A/N for 2019-05-12: Many thanks for Eeyorefan12 for beta-ing.
I think my favourite comment on the last chapter referred to Jan and Eric as "the pastel parade." Indeed. I can (cough) write Jan so well because I *was* exactly like that before my own children arrived. In fact, my brother's line to expectant parents (myself included) was, "I want you to enjoy being perfect parents now, because as soon as your kid arrives, you're going to realize how much of a screw-up you are at parenting, just like the rest of us." Boy did I learn that the hard way (hence, the delightful character of Josh!).
Happy reading!
Erin
Sitting up straight, Bella snatched Joshua to her. "What's wrong?" she asked Alice. "Is something—"
"Everything's fine," Alice said. "I was just—I was worried about you."
Bella let her body slump back against the door and tried to reduce herself to the air moving in and out of her body and the little boy in her arms
Her efforts were unsuccessful.
Josh squirmed out of her arms, calling out, "Mer!", and running off to find his sister. Bella stood, wanting to be ready to manage any coming disaster he might precipitate.
Underneath her sense of foreboding for today's visit with Jan and Eric had been a longing she'd been trying to deny, but it, like Josh, had squirmed out of where she'd kept it. Quite simply: she was hurting. She was lonely, and all she wanted was the comfort of a friend.
"Alice," she choked out, and opened her arms to move towards her. The hug was a long one, and the sobs that came from Bella were mirrored in Alice's smaller form.
"I missed you so much," they each finally said, laughing.
"I can still barely believe you're here," Bella added, her voice hoarse with emotion.
"And I'm not going anywhere," Alice replied in the matter-of-fact style she remembered
Bella's smile faltered. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
Alice grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her towards the couch. "I mean it. I'm not. We're not. We listened to Edward the first time, and look what happened there." Her friend frowned with these words, looking around, and Bella snorted out a reluctant laugh.
"Yeah, Bella's psychotic, broke her hand punching a ghost, and got herself knocked up at the worst possible time. And my God, look at how she's living." She swept her hand around the room.
"That is not what I meant," Alice said, in all seriousness, and then smirked. "Although, your clothing sense was always terrible."
It felt good to laugh, but she wanted to cry too.
"You did leave, though. Before," Bella said, her voice soft. It wasn't an accusation, just a fact that still hurt.
"I'm sorry," Alice said, just as quietly. She squeezed Bella's hand.
Bella squeezed hers back.
Joshua skipped back into the room at this point, roaring as he'd done for their other guests. He jumped onto Bella's lap.
"But I got dragon couture down," Bella chuckled.
Alice laughed. She reached out to finger the green material of Josh's costume. "Hi," she said softly.
"Rawr!" Josh answered.
"This is Alice," Bella said. "She's my friend."
Josh poked Alice's hand with a finger. "Man?" he asked.
Bella was surprised at how quickly he'd noticed the similarities between the two. "Alice is Edward's sister." Despite having had practise in saying his name over the last few weeks, it felt strange on her lips.
"Man," Josh corrected her.
"Yes," Bella sighed heavily, as Alice giggled. "She's 'Man's' sister."
Without acknowledging Bella's words, Joshua slithered his little dragon self away again.
"He's gorgeous," Alice said, eyeing his disappearing form shrewdly.
"Oh, don't even think about it," Bella said, her pride swelling a little. Josh was beautiful, and not just because he was her son. Both he and Meredith had inherited her pale skin, and Matt's curly red hair, albeit in much darker shades. Josh's fiery curls looked like spun copper in the sunlight. It made finding him when he got lost—and that was often—easier.
"Mer, do you want to come meet my friend, Alice?" Bella called.
There was a scrape of a chair pushing away from the table. "Look, Mama," Meredith said, "I finished." She held her picture out proudly.
"You're an artist!" Alice exclaimed.
Bella whipped her head to face her, eyes narrowing. "As in, you see—"
"As in I have eyes," Alice said, frowning at Bella. "Look at what she's done!"
Bella did, but she had no frame of reference for other children's art. Meredith loved to draw. It was almost all she did.
"Okay," Bella said quietly. She hadn't considered what Alice's gift might mean for her children. Some things she wanted to remain unknown.
But Alice was lost, busy admiring in professional tones the way Meredith had articulated the lines of people and the space around them. "Do you have more paper?" Alice asked.
Meredith nodded, clearly awed by Alice and the serious interest her words revealed. Bella followed them back to the kitchen,where Alice sat with Meredith and began teaching her how to extend the skills she'd already shown.
Art 101 clearly in progress, Bella watched her little dragon skip less energetically back into the room. His "Rawr," was softer this time and punctuated with a reluctant yawn.
"I know exactly how you feel," she empathised.
Alice caught her eye and gave her a dismissive wave. "Go. Enjoy your nap," Alice said. "Meredith and I have work to do."
Meredith wiggled excitedly in her seat.
A wave of irritation washed over Bella at being brushed aside. Despite considering Alice a friend, she had left with the rest of the Cullens all those years ago. Now it seemed she expected just to walk right back into Bella's life, into her children's lives . . .
"Sorry," Alice said immediately, looking abashed. She sighed. "I get lost in the future. I am . . . trying to stay more in the present, and make up for the past."
Bella let herself breathe a little deeper, watching Alice, whose remorse was clear on her face.
Josh yawned more loudly, starting to wobble precariously as he wandered through the kitchen. She really did need to put him down for a nap.
And she was really tired.
She decided that she could deal with her emotions later.
"Okay, but wake me up if you need anything." Then to Mer, she added, "I'll just be upstairs with Josh, alright?"
Alice nodded, and Mer gave an inattentive, "Uh-huh," looking instead to Alice, who followed her gaze, commenting on her work.
It was almost three when Bella woke, Josh just stirring beside her.
She felt like a new person.
A new but very sore person, she amended. Fingering her jaw lightly, she was sure there was a new bruise there, and her back and neck protested weakly as she sat up. Her hand ached less than yesterday, but still enough to make her take notice. Dang, she'd managed to sleep on it again. Making her way carefully down the stairs, she heard Meredith and Alice talking excitedly. About dresses.
"Oh God," she muttered.
They were in the den. Alice had somehow located Bella's small sewing kit and was deftly repairing Meredith's favourite princess dress. It had been in the mending box for the better part of six months—the average stay for most fabric inmates before they were pardoned into the Goodwill bag.
"Thank you," Bella said to Alice.
"No problem. We've had fun. Okay, Mer, here you go," she said, neatly snapping the thread.
With an excited squeal, Meredith scrambled to put on the teal dress, and exclaimed, "I'm a princess again!"
Bella tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.
"Oh, come on," Alice chided her. "There is no harm in dressing up like a princess."
Bella had many things to say in response to this, but decided they could wait until later.
"I think," Bella told Mer, "Josh is probably ready to be woken up. Maybe you guys can get a popsicle together?"
Mer dashed off, feet pounding up the stairwell.
"They're not really popsicles," Bella said. "Just frozen fruit and yogurt."
"Like I'd judge you," Alice said, sticking the needle neatly into a spool of thread.
"No, I guess not." Bella took the kit and put it back on the shelf. She let her hand rest there, thinking before speaking again. "Why did you come today, Alice?"
Alice's expression wilted. "I was worried about you."
"You said that before. Why?"
The sound of Joshua and Meredith returning down the stairs, and quickly disappearing into the kitchen, interrupted them.
"No, no, just one Josh. I'll help. Wait." Meredith's voice was full of older-sister importance.
Joshua busied himself with awkward hopping and shouting, "Popsicle!"
Peeking around the corner from the den and seeing all was well, Bella turned back to Alice. "Well?"
"I saw the outcome of a choice. A very brief one. It frightened me."
Bella flexed an eyebrow. It had been very brief—but the thought had been real in the moment. "I'm assuming, since the younger Doctor Cullen hasn't come charging in, that he doesn't know."
"I told him not to do anything," Alice said.
"And he listened to you?" Bella asked drily.
"Emmett and Jasper made him." Now the corner of her lip was hitched up.
Bella snorted. "Good old Emmett."
Alice's tone sobered and Bella could hear a tremble in her voice. "You can't do that, Bella. You can't—"
"You don't get to tell me anything, Alice. Nothing. Not an inch of direction about what I do with my life." She was angry now, as much at the invasion of her privacy as she was at the proposed interference, and her voice bore a steely note. "Not that I would, because I would never do that to my children, or my Dad, or any of the people who have actually been there for me."
Alice looked down, her posture full of contrition. She sighed, but finally nodded and said very quietly. "I'm glad to hear that . . . and you're absolutely right." After smoothing away some invisible speck on her trousers, Alice spoke again. "The rest of the family would like to see you and meet your children."
Well, Bella thought, wouldn't that be a lovely fan-fucking-tastic reunion? After the initial bitterness faded, she contemplated the reasons for this. She was sure practicality was foremost. Mer and Joshua needed to know the Cullens if they were to protect them. Introductions were in order on that front, but she suspected that fence-mending was on the agenda too.
Though probably not with Rosalie.
"I'm sure Rose isn't interested, and I don't really want to go through any pained introductions with the kids."
"Actually, it was Rose who suggested it. She wants to meet them."
"Rose does?" Bella asked, frowning in incredulity.
"Very much."
"Guess the pigs are flying today," she muttered.
"We've missed you, Bella," Alice said, face and voice all earnestness.
Bella's own features twisted, and she fought to keep the hurt from collapsing her fragile control. "Okay," she said. "But not here. I need to be able to . . . leave, if I—if I need to."
"Sure. We were wondering if you'd consider coming tonight?"
She hadn't expected that. Practical reasons, she told herself, fending off the 'no' she wanted to shove at Alice. Safety for your children, she told herself..
"Okay." She ran through the list of things she'd need to do before then.
"I can help," Alice said, a little more animatedly.
"What? Oh, right," Bella said, realizing Alice must be looking at her afternoon. "Wait, really? You're going to clean the kitty litter?" It was the worst of the chores, and she fully expected Alice to wrinkle her nose.
"Absolutely," Alice said bravely. "Good friends aren't afraid to take their friend's . . . cat's crap."
Snorting out a laugh, Bella moved towards the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher. They worked at the several tasks, Bella catching glimpses of Alice speeding through things when she knew the children weren't watching.
It was with much more apprehension that she herded the children into the car, listening to Alice's directions to the Cullen's new home.
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