A/N for 2019-07-21: A friendly reminder that this story is categorized as 'angst' for several reasons. I'm not sure if 'enjoy' is the right sentiment in giving this chapter to you to read, but there you are anyway. A big thank you to Eeyorefan12 for her incredibly thoughtful and dedicated work on this tale.
For those of you interested in the Babies at the Border fundraiser, thank you for taking time to let me know which story you want to see continued. You chose this one, and I'll be putting together an out- or future-take for the compilation.
Logistics: Sunday will be the new posting day for this story.
~ Erin
Bella stayed upstairs until she was certain Edward had left. The tell-tale thump of the front door closing was her cue to get up and move back downstairs. She forced herself not to think about the expression of utter devastation and shock on his face when she'd asked him to go. If she did, she was certain she'd run after him and beg his forgiveness. But no, she needed this time. She needed to think, to sort out her feelings . . . even though her body already ached at his absence.
"I meant a real rest," Charlie said, frowning as she reappeared. Then he looked towards where Edward had left, and raised an eyebrow, asking much more quietly, "You two alright?"
"Yeah, fine," Bella said, making her mouth form a smile. "I just wanted a chance to have a real visit with you both."
Charlie stared at her, lips twisted to the side. Bella recognized it as his I-call-bullshit face. He nodded a little, looking at Mer, occupied with her new toys, and Josh, still at play with the cars on the floor, but now with Sue at his side. "Sure," he said in a tone that communicated blatant disbelief. "So, uh, We were wondering if we could take you to dinner tonight?"
"At a restaurant?"
"I hear that's where they make the food."
"Uh—"
"We can help with Josh," he said, correctly sensing her source of worry.
"It's just been a big day already, and I don't want to tempt fate." God, how she missed the ease of going to restaurants, but with Josh—
"Let's get some take-out then." Charlie glanced at his watch. "Chinese okay?"
"Chinese is great. I'll just go tidy up the guest room a bit." The kids had been playing in there the day before. Normally, Charlie wouldn't mind, but Bella hadn't anticipated Sue coming along too. She had enough emotion still roiling within her; She didn't need any real or imagined judgement for her crappy housekeeping to be added on to what the day had already provided.
"No, no. We're not staying. I wouldn't spring that on you," Charlie said, waving her towards a chair. "And considering you seem to have . . . company around, I didn't want to impose." He glanced at Sue, and his eyebrows nudged together at the scowl on her face. Bella wondered how Sue would explain away her barely-concealed hostility towards Edward once she and Charlie were free to talk alone.
God, Edward.
She'd thought they were done with the secrets. Edward had been forthcoming with every question she'd asked, but how could she ask about things she didn't know about? And each new disclosure seemed to hit her harder than the one before. The Cullens' connection to the pack, Sue's charade of support at her father's side . . . what other upsetting discoveries awaited her? She'd worked so hard to deal with the anger and distrust, and she had come so far. Apparently, she had further to go.
"You're always welcome, Dad," Bella said, certain that the false smile she was still wearing wasn't fooling him.
Charlie was now seated with her while Meredith had finally wandered away to the kitchen. Josh and Sue were having their own version of a conversation, which was typically one-sided where her son was concerned. Lowering his voice, Charlie said, "I don't expect you to tell me everything, but I don't expect to be lied to." He tilted his head, lifting his eyebrows. "I deserve better. You deserve better."
Bella closed her eyes briefly, taking and releasing a deep breath. Now was not the time to take on Charlie and his anti-Edward campaign. She didn't have to search far to find something that was truthful, yet not the truth, to give him. "Mer and Josh have both been in tears today over Matt. Me too. I just wanted a bit of time and space from Edward. He was very . . . understanding. Nothing nefarious going on, Dad."
This seemed to mollify him a little. "I know you're seeing your psychiatrist, but have you thought about grief counseling, too?"
Would she be like this with her own children, when they were older? Still worried, still anxious? Still hovering over them like they were 12? Maybe. There was a swell of emotion—of love, and gratitude, for her father. "Jennifer's taking some of that on, Dad. There hasn't been anything else to really talk about in our sessions."
"Good." He let out a big sigh. "Good," he said again. "Okay. Why don't we take the kids to go pick up some take-out and give you some time to yourself?"
Just what she needed. "Thank you."
It took a few minutes, but Josh and Mer were happy to go with their grandparents. Bella wondered which of the Cullens would tail them. Then she dismissed the thought, and turned her attention to the work of her mind and heart. There was much to be attended to there.
Oh, Edward.
Her heart thudded painfully, and her eyes watered. She loved him. She couldn't deny it—wouldn't even try. But she was still overcome with anger over the new revelations of the day. When Edward left her long ago, he'd known she'd suffer for his loss, but she believed she had come to terms with that. His reasons had been noble, even if his method had been unnecessarily cruel. She felt less forgiving about the supposed psychosis he would have heard about. His reasons for not returning then were less easy to accept, but again, he had thought he was protecting her. She realized that she didn't question that fact anymore. She accepted that with the Volturi involved, his return would have only drawn more attention and put her in even more danger.
But losing Jacob had been another shattering punch she'd taken to her emotional gut and now Edward had suggested that if the Cullens hadn't been there, Jacob wouldn't have changed. He'd still be alive. He wouldn't have died protecting her from Victoria and seeing it happen might not have triggered her mental breakdown . . .
But Jake also wouldn't have been your friend, she told herself. Circumstances would likely never have pushed you together in the way they had. And Edward said they weren't sure before . . . that it was only confirmed by Sue's thoughts today. So, that wasn't the Cullens fault, was it?
The uncomfortable truth was that she wouldn't have Edward now, if she hadn't had him then. The guilty happiness—no, joy—they'd had in the last few weeks had been nearly transcendent. Difficult, yes, but in the ways that made their successes that much sweeter.
Good things come with a cost, she told herself. We've more than paid for our happiness together.
Yes, a bitter voice thought in her mind, you've paid. And so have the people closest to you.
The house phone's ringing disturbed these ruminations. She didn't recognize the number, but picked it up. "Hello?"
A man's voice rumbled on the other end of the line. "Hi, uh, are you missing a cat named Bubbles? Wears a pink collar?"
"Oh, she's not missing, she's just out for a bit," Bella explained, hoping the cat hadn't been making trouble. She was an adequate birder and Bella always felt a twinge of guilt, letting her loose on the local chickadee population.
"I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your cat is, uh . . . dead."
"What?" She nearly bit her tongue. "Are you sure?"
"I found her by my porch, under some bushes. Looks like an animal got to her. I'm really sorry. I just thought you'd want to know. I've got pets myself."
"Of course," Bella said, rubbing her forehead. "Thank you for calling." Shit. Poor Bubbles. What was she going to tell the kids?
"Do you want to come get her? I wasn't sure if you wanted to bury the body, or I can call the city pound if you like—"
"No, thank you. I'll come get her." Her heart spasmed, thinking mostly of the children and how much this would devastate them. Josh especially. Tonight was going to be brutal, and the next few days too. And she had sent Edward away. She was abruptly grateful for Charlie's presence today. The feeling didn't extend to Sue.
Bella wrote down the address, and then texted Charlie, letting him know where she'd be going, but not why. The house was just a ten-minute walk away. She grabbed the cat carrier from the hall closet and hurried out the door.
"Bella?" Jasper's voice called.
"Jasper?" She hadn't heard him approach. Nothing new there.
"May I come with you?" he asked, ever the southern gentleman
She looked around for an obvious threat, realizing how dazed she must be. Of course, she thought, he'd have heard the phone call and then felt all her emotions. How long had he been nearby?
"Sure," she said, feeling far less so about his presence.
He held out his hand for the cat-carrier, which she handed over.
They walked down the block, rounding the corner and continuing on towards the address the caller had given Bella. A half-block shy of their destination, Jasper lightly touched Bella's forearm to signal her to stop.
She said nothing, watching his nostrils flare. Alice appeared from a side-street. She shook her head at Bella slightly, whispering, "It's okay, just being cautious."
"Josh and Mer? Charlie?" Bella asked, feeling her heart thud faster.
"They're fine. Esme and Rose are keeping tabs on them. Emmett's here, too."
Bella allowed herself a steadying breath. "Then let's go get my dead cat."
Jasper and Alice waited for her as she mounted the stairs to the house's main door, where an elderly man greeted Bella sympathetically. He'd covered Bubbles up with a towel. When Bella started to lift it to make sure that it was indeed her own cat, Jasper beat her to it. "It's her," he said softly, quickly scooping up the limp body and putting it in the carrier.
Bella thanked the man and the somber trio walked home. As soon as they were in the privacy of the backyard, Jasper set down the small kennel.
"Do you really need to check?" Alice asked him.
"Check what?" Bella asked.
Alice frowned. "Your cat wasn't killed by an animal, Bella. And there's barely any blood left in her."
It only took a moment for the significance to register. "Oh," Bella said, and then looked at Alice in confusion.
"Not us," Alice clarified.
"I didn't mean—" Bella mumbled.
"We know," Jasper said softly, looking at the cat in his hands.
"Do you recognize it?" he asked Alice.
His wife shook her head, a small vee appearing above her nose. They exchanged a look, and Bella felt, more than witnessed, the incredible worry that passed with it. This was not good, on a scale of epic proportions. There was more than one vampire who meant Bella harm. Possibly several. Oh god. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively.
"Is it Victoria?" she asked hesitantly. "Or someone else? Could the Volturi—"
"No, not Victoria and not the Volturi," Alice said. "I'm watching them. And if it is, it's no one we've met, and we've met quite a few of them." She visibly shuddered and Jasper took her hand.
Bella's many questions about their interaction with the Volturi swam to the surface, but she was still dealing with what had happened to her cat and with the sudden realization that having constant bodyguards was no guarantee of safety for her family. This was not the time.
She saw Jasper and Alice's pale heads suddenly lift in the same direction, cocked to listen. "Charlie'll be here soon," Jasper said.
Alice gently touched Bella's shoulder. "We'll be nearby if you need us. I'm so sorry about your cat. You and your children are safe, though."
"But, how do you know that?" Bella asked. "If someone got past you . . . "
"We caught the scent right away," Jasper interrupted. "But we focused on you and your guests, and called Emmett and Rose for back-up. We couldn't leave you unprotected since . . . well . . . " He was clearly searching for words.
Alice supplied them. "Edward is usually here, Bella. There were only two of us this time." Her voice sounded almost apologetic and, to Bella's relief, not judgemental.
"I understand. And thank you," Bella said. She wondered if they knew why Edward had left. Had they heard her ask him to go? Surely he must have talked to them. Briefly, she felt a bit guilty for making the job of protection detail that much harder. She should have considered that having Edward there with her made them all infinitely safer. Did knowing that make sending him away a mistake?
"Is he . . . around?" She couldn't keep from asking the question.
"He will be," Alice said. "He went hunting . . . with Carlisle." The way she faintly smiled when she said it made Bella think it hadn't been Edward's idea.
Bella nodded, holding out her arms for the carrier and cat.
Putting the carrier in the den, where the children wouldn't come across it unawares, Bella waited for Charlie, Sue, and the children in the kitchen.
"We brought dinner, momma!" Mer exclaimed. "With lemon chicken!"
"Ooh, yum. Thank you," she murmured, pulling Mer and Josh into a hug. "Did you get the fun cookies, too?"
Josh nodded.
"You gonna go play with your toys while we get everything ready?" Bella asked.
They didn't even answer, running off to play.
"What's up?" Charlie asked. "You look like your cat died."
"She did," Bella said flatly.
"Oh shit," Charlie mumbled, running his hand over his hair. "I'm sorry, honey. How'd it happen?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe a dog."
"You okay?"
The lie was almost too easy on her tongue. "I'm fine. But Josh—" she looked towards the living room. Further explanation was not required. Charlie knew. "She's in the carrier in the den. I was hoping we could wait until after dinner, so that he at least eats."
"That's probably for the best," Charlie agreed.
Sue had stood beside him, making all the right facial expressions and sounds, but as Charlie moved towards the living room, Sue laid a hand on Bella's arm. Bella immediately shook her off.
"No,"she said through her teeth, finally able to let the words free. "I get why you did what you did, but no—I can't. I'll keep the pretense up for my Dad's sake, but don't expect more."
"But the disgusting creature who did this to you gets a pass?" Sue's voice challenged her.
Bella stared at her, her body trembling with anger—as much over Sue's description of Edward as for the part the woman herself was still playing. "No one gets a pass, Sue. Not the man who left me. Not my dead husband. Not Jacob or the pack. Not the woman who everyone thinks is psychotic. Not my kids, not even my damn cat!"
This shut Sue up, and she had the sense to take her tight-lipped expression and walk away.
Over dinner, Bella realized just how good at faking things Sue was. She talked like everything was fine. Charlie focused on his grandchildren, obviously enjoying their rare company, letting the talk meander to what the summer might hold in Forks. Last year Matt and Bella had agreed to come spend the summer at Charlie's house, while Sue and Charlie took up residence in her old one on the reservation. Bella didn't have the heart to say that the plans might have to change. The day had held enough difficulty. She wasn't sure which way was up at the moment so she left the conversation for later. They had another six weeks before school ended. Plenty of time to make or break plans.
When all the dishes were put away, and the leftovers carefully stowed, Bella sat Josh and Mer down, wishing she had Edward's abilities at her disposal. "I got a phone call today after you guys went to get dinner, about Bubbles."
Mer's little forehead wrinkled. Josh just stared, oblivious and blinking.
"Another animal hurt Bubbles, and it was really, really bad."
"Is she okay?" Mer asked, voice pitched high with concern.
"No, sweetie, she isn't. Bubbles was too hurt. She died."
Mer burst into tears, falling into Bella's arms. Josh looked on, concerned and confused, his gaze flicking between Mer and his mother. She wasn't sure if he didn't understand the words, or was in shock or denial. It had taken him a long time to grasp that Matt's death meant his dad wouldn't come back; the cupcake incident at Mer's party had suggested that it still wasn't entirely clear to him.
When Meredith's tears slowed, Bella spoke to them both again. "I brought her home. Her body's in the den. Do you want to go and say goodbye?"
Mer nodded solemnly. Josh ony asked, "Bubbles?"
"Yes," Bella said, "let's go see Bubbles."
He hurried beside her, body stiff with anxiety.
When Bella pulled the cat's body out of the carrier, Mer's sobs renewed themselves and she accepted Charlie's arms as comfort, while Bella kept a hand on Josh's back.
"Ouchy," he said softly, touching the wound on the cat.
Bella yanked his hand back, suddenly fearful for any venom that might yet lurk there. Josh flinched in response, looking at her uncertainly.
"Sorry," she whispered, "The ouchy is yucky. No touching, okay?"
Josh nodded, and then reached his hand out tentatively to Bubble's head, looking up at Bella before making contact. "Yes," Bella said, holding back her tears. "It's okay to pet her." She wiped at her nose with her sleeve.
"Bubbles," Josh said, like he was trying to call her to him. He repeated her name, the singsong sound summoning nothing but an increasingly tremulous warble in his voice. "Bubbles," he finally croaked, looking at his mother.
"She's not going to wake up, sweetie. Like daddy."
These were the final, hard words that cracked Josh's tenuous control, and his tears and sobs were muffled into his cat's neck, while Bella watched, feeling helpless and grief-stricken.
She held her son, who clung to his cat, and she blackly wondered what else would be taken, before the nightmare of this assault on their peace was over.
DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.