your birthday cake, Charlie," Bella tells him as she picks him up and allows him to get a better look.
"My," he says, pointing toward the cake.
He's learned another word and he's only been one for a matter of hours! What a fucking smart kid.
"Yes, it's yours, Charlie! Happy birthday, baby," Bella says, misty-eyed as she kisses his forehead.
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Alice's family is, of course, the first to arrive. They bust through the door twenty minutes early with a giant pile of gifts in their hands. Cyndy, has a box that is almost as big as her body. Jasper laughs at his struggling daughter and explains that she insisted on carrying it and would cry every time he tried to take it away from her. Although Cyndy's struggling with the box, she has a giant smile on her face, which only gets bigger as soon as she sees my son.
"Carlie!" she screams, before dropping the present and running toward my son who's sitting on the floor with his stuffed animals.
Charlie looks completely overwhelmed as the little girl runs his way, but smiles as she takes a seat next to him and kisses his cheek.
"I'm so happy they're such good friends," Alice comments with a huge grin. "They both have one new friend on the way," she says, running a hand over her stomach, which looks just as flat as I last saw it.
Bella steps forward to help them with their gifts and ushers them inside. Alice looks around the room as if this were the first time she was seeing the decorations. She freaks out over every single detail, going on and on about how wonderful it looks. Jasper and I stand back and give the girls time to gush over the party. I guess now would be the time when us men would normally go in the kitchen and grab a few beers while our girls talk…. This is one of the hardest things about being sober, the social aspect of drinking fucking kills me. It seems like you miss out on so much when you can't drink, because so many things revolve around consuming alcohol. Hell, I can't even go out to eat without being reminded of it.
All I have to offer Jasper is punch, which he's more than happy to drink. It's nice to have a friend who understands me and my issues. Honestly, Jasper is probably the closest friend I have. Paul's a friend of mine, but he's always been more of Seth's friend, and we've only really connected now because of the death of my brother. Jasper is just one of those guys I really feel like I can be myself around. One of the luxuries of coming back to a town where no one really remembers you, is that you can start completely fresh and be whoever the hell you want to be. Jasper didn't know me before or during my problems with drugs and alcohol; he only knows the man I've become during these past six months. He and Emmett are the best friends a guy could ask for.
As we stand back, sip on our drinks, and watch our girls play with our kids, I honestly can't believe this is my life. It feels so fucking normal! I remember the days where I wasn't sure where I was going to crash that night. Now everything is so different, it still catches me off guard to this day.
Emmett and his girlfriend arrive next, with another big present in their hands. I almost laugh when I see them. I've been friends with Emmett for months now and while we'd always talked about double dates, we never actually went through with it. So, this is the first time I'm seeing his girlfriend. This girl is like his polar opposite. Emmett has his usual carefree smile on his face, while his girlfriend has—what could only be called—a resting bitchface. I've never truly understood that phrase until this moment. She's incredibly hot though, I'll give her that. I can definitely see why Emmett would want to date her. Luckily, her cold demeanor fades away as soon as Emmett introduces us. She seems more than excited to meet her boyfriend's friend.
"You don't seem like the usual assholes he hangs out with," Rosalie quietly comments with a smirk at her boyfriend.
I'm taken back for a moment, I can't believe this girl is so laidback!
"Yeah, Edward's a pretty great guy," Emmett says with a proud smile.
I pull Bella to my side, who's carrying my very happy son in her arms, and introduce them both. Rosalie gives her a once-over before her face softens and she smiles. Rosalie compliments her dress and they fall into an easy conversation. Is that a girl thing? Compliment each other and you're like instant friends? As they chat, I introduce Emmett to Alice and Jasper, and they instantly hit it off as well. Fuck, I feel like I'm on a family sitcom right now. I've never had things run so smoothly before. It's like I've fallen into an episode of fucking Full House.
Bella's the perfect hostess, offering everyone drinks, handing out cupcakes, and making sure everyone's having a great time. Charlie, who was initially happy with all the attention, now refuses to leave my arms. I guess the amount of people in one room is overwhelming to him. He's also not used to having to share my attention with so many people.
As I'm talking to Emmett and Jasper, Charlie tugs on my shirt…and then my cheek, until he finally gets my attention. "Da da! Da da!" he says as he tries to pull my face next to his.
"What's up, buddy?" I smile at him, bringing him up to rest on my shoulder.
"Da da! No!" He whines as he plays with the collar of my shirt.
"I don't think he wants you to talk to us, man," Emmett jokes.
"I don't think he's used to being around so many people," I explain, as there is a knock at the door.
"I'll answer it," Bella tells me, walking toward the door with a big smile on her beautiful face.
I'm so happy she's happy with how the party is turning out. She put so much fucking work into it, I'd have hated to see it go south. Fuck, I won't let it all go to hell. I couldn't bear to see my fiancée and son all upset.
My mom and dad walk in with a handful of gifts. Dad looks tired, but he looks happier than the last time I saw him. I know every day must be hard for him. Hell, I couldn't imagine losing Charlie. I don't know if I'd ever be able to get over it. The weight of losing Seth sometimes feels as if it's too much to bear, but at least my dad and I can carry the weight of it together.
"Hey, dad—mom." I give them both a hug, well, as much of a hug as I can give them with Charlie demanding my attention.
Bella takes their gifts and hugs them both before taking the gifts to add to the others.
"Want to say hi to your granddad?" I ask Charlie, who's hiding his head against my neck.
I rub his back until he loosens his grip on me and turns his head to look at our new guests.
"He's really overwhelmed," I say, before kissing his forehead to assure him I'm here and not going anywhere. Finally, he calms down and lets me pass him off to my dad.
"Happy birthday, Charlie," dad says quietly, with a small, loving smile on his face. "I love you so much."
My dad looks so overwhelmed, but he pulls himself together and smiles as soon as Charlie starts to laugh and play with his shirt. Charlie's laughs are infectious, and it's hard to be sad around a happy, bundle of energy like him. I need to make sure I give my dad more time with Charlie. I've been so busy lately, I've neglected to do so, and I know my dad really needs it.
"Thanks for inviting me, son," Mom says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
Mom shrugs with a girlish smile. "I don't know…but, I'm happy to be here."
I know my mom still feels out of place in my life. She's my mom but, she wasn't around of course, so there's bound to be some awkwardness now that she's back and I know it will eventually fade away, but while shit is still uneasy, I just feel bad for her. I don't want her to be unsure about her place in my life. I want to make up for lost time now that we're together again.
"Happy birthday, Charlie," mom says, turning her attention to my son.
Charlie's smile brightens as soon as he sees her, and although she's a new face in his life, he reaches out to her, demanding to be held. I usher them inside and close the door behind them, offering them a drink and some food while my dad hands Charlie over to my mom. Charlie squeals as soon as he's in my mother's arms. He plays with her hair as he babbles to her, as if he were trying to have a conversation.
"He's so cute, Edward," mom says as they follow me into the kitchen.
"Thanks, I can't believe he's getting so big," I chuckle as I pour two cups of punch. "It's weird seeing all his old baby clothes he can't fit into anymore. I can't believe how small he was!"
They laugh as they take their drinks. "You were really small too," mom tells me as she stares down at my happy son. "You were so little I would get worried about you. You were just over six pounds when you were born, and you were the cutest baby. Well, besides Charlie of course and any babies you and Bella have together."
Just as my mother says this, Bella walks into the kitchen to join us. She blushes and gives me a small smile, but doesn't comment on what my mother said, although I can tell she's happy about it. Bella wants a baby. Hell, Bella might want multiple babies! It's strange, but that thought doesn't negatively affect me like it used to. I can't say I'm excited to have kids, but I don't want to fucking puke anymore like I used to when Bella would broach the subject.
"I was just telling Edward that you and he would have beautiful babies," my mom says to Bella.
Mom! Jesus, stop talking! What a 'mom' thing to say to my fiancée. 'Beautiful babies'? Nice mom, real nice.
My dad looks at me for a moment, before bursting into laughter. "Edward, having kids of your own would be a good thing."
I can't believe my dad is suggesting this? Fuck, it wasn't until recently that I could support Charlie and myself financially, and I've also just gotten my life together. Right now is not the time to have another child. Although, I know Charlie would love a little brother to play with…
I roll my eyes at my dad and respond, "I'll keep that in mind, dad. Thanks."
He laughs at my expression, and I can't help it, I smile as well. It's nice to see my dad genuinely happy. My mom seems happy with his smile as well, because she leans forward to give him a quick kiss. This is fucking strange. The mom I never knew I had is kissing my dad. I'm so used to seeing him this way with Elizabeth, so I feel weird watching this. Their kiss is short, and mom blushes as she pulls away. I quickly mask the uncomfortable look I'm sure is on my face and smile at her. I feel Bella stiffen at my side and I wonder if she's uncomfortable for the same reason. I shoot a questioning look in her direction, but find that she's not looking at me, instead she's looking over my shoulder with an unreadable expression.
I look over my shoulder and find Alice letting Elizabeth into my apartment. She looks just as I remembered. Her hair is curled around her surgically enhanced, yet attractive face. She's wearing a dress that is her usual style and not exactly appropriate for a kid's birthday party, and she's wearing the most expensive pieces of jewelry my dad bought for her. She has a small gift in her hand and an unsure look on her face. That is new. I'm certain she feels out of place. Despite how much she loved Seth, she never threw him a proper birthday party growing up. She always said that those types of parties gave her headaches, and would opt for a more adult theme that centered around her. I hadn't realized it growing up, but she had always been selfish, even where her favorite son was concerned. I'm too busy reminiscing about shitty times, that it takes me a moment to see the annoyed look on her face. Elizabeth is staring at my mom and dad, who are too busy staring at each other to notice her. This isn't good. Although, I doubt she'd do anything here, she looks like she has some sort of shit planned for my parents.
I look back at Bella and find that she's fucking fuming as well. She's only met Elizabeth once in person, but she's heard all about her and was horrified when I would tell her stories about the 'mom' I had growing up. Bella pitied me because of the upbringing I had. She actually never said it in so many words, because she knows it would've made me upset, but I know she feels that way. Now, however, her sadness has turned to anger, and all of her anger is directed at the woman across the room. I reach down to grab her hand and squeeze it, as a way of telling her to calm down. She snaps out of her violent haze and gives me a tight smile. I kiss her cheek and silently plead with her to not bother with Elizabeth.
"I have to go say hello," I tell her before breaking away.
By this point, mom and dad have finally noticed the elephant in the room. My mom looks so sad and remorseful as she gazes at Elizabeth. I can tell she feels horrible about her affair with my dad, but if she knew who Elizabeth truly was, she wouldn't feel so bad I'm sure. As soon as she notices Elizabeth shooting daggers at her and Charlie, mom hands him back to me with an apologetic smile. Fuck, this situation is as awkward as I expected. Fuck my Full House analogy earlier, this is more like a soap opera!
Bella stays back as I cross the room to greet Elizabeth. Alice attempts small-talk with her, but Elizabeth is too busy being…well, herself, to listen to Alice at all.
"Hey, Elizabeth. Thanks for coming. Charlie's excited that you're here," I tell her, although Charlie hasn't seemed the least bit different since she arrived. "I can take your gift if you want to hold him?"
Elizabeth gives me a tight smile as she hands the gift over. There's a sadness in her eyes, that doesn't go unnoticed, as she takes Charlie and holds him close in her arms. As terrible as she's been to me in the past, I still feel fucking bad for her. She lost Seth too, and now she has to deal with it all on her own. If she wasn't such a bitch to me, I'd love to be there for her. We all lost the same person and it could've been something that should really have brought us together. However, it seems that nothing will do that. I just hope Elizabeth will want to be in her grandson's life.
"Happy birthday, Charlie," Elizabeth says quietly, before kissing his forehead.
I stare at them for a moment, too transfixed to look away. There's something in her tone that breaks my fucking heart for some reason. It's illogical, considering the way she treated me for so many years, but I don't want her to be alone. I can imagine her now, stubborn as always, walking through life completely by herself. Of course, she put herself in this position due to her years of terrible behavior. It's depressing nonetheless. Part of me hates her, but I feel like I hate her in such a way that a child hates their parent when they aren't getting enough attention. They're crying out and screaming, but on the inside, they just want to be held…just want to be loved. As I look at her now, I realize that for so many years I acted out and treated her like shit just because I wanted that…I wanted her love, I wanted her acceptance, and she gave me nothing in return. Even now, despite the fact that she isn't my mother, I strangely yearn for this. I've always lashed out at her because I felt so fucking weak around her. I felt stripped naked with nowhere to hide. I'm stronger now, and I've found a family, but the feelings are still inside me and I wonder if they'll ever go away.
"Can I get you something to drink, Elizabeth?" I ask politely, as soon as I can think straight.
She doesn't look at me, because why would she, and says, "That would be great, Edward."
We're so fucking formal around each other, so fucking stiff. I walk away and my mind is reeling. Bella's staring at me with a curious expression and frowns when she sees the look on my face. I must look fucking rough; my emotions have always been so easy to read.
"Are you ready to order the pizzas soon?" I ask, my voice rough.
"I placed an online order while you were talking," she says with a small, comforting smile. "Are you okay, babe? What happened?"
"Nothing," I quickly say. Because nothing did happen, but I feel shitty anyway. "Let me just run her this drink," I say, putting on a brave face, although I know Bella can see right through me.
"I see you invited Esme," Elizabeth comments as soon as I return with her drink.
"Yeah," I say lamely. What the fuck can I say? She's my mom…but did I really want to bring all that shit up?
Elizabeth shoots me a cold look, before turning her attention back to my son. Charlie must have not liked the look she gave me, because he stares at her for a moment, before fussing in her arms and reaching out for me. Elizabeth frowns at this and is quick to put him back in my arms.
"I can't stay long," she says, as she takes her drink. "I just wanted to stop by and give you his present."
"Thank you for doing that," I say honestly. It was so much more than I thought she'd do.
"It was nothing," she says dismissively. "He's my grandson after all."
Elizabeth looks agitated, and I can tell she wants to leave. Fuck, I would too if I were in her position. She must feel so out of place here. Everyone has someone and she doesn't. On top of it all, my dad is here with my biological mom…the woman he cheated on her with. It's such a fucking awkward and horrible situation, I'd be itching to leave too if I were her.
"Who else is coming?" She asks as she looks at the few couples dispersed around the room.
"Well, this was pretty much everyone who could make it…" I trail off, feeling a little self-conscious. "Paul's coming, but I think he's going to be a little late."
Of course, this party is small to her. She's the queen of inviting everyone she's ever met to her parties just so she can feel important. I never really felt self-conscious about my number of friends until right now. She's always had a knack for making me feel inferior. Of course, I am friends with some people who I didn't invite, but that's because I knew the guys from work wouldn't want to come to a baby's birthday party. I look back at Elizabeth, who seems unimpressed with the whole thing.
"Well, it's very cute, Edward," she says, a hint of disdain in her tone.
Charlie starts fussing in my arms, wanting to be put down so he can crawl around and play with his stuffed animals. I place him on the floor at my feet, but instead of wobbling away, he hugs on to my legs and stays put. Fucking goofball. I smile at him before turning my attention back to Elizabeth.
"Thanks, Bella put a lot of work into it."
"I can see that. Well, let me give Charlie one last kiss and then I better get going," she says, seeming bored.
"You want to leave already? You just got here," I reason with her. "Besides, the food hasn't gotten here yet."
"What are we having?" She asks. Although I don't know why, since she seems completely uninterested.
"Pizza," I say simply. "Then we're having Charlie's birthday cake."
"You know I can't eat that stuff, Edward," she answers, in that 'tsk-tsk' type of tone. "I'm on a diet and I'm sure my personal trainer would have a field day if he knew what I was eating."
I sigh, defeated. If she wants to go, fine. I guess I'm just happy she gave Charlie a few moments of her time in the first place. Part of me is angry though, because he's her only grandchild for fuck's sake. Why wouldn't she want to be invested in his life? Whatever. Good fucking riddance. If she doesn't want to be present, fine. I obviously can't fucking stop her.
"You don't want to stick around for Paul?" Hell, she always loved Paul more than me. I'm surprised she wouldn't want to stay to say hello.
"I might drop in again after I run my errands," she says, as if that were a compromise.
Can't her fucking errands wait?
"That's fine," I say, not giving a fuck anymore.
She kneels down to say goodbye to Charlie. Quickly giving him a hug and a kiss before she turns to leave. "I love you, Charlie," she says to him before waving goodbye and leaving my apartment. I pick Charlie back up and return to Bella, who's talking to her sister and Rosalie. I see they've moved their conversation to the dessert table, where they would be in clear view of my entire conversation with Elizabeth. Geez, Bella can be transparent sometimes.
I attempt to pass Charlie off to her so I can get a drink, but she quickly stops me. "I think the pizzas are here," she says before walking toward the door.
"Pizza?" I ask, confused. No one rang the doorbell.
"Yeah," she says, looking suddenly flustered. "I have to run downstairs to get them. They mixed up the apartment numbers."
Fuck, she's a terrible liar. I nod, pretending like I believe her, and let her leave with every intention of following her. I quickly turn to Alice and ask if she could hold onto Charlie for a bit. She doesn't miss a beat and quickly takes him from my arms. I walk slowly across the room so no one's alarmed, and jog down the hall, down the steps, until I'm outside our apartment building. I find Bella in the parking lot with Elizabeth and I stop in my tracks so they don't notice my presence. Bella is right up in her face, her beautiful face is flushed with anger as she talks to her. I stand back in shock. Once I know neither of them have realized I've joined them outside, I take a few steps so I can hear them clearly.
"I don't understand, Elizabeth. Just help me fucking understand!" Bella practically shouts in her face. "That's your grandson in there and you can't give him the time of day. And Edward, do you know how your actions have affected him? I know you're not his mother…but you raised him! How could you not love him at all?"
"I don't have to stand here and listen to this," Elizabeth tells her, as she begins to walk away.
"You don't have to listen to anything, but that doesn't mean you don't need to hear it. Charlie loves you, you're his grandma for God's sake, and Edward…Edward loves you even if he can't admit that to himself. How could you possibly be so blind to this Elizabeth? I've only seen you and Edward together today and even I can see that!" Bella's near tears at this point as she stands in front of Elizabeth so she can't walk away. "Elizabeth how could you not love him? He was just a little boy."
Tears fill my own eyes as I watch her. I can't believe she's standing up for me in this way. She's saying all the stuff I'd never say myself. She's saying shit I didn't even want to admit to myself. Bella sees me for what I am, and understands me better than anyone. In this moment, I feel like I'm falling in love with her all over again. Fuck, I love her more than anyone has ever loved another person, and it's obvious she feels the same way.
"Elizabeth, he needed you! Charlie needs you! Why are you acting like this? How could you act like this? Don't you care about anyone? Or do you only care about yourself?"
"I'll stop you right there," Elizabeth coldly cuts her off. "You just met me, how dare you act like you know me enough to judge me."
"I may have just met you, but Edward told me enough."
"Did he?" Elizabeth snorts. "Did he tell you all about his father? Do you understand what it's like to raise a child that's not your own?"
"I'm sorry about that, but Edward was an innocent child. He didn't do anything to hurt anyone and he didn't know what the circumstances were," Bella says, her voice shaking with anger and a hit of sadness.
"It doesn't matter," she waves her off. "He was a constant reminder of my husband's infidelity. Although, even if he were mine, I would feel the same way about him. He's been a fuck-up his entire life. Ever since he was a little kid he caused nothing but trouble. He never held a candle to my son."
Bella's too shocked to speak. When she finally does gain her momentum again, she spits out, "How could he get any better with a mother who didn't believe in him? A woman who would speak of his faults every time he even tried to succeed. How dare you treat a child like that."
"How dare I?" Elizabeth mocks. "Strong words coming from a young girl who doesn't have a child of her own. You can play mom all day long with my grandson, but that doesn't make you a real mother." Elizabeth stops to look Bella up and down before saying, "Seth really did do a disservice to his son when he named Edward his guardian."
Bella brings her hand up as if she were going to smack her. Her hand shakes in the air for a moment, before she clenches it into a fist and brings it down to her side. Bella's entire body is shaking as she takes another step toward Elizabeth.
"Edward is a better parent than you could ever be. I might not know you well, Elizabeth, but of that I'm certain. Edward isn't a fuck-up, he's a beautiful man who's had a tough upbringing. A man who's dealt with so much and has overcame every obstacle he's faced. You see someone who's flawed, and I do too. Except I find his flaws beautiful because I love every part of him. He's the best father Charlie could've ever had. I wish I could've met Seth, because it would have been nice to meet someone who loved Edward unconditionally like I do. Seth knew Edward was going to be a blessing for Charlie…he knew that his brother would've made the best possible father. You may not love them, but I love them enough for the both of us."
My heart feels so full at this moment. My face aches as I feel my eyes fill with tears. I knew Bella loved me, but I could've never hoped that she would love me this much. Everything she said was so beautiful…so perfect. I want to spend the rest of my life showing her just how special she is.
Elizabeth's silent. What could she possibly say to that? Elizabeth sneers at my fiancée before walking toward her car. My emotions are a roller coaster where Elizabeth is concerned. One moment I pity her, one moment I hate her, and the next moment I pity her again. Now that Elizabeth is gone, I don't know what to do. Should I sprint upstairs and pretend I didn't just witness that? That feels so wrong, because all I want to do is take Bella in my arms and express just how much I love her.
As soon as Bella turns toward the apartment, she sees me. Her eyes are filled with tears and her cheeks flush as she begins to walk toward me. She's walking so slowly, I have to jog to her because I'm so fucking impatient. I pull her into my arms and kiss her. Pouring every ounce of love and passion my body has into the kiss. Her lips taste salty from her tears, and feel so soft, like velvet against mine. I never want this kiss to end, and it takes me a long time to pull away.
Once I do, Bella blushes and asks, "You heard all of that?"
"Well, not all of it," I can't help but smile, "but I heard all of the important parts."
She laughs before closing her eyes, resting her head against my chest. "I was just so angry," she mumbles. "I saw the way you were looking at her…I saw the hurt in your eyes and I couldn't let her do that to you or Charlie."
"I can't believe you stood up for me like that," I say, completely fucking mystified. "That was so hot."
"Hot?" she snorts. "I don't know about that."
"Everything you do is hot," I tease her, before growing serious. "Bella, I love you so much. You are my life."
She looks up at me, her eyes filling with tears, although this time I can tell they are tears of happiness. "I love you too, Edward. Forever."
"Forever," I agree, before bringing my lips to hers.
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We come back to the party with pizza in hand. Charlie's on the floor showing his party guests his stuffed animals while Cyndy plays with him. The room feels so much happier now that Elizabeth is gone. Or maybe it's just me, because I'm so fucking happy right now I can't describe it. I'm at my son's birthday party with my family and friends. It still feels so fucking unreal and I know that it'll take a while for me to stop pinching myself.
Paul arrives halfway through lunch with a small present in hand. He looks happy, yet reserved, and holds onto Charlie for a little bit before returning him back to me.
"He looks more and more like Seth every day," Paul comments.
"Yes, he does," I agree, but I don't feel as sad saying this. I'm happy he looks like my brother. So I'll have a little piece of Seth for the rest of my life.
When it's time for cake, Charlie is freaking out. As soon as he sees the cake he starts screaming. I've never seen him look this fucking excited. It's like he's having a sugar high already and he hasn't even dug into the cake yet. I sit at the small dining room table with him on my lap as Bella places the honeycomb inspired Winnie the Pooh cake in front of him and everyone gathers around to sing him happy birthday.
"Can you take a few pictures, mom?" I ask as I hand her my phone with the camera opened.
"Of course," she says, with tears in her eyes.
Mom situates herself at the opposite end of the table and begins taking pictures while Bella lights the candles. I'm sure I have a ridiculous grin on my face, but I've never been this happy.
"Is everyone ready?" Alice asks, clapping her hands in excitement.
Charlie squeals and reaches for his cake. "Not yet buddy," I laugh. "We have to sing first."
As everyone sings "Happy Birthday", I rock him in my lap, watching his smiling little face as he looks up at me. His eyes are filled with pure excitement as he soaks up the positive energy in the room. My eyes fill with tears. Fuck, I'm so sappy today, but I can't fucking help it. I can't believe how happy I am. I did it! He's one year old and he's healthy and happy. Seth would be so fucking proud. I clench my jaw as I try to keep my tears at bay.
They finish singing and I tickle his stomach before helping him blow out the candles. He claps his hands and giggles as he watches smoke fly everywhere.
"Da da!" He squeals, pointing to his cake.
"You're one, buddy! Happy birthday, Charlie. Daddy loves you so much." I clench my jaw to hold back my tears.
I did it. I'm a good dad. I never thought I'd be a good dad, but I am. Charlie loves me just like my brother knew he would. I feel my dad rest his hand on my shoulder, holding it there until I look up at him.
"You're doing a great job, Edward. You should feel proud of yourself."
I give him a small smile, although my jaw fucking aches as I grit my teeth to restrain my tears.
I am proud of myself.
Seth would be proud too.
A/N: It took me so long to edit this chapter…so if you guys want to leave a review I would really appreciate it! You don't know what your reviews mean to me ?. After spending so much time on a chapter, it's so nice to hear what you all have to say! I hope you enjoyed this! What did you think about Bella standing up to Elizabeth?
Until next time!
Song-"Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips.