A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts. Just a short and quick update today. :)
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.
Six months later – Somewhere in China:
We stand at the curb, that damned corner of bad decisions.
My chest heaves and my nostrils flare, but she appears to have no idea how close she just came to being sideswiped by that cab. Instead, she mutters complaints about being drawn against my sweaty chest, while all I can picture is her, lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the intersection…and I haven't told her the truth – or kissed her.
Cupping her face, I go ahead and pick one of two – the wrong one; I know that now – and pull her in, crushing my mouth to hers.
I've never been descriptive; my reports, my research, my published findings have all been straightforward. Creativity is her domain, so the best way for me to describe kissing her, the woman I've been in love with for a long while now, the one I'll always love, no matter what, is warmth and lust and love and fear and joy all rolled into one.
Lifting her in my arms, I move us away from the busy curb, our mouths brushing together the entire time. Eagerly, I draw in her bottom lip, and she hungrily devours my top lip. We alternate sloppily, laughing at one another, but after a few seconds…we're experts. We would've been experts at everything that came next.
I can still taste her sweet breath.
Kissing her nose, both of her dark, hypnotic eyes, and returning to her mouth for one final brush, I pull away. She looks dazed, lips swollen.
I can still feel their plumpness as I trace them with my finger.
"I told you that you didn't read the signs wrong."
"I suppose I didn't," she chuckles.
I skim my fingers across her jawline.
"I'd like to take you out if that's okay. There are things I'd like to discuss with you, but not while we're out for a jog or hanging out in a coffee shop."
She searches my eyes. "I know I asked you before, but are you married?"
"No." I say it gently because I'm more aware of her fears than she realizes. "But there is something I should've probably told you from the very beginning."
"Okay."
"Is tomorrow night good?"
She offers me a dreamy smile. "Yeah. Actually, no! No, I've made plans with a new friend. How about Saturday?"
"I can't make Saturday. I've got to meet with my parents about something. And Sunday I'm leaving for Atlanta. I told you about the weeklong conference at CDC headquarters."
"Yeah," she sighs. "Yeah, you did."
"I'll be back next Friday. Can I take you out then?"
"Sure. I'll look forward to it."
"Me too."
"Are you sure you really want to? Because you look tortured by the very thought."
"Yes." I press a quick kiss to her lips, "I'm sure. I just hope after we talk, you'll still want to see me."
"Sounds pretty cryptic. Are you contagious?" She's teasing me.
"No. No, I'm not. That's not it at all."
Her brow furrows. She's not slow, and she knows something's up, but she has no idea what, and it makes her anxious and wary. Yet, I'm still going to make her wait a week before I tell her.
Nevertheless, weaving my fingers through hers, I smile because, at that moment, I'm a fucking superhero. I can scale walls. I can leap tall buildings. My ego and narcissism know no bounds, and I'm sure I'll figure it out. I mean, it's real, this budding relationship between us, and I love her. Therefore, I'll come up with a solution. It's what I do.
"Come on, let's go have our coffee," I smile in return.
She nods and turns, slipping her fingers through mine and heading back toward the intersection. Our hands are entwined, our hearts in sync, and my lies are still safely kept.
And this…this is where it all changes:
I stand my ground, keeping a firm grip on her hand so that as she takes another step, she halts and turns around. When she does, her carefree smile twists my heart because I'm about to rip that smile to shreds.
'Was she too happy for the truth? Too sad?'
"Actually, this can't wait – not a week, not a day, not even a minute longer."
She cups my cheek, and instinctively, I lean into her palm and seek her warmth. All the while, her other hand remains encased within mine.
"Edward," she searches my eyes, "whatever it is, just tell me."
I swallow hard and draw in a deep breath. "I know Jasper and Alice. I've known about them from the very beginning," – her eyes grow wide, but I forge ahead before my resolve abandons me – "even before we met, or rather re-met in the coffee shop. I was in Alice's lobby the day it all went down, and I was there because she's my sister, and I was checking up on her because she's been a nightmare since she was a kid."
As if my cheek suddenly scorches her, she yanks her hand away from my face. She's still gripping my hand though. Around us, car horns blare, an ambulance zooms by, and somewhere in the distance, police sirens wail. Strangers' voices, feet pounding the pavement, and a thousand and one other city sounds compete for my attention. But all I hear are her heavy, anxious breaths; all I see are her bewildered, dark eyes.
"She's my half-sister, but we don't get along, and I'm not saying that to downplay our relationship but to explain how That Day in the lobby was a replay of what her mother and my father – Alice's and my father – did to my mother. I walked in on it as a kid. So, I get it. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly how you felt That Day because the situation was different, I know. But I get the betrayal. And I don't want to betray you with my lies by omission."
For an eternity, she merely holds my gaze, and for once, I can't read her. I can't extrapolate. But when she sweeps her eyes away from me and toward the busy intersection, a tear skims her cheek. My free hand aches to wipe away the tear, better yet kiss it away, but I suspect either would be met with resistance. My suspicion is confirmed when she slips her hand out of mine and swiftly and angrily swipes at the tear.
When she finally speaks, her voice shakes, and her eyes glare at a black SUV waiting at the red light as if she wants to burn it down with her gaze.
"So all this time…all this time you've been keeping this from me, pretending we were complete strangers, letting me believe we were strangers, allowing me to call you 'Stranger.'" She shakes her head and snorts. "And all the while, you were just keeping tabs on me."
All my breath leaves me in a rush. "No. Jesus, no." I fist my hair. "It wasn't like that at all."
Her dark eyes flash furiously back to me. "Wasn't it?" she sneers.
"No. I had no intention of even…look, after That Day, I couldn't get you out of my head. I went off to Costa Rica on assignment, and you were in my head. I flew off to my next assignment and you were still there. When I came back, almost a year later, I walk into a coffee shop, and you're there, but this time, you're real." My hands slide around her nape. "It was flesh and blood you."
"And so you figured you'd spy on me," she seethes, "try out your Jack Ryan slash James Bond moves on me."
"No. I'm no spy."
"You figured you'd make sure I stayed away from your sister and Jasper."
"No. Didn't you hear me? I don't get along with my sister."
"You'd repair your broken relationship with her by using me."
"Damn it, no. The only reason I tolerate Alice at this point is for my neph- as for Jasper, I hate that motherfucker with every fiber of my-"
"You figured you'd make me fall half in-" She stops herself, sucks in a deep breath and places a hand on her stomach as she steps back. Our eyes lock, and my heart pounds viciously.
"Half in what?" I whisper. "Half in what?"
She shakes her head. "I've got to go, Edward."
In a flash, she's crossing the intersection against a red light, and I'm just a couple of steps behind. Cars halt to sudden stops and horns blare, but she puts up a palm toward them as if it has the power to ward them off. When one vehicle comes within half a foot of her, I bang on its hood hard and scowl at the driver.
"Hey man, relax!"
"Get the fuck out of the way, assholes, before I run yous both over!"
"You touch a hair on her, I'll reach in there and choke the shit out of you."
Once she's safely on the other side, I round on her and cut her off.
"Talk to me. Please."
"I was an idiot!" she shouts. "A complete and total idiot to think you really cared about me! Assholes and idiots! Everyone!"
"You weren't an idiot," I say, gripping her forearms gently yet firmly.
"Fucking let go of me, Edward, or I'll kick you right in the-"
I release her instantly. "I was an asshole, but you weren't an idiot. I do care about you. I care about you so damn much. It was all me. I was the asshole, the coward, the liar, the weakling, whatever you want to call me. But I never meant to hurt you."
She snorts.
"Please, let's go back to the coffee shop and talk."
She scoffs and glares at my chest. "Talk, as if we haven't 'talked' enough. I told you so much about myself, all the while thinking you were an uninvolved outsider, an impartial third party."
"I was a bastard to accept all that information under false pretenses, but you're right; I was never an uninvolved outsider nor impartial." I drop my eyes to her field of vision. "I've been on your side the entire time."
"I can't." Her voice quivers, and when she looks away from me yet again, I know it's to hide the moisture welling in her eyes. "I can't do this right now."
As painful as they are, I cling to those last two words as if they're a life raft.
"I understand. I've caught you off guard, and I'm so sorry. I swear, I never meant to-"
"Yes, yes, I know," she smirks, meeting my gaze again. "You never meant to hurt me. Those are famous last words though, aren't they? They don't change the result. They won't change the fact that you're her brother, or that you lied about it from the beginning, or that I can't trust-"
When I dare a step closer to her, she angles her head upward, defiantly holding my gaze.
"You're right. All my apologies are late and useless. I fucked up. I fucked up so badly, but I came clean because I couldn't stand the idea of kissing you again and having this between us. Because nothing's ever felt more right than kissing you, than holding you in my arms, than talking with you, and I don't want to taint any of it anymore with lies. And if you can find it in your heart to someday…someday forgive me, I know it won't be today, but someday, I swear I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
"Making it up to me how?" she asks in a tired, uncertain whisper.
"By being honest, the way I should've been from the very beginning. By being open and sharing everything with you. By being faithful because I'll never want anyone else. As for Alice, Jasper…and JJ, the first two aren't a part of my life, and I'm fine with that; the last…he's my nephew and he is a part of my life, but you don't need to see him if-"
"It's not his fault," she breathes. "In my head, I know he had nothing to do with it, and if I had to, I could try…"
"Does that mean you think you can forgive me?" I murmur. Hope swells like a storm within me.
"That means I don't know, Edward. It means I need time; time to think, to sort through this mess, to figure out if I can deal with this, to decide if I even want to try, and before you ask, I have no idea how long that'll take."
"I understand." I breathe the words painfully, but I know I have no one but myself to blame.
"I won't ask you to wait until I figure myself out." She shakes her head and drops her gaze to the space between us.
Gently, I ease two fingers under her jaw and guide her eyes back to mine.
"I just told you, I'll never want anyone else. May I please ask you for just one thing?"
Her jaw tightens, nostrils flare. "You've got balls, but go ahead and ask. It doesn't mean you'll get it."
"Don't fall in love while you figure yourself out," I whisper. "Find yourself. Meet others. But don't fall in love. Your heart belongs to me."
"What if I do fall in love with someone else?" she asks. "What will you do?"
"I have no idea." I shake my head. "I have no idea."
She swallows. Slowly, her hand reaches up and cradles my cheek one last time.
"Despite everything, thank you for respecting me enough to tell me the truth, even if it was later than you should've. At least, I didn't learn it by other means, the way I did with my ex-husband. That would've been devastating, and it would've made you just like him." She drops her hand.
"But I was just like him, wasn't I? I knew I was keeping something huge from you, something that would hurt you more and more with each passing day when you did find out, and I just kept up the lie."
She doesn't answer me.
"Is that why I lost you?"
She blinks but offers no reply, and this is the part where I usually figure out what's going; where I figure out none of this actually ever happened. Yet, I keep asking her questions anyway.
"Did you fall in love afterward?"
She sweeps her eyes away from me.
"Did you forget me?"
"Do you ever think of me?"
No answer.
"I can't even say your name in my dreams. Would it have changed anything had it happened this way? Had I told you the truth on that sidewalk – or earlier? Would you have eventually come back to me?"
Nothing.
"Will I ever get answers to any of these questions?"
OOOOO
The cell phone vibrated against the hotel's nightstand, and thankfully, the alarm forced me into full consciousness and into a new day. My days were busy; busier than ever, full of work and diseases, and outbreaks which had to be stopped. The further away from home, and the bigger the mayhem, the better.
I picked up the cell and hit Emmett's number. It took five rings for him to answer, and when he did, his voice was still groggy.
"Are you ready to get going?"
"Ed, it's still dark out, and you just woke me from a great dream."
I draw in her bottom lip, and she hungrily devours my top lip. We alternate sloppily, laughing at one another, but after a few seconds…we're experts.
"Great dream or not, I hear it's a trek into those jungles."
"She was gorgeous, and she thought she was a cowgirl!"
'What if I do fall in love with someone else? What will you do?'
"Em, when distemper and disease await us…everyone else takes a back seat – including your imaginary cowgirl," I chuckle. "Let's get going."
A/N: Thoughts?
Chapter Song Rec: I Miss You by Blink 182 (Fits the chapter perfectly, IMO).
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"See" you soon!