A disclaimer: I don't own any characters, from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.

Harry Potter

Saving Lily

Chapter 5

***Severus Snape POV***

"James."

My heart stops at that moment, my blood turns to ice in my veins and evaporates through the pores in my skin. Waves of nausea slam into the pit of my stomach as my trembling fingers reach up to brush the red strands of hair from her face, but they stop just before making contact .

"Lily," my murmur nearly inaudible, "I'm not... him... I'm sorry. I'm not your... husband... James. I am so very sorry."

Anguish. Indescribable torment bubbles up from within the crevice of my soul, erupting, draining the warmth from my physical form as it pulls all the air from my lungs.

The large circular ebony wood desk does not give way when my fist makes contact with its center. Anger, complete self-loathing gurgles upward toward my restricting heart. Curse words fly from my mouth as that name echoes in my mind… the realization that no matter what I do I will never be able to give Lily back to her family. But the pain of her confusing me with that man felt as if she had run a blade through my chest. It should not have been such a life-altering blow, not after everything I have seen and experienced in the company of the Dark Lord.

I damn myself for the actions I took that led to her current predicament, that my ill-advised ignorance in divulging the information to the Dark Lord that had been what placed him on her doorstep. If I had known he would put so much merit into the execrable prophecy… she should not be in the current state she's in. Lily should still be living happily with that loathsome git. But still, the anger I feel for that idiot nearly blinds me.

That imbecile has gone and died leaving Lily without him, altering her life for the rest of its existence . How could that fool not have his wand upon his person when the Dark Lord was approaching? His ignorance is what got him killed... he knew the Dark Lord was looking for them. I warned him. I told him to always be ready. I told him how ruthless the Dark Lord could be. He didn't heed me, in fact, he actively defied everything I tried to do to keep them safe even though all the information came from the lips of Albus Dumbledore. Now, look where he's gotten himself. Dead. He left Lily alone to fend entirely for herself. To grieve her greatest loss by herself and, in fact, add to it.

But perhaps my blame is unwarranted. Perhaps, it's a deflection about the anger I have with myself over what I have unintentionally caused. Trepidation focusing elsewhere because I fled. I ran away when she called me that name... His name. The name of my enemy. I place my palms over my eyes as I fight the desire to scream. If the fact that she unknowingly, in her muddled state, confused me with another….caused this much of an internal conflict within me, how exactly would I be able to face her when she has possession of all her faculties?

I glower at my students; the lingering ire rolling off my body in waves. How could they not be capable of grasping the simple concept of following the instructions? The textbook explicitly tells them what to do, and somehow someone manages to get it wrong. I rub the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger with a sigh.

"Don't give that potion to Mr. William's toad, Ms. Jones. 10-points from Hufflepuff for not paying attention." I try to keep my voice even, but I can already see the tears welling up in her eyes. "Cry, and I will deduct ten more points from your house. That potion is far too dark. Your lack of attention, Ms. Jones, could have cost Mr. William's toad its life because you don't seem to comprehend the explicit instructions in your textbook."

The knock-on my classroom door instantly catches my attention. I leave Ms. Jones to her tears to see who is interrupting my class. The sight of Minerva McGonagall sends fear coursing within my veins.

"Severus…"

"Class dismissed," I slam the door closed behind me as I follow the head of Gryffindor House to the infirmary. With every step I take, my stride elongates and my pace quickens as my every thunderous footstep echoes down the hall. My mind races as I draw closer, I can hear the muffled sound of what could be screams coming from behind the large doors. They give way easily as I push them open. The sound bombards me as the doors swing ajar , breaking the seal of the muffling spell, which is keeping the sound contained.

Madam Poppy Pomfrey sat on the edge of the bed trying desperately to comfort the distraught, sobbing woman. Lily pleads with the infirmary wing's matron.

"Lily..." Her name comes out as a breath. The trepidation in her frantic voice as she stands stirs my hesitant feet into motion. My fingers firmly coil themselves around her waist as her legs give way beneath her. My arms easily support her sudden weight, keeping her from colliding with the cold stone floor. I easily lift her back onto her feet and gently ease her back onto the bed.

"Not yet," I murmur softly. "You're not strong enough."

Her unseeing green eyes devour the black pits of my own . Her delicate fingers reach up to gently stroke the ends of my stringy black hair as recognition flickers and fill her distant eyes.

"Sev...Severus."

The sound of my name on her lips causes my skin to prickle as she continues to absent-mindedly run her fingers lightly through the ends of my hair.

"Yes, Lily. I'm here."

"Please... Help me Sev." Her voice is meek, pleading. Her eyes searching mine longingly for the answer she wants me to give her. An answer that my heart wants to offer her but can't. Her expressions of confusion and panic pull at something in my chest .

"I...I... She won't let me leave." Lily's eyes flick swiftly to Madam Pomfrey as if the woman will stop her from speaking before fixing themselves once again upon my black ones.

My fingers shutter as I brush the coppery strands of hair from her face as the guilt courses relentlessly through my veins. "She's right. You're not well enough yet Lily."

"Can you please tell James where I am?" Her voice is a soft whisper as if she only desires me to hear her request as her other hand reaches over to grab mine desperately as she leans in closer.

I hear McGonagall gasp as my breath catches in my chest. Lily didn't know. Madam Pomfrey hasn't told her. Madam Pomfrey must have refused her some request without being able to tell her of her new bleak reality. Madam Pomfrey's eyes shift away in sadness. I know this feeling, this is the one thing that she could not fix, but the difference is Madam Pomfrey is a healer and it must be eating away at her that there was nothing she could do to help, it had been far too late. No one survived the killing curse.

The desperation in Lily's voice grows stronger with every murmured word, "He and Harry will be with Sirius, Sev. He will be worried about me. Talk to Dumbledore, he can tell you how to get there. I need to see them, Sev. Please bring them back to me."

I glance over at McGonagall whose eyes are filled with such a deep sadness as Dumbledore moves closer to the bed and sits himself down on the other side of Lily. The sight of Dumbledore sends relief flooding through me. He gazes at me briefly. When I avert my eyes, he opens his mouth to speak. I couldn't be the one to shatter her world yet again.

As the headmaster tries to delicately explain what has befallen her family, I feel Lily's cool, delicate, trembling fingers encircle themselves around my long, slender ones. Her green eyes never leave Dumbledore's blue gaze but it feels as though the physical contact with me is what is grounding her to this moment. I see the distance growing in her eyes as waves of tremors slowly begin to wrack her body. She just stares at him, unseeing, as if she didn't hear him. The vacancy in her emerald eyes extends outward to her body as it goes rigid, shaking her head slowly, as if what Dumbledore is trying to tell her won't make any form of connection.

I sit frozen, mentally bracing myself for a reaction that never comes. The silence is deafening as she gazes unseeingly at Dumbledore. After a long moment, he stands.

"I think we should all give Mrs. Potter a moment to herself." Dumbledore notices Lily's fingers still entwined with my own. "You're staying." It is more of a statement than a question.

I nod, "Yes, I can't leave her."

He nods, "Perhaps, it's for the best."

With that Lily and I are once again alone in the infirmary.

I gaze at the profile of her face searchingly, trying to find any semblance of life within her still form.

"Lily?" I murmur reaching up to stroke her red hair. Tears. A single silent tear rolls down her cheek. I brush it away gently with my thumb. I gently cup her face with my free hand and carefully turn her head to face me. She doesn't resist my touch. Her vacant green orbs look through me as I brush the tears from her face with my fingers. Her breath comes in short, rapid grasps, and her entire frame visibly trembles .

"It'll be alright Lily." Of course it isn't alright! Nothing about this was alright, but what else could I say to try to comfort her? "I'm here. I'll be here for you. Whatever you need. I'll take care of you."

Does she even want me here? Would she want me to be there for her? I am completely out of my depth. How do you comfort someone who has just lost their entire world when you feel as though it's your fault?

A/N: There you go everyone! Sorry it took me so long to post! I found an amazing beta for this story! Her name is WrathOfMacy! I would like to thank her for all her help so far! She has also gone through all my previous chapters which now have been re-uploaded! Until next time everyone please review and have a great day!