A/N for 2019-07-10: Welcome to all you new followers and readers. This chapter was beta'd by the amazing Eeyorefan12.
Favourite comment from the last chapter: "Such a pleasant chapter . . I'm scared to death because it must mean something awful is about to hit!" I think that reader just *might* have my number.
Many thanks for those of you who share your thoughts via PM and review - they are a delight to read, and really do keep me motivated to write.
~ Erin
"Morning," Edward said, as Bella opened her eyes and found herself curled up against him.
"Morning," Bella yawned, not quite ready to be awake yet, but feeling her body's insistent needs. Stretching, she reluctantly rolled away from him and eased her legs over the side of the bed, planning to stand up and use the bathroom.
Edward appeared, a hand out to steady her.
"I can walk to the bathroom unaided," she said with a small smile.
"Yes, you can. Let's keep it that way."
Bella rolled her eyes. "Ah, the confidence. It's overwhelming."
"It's your third pregnancy. They don't make you more coordinated."
She had to agree. She'd already entered the don't-give-me-anything-fragile-to-hold stage. This had given her opportunity to be grateful for Edward's superhuman coordination.
He was waiting for her when she opened the bathroom door, but his easy expression was gone.
"What?"
His eyebrows nudged together, like there was something he didn't want to tell her. "Meredith's . . . upset."
He moved aside so Bella could slip past him to stand outside her daughter's door. Sure enough, she could hear quiet sobs. She opened the door and hurried to Mer's bed.
"Hey," she said, sitting down, "what's up, sweetheart?"
Meredith didn't say anything for a little while, clinging to Bella tightly. Finally, she croaked out, "I miss Daddy. And he's missing my birthday."
"Yes, he is," Bella hushed back. The tears were rising for her too. "I miss him too."
She'd watched well-meaning people try to tell her children things would be better—that they should think of all the good things they'd had with Matt. She'd had the same people say such things to her.
And she knew their well-meant words to be as comforting as the air they travelled through.
"It hurts. I know." She held Mer, rubbing her back, focusing on listening.
"He won't see my special dress, or have our princess cupcakes. Daddy loved princess cupcakes."
In the midst of her tears, Bella had to stifle her laugh. Matt had looked at her in horror when Mer developed her princess craze.
"This is short-lived, right?" he'd asked quietly, as they stood in the 'pink' section of the toy aisle.
Bella had held back her snort then too, nudging him in the ribs, whispering, "Get your princess on, babe!"
"Yes," she managed seriously. "Daddy loved his princess cupcakes."
"Can we take him one?" Mer asked.
They hadn't gone to the cemetery in several weeks. Both children had asked to go a few times after the funeral but she realized it hadn't come up in a while
"Of course we can."
This plan made, Meredith recovered herself, announcing she was going to go make breakfast.
"You don't want me to make you a special breakfast?" Bella asked.
"No, I'm five now. I want to make my own waffles."
"Uh, with the waffles in the toaster, like I showed you, right?"
"Of course. And Edward showed me. Not you."
Well, Bella thought. Aren't you five. "Okay. Be careful."
Mer was already dancing away, moving suspiciously like Alice did. "I will!"
Edward followed, giving Bella a peck on the cheek as he went by. "I'll keep an eye on that."
When Bella was showered and dressed, she went to walk downstairs, but found herself sitting halfway down, a wave of dizziness and nausea making her rest her head between her knees.
"I'm fine," she murmured, knowing Edward would have heard this.
"That's debatable," he said, coming up to join her.
"Just give me a minute," she said.
He shook his head. "You've had plenty. And there's a 5-year-old in the kitchen using small electrical appliances." He scooped her up and she sighed, wanting to give him a look, but not ready to open her eyes.
When he put her down just outside the kitchen, he placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Am I forgiven?"
"You're forgiven," she said.
"Oh good." He smiled, and then held her hand and walked her to the table.
"Are you going to have waffles, too?" Meredith asked. She was opening the freezer door, rifling through the drawer.
"Er—" Bella started.
"No, I'll make your mommy breakfast," Edward said. "She needs protein."
Meredith pouted at Edward.
"Of course, I do need some help," Edward amended.
"Okay!" Meredith bounced on her toes.
Edward looked to Bella, clearly seeking input. "Eggs would be great," she said, smiling a little. Meredith hadn't warmed up to Edward like she had to Alice and it was good to see them doing something together.
Bella was briefly 'allowed' out of her chair to tend the scrambled eggs in the pan when Josh woke and called for them from upstairs. Edward was back with him so quickly, though, she laughingly told him to check her son for whiplash.
After breakfast was tidied away, Bella pulled out the cupcakes she'd made the day before, Edward hovering as she moved around the kitchen.
"What?" she finally asked.
His jaw tightened a little before he spoke. "You're not steady on your feet. You keep losing your balance. I'm worried you're going to hurt yourself."
Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes yet again, Bella put the container of cupcakes down and then glanced out of the kitchen to check on Meredith and Josh. They were trying to catch the cat, but Bubbles was as elusive as ever. Quickly determining that her children were unlikely to be successful, she walked up to Edward, placing her hands on his chest. Her little flare of frustration faded once she was touching him. "I know you love me, and that you worry a lot about me, but I am not spun sugar. I have managed to have two children already. They're just fine, and so am I." She directed her gaze out of the kitchen again, then back to him, lifting her eyebrows meaningfully.
"Yes," he said. "You have and you are. But this is also your third pregnancy, which is coming fairly close on the heels of your second. You're also not sleeping as much as you need to, or resting with your feet up—"
She did roll her eyes now.
"I'm serious."
He was. She could see it in the set of his jaw.
"You're more likely to have vascular problems with a third pregnancy, and you've been feeling light-headed—"
"Okay," she said, closing her eyes, still with her hands on his chest. "What is it you're asking me to do, then?"
"Go lay down. Put your feet up."
"Edward, I just woke up."
"And you wanted to take the children to the park this morning, before the party, right?"
"Sure, but—"
He waved his hand towards the living room. "I think I can handle decorating some cupcakes."
She was going to say no, but then she realized it wasn't her call to make. "Mer," she called. "You okay if Edward decorates your cupcakes?"
Meredith skipped into the kitchen. "Sure. As long as they're pink princess cupcakes."
"No problem," Edward said, not looking at Meredith, but pointing his eyes at Bella and then towards the living room.
"Good luck," Bella whispered, and then walked away, pulling out her phone to call the local bakery. Just in case.
Her worries were needless. Fortified with The Joy of Cooking, Meredith's crayon drawing, and more complete mental illustration from the birthday girl, Edward produced what Mer declared were the best princess cupcakes. Ever. Even better than Eloise Martin's mom could make.
Bella had to admit they were pretty spectacular.
"I am not ever going to be able to live up to this," she said, a little worriedly, looking at the precise detail with which they'd been decorated.
"You don't need to," Edward whispered in her ear. "We'll just add cupcake decorator to my job description and let you take all the credit."
- 0 -
Bella and Edward had agreed that she would introduce Edward to everyone at the party as her friend. Meredith was of the age where such distinctions in relationships were noticed and Bella didn't want this to become the focus of the party.
Meredith's friend Eloise was the first to arrive, then Kim and Georgia. The respective parents had all ogled Edward when he and Bella had answered the door.
"Pick up at four," Bella said, keeping her smile small and composed as children were dropped off.
"You sure you don't want some extra help?" Steve asked, when he brought his daughter Mei. He'd always been chatty with Bella when they had crossed paths at the preschool. And not just chatty, but more interested and inquisitive than she expected. She was sure she knew more about his status as a single parent than she should. "I don't mind staying."
It surprised her to feel Edward's arm come suddenly around her shoulders. "I think we have it all in hand, don't you?" he asked Bella.
Though mildly bewildered at Edward's sudden show of affection, she smiled back at him, and then at Steve. "Yeah, we're good, but thanks."
When she closed the door, she murmured, "What was that about?"
"Just my insanely-possessive nature," he whispered back.
"That was you being insanely possessive?" She asked with a smirk.
He removed his arm from her shoulders and flashed her a crooked grin. "I'm trying not to be," he admitted, scanning the room.
"Thank goodness," Bella laughed, before reaching to steady a table-lamp from one of the girls running by. Edward beat her to it, sliding it closer to the wall. There was a disturbing thunk from the kitchen.
"I'll take that end. Will you handle the door?" he asked.
"Sure."
There were party games planned, but Bella wanted to wait for all the guests to be there before starting them.
The next arrival was a familiar one . . . with a surprise.
"Dad, you made it! And Sue—I didn't know you were coming."
"Didn't want to miss this," she said, pulling Bella into a warm hug. "I managed to get some time off work. You doing okay?"
"I am. Still a little nauseous, but that's nothing new."
"Hmm," Sue said. "It's harder when you have little ones around."
"I'm doing fine," Bella said again.
The living room had emptied, and Bella could hear the babble of many excited voices in the kitchen. She felt a guilty squirm, having left Edward with all the girls.
"Come on back. I think the horde has gathered near the food."
"Sure," Charlie said, kicking off his shoes. He had a large long box under his arm which he set down on the growing pile on the coffee table
Meredith met them halfway, jumping up into Charlie's arms. "Grandpa! Grandma Sue!"
After exchanging greetings, Meredith pulled Charlie and Sue towards the kitchen with an enthusiastic, "Come meet my friends!"
As they walked through the narrow doorway, first Charlie, then Sue stopped, Sue much more abruptly, as they caught sight of Edward.
Charlie said nothing, quickly smoothing away the initial grimace Bella had caught growing on his face, but Sue stood staring openly, mouth slack with shock.
"Hi, Edward," Charlie managed. Bella was impressed by how neutral it sounded.
Edward raised one hand in greeting as he continued pouring juice from the pitcher he was holding with the other.
"Sue, honey, this is Edward. Bella's . . . friend."
Sue had recovered herself a little, but not enough to keep Charlie from looking worriedly at her. She nodded, and the greeting would have been polite enough if Sue hadn't taken the slightest step backwards.
Charlie glanced at Bella, eyebrows raised in a way that communicated he wasn't alone in his opinion of Edward.
But Bella wasn't paying attention to her father. She was staring at Sue now, a sudden and vitriolic epiphany testing all the limits of her self-control.
"Excuse me," she said, patting her lower abdomen, moving towards the bathroom. "Be right back."
On the pretext of sparing the downstairs bathroom for guests, she moved up the stairs as quickly as she could, ignoring the mounting dizziness that made her stumble towards the top. She pushed through the sensation, bouncing between the bannister and the wall on the way to her bedroom.
Then she closed the door, sitting down on the bed, where she tried to breathe off the anger that had left her fists shaking.
It didn't work, so she began pounding her good hand into the pillows, first with ineffective thumps, and then smashing at the feathers inside. Finally, she picked it up and threw it against the wall, snatching it back to muffle her scream. She wanted to roar, but goosedown only absorbed so much sound and, even now, she wouldn't risk ruining Meredith's party.
Sue had known.
She'd known that Bella wasn't having a psychotic break. She'd let Charlie treat her to the point that he needed to mortgage his house to pay off Bella's medical debts. God, she'd let Bella think she was completely insane!
Did the woman even love Charlie? If the pack was willing to discard Bella to protect their secret, she didn't doubt they'd stoop to having Sue use Charlie to keep tabs on Bella. It was enough to make her want to vomit.
"Bella?" Edward's voice was muffled by the door between them.
"Come in," she gritted out.
After closing the door quietly, he appeared beside her, hands reaching for hers.
"She knew," Bella whispered. "The entire time. I can't believe I didn't even consider this before. She knew I wasn't insane. And she let my dad go into debt paying for treatment I didn't need."
Edward sat down beside her. . "So did I, Bella." He squeezed her hand.
"It's different—"
"Is it? If they hadn't discredited you, we would not be sitting here." He was quiet for a moment and Bella saw him swallow hard—a rare fidget for him but one she recognized as something he only did under stress. . "Bella, I'm ultimately responsible for what you went through. If you hadn't known me, you wouldn't have known about the wolves—"
"You can't know that." She was still uncontrollably angry. It was a personal affront, the place Sue held in Charlie's heart, and had held in Bella's.
"The wolves wouldn't have appeared if it weren't for us," Edward said. "Sue's children would not be wolves if my family hadn't moved back to Forks. If she wasn't so terrified of me, and for you, she'd be trying to find a way to end me right now."
"What do you mean, about the wolves appearing?"
Edward moved slightly on the bed, his arm out a bit, inviting Bella to sit closer to him. She accepted, nudging up against his side. "We'd had suspicions before, but Sue's thoughts confirmed it today. Having vampires nearby triggers the transformation."
It was another punch in the gut. "So Jacob—" She couldn't finish the statement. Her stomach twisted in on itself.
"Yes," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"You didn't kill him, Edward." She knew her words were true, but her heart and mind couldn't agree on what they meant. Or how she felt about them.
"No." He loosened his arm from around her. "I destroyed Victoria's mate to save my own, and then foolishly left, not thinking to ensure your safety. Sue was only dealing with the fallout of my actions."
Bella could hear and understand what Edward was saying but could make no conclusions about it; A confused swirl of emotions had taken up residence in her chest. She was still angry with Sue for her part in the charade, though she knew it was Sam who deserved more of her ire. Beyond that was the fresh remembrance of Edward's actions having instigated the events that had spiraled beyond her control, and brought so much heartache—and now her angry inner turmoil surged in his direction.
"We need to go downstairs. I can deal with this later," Bella mumbled.
Edward followed silently, keeping more of a distance than he normally would.
In the kitchen, Sue had marshalled the girls, playing a giggle-inspiring version of telephone. Josh was holding Charlie's hand and pointing to the back door.
"Bubbles!" Josh was saying.
When Edward appeared, Josh ran to him. "Bubbles!" he announced, then looked at Charlie and the back door.
"I had to let her out," Charlie said. "Sorry, Josh," he added. "Things were getting a bit crazy with the girls."
"That's fine. Thanks Dad," Bella said, trying to smile. She watched the game that was underway for a bit and when it finally devolved into the inevitable nonsense sentences and shrieks of laughter, she called , "Alright, who's ready to play pass-the-parcel?"
The party games went as smoothly as they could, for a bunch of four-and five-year olds. Josh hovered on the periphery, bouncing between Edward and Charlie, chirping his singularly-worded observations and requests.
Bella studiously avoided interacting with Sue, grateful the older woman was at ease with her adopted grandchildren and the other small guests present. Bella's storm of feelings hadn't subsided, but they had distilled themselves, small and potent, anxiously awaiting decanting.
When it came time to bring out the cupcakes, Bella found herself pausing, trying to decide in which direction to turn, to Charlie or Edward, for help.
Charlie spared her the choice. "Can I do the honours?" he asked softly. "I didn't get to do many of these when you were little."
"Sure," she said softly. She handed Charlie the candles and matches, watching him set and light them.
Sue was supervising the last of the games in the living room, and Bella and Charlie walked in together, holding the tray of cupcakes, singing 'Happy Birthday'.
Josh had gravitated to Edward and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Edward's hands on Josh's arms as he crouched behind him, murmuring quietly.
The singing done, the birthday girl and guests were only too happy to bounce into the kitchen for cake. Josh trailed after them, squirming into his booster seat, waiting expectantly. "Cake!" he announced, looking hopefully at Edward.
"Yes, cake," Edward agreed. "A cupcake."
Josh smiled in anticipation.
Putting cupcakes on plates, Bella caught Charlie's glower out of the corner of her eye.
She could very well imagine what he was upset about. She hadn't told him Edward would be there. She also considered the many secrets that Charlie wasn't privy to. The many secrets that had been kept from her.
Josh's wail interrupted these musings. He'd bitten into his cupcake, and now looked at it accusingly.
"Hey," Charlie said, moving towards him. "What's up?"
"No, yellow!" Josh shrieked. "Yellow! Yellow!"
Edward approached too, so that Josh was flanked on either side.
"I got it," Charlie growled at Edward.
Josh's shrieks had become high-pitched, and some of the girls had put their hands over their ears. Meredith kept saying, "It's okay, Josh! It's okay!" getting louder and louder with each repetition.
"C'mon, buddy. Let's go outside," Charlie said, moving to pick him up.
Josh yanked himself away. "No!" he steam-whistled. "Man!" Then he lunged towards Edward.
Charlie's glare at Edward was positively murderous.
Edward picked Josh up, avoiding Charlie's gaze, and walked him into the den, where Bella followed. Josh's voice lessened a little in volume and his cries became those of sadness, rather than anger. "Yellow," he intoned, looking towards the kitchen. "Yellow."
"You want something yellow?" Bella asked, struggling to remember if there was something yellow he'd lately become attached to.
"Did you have yellow cupcakes at some point?" Edward whispered. "With little sunflowers on them?"
"Oh," Bella gasped, hand to her mouth. "Yes." She had to take a few breaths before she could continue. Matt and the kids had made them for her birthday last year. It had been a late celebration, moved to coincide with Canadian Thanksgiving when they'd gone to visit Charlie. "I didn't know he remembered." They'd baked them in Charlie's kitchen, unearthing ancient cupcake tins that she was sure hadn't seen use since Renee had lived there. "Yes," she said again, and then to Joshua. "Is that what you want, yellow cupcakes, like we had for mommy's birthday?"
Josh answered by burying his head in Edward's chest.
"No," Edward said, keeping his voice low. He mouthed the words over Josh's head, "He thought the cupcakes would bring back his Dad."
Blinking back tears, Bella leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Josh. "I miss Daddy too, sweetheart."
Edward raised one hand to reach for Bella as well, clearly unaware it was the last thing she wanted from him at this moment. "No," she murmured, keeping Josh in the circle of her arms, and pulling him from Edward's.
When the door cracked open after a light rap, Bella caught Charlie's worried look. "Everything okay?"
"Yep," Bella said.
Watching her father nudge his body a bit further into the room, Bella studied his face out of the corner of her eye, most of her attention still trained on Josh, who was trembling with his shifting emotional states.
Charlie cleared his throat.
For the most part, Charlie hadn't given cause for her to doubt his intuition or emotional intelligence. Yet, there were times when that belief was soundly shaken. Now was one of them. The day had layered strain upon strain and she felt each of them keenly. "Give us a few minutes, okay?"
"Sure," Charlie said, watching the three of them for a few moments, then retreating.
Bella could feel Edward's eyes on her but all her focus was on the sad little boy she was holding."Shall we make some yellow cupcakes tomorrow, my little man?" she asked Josh.
"Man," Joshua croaked, reaching for Edward.
"I'm here," he answered, accepting Josh as he crawled back into his lap. Bella's arms felt suddenly very empty as she finally met Edward's gaze over her son's head. His expression was somber but she could see the questions there.
Josh sighed, minutely contented.
"Is it okay if mommy goes back to Mer's party?" Edward asked him.
Josh nodded, and Bella had to force herself to get up and head toward the kitchen, still confused and angry, and now sharing her son's grief. Unseen by Bella, Sue side-stepped into the room, clicking the door shut behind her, staring at Edward.
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