A/N: It's been a while, I know. Thanks for sticking around. Hope the chapter makes up for the long wait. :)
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.
Broken – Chapter 18
"Therefore, in coordination with the FDA, we've granted the manufacturer Emergency Use Authorization, so that they'll be able to begin clinicals of the antiviral booster on Monday, when we'll all be in Atlanta." Up on the video conference screen, I clearly saw the CDC Director of Infectious Disease's long-drawn breath of relief as she completed her briefing. "That was…a pretty quick turn-around, Edward, Emmett, Maria, Bonnie, all of you – one of the quickest turn-arounds I've ever been a part of in such a situation, that's for sure. You should all be extremely proud of yourselves." The open awe in her tone made us all look around the table and grin somewhat sheepishly.
"Thank you, Emily," we replied in semi-unison.
"And Edward, the time and effort you personally have dedicated to this…" Emily added, "I've been informed by LeeAnn as well as by others that you've remained in the office until the early hours of the morning on more than one occasion, and when out of the office, you're always on call, working on furthering the antiviral's prep and distribution. Your dedication is commendable."
"Director, we're all extremely dedicated to getting this antiviral out to the public," I clarified.
"I won't lie, though; Edward is the most dedicated," Emmett chuckled. "Don't expect to find me often hanging around here at four in the morning."
"Or me," Maria agreed.
"Or me," the others around the table quipped.
"That's bull," I said, smirking over the ensuing laughter. "When necessary, we've all pulled all-nighters."
"The entire team is exemplary," Emily granted, chuckling along before her voice took on a more somber tone. "While we're not completely out of the woods just yet, as the additional confirmed cases announced this morning demonstrate, the long hours you all put in mitigated what could've potentially been a worldwide disaster greater than the Pandemic of 2009. So, I suspect we are over the hump, and once again…the world will never know how close it came to annihilation."
"And it shouldn't," I murmured.
"Very true, Edward," she conceded. After a few seconds of silence, the director gathered her papers and began standing.
"Anything else before we end this connection?"
I cleared my throat. "Just one more thing, Director. Have we looked further into adjusting the dosage for the younger, the elderly, and all others with weaker or compromised immune systems?"
With a heavy sigh, the director reclaimed her seat and folded her hands over her papers.
"To be honest, Edward, no we haven't, and I'm not convinced it's either necessary or prudent at this point."
LeeAnn, who sat across the table from me, leaned forward. "Edward, we're good to go, and Emily and I are concerned that such an investigation would delay the overall process."
"Perhaps, but it would be a necessary delay," I stressed. "Emily, LeeAnn, we're fast-tracking these clinicals, yes, but that doesn't mean we should cut corners."
Emmett backed me up. "The ramifications of cutting corners could prove almost as disastrous as the initial strain. Should the immuno-compromised develop side effects-"
"The statistics demonstrate that a few side effects would be a small price to pay for the overall benefit-"
"Director, with all due respect," I said, cutting her off impatiently, and on the verge of losing my shit, "we're talking about people not statistics. These are parents, grandparents, children, nieces, nephews."
"Heightened dosage would likely cause nothing beyond vomiting and diarrhea," LeeAnn argued.
"Likely?" I spat. "Since when do we at the CDC deal in 'likely?'"
My mind abruptly filled with images of JJ and his infectious giggles. Then, I pictured him too sick to giggle because the booster his uncle helped develop wasn't adjusted for his young immune system.
And then…strangely…another young boy invaded my mind. This one, however, had green eyes unlike JJ's blue ones…and chocolate-brown waves instead of JJ's curls. And he was lethargic; dehydrated and whimpering in his crib, while his chocolate-haired mother cried on my shoulder…
Shaking the dually bewildering and disturbing images out of my head, I clenched my hands over the table. If I lost control, I'd accomplish nothing beyond pissing off the CDC Director of Infectious Diseases and possibly losing my job, neither which would further my objective. However, if safeguarding the health and safety of the general public, of JJ, my mom, my asshole dad, and…an ethereal boy who would likely never exist meant using the one argument which always got the CDC riled up…I'd do that and much more.
"You're right; you're right," I nodded, speaking much more calmly. "The side effects will likely be little beyond vomiting and diarrhea, though the Anti-vaxxers will likely have a field day with that as ammunition against inoculation. And once that gets to the press," I snorted, "that the booster is making people sick, the number of people who will likely opt out of receiving it will be-"
"Fine." The director's palm shot up. "Fine. You've made your point, Edward. Run whatever tests you need," she scowled. "How long of a delay are we talking about now?"
Emmett took over. "Honestly, Emily, LeeAnn, it would be negligible considering EUA has already been granted to the manufacturer. I can begin running diagnostics from our downtown lab this morning."
On screen, Emily once again gathered her papers. This time, she made sure she got to her feet.
"Fine. Have the results and a game plan ready by Monday morning, when we meet in Atlanta. If we need to adjust the dosage for those with weaker immune systems…" she sighed, "we will."
"Thank you, Director," I said with much more heartfelt respect.
She smirked at me. "You and your team are lucky you're so invaluable. Have a good day, people." With a chuckle, the director moved out of view.
OOOOO
As we made our way out of the conference room, Emmett clapped me on the back.
"Playing hardball with the director, huh? I thought she might have a heart attack and keel over right on screen when you brought up the 'A-Xers.'" He stage-whispered the last word.
"Hey, she left me no choice," I said.
"Oh, I totally agree," Emmett easily concurred, "but if the director wants a game plan by Monday morning, that gives us a tight deadline."
"What else is new?" I smirked.
"Yeah, no kidding," he snorted as he consulted his watch. "All right, let's make a quick coffee run before Bonnie and I head to the lab. We should be able to get back to you sometime this afternoon, with at least an-"
"Em, I can't." I checked my own watch while we waited for the elevator. It was nine in the morning. In a few, short hours, I'd be meeting with her once again…with Bella. I had to be prepared, in more ways than one. Because for all I knew…
For all I knew, this would be the last time I ever saw her.
"I can't run for coffee. I've got a few items to complete before I…" I cleared my throat. "I'm going to need to take my full lunch break today, and I want to finish up some stuff before I go."
I sincerely hoped Emmett didn't take note of the shaky breath I involuntarily drew. Thankfully, the elevator arrived, and we shuffled in among the other riders.
"Your full lunch break?" Emmett whispered when the doors closed, unfortunately clinging to the topic. "I don't think you've taken your full lunch break in…well, in ages."
I spared him a sidelong glance, then shifted my gaze to the quickly ascending floor numbers. The elevator sped upward.
"Full lunch break for what?" he asked.
When the elevator stopped, a few riders got off, leaving two other riders besides Emmett and me on the elevator.
"You're a nosey fucker," I whispered in return, my eyes still on the digital display.
"What?" he chuckled loudly. "It's a question."
"It's an invasive question."
"An invasive question?" he almost shouted. When the elevator doors opened on my floor, I calmly met the eyes of the two, intrigued and somewhat wary-looking people remaining with us and wished them a good day before rushing out, vainly hoping Em wouldn't follow.
"I'm just wondering, because you never take your full lunch break," he persisted, following me down the hall.
"See what I mean?"
"What the heck?" He snort-chuckled and stopped in his tracks. "I feel like we went around in a circle."
"We didn't," I smirked, opening the door to my office. "We took the elevator and arrived here."
Emmett remained glued to his spot. Meanwhile, I looked inside and offered a surprised smile to the two individuals waiting for me.
"Ed, hold up! You still haven't answered-"
"Edward, honey."
"Mom," I grinned.
"Mrs. Cullen!" Emmett exclaimed.
Before I could reach my mom, JJ jumped out of his stroller, ran toward me, and climbed into my arms.
"Uncoe Ed! Uncoe Ed!"
"Hey, buddy." I kissed his forehead. "How've you been?"
"Nanny me bye-bye!" he sang happily.
"So, I see," I chuckled.
Esme approached to first kiss my cheek, then Emmett's.
"Emmett, honey, how are you?" she asked.
"I'm okay, Mrs. Cullen. Feeling a bit abused by your son, but that's nothing new." When he shrugged, my mom chuckled and pinched his cheek.
"You poor, long-suffering boy."
"Oh, brother," I muttered under my breath before shooting my mom a grin. "Mom, what are you doing here?"
"If I'm intruding, just let me know," she said firstly. "I promise I won't be offended. I know you've been extremely busy with the flu booster, but since I was in the neighborhood, I figured I'd pop in. Either way, like I said, honey, I swear I won't be offended if you're too busy for a quick visit."
"Mom," I smiled softly, "you and my nephew are two on the short list of people I'll make time for right now."
She smiled tenderly in return. "Good. Alice has a job interview this morning, so she asked if JJ could sleep over last night. Naturally, I didn't want the poor little man to be woken up too early and then shuffled all the way to our place. He's such a good boy, isn't he?" She smiled at JJ and pinched his cheek now.
JJ giggled.
"Just out of curiosity, is the other one finally gainfully employed?" I asked furtively, hoping to ensure JJ didn't understand the question. "Is that why he couldn't watch his own-"
"Edward," my mom murmured, shaking her head. "No, he's not."
Snorting, I changed the subject. "So, what do you two have planned for the day?"
"Well, there's a Grandma and Me class nearby I wanted to take JJ to in a little while. Then, afterward, I wanted to see if you wanted to join us for a quick lunch date? I know you don't usually take your full hour,-"
Emmett snorted.
"-so, we can pick up something nearby," Esme continued. "You're invited too, Emmett, sweetheart," she smiled, pinching Emmett's cheek once more.
Emmett beamed. "Mrs. Cullen, that is seriously the best date offer I've received all year."
My mom laughed. "I'm honored; though, I'm not sure what that says of your social life this year, especially considering it's November," she teased. "How about you, Edward?"
Grinning wickedly, Emmett looked at me and crossed his arms against his chest. "Oh, yeah. I'm about to be adopted. Emmett McCarty Vargas Cullen – has a good ring to it."
"Em, how old are you?" I double-checked, making Emmett snicker.
"Not too old to take your place as Mom's son."
Rolling my eyes at him, I turned back to my mom. "I've got lunch plans, Mom."
"Get this, Mom," Emmett interjected, "he's taking his full lunch break."
"Oh?"
Esme opened her mouth to say more, but then her brow furrowed, and as her eyes narrowed, they seemed to take closer inventory of my EMC designer yet understated clothing, of my well-groomed facial hair, and finally, of my eyes. After a few moments, her gaze softened, and she offered me the pinched-cheek treatment.
"That's fine, honey. Maybe we can have lunch next time, when things slow down a bit for you."
"Sounds like a plan," I agreed.
"Now, JJ," she said, turning her attention to the boy in my arms, "why don't you fill your Uncle Edward in on all your recent adventures, and then we'll get going so that he can return to-"
"That's it?"
Esme locked Emmett in her gaze. "What's it?"
"Aren't you going to ask him what his full-lunch-break lunch plans are?"
"Of course not, Emmett, honey. That would be intrusive."
So, while JJ summarized his past couple of weeks for me in his limited vocabulary, I chuckled heartily.
OOOOO
At ten to twelve, I took a seat at the coffee shop, facing forward; or rather, facing in the direction from which Bella had arrived last time we met here, a few days earlier. While I waited, I gazed through the large, shop window at the crisp view beyond. Signs of the upcoming holidays hummed in the air; they were apparent in the layers people wore, in the muted golden-tone of the sky, in the brightly colored leaves, and of course, in the decorations.
Fall was a mixture of the season before and after it, much as my emotions surrounding this meeting with Bella were a mixture of regrets of the past, and anxiousness for whatever lay ahead. I wanted to see her, of course; to finally be of use to her, help her sort through everything which had occurred on That Day, give her information I'd once withheld, so that she could make sense of it once and for all…
So that she could move on with her life, and possibly with him – with the man in the restaurant. It was entirely likely that moving on for Bella meant letting go – truly letting go – for me. In my mind's eye, I recalled that day a year earlier, a day much like today with its mixed bag of weather, except…Bella and I had stood at a corner, our mouths meeting softly, and for one short, exquisite moment, she'd been mine.
That had to be enough.
When, at five to twelve, my phone vibrated and snatched me out of my musings, I pulled the cell out of my pocket while simultaneously holding my breath against the dread of a last-minute cancellation.
Ed, Bonnie and I have some preliminary results. They're somewhat different from what we expected, and I was hoping this could be shared with LeeAnn before she leaves for Atlanta this afternoon. Is it possible you can stop by and pick them up or send someone to get them? I know you have plans.
"Fuck," I expelled sharply under my breath. For a handful of seconds, as I sat at the coffee shop with patrons all abuzz for a million different reasons, I considered repocketing the phone and pretending I hadn't seen the message until after Bella's and my lunch meeting. Then, I considered sending out a quick request for a courier. But as I looked around…saw so many people laughing, enjoying life, looking forward to the holidays and beyond…people who appeared healthy for now…
If they got sick because I chose to sit here, because I dropped the ball or because I chose to send a courier rather than follow through myself…
Then, the dual images of JJ, as he'd been today in my office, of the ethereal, dark-haired boy appeared in my mind, and I knew I had to prioritize.
I'll be there in a few to pick up the results myself.
As soon as I sent the message and repocketed the phone, I looked up. All the anxiety and irritation of the morning, of the previous minute melted away. All I saw was her smile. Standing, I returned the smile with no hesitation while Bella pulled open the coffee shop door.
She looked…beautiful. There was no other word. Her cheeks were made rosy by the nip in the day's air. She was dressed for the season in tall, leather boots, in a shaggy, knit cap that contrasted strikingly with her long, dark waves. When she was almost close enough to touch, I rounded the table and greeted her quietly as I pulled out her chair.
"Hey."
"Hey," she breathed in return. When she took her seat, I returned to mine, watching her as she slowly removed her jacket, hung her bag from the chair, and peeled off her gloves one finger at a time. They revealed gnawed thumbs, and once again, I was filled with mixed emotions, taking me back longingly yet painfully to those days of the past.
When she finally met my gaze, she found me grinning, and with my hands knit before me, appearing calm when really, it was a struggle to keep myself from reaching for those gnawed thumbs.
"So, how've you been these past few days, Bella?"
"Anxious. Nervous. And confused. About a lot of things."
Her candidness caught me off-guard, and I pulled back in surprise, though it really shouldn't have startled me. Her honesty had never been the issue.
"And you?" she asked.
"More or less the same," I replied with her same candor.
We held one another's gaze. After a moment, I drew in a deep breath.
"So, I ordered our coffees-"
"Okay, thanks."
"-but I was wondering…" I swallowed audibly, "would you mind running an errand with me?"
Her brows rose high, and it was she who now swallowed and pulled back in surprise.
"Oh. I…Edward, I've got to return to work-"
"It won't take long," I rushed to assure her, automatically leaning in closer to the table. "I just have to pick up some documents from one of our labs a few blocks away. If you'd rather not, that's fine. It can wait a few, but in that case, I'll have to cut out a bit early."
The Greater Good versus Bella. It wasn't an easy choice, even if it should've been.
"I apologize, Bella, but something came up today, at the last minute."
"Oh, uhm…" She frowned now and tipped her head sideways, "do you mind telling me what kind of documents?"
She was buying time; of course, I saw it right away. It was an attempt to gauge the situation and likely my intentions more than the actual documents. After all that had happened, she had no reason to trust me, yet here I was, asking for her trust off the bat. When she requested this meeting, Bella wanted answers, not a questionable traipse around New York City.
So, I'd give her what she requested: a detailed explanation of documents, so that while I explained, she could decide whether she could trust me in this, at least.
"Sorry. I should've started out with a more detailed explanation, but I know how carried away I can get."
She chuckled, expelling a series of shaky sighs afterward. "No, don't apologize. Just don't give me strain numbers in the details."
Jesus. She recalled my issue with providing too many details. What's more, was she attempting to ease my tension, even as she obviously felt her own?
And I was, in fact, relieved, offering my gratitude in the form of surprised, barked laughter.
I cleared my throat. "Don't give you strain numbers," I echoed. "Okay. Well, without going into strain numbers," I smirked, "the documents are related to the new flu strain the CDC has been studying. We've been testing it, and the documents are the results of some of the latest rounds."
"What are you testing it for?"
Take your time, my love. I have no hidden agenda here – not anymore.
"We're trying to develop an inoculation that'll cover the strain, but we've got to make sure it's safe for the general population." I frowned as I recalled this morning's conference with the director and deputy director.
"It's kind of late in the season for a new flu vaccine, isn't it?" She sounded genuinely interested now. "I mean, I already received mine."
"I'm glad to hear that. And yes, it is late in the season, which is why this is such a rush, but it's a nasty strain, Bella. This would be a booster to the original inoculation."
"It sounds urgent."
"It is," I admitted, "and I understand if you can't or if you honestly don't want to take the walk with me. I should've texted you, but I was just informed the results were ready. Either way, it's pretty time sensitive, so I may have to-"
"We should get going then."
My quickly-beating heart pounded to a stop, while without another word, Bella began gathering her things. Slowly, petrified to move too quickly, I stood.
"Uhm, I'll pick up the coffees to go?"
"Okay, thanks." She shrugged into her jacket, avoiding my eyes, and I had to remind myself to keep my hands away from her. Instead, I picked up my own jacket.
"I'll meet you outside."
OOOOO
Despite her agreement and my shocked elation, the first few minutes of our walk were awkward, to say the least. We walked city streets we once ran together, and I wondered if she remembered any of it, while I was bombarded by image after image of the few, short weeks.
Bella's usually graceful stride was stiff, her eyes trained straight ahead. The few words we exchanged were stuttered and stilted. Her gloved hands remained in fists at her sides. Nonetheless, the mental image of her thumbs brought a faint smile to my face, and without conscious planning, I found myself asking her about them.
"Have you been taking care of those fingers?"
The way her eyes rounded alerted me to the fact that once again, I'd startled her.
"Sometimes," she admitted with a sweetly rueful smile. "They're a bit worse than usual this morning."
"But…that means the writing is going particularly well, doesn't it?"
"Yes. Yes, it's going particularly well lately." She offered me a side-long glance.
I ached to ask what was she writing, what worlds her mind had created over the past year, and what…or who inspired her these days?
Nonetheless, she offered no further explanation, and I knew I had no right to ask. It was while I was lost in these thoughts that Bella crashed into me. Gently yet firmly, I took hold of her forearms, keeping her upright.
"Whoa," I breathed, while Bella expelled a warm gasp.
I'd been lost in thoughts of the past, surrounded by so many memories…and as I held her, I saw her as I did that day on the sidewalk, eyes and mouth so close, head angled upward, when I'd given in to her before giving her the truth, and I'd crushed my mouth to hers.
In the next moment, reality kicked into gear and chased away the quixotic memories. My brain worked out why she was now in my arms. Ensuring she was steady and with my nostrils flared, I turned to the asshole rushing by in a business suit. He was, as he'd been five seconds earlier, distracted by his cell phone, with no realization or acknowledgment of the fact that he'd literally plowed into Bella.
"Hey, Jackass?"
When the bastard turned, I spoke the rest through gritted teeth.
"Apologize to the lady, and next time, watch where the hell you're going. You almost knocked her down."
"Oh," the fucker stupidly exclaimed. "Oh, I'm sorry."
In my periphery, Bella dismissed the incident with a hasty wave. As the clumsy asshole rushed off, yet again, I met Bella's gaze.
She quirked an eyebrow.
"My fucking hero?"
I shut my eyes, fighting against every misplaced instinct that wanted to rush her myself, to take her in my arms once and for all and kiss that mouth because God…I loved everything about it…about her. But when I opened my eyes, I only chuckled.
"That was just a tad bit unnecessary," she grinned. "It's fucking New York City during the lunchtime rush… but thanks for the sentiment." She added the last part quietly, softening the well-deserved rebuke. I wasn't her hero.
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
If anything, the scene with the rushed asshole served to once more ease the tension, so there was that to thank him for. Bella and I walked the rest of the way in more companionable silence, while the afternoon sun fell over her and illuminated her chocolate highlights.
"So, how far are we going, Edward?"
"Uhm…" – I stuttered at the realization that we were almost there, pointing at the building housing the CDC labs. "The end of the block right there. See the gray building? That's one of our labs. Sorry." I offered her a contrite smile. "I should've hailed a cab."
"For five blocks? I didn't mind the walk at all," she magnanimously pronounced.
"It's a bit cold."
"It's warming up."
"You almost got knocked over."
"Par for the course for a short woman in New York."
"Seriously, we can take a cab back if you have to get to work quickly."
"No. No, I'm not too busy today. I'd prefer the walk."
"Okay. Okay, good." I nodded and faced forward again. Yet, my heart and my mind both raced thought I attempted to clamp down on the inane, yet irrepressible hope created by the exchange. Bella appeared and sounded more than comfortable. If I didn't know any better, I would've believed her almost…happy.
Attempting to manage my overblown dreams, I lifted my eyes to the sky.
"Yeah, it has warmed up since this morning, though you can feel winter around the corner now," I said.
"I was thinking the same thing this morning."
We were at an intersection, and as we crossed, I pressed my palm to her lower back, guiding her…protecting her. She didn't protest. All the while, I commanded my mind to work logically, to stop seeing signs that weren't there; to cease reading nonexistent feelings in ease. Ease meant nothing beyond ease.
But my damn heart…
My damn heart had never allowed my mind to be in charge around Bella.
"Do you still run in the mornings, Bella?" I asked when we reached the curb, more to distract myself, to master unmastered hope, all the while hoping she couldn't hear my labored breaths.
"Usually. I'm into yoga a bit too, and we've got a treadmill in the living room at home. But I still try to get out for a run most mornings, even if it's just a short one. Unlike you though, I don't go out if it's raining."
Peripherally, I saw her turn her eyes to me and smile, though I didn't meet them; I couldn't. In those first few seconds after she spoke, if met her eyes, she would've easily spotted the abrupt agony twisting my insides. The initial pain was so acute, there was no way I could've kept it hidden from anyone. I felt it in the sting of my eyes, in the involuntary flare of my nostrils, in the stony lock of my jaw.
'…we've got a treadmill in the living room at home…
'…we've got a treadmill…',
'…we've…
And I had only myself to blame – myself and my fucking heart, of course.
It was therefore a few moments before I could speak.
"So, you have…a treadmill at home?"
"Mhm."
Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head and swallowed against the dryness in my throat.
"Edward?"
Reopening my eyes, I made myself meet hers. Her brows were furrowed, and I internally snorted at my masochistic yet never-ending desire to smooth out the line which appeared between them.
"I suppose that's convenient."
"What, the treadmill?" The line between her brows deepened, and I had to clench my hands to keep from reaching for her. "It is. Except…"
We arrived at the building, and all the while, I swore to myself I wouldn't ask, even if when she'd trailed off, it had seemed as if she was waiting for me to ask. No. I was done with my misplaced hopes. I'd give her the answers she craved so that she could move on…with him, and I'd be done.
Time moves forward not backward.
She was facing away from me so that the autumn sun highlighted her profile as I rested a hand on her forearm and stopped her, waited for her to meet my eyes before I asked.
"Except?" I prompted because I'd always…
I would always be anything she needed.
"Except it's not the same, watching the world through a window while on that treadmill. Sometimes, I'm not sure of what's real and what's not until I get outside. Sometimes, when the weather looks nasty through the window, I stay indoors. When…things feel nasty in my head, I stay indoors." She whispered the words, yet somehow, they were the loudest words ever spoken. "Then I regret it because…maybe it wasn't so bad out there, and I wasted the day."
How could she live with him, yet open herself up to me?
And how could I not be there for her?
"Your love/hate relationship with windows," I smiled wistfully.
Bella drew in a quiet intake of breath.
"I can't believe you remember that," she said shakily. "I told you that the first time we met."
"Except, it wasn't the first time we met." I drew in a long breath of my own and released it in one, long gust. "But it was the first time you told me that. I remember, Bella. I remember…quite a bit, and I'll share all of it with you now, if you'll let me. I know I should've done so much earlier."
She nodded, swallowing hard before shifting her gaze to a spot just above my shoulder and beyond.
"My thing with windows, it's my mind's way of separating me from things when I'm not ready, putting both a figurative and literal block between me and the world, or a park with babies I'll never have…or a person who hurt me."
"It's a metaphor." Your brilliant mind works in metaphors, my love.
Bella's deep brown eyes flashed back to me. "How do you still know me so well?" she choked. "My therapist, Rose, always spoke to me in metaphors. At first, I thought it was just her way until I realized she did it because it fit me. But how do you know, Edward?"
I offered her a smile and a shrug. "I've always thought that the way your mind works is amazing."
And I'll always love it, just as I'll always love you; I'll always extrapolate for you – even when it guides you away from me…and to someone else.
She snorted quietly and shook her head.
"Step outside, Bella."
"What?"
"When you don't know what's real and what's not real out there, when you're questioning it, step outside. If you don't want to go out, then don't go out. But if you're questioning it…knowing is better than not knowing."
"But-"
"Is he your boyfriend? The guy from the restaurant?"
She nodded, and now I knew without a doubt.
"Then ask him, ask anyone who you care for…and who you trust, to step out with you. You don't always have to explore alone, but knowing is better than not knowing, and maybe had I remembered that last year..." I snorted. "Anyway."
When I released her arm and backed away, for a second, I allowed myself to believe I read something akin to disappointment in her eyes; maybe even...longing.
But, of course, I hadn't. I knew that now. At the very start of this new journey with Bella, I'd promised myself that knowing her would be enough; that having once been a part of her life would be enough.
It had to be enough.
"Come on." With a smile, I gestured toward the building, only daring the ghost of my touch to guide her. "We're here."
A/N: Thoughts?
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Chapter Song Rec:
Far Away by Nickelback. (Oldie but perfect here).
"See" you soon.