A/N for 2019-07-17: I hoist my cup of coffee and salute you all from the lakeside chair in which I sit. A big shout-out to Eeyorefan12 for her amazing editing and moral support as I wrestle with some of the story's latter chapters.
I still have a poll running on my FaceBook page (facebook DOT com forward slash flamingmaplewrites) for the Babies at the Border fundraiser. The options are an out- or future-take on this story, or a more immediate continuation of Primum Non Nocere.
~ Erin
"I'd say you have nerve," Sue said, "but you don't actually have any of those, do you?"
Edward could hear the woman's heart pounding loudly in her chest. Her perspiration smelled vaguely of dog.
"Josh, you come see Grandma Sue?" she tried, her tone abruptly sweetened.
"No. Man." Josh mumbled into Edward's chest, gripping a bit tighter.
"Are you sure?" Edward asked him. "You don't get to see Grandma Sue very often."
"No," Josh said more firmly. "Man."
"Okay." Edward pretended to shift a little, like he was getting uncomfortable, before realizing that he could drop the human charade in front of Sue. She knew what he was.
Sue's face twisted, teeth grinding together. "What will it be this time?" she asked, sotto voce, clearly aware he could hear her. "How will you destroy her now? With her children?" She lifted her chin to Joshua.
"I will not hurt her," Edward said, as quietly as he could and still be audible to her.
"Oh yes, of course not. Just abandon her. Let my people die in defending her again? Maybe my son this time? Or my daughter? God, your very presence is a danger to us."
Her thoughts ran in tandem with her voice, but with additional words not suited to her grandson's ears. Not that it mattered. Her tone was enough to make her anger clear. Edward was almost grateful for the difficulty Josh could have in accurately discerning emotions. For now, he was studying his Grandma Sue's expression with interest but not alarm.
"Does she know what you are? Or have you at least left her the safety of the psychosis?"
"Safety?" Edward growled, a flare of anger making it difficult to stay seated . . . or civil. Only the boy in his arms kept his voice muted. "Pushing treatments and medications on her that were completely unnecessary? Endangering her health? Indebting her father?"
She snorted. "And you think you have ground to stand on there?"
"I am culpable for all the danger that has touched her life. My world is full of danger, but so is yours. I tried to leave—keep it away from her, and it only made things worse. If I could have solved things by staying away, I would have."
"Feel free to keep trying that method. She was doing just fine before you showed up."
Hearing Charlie's approach, Edward did not respond, utilizing the self-control he had mastered through the years to keep silent.
"Hey, there you are," Charlie said to Sue as he opened the door. If he thought it was odd to find her and Edward in the same room, his thoughts revealed nothing. "A couple of parents are here. Meredith wants you to come meet them and pass out loot bags."
"Of course," Sue said, shooting Edward a nasty parting look. Her thoughts were clear: I will see Bella and my grandchildren free and clear of you.
"Can we go say goodbye to Mer's friends?" Edward asked Josh once Charlie and Sue had walked away
His little head nodded and Edward carried him towards the front door. As they walked, Josh seemed to try to squirm deeper into his stony chest. He liked Edward's cold body; that much his thoughts made clear. Edward mused again at how the workings of Josh's mind were louder when they physically touched.
"I won't get too close," he whispered to Josh, hearing his anxiety about being talked to by the strange adults present once they'd reached the living room. "They're here to take Mer's friends home."
Like a compass needle, Edward was attuned to the central magnetic pull of his world: to Bella. He watched her from across the room as she said good-bye to the parents departing with their kids, giving every child a smile or an affectionate touch on the shoulder as they left. Her heart thumped steadily and the little one inside her fluttered in its newness. The constant permutations of these rhythms, along with those of Josh and Meredith, had quickly become the symphony of his existence. He stood and relished its innumerable movements and variations, sparing little attention to anything else for the moment
With the last of the guests out the door, Bella closed it with a little sigh. Edward wanted to know, desperately, what she was thinking and feeling, but she hadn't so much at looked at him since he had entered the room with Josh.
"Go put your feet up, honey," Charlie said. "We can get started with clean-up."
"Thanks, but I'll be faster doing it myself. It won't take long." The strained lines in her face told Edward that she was still upset from before and wanting some space to be alone. The playacting was wearing on her.
"Call if you need help, okay?" Charlie said, frowning a little.
"C'mon, Grandpa, come help me put my new fishing rod together," Mer said, pulling at his shirt.
"No problem, Squirt." He let Meredith drag him towards the dining room, where the gifts lay scattered over the floor.
Josh squirmed down from his perch against Edward's chest, looking towards the box of cars in the corner, then back at Edward. "Do you want to play cars?" Edward asked him.
Josh smiled, a slow production that spread wide, revealing ingratiating dimples and twinkling blue eyes. Edward couldn't help grinning in return and they sat down, Josh passing him a car. They traded these vehicles back and forth on the floor, sometimes sequentially, sometimes in tandem, the small wheels whirring past each other.
Edward kept his attention focused on Bella's activity in the kitchen at the same time, checking for any sign of strain. She was well, busy tidying and clearing things away.
In the corner of the living room, Sue sat pretending to be a casual observer of the living and dining rooms' occupants. Her heart still beat too quickly and he kept seeing his own face in her thoughts, but at least she had stopped envisioning him being eviscerated by wolves. While he had wondered earlier if anyone had informed Sue of his gift, it was now clear to him that she had no idea. He tried not to be too pleased about this fact.
Edward made sure he kept talking to Joshua, who had a knack for knowing when Edward's attention was divided.
"Cars," Josh said, little brow furrowing. Then he looked towards Sue, picking up an orange dump truck and running towards her. "Cars," he repeated, looking back at Edward. He put the car in her hand.
"Oh no, you go play," she said.
Her fear was potent.
"Cars," Joshua insisted, voice rising. He pointed again.
"Won't kill you to play cars, Sue," Charlie called. "Can't be all tea parties and princesses." Then he chuckled, almost to himself.
Sue shot Edward a dark look. He kept his face expressionless but steadily returned her gaze until she looked away again.
"Cars," Joshua repeated, pulling at her hand. "Pull!" he added, yanking harder. "Pull!"
Pressed on both sides, Sue rose slowly, following Josh back towards Edward. When she was settled on the floor, close enough that they were all within an arm's reach, Josh put the truck in her hand and then pulled it towards Edward, lifting his hand so that Edward's cold one, and Sue's overly-warm one, met.
Her hissed gasp and Bella's strangled, "Shit!" from the next room were synonymous.
The smell of Bella's blood reached Edward before the sound of her voice did and he struggled to keep himself from running towards it, fear clenching at his gut. He told Josh he'd be right back and left him with Sue while he forced himself to walk to the kitchen at a mostly-human pace.
Charlie was almost equally attuned to his daughter and was the first to reach her. She had one one bloody hand clutched in a tea towel, her head down, as she retched into a mixing bowl. Meredith watched from the doorway to the dining room, looking worried and confused, her new fishing rod clutched tightly in one hand.
"C'mon," Charlie was saying, an arm wrapped around Bella, "Let's go to the bathroom."
"Why don't I do this?" Edward said, struggling with the primal urge to rip Charlie away from her to get to his mate. The blood was nothing, but her distress was making his skin crawl with anxiety.
"No!" Bella all but shrieked, holding her uninjured up. The blood-smeared palm shook. "Dad's got this." Then she vomited again.
Jaw set, Charlie turned back to Edward, thoughts full of flickering memories: Bella in the hospital, shrieking about vampires and werewolves, body frantic as they took a blood sample. "This is hard for her," he said to Edward. "She can't handle seeing or smelling her own blood." He dropped his voice to mutter, for Edward's ears only, "Part of the psychosis, they said." His arm stayed protectively over her, as he herded her towards the bathroom. "Mer, honey," he called back. "Go play with your brother until I get back, okay?"
Edward felt like an ice carving of himself, standing in the middle of the room, unable to move.
"Mama?" Josh called from the kitchen doorway. His gaze flicked to the bathroom, and then to Edward.
Sue answered him first. "Mama hurt her hand. Just give her a few minutes, okay, sweetie?"
"Mama?" Josh repeated, looking at Edward.
He forced himself out of his frozen state. "Grandma Sue's right. Mama will be okay in a little while." Edward knew, from the workings of his voice box, that he had said the right words, used the correct intonation and the appropriate volume, but he was so devastated by what Charlie had shown him a few moments before that he still doubted himself.
Edward's words obviously held more credence than Sue's did because Josh turned back to the living room, calling, "Cars!" on the way. A quick glance showed Edward that Mer was already there so he didn't follow, and he began looking around the kitchen for whatever Bella had hurt herself on. He spotted a small paring knife on the floor and scooped it up.
"Maybe you should leave," Sue growled out. "For obvious reasons."
"Enough." Edward said firmly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sue's eyes widen at him but he ignored her reaction, listening only to what was happening down the hall.
When Bella returned a few minutes later, she was ashen. Her hand was bleeding a little, but much less than before.
"Can I look at that?" he asked softly.
"Okay," she said uncertainly, sitting down at the table. She held out her shaky hand so that he could examine it.
Sue's mind was full of dark thoughts and worries, the most obvious being Edward draining Bella at the kitchen table. She was trying to figure out if she could get away with the children before he murdered their mother.
Edward ignored her ridiculous imaginings. She may have been technically correct earlier when she accused him of not having human nerves but if he did, he was sure she would have been on every last one of them.
"Were you afraid of how I would react?" he whispered to Bella.
"No," she said, looking away, her shallow breathing and elevated heart rate telling him otherwise.
He'd pulled the first aid kit—or, rather, the small paramedic's kit he'd assembled for any emergencies—from the kitchen cabinet. There was a kit for each floor. He was taking no chances with her or her children.
The cut was long, but shallow. "It won't need stitches," he said, painting it with antiseptic and then bringing it together with adhesive surgical strips. He added a piece of gauze and taped it in place, hiding the wound. Then he took her other hand. "Please talk to me."
"Sorry," she whispered.
"Why are you sorry?" he asked.
Their few words were obscured by the sounds Charlie and Sue made as they worked to clean up the kitchen. It was deliberate on Charlie's part. He was trying to give Bella a quiet moment with Edward, studiously not listening to what they were saying, making as much noise as he could with his own conversation with Sue.
Sue, on the other hand, was trying to listen to everything they were saying, and was frustrated that Charlie was making so much noise.
"At the time, I thought it was just a product of the psychosis, but obviously, I had some good reasons to be afraid for bleeding." She closed her eyes, paling again.
"Your fears were well-founded, Bella. Why do you think you need to apologize . . . especially to me?" he asked. Although he knew from experience how pointless it was to try, he felt himself focusing all of his ability, trying to hear her thoughts.
She gritted her teeth. "Habit. I'm not. I'm just—"
"Anything else you need done?" Charlie asked pointedly, looking at Bella with concern. Apparently, he had decided that Edward's questions were upsetting her.
"Thank you, no, Dad. I think we're good." She smiled wanly at him.
Wiping down the counter, Charlie added, "You gonna go lay down for a bit? You don't look so good."
"I think I will." Bella stood up.
Edward reached out instinctively to steady her. Her flinch surprised him, but he chalked it up to the shock, and followed her out of the kitchen.
At the foot of the stairs, she paused and turned around. "Um . . . Why don't you head home, seeing as Sue and Charlie will be spending the night?" she said, not looking at him but staring at some fixed point on his chest.
Everything stopped. He knew vaguely where he was. He knew the woman he loved more than his own life was standing before him but, beyond that, Edward's mind was a blank. Even the regular hum of thoughts about him had fallen silent. Although he didn't need to breathe, he felt as if he was underwater, struggling for air. He tried to focus, to see or hear anything that made sense. Slowly, the words she had just spoken began to coalesce into a coherent sentence but its meaning was still unfathomable. Here was home. She was home. If he wasn't here, with her . . . He couldn't complete the thought.
He knew Bella was probably waiting for him to speak or to respond in some way. When his silence lasted too long, she finally met his gaze.
"I need a bit of time," she rushed out. "Some space. I know you'll be nearby. I just need—I need to think clearly, and figure out . . . everything. I can't do that while you're here."
It took nearly everything he had to muster the next words. "Of course, whatever you need." Inside, his already-dead heart was crumbling to dust. Was this the mirror fate was holding up to him? His reward for leaving and wounding her all those years ago?
His more practical self spread its attention to the human charade that needed keeping, at least for Charlie, and the children. He would need to retrieve his jacket and keys. Say goodbye.
"Man!" Josh called, making Edward turn.
Bella's steps took her upstairs. She was crying.
And she'd asked him to leave.
"I have to head home," Edward said to Joshua.
"Cars," Joshua said, looking confused. He understood that Edward was leaving, but he couldn't comprehend why. Edward listened to Josh's internal wondering, hearing his thought that perhaps he'd not shared his favourite car enough. He held the blue one up now, trying to find a way to make Edward stay.
"Thank you," Edward said quietly. "That's very nice of you to share. You keep it. We can play with it when I come back, okay?"
Josh shook his head, tears threatening.
"Do you want to play cars before I go?"
Josh nodded, sniffling.
"Okay."
So Edward sat for a few minutes, listening to Bella's tears upstairs and Josh's near ones in front of him. He heard every speck of dust grinding beneath the wheels of the cars they slid between them. When Josh had calmed enough to accept Edward's departure, Edward stood, gently rubbing a thumb over the boy's cheek. "I will see you soon, alright?"
His little nod was solemn.
"I'm off," he announced to a surprised Charlie, and a morbidly-pleased Sue.
"See you, Edward," Charlie said politely. Sue only nodded, the minimum gesture she could offer without being rude. She didn't want to raise suspicions in Charlie.
Edward paused by Meredith, who was busy with her gifts. "Happy Birthday, big girl. I'm leaving now, but I'll be back . . . later."
"Why?" she asked.
Lying seemed easier than the truth. "I need to go get a few things done."
"And then you'll come back?"
"I will come back."
"Okay." Then she threw her arms around him. "Thank you for my cupcakes."
"You're welcome." He stroked her hair briefly before turning to go.
His chest hurt. His heart hurt. It was illogical. He was a vampire. He couldn't hurt, not physically. Steps heavy, he walked out the front door, knowing that his heart was upstairs, aching, sore, and wanting.
DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.