A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.

We're on the last few chapters now. :)

Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.

Broken - Chapter 19

Emmett was pacing back and forth over the marble lobby floor of the building housing the CDC labs when Bella and I walked in. Spotting me instantly, he impatiently strode over.

"Where've you been, man? We spoke over an hour ago."

Despite the inquiry, a grin was spread across his face, reassuring me that, while whatever he wanted to share might've been time-sensitive, it wasn't necessarily catastrophic. It was a good thing because I welcomed what I suspected would be a few minutes of respite, a much-needed distraction – albeit temporary – from focusing on what I'd just learned.

"Shit, Em. Sorry. I lost track of time." Raking a hand through my hair, I chuckled weakly, my mind still reeling, still stupidly stuck on one fact:

They lived together.

Any distraction would be negligible anyway when Bella was so close. She'd stopped just off to my right, a few feet back and remained there, I supposed to offer Emmett and me professional privacy.

Emmett checked his watch. "You sure as hell did."

Snorting, I jerked my jaw toward the manila folder he carried under his arm.

"Is that mine?"

"Yep. All ready and waiting." When I reached for the envelope, Emmett yanked it out of reach. "But first, tell me what part of 'I'll be there in a few to pick up the results myself,' I misunderstood? Just curious."

"Just give me the folder," I said.

Yet, instead of handing me the folder, Emmett held it higher above his head, and much-needed distraction or not, the game was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Seriously? How old are you?"

"Tell me why you were late," he persisted.

"Just give me the damn-" I hissed. When my hand shot up and reached for the folder, Emmett switched it to his other hand. I sighed. "Emmett, have the results changed in the last fifteen minutes?"

Emmett snickered. "No."

"Did the strain mutate? Sprout wings? Grow legs or something similar?"

"You know it didn't," he chuckled. "It's just this isn't like you – at all. You're usually the one rushing everyone, keeping yourself and everyone busy and focused, trying to save the world for everyone else while your life…"

Now, I squared my jaw, nostrils flaring and scowling at him in an attempt to wordlessly urge Emmett to shut the fuck up. When he trailed off, eyes narrowing then growing wide, I assumed my expression had done the trick. But when Bella stepped forward and stood at my side, I understood it wasn't anything I'd done.

With an apologetic smile, I turned to Bella.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This'll just take a moment."

"No problem." She waved away my apology before directing her attention toward Emmett.

If I'd ever thought Emmett slow – which I never had; just a pain in the ass at times – that incorrect assumption would've been blown out of the water the moment I said Bella's name. Recognition dawned instantly in his expression, even though her name hadn't been spoken aloud between us in about a year. His mouth fell open, and he appeared to at least temporarily lose the power of speech.

As for Bella, unaware of his stupor, she greeted him with open ease, leaning forward to read the tag on his lab coat.

"Hi, Dr. McCarty? I'm sorry. It's my fault it took Edward a bit to get here. As you can see, my legs are much shorter than his." She chuckled and playfully pointed to her legs. "Plus, I had a bit of a run-in with a Wall-Street-tycoon sort who was in a rush, so…again, I apologize for our lateness."

It took Emmett a handful of seconds, but he finally managed to pick his mouth up off the marble floor.

"I'm sorry, but did Edward just call you…Bella?"

"Yes," Bella replied, understandably puzzled.

Emmett's eyes flashed between Bella and me. He narrowed them, tilting his head to the side, studying Bella so intently his man-bun skewed sideways. When he opened his mouth yet again, I decided it was time to intervene.

"Bella, this is a colleague and friend of mine, Emmett McCarty. Emmett this is Bella – Bella Swan."

Clearing his throat, Emmett stuck out a hand to shake hers.

"Bella, it's wonderful to meet you."

"It's great to meet you too, Doctor McCarty," Bella replied with a chuckle.

"Please. Please…just Emmett." He sighed, still staring intently.

"O-kay," Bella agreed, offering him a befuddled smile. "Emmett, Edward has mentioned you a couple of times."

Emmett nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, he's mentioned you once or…twice." His mouth twitched wryly.

"Are you an epidemiologist as well?"

That snapped him out of his stupor.

"No. No, I'm a microbiologist. It's a job a thousand times more important than that of an epidemiologist. We're the ones who figure out what the hell are those little suckers that make people sick."

"Yeah," I snorted, "and we're the ones who figure out how to keep those suckers from spreading."

"The CDC in a nutshell?" Bella grinned.

Once again, Emmett appeared to lose his power of speech. This time, when he recovered, he broke out into loud fits of laughter, more like his usual self.

"Shit. Yeah. Exactly! The CDC in a nutshell!"

Bella turned to me with a questioning smile. I shrugged and rolled my eyes, making her chuckle. But when Emmett smiled at Bella, it was a smile as genuinely thrilled as I'd ever seen him offer.

"All right, then." Returning his attention to me, he slapped my shoulder with one hand and with the other slapped the folder against my chest. "I forgive you for making me wait down here for a bit. Here are your results. They're exactly as you suspected, but give me a call later and let me know what you're thinking. Wait! Actually, don't…do not rush too much," he stressed.

"I thought you said you needed my input right away," I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Yeah, but like I said, it's basically what you and I already discussed, and besides, I'm in meetings for the rest of the afternoon. Either way, we won't be able to touch base until this evening anyhow, and nothing'll get decided until we're in Atlanta in a couple of days."

I quirked a brow because needed distraction or not, this was sounding like the entire venture with Bella was an unnecessary deviation.

Then again, had I not met with Bella today, I would've wanted to pour over these results immediately, whether they were exactly as we expected or not, even if nothing could be determined until the evening. Emmett knew me well enough to know that – which was why he'd texted me.

What's more, the deviation had allowed me a walk with Bella…as well as a clearer picture of where we stood.

"All right. Thanks, Emmett," I said instead of berating him. "I'll take a look at these and give you a call this evening."

"Sounds like a plan." With a broad grin, Emmett once again shifted his focus to Bella. "Bella, it was truly…the highlight of my day meeting you."

"It was good to meet you too, Emmett," she smiled in return.

"I hope to see you again?"

For a moment, Bella's brow furrowed. She was puzzled. After all, once she got all her answers, her closure, why would she ever meet Emmett again? Her dark eyes flashed toward me before quickly returning to Emmett.

"Maybe. Who knows?"

Emmett's grin grew, as he took her assurance to mean more than a polite reply. And I decided he'd puzzled her enough.

"Are you ready?" I asked Bella.

"Whenever you are," she agreed.

We headed toward the exit, but before we reached the revolving doors, Emmett's booming voice rang out.

"Edward!"

I exhaled loudly and muttered. "First he tells me it's urgent; then he tells me it's not as urgent as he made it seem. What now?"

Meanwhile, Bella chuckled next to me. "You'd better go see what he wants."

"I'll be quick," I promised.

"It's fine. I'll wait outside."

As I watched her proceed without me through the revolving doors, an inexplicable fear rose up in me; that I'd emerge from the building, and she wouldn't be there. But in the next moment I reminded myself that one day soon, possibly even today, it wouldn't be merely an inexplicable fear but reality. After all, she had someone waiting for her at home…and I had to accept that.

With a deep breath, I crossed the lobby back to Emmett.

"What is it, Em?"

"Dude…" He fisted his man-bun. "Dude."

"Emmett, not now."

"Why didn't you tell me you were meeting with her?"

"I've got to go."

"Fine, fine. I definitely don't want to keep you, but I just wanted you to know that when I was fucking around with you earlier…panita, had I known you were meeting with her-"

"Don't worry about it, Emmett," I clapped his shoulder and offered him a smile, "but I really have to-"

"So, are you guys…you know, did you work things-"

"It's not like that," I said, shifting my weight restlessly from foot to foot and sighing. "It's not like that at all."

Emmett's brow furrowed. "But I don't…she seems…the way she looks at-"

I shook my head and walked away backward. "Em, I've got to go. She's waiting outside."

"Okay. Yeah, alright, sorry. Hey, we'll talk later!"

OOOOO

It turned out that my anxiousness, at least for the time being, was unmerited. Bella was waiting patiently outside. As I approached her, I drew in a long breath because there were no distractions left, which in turn left me both dreading and appreciating the few minutes remaining between us.

When I reached her, Bella offered me an amused chuckle. "Emmett seems fun. I bet he keeps the CDC on its toes."

I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea. He's a clown. But he's also one of the smartest people you'll ever meet."

For a few seconds, she silently held my gaze. "Strange, but I once thought I'd already met one of the smartest clowns I'd ever meet." She offered me a teasing smile.

I snorted. "Seems like a long time ago, doesn't it?"

In the absence of words, I was acutely aware of the sound of our breathing.

"Bella, I'm…sorry." I fisted my hair. "It appears this may have been a waste of time."

"I don't think so," she magnanimously contradicted as she checked her watch. "Besides, we still have some time."

By 'some time,' she meant about fifteen minutes; at least, on her end. While I'd give her all the time in the world, we'd met at the coffee shop about forty-five minutes earlier. Her lunch break couldn't last much longer.

"We do," I agreed with a nod. "The sandwiches next door are pretty good. We could pick up a couple and…finish our talk."

"Sounds like a plan."

Inside the sandwich shop, we ordered, took our receipts, and were told to wait to the side along with a large, lunchtime crowd.

"I'm so sorry," I chuckled mirthlessly. "It seems everything I suggest today is a waste of time."

Bella gazed beyond the storefront window. "I wouldn't say that. Is that a vintage record shop across the street?"

I followed her trajectory. "Yeah. Yeah, it is. I've been in there. They've got a decent selection."

"I've been looking for a record for someone, but I haven't had any luck." She looked up at me. "If you wouldn't mind grabbing my sandwich when it's ready, I'd like to go check it out."

It didn't take a genius to figure out who the 'someone' might be.

"Of course, I don't mind."

Through the storefront window, as I watched Bella sprint across the street, I wondered if this nameless, live-in guy knew how fucking lucky he was. In my mind's eye, I recalled the scene in the restaurant a few weeks back…her hand ensconced inside his hand…the gentle squeezes I furtively caught in my periphery…the thumb he continuously stroked over her knuckles.

Yeah. Yeah, he knew his luck.

Five minutes later, when the sandwiches were ready, I picked them up and sprinted across the street.

Bella was up by the register, handing over her card in exchange for an old LP album. At the sound of the bell over the door, she turned around, while the kid at the register carefully slid the album into a bag. The beautiful grin that spread across her face, the way her dark eyes sparkled made my heart both soar and crash all at once. Because how could she smile like that at me while she bought a record for him?

"Edward, look!" She held up her package. "I told you it wasn't a waste of time!"

OOOOO

"He's going to be so happy."

Bella practically floated over the concrete as we walked and ate our sandwiches, her brand new purchase safely tucked into her bag. "I can't wait to give it to him at Thanksgiving."

I nodded without comment. So, it was to be a Thanksgiving gift – a surprise reserved for a day shared with those you loved…with those you treasured the most. Yet, her voice was infused with so much eager anticipation that despite who the album was for, I found myself smiling at the contagious thrill vibrating off of her.

"What exactly is this amazing find you found in there?" I jerked my chin toward her bag.

Grinning up at me, she handed me her sandwich to hold as she pulled the album out of her bag. As soon as I caught sight of the record's title, I grimaced to myself. Jesus, I couldn't even fault the guy's taste in music. I pictured them singing together, while they played the album on their old, vintage record player, in their cozy apartment, wrapped around one another on their comfy couch or while exercising on their treadmill. And as much as the conjured image brought bile up to my throat, I found myself instinctively reciting the words to that damnable song I happened to know well.

"Girl, I'll house you. Girl, I'll house you. Girl, I'll house you, you in my hut now. My hut."

Bella stopped walking and gazed up at me in astonishment.

"When you're in my hut," I continued, smiling wryly at her, "you know what's up. Let your mind be free-"

When Bella happened to join in, we both chuckled through the rest of the words. "Relax your body. Jump, jump, a little higher. Jump, jump until you get tired. House your body. House your body!"

We broke out into mutual bouts of laughter.

"Oh my God," Bella said when she could finally stop laughing enough to speak. "I can't believe you know that."

I smirked at her. "I can't believe you know that."

"Well, my dad was an eighties hip hop lover," she grinned. "When I was little, I used to wake up on weekends to Run DMC, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Salt-n-Pepa, LL Cool J, etc., and all blasted from his old record player from when he was a teenager. This beauty here," she said, holding up the record album, "was a particular favorite. Unfortunately, one morning, it developed a scratch. My dad literally cried." I chuckled quietly, while she smiled wistfully. "He searched every vintage record shop he could find in Seattle for another copy, but Eighties hip hop isn't exactly in high demand in Seattle."

"That would be grunge," I said.

"Exactly," she grinned, looking pleased that I knew that. "So, even though he's made do with cassette copies, CDs, and more recently, downloaded versions of the song," she smirked, "he's always missed his record album."

"Wait a minute. You mean…that record is for your dad?"

"Yeah," she replied breezily, shrugging a shoulder. "All right, all right. I'll be honest. I accidentally scratched the-"

"For your dad," I repeated in a whisper, mostly to myself. "For Thanksgiving."

"Yeah," Bella grinned. "And I can't wait to give it to him. He's going to be so surprised!"

For her…dad.

The album was for her dad, not for the guy from the restaurant. I'd made an incorrect assumption, and for a moment, as we stood together on that street, relief flooded me all the way down to the soles of my feet, until I recalled that the relief I felt was meaningless. Whether the album was for her dad or for the guy from the restaurant made no difference. It didn't change a thing.

Except…it did make a difference, at least in my convoluted way of thinking, that her thoughts weren't constantly on him while she walked with me.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry." I offered her an apologetic smile for having been lost in my ridiculous musings. "What did you say?"

"I asked how you know that song."

I drew in a deep breath and grinned at the memory. "It's a similar story to yours, though not quite. For me, it was my eighties hip hop loving uncle, my mom's older brother, who used to blast hip hop, though I think he used cassettes. Therefore," I smiled sheepishly, "my cousin Jamie and me grew up rapping. At some point, during our high school years, we convinced ourselves we were good at it."

"Oh, no," Bella chortled, making me chuckle as I continued.

"Yeah. We even formed our own rap duo; we called it – ready for this?" I asked, grinning down at her.

She covered her face with her hands and peeked up at me through a slit between her fingers.

"I honestly don't know that I am."

"The Concrete Jungle Cousins."

Bella burst out laughing.

"Yeah. My dad was…terrified."

All the while, Bella laughed and laughed, and I decided that as long as I could make her laugh like that, life was as good as it could get.

"Needless to say, he didn't have much to fear." I gave her a sidelong smirk. "Two white boys from an Upper East Side Private School don't make for the edgiest hip hop sound or lyrics, and our duo disbanded pretty quickly."

She held her stomach, convulsing and gasping for breath. "I can't breathe, Edward. You're killing me."

I chuckled, lightly touching her shoulder with the pads of my fingertips. "Are you okay?"

When she finally straightened and looked up, she wiped tears off her eyes, which were still sparkling with amusement.

"So you and your cousin Jamie decided to put your rap careers on hold?"

"Yep," I said. "Jamie is now a partner in my mom's design company, and I-"

"You save the world," she finished much more quietly, a soft smile now curling around her lips. "Edward Cullen, CDC epidemiologist by day…hip hop rapper by night." An errant though gentle chuckle escaped her. "Who would've ever thought it?"

"It was an early dream," I smiled, quirking an eyebrow.

She chuckled again. "You're an enigma, Edward," she said, holding my gaze. "Just when I think I've got you figured out…there's another layer."

For a few moments, we remained locked in one another's gaze, until a loud chime made us both blink and look toward the sound.

"It's kind of late in the season for one of those," I mused.

We were both quiet, watching the vendor push his small cart while ringing his bell. Then, I realized that as we'd been walking and talking, we'd ended up by the waterfront, a place where Bella and I once shared many of our runs, our talks…

We were at the seaport now, and we wordlessly climbed the bleachers in front of the water and in between the majestic bridges connecting Manhattan and Brooklyn. With the typical lunchtime hour almost at an end, and with the tourists usually opting for spots closer to the bridges, there weren't many other people around.

"Peer-ahh-goo-ahhs," Bella pronounced in a careful whisper, still watching the man and his icies cart.

I smiled at her. "You remember the correct pronunciation."

"I suppose I do," she smiled wistfully in return. "I remember lots of things too, Edward. I remember last summer…you promised to buy me a cherry piragua this past summer because by the time we discovered them, it was too late in the season, and the vendor said he wouldn't be out any more."

And there went my heart soaring and crashing once again.

"It seems the Piragua vendors are out late this season." I swallowed hard. "Would you like one now?"

She stared at the vendor, still ringing his bell, moving further and further away from us. Then she shook her head and took a seat mid-bleachers.

"No. No, thanks. I'm full from the sandwich. Maybe next time," she agreed politely.

I took a seat beside her, leaving a few inches of space between us. Nevertheless, I could almost feel the shivers coursing through her caused by the riverfront's breeze, which carried the scent of fish in the light droplets that touched us. And the truth was…the air had shifted around us, a new sort of apprehensive tension cooling it as much as the water's mist. Without a second thought, I removed my jacket and carefully set it around her shoulders.

"Edward-"

"You're shivering," I murmured. "In theory, the spot was a good idea, private enough for a talk without…" I trailed off, not wanting her to think I'd planned this almost absolute seclusion, nor that there was anything beyond thoughts for her comfort in my wrapping my jacket around her. Hesitantly at first, she pulled the lapels around her.

"How about you?" she asked. "Won't you be cold?"

I snorted. "Trust me- I mean, I'm fine."

"Thank you," she breathed, wrapping herself tighter around the jacket. "This does feel much better."

"We can go somewhere indoors if you'd-"

"No. No, I'm good now."

"Good."

I raked a hand through my hair then faced forward, watching the afternoon sun spread its rays over dark river. Now that we were here, both physically and figuratively, it was hard knowing exactly where to start.

"So…you and Emmett seem like good friends in addition to colleagues."

I chuckled quietly. "Yeah. Yeah, we are. We went to med school together. We've been friends and colleagues for a while. Em's been there through…a couple of hard times. He's a good guy."

"He appears it," Bella agreed. "Does he travel a lot as well?"

"A lot of our mutual work is dependent on that of the other's."

"Though he'll say his work is more important," she teased.

"Yes, he will," I smirked.

She chuckled. "When he said…when he said you'd mentioned me once or twice…"

Of course, she'd caught that. And so here we were, and I'd promised her the truth in its entirety. Turning slowly, I met her gaze, watching the sun reflect off of her dark eyes.

"I told him about you, yes."

"How much did you tell him?"

"Enough for him to tell me I behaved like a total asshole and risked you…and lost you due to my own actions."

"Edward-"

"The truth is he's the closest friend I have – closer than family – but I didn't tell him everything, Bella. There are things I'd only ever share with you, and I should've shared them earlier."

She looked away from me, dropped her gaze to the space between us.

"Then, share them, Edward."

I swallowed, drew in a deep breath. Where would I start? When she cut in, I still wasn't sure where; the entire story was so convoluted, so…messed up. But Bella's words let me know that at least, one of us was prepared with some sort of starting point.

"Bella, I-"

"I remember you told me once, before I knew who your family was, that you weren't close to them."

"It was true."

"I'm close to my dad."

"I know," I murmured softly. "I remember you talking about him fondly. I sensed the respect you had for him. It's…harder for me to respect my father, even though he's a well-known and highly-respected surgeon."

"I do recall your…." She swallowed and grimaced as if having to utter the next few words physically pained her, "your sister mentioning that about him."

So, there it was; the open acknowledgement of who Alice was to me. No longer beating around the bush, and of course, she'd be the brave one to face it head-on first. Therefore, I tried to meet her bravery with my own and offer her something…a piece of my truth I'd never offered anyone, not even myself.

"I think initially, that's why I took a job that had me travel so much."

"To get away from your dad?" she carefully asked, almost as if she knew this was a new acknowledgment for me.

I gave it some thought before replying. "It was a bit more than that. The whole environment…him and my mother and my…sister."

"You don't speak much of your mom – and neither do I."

"I've noticed that too," I breathed.

"My mom hasn't been much involved in my life."

"Well, I can't say that about my mother. She's always been there. It's just…"

I exhaled, trying to figure things out in my head even as I shared them with Bella. Or maybe I was just delaying the inevitable; attempting to create another diversion like the one I welcomed earlier, but Jesus, as much as it would kill me to let go, it was time.

It was time.

"That day…" I breathed.

"That day…" she murmured shakily, as if this was what she'd been waiting for all along. Which of course, it was, and I was still being an asshole by delaying it. No more, Bella. No more.

Drawing in a breath, I forced myself to meet her gaze.

"That day, I was visiting Alice out of…an old sense of guilt."

She held my gaze silently for a few moments.

"Why did you feel guilty, Edward?"

"She and I…even before that day, we weren't close to begin with. She's seven years my junior."

Breaking our connection, I looked away and pinned my gaze to the Brooklyn Bridge beyond her shoulder. However, what I saw was a much different brick and mortar building, one I lived in as a child, and I saw myself swiftly running up the stairs on a day…a quarter of a century in the past.

"So…the age difference," Bella whispered, "it's why you weren't close?"

Again, I shook my head. "It was a bit more complicated than that. I tried not to, I mean I tried to…" Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced myself to meet her eyes again, to give her the truth with no weakness, no hesitation.

"Bella, one of my earliest memories is back from when I was seven-years-old. We lived uptown then, my mom, my dad and me. Mom was just getting her fashion company off the ground, so though she ran around a lot, she was usually home to get me off the school bus. When she knew she wasn't going to be home, she'd ask our neighbor, a woman named Elizabeth, to get me off the bus. Then, I'd wait with Aunt Lizzy, as I called her back then," I sneered, "until my mom came home."

Bella and Emmett had a habit of naming me the smart one, the quick one, yet these two…man, they caught on quickly. Bella's chest already heaved from her sped-up breaths, her eyes round and wary, and anticipating the trajectory of this little story. Yet, now that I'd started, it was strangely easy to continue.

"Anyway, that day when I got off the school bus, I was surprised because no one was waiting for me by the curb. Which was fine. I knew how to get to our apartment."

In my mind's eye, I saw that staircase again, I heard myself childishly counting the steps up, taking two at a time and even daring three at a time as I pretended I was scaling Everest. I saw myself jump on the landing when I reached the top and throw a triumphant fist in the air at having successfully summited the snow-covered mountain…

"But…when I reached upstairs, I was further surprised by the sound of my mom's voice."

The mountain disappeared…leaving behind a dimly-lit corridor…

"Why did her voice surprise you?"

"Because it didn't sound like her. She sounded upset…or in pain."

The sounds of what I knew now wasn't pain filled my ears…

"Stupid, seven-year-old me couldn't tell the difference."

"Don't call yourself that," Bella practically snapped, but I was too into my story to pay her tone much mind.

"So, I pushed further into the apartment, honestly fucking scared by that point." I chuckled at my own seven-year-old stupidity. "But when I spotted my dad hovering over the couch…Bella, I felt so relieved." I grinned as the relief from that day flooded me now. "The fear immediately vanished because it was my dad. Like I said, my dad's a surgeon – a fucking good one," I admitted, "whose time has always been in high demand. So, even though, in the back of my head, I was also surprised to find him home early, I knew everything was going to be just fine. Whatever was wrong with Mom, Dad would fix. The thing is…"

I see him…I see him moving over her…I feel myself wondering why…shuffling closer in my padded sneakers…slowly…silently – yet not silently enough. I see my dad stop moving and hastily look up…

"…the thing is, the asshole was surprised to see me too."

Bella gasped, and I snorted.

"What does that mean, Edward?" she asked, her voice quivering because she knew. She knew, but she couldn't wrap her head around it. "And what does any of it have to do with that day or with…with us?"

With us.

Us.

The short word broke me out of my dark musings. And for a couple of seconds, I stared at her coldly. Why would she use that word? There was no Us. There was Bella, and there was Edward, yet I'd just opened up to her about…a really bad day.

I dropped my head, knit my hands together over it.

"Fuck."

"Edward?"

My throat was too dry to answer her. Why had I just burdened her with this? I'd never…never told this story in its entirety to anyone. Why had I just told her?

"Edward...what did you see?"

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, tried to regulate my breathing.

"Oh, Edward," Bella choked. I felt her hand wrap around one of mine, her fingers slip in between my fingers as she pulled our joined hands onto her lap.

"Edward, I'm here with you." Her words were firm and strong. "Tell me what you saw. Tell me. If there's anyone who can understand-"

My eyes shot up to hers. "Why do you think it's so hard for me to speak of this with you?"

"Don't do that," she said through her teeth. "Look…I know when we met at the coffee shop the other day, I said…I said I wasn't a china doll back then, and you should've told me the truth. And while yes, you should've told me the truth…maybe what I said wasn't exactly the truth either. Maybe I was more sensitive back then than I realized, but please don't treat me like that now."

For a few moments, I took her in through startled eyes, more full of respect and awe for her than ever – if that was possible. Despite what this story had to be doing to her, she was willing to hear the rest of it. And Jesus, she was right; Bella was stronger than I'd ever given her credit for being.

"It wasn't my mother, as I'm sure you've guessed."

"Edward, you sweet, little boy."

I snorted. "He scrambled to get up, to straighten his clothes, hissing furiously at Aunt Lizzy to do the same as if he could somehow salvage the situation. I mean, I wasn't that stupid."

"Edward, you were seven. You weren't stupid at all. You should've never been in that situation."

"And you should've?" I countered.

"It was different. I was much older, and I should've seen the signs."

"Bella, don't you dare."

"This isn't about me."

"It's completely about you," I stressed. "It's why that damn day…"

Again, I shut my eyes, turned away from her. When her hand cradled my cheek, I sighed in complete surrender, warmed by her touch, by her comfort, by her…

I pulled our hands away from my face and returned her hand to her lap, hating myself in the next moment when I saw her misinterpret my actions.

"S…Sorry. I just…"

"No, Bella, please don't apologize," I begged remorsefully. "Never apologize to me. You felt sympathy, and you wanted to offer comfort. And I get it, and I appreciate it," I said, offering her what I knew was a weak smile. "But I think we both know your sympathy is never what I wanted, and it's better if we don't go down that road."

She swallowed hard and remained quiet for a few seconds, then nodded decisively.

"Okay. So how does this tie in with us…and all that happened decades later in a lobby?"

"How does it tie in?" I echoed. "To make a long, complicated part of the story short, my dad couldn't apologize enough to me or ask Elizabeth to leave fast enough. He confessed it all to my mother when she got home; I'll give him that." I shrugged. "Though, to this day, he swears it was the first and last time. I'm still not sure I believe that, nor do I really know that it makes much difference."

"One time or a hundred times, it doesn't erase what you saw."

"No, it doesn't. Nonetheless, my mom forgave him."

My mom. I loved her, but…

"You don't think she should've," Bella correctly deduced once again.

"Maybe if I hadn't seen it," I seethed with all the pent-up fury of the past couple of decades, "maybe then I could understand her forgiveness."

"And maybe if she'd seen it…then she wouldn't have forgiven him. But then again, he claimed it was the only time, and he actually asked for forgiveness."

She went quiet, pensive, and I recalled a moment from That Day, the more recent one:

Was this all a mistake, Jasper, caused by the stress we've been under?

"Would you have taken…Jasper back under those conditions?"

She looked up, startled as if I'd read her mind. Nonetheless, it was a question she apparently wasn't prepared to answer.

"Let's proceed in order here; we're still nowhere near that lobby."

"Fair enough," I nodded. I'd made her wait a year for her answers. I had no right to demand answers to my own right here and now – if ever.

"Either way," I sighed, "first time or hundredth time, he was either really lucky or really unlucky, depending on how you see it."

I held her gaze, and again, it only took her a couple of moments.

"Elizabeth got pregnant."

I nodded and offered her an admittedly wry grin. "And he got a bouncing baby girl, and I got a little sister."

"Oh my God," she murmured, shutting her eyes. "Your poor mom…"

"You can't blame the kid though, can you?"

"I tried to hate him," she whispered, reopening her eyes.

Her words shook me to my core, made my blood run cold because I knew, instinctively, who she referred to. Nonetheless, I had to ask.

"What?"

She swallowed, her eyes full of guilt and shame.

"Your…your nephew. They call him JJ, right?"

I nodded stiffly, in a daze because the man she lived with, her boyfriend…was no obstacle compared to what it would mean if she hated JJ.

"When I heard he'd been born," she continued shakily, "I tried to hate him. I wanted to hate him, to blame everything on him. Had she not gotten pregnant with him…had I gotten pregnant with him...? Why did he go to her and not to me? Irrational thoughts," she snorted, "as if the child had any choice. As if he asked for any of it. When every time I pictured him, I saw a small, innocent baby. When all I'd ever dreamed of for the past three years by then…was a baby of my own."

My eyes stung at her confession, equal parts love for her and shame toward myself for even momentarily entertaining the idea that she'd be capable of blaming a child for anything when I knew her…and I knew how much she'd always wanted one.

And somehow I knew that just as I'd shared something with her that I'd never completely shared with anyone…Bella had just shared thoughts with me she'd never shared either.

Silent tears streaked her face, and I was helpless against comforting her in any way I could.

"Bella…God, if I could…" If I could give you a baby, whether biological or adopted…if we could someday build a family…

It was as these thoughts filled my head that I reached out to wipe her tears…and Bella pulled away.

Because I had no right to wish these things. I had no rights when it came to her.

My hand fell away.

"What was it that you just said?" she asked. "I don't want your sympathy either, Edward."

"Sympathy was never…never what I felt for you," I hissed. "Not even in that lobby. Not even when-"

"Please," she said in a strangled whisper, "let's continue in order."

I cleared my throat. "I suppose my mom must've seen things similarly. Though Alice grew up with Elizabeth, from her infancy, my father…our father took responsibility for her. And I suppose I'll give him that as well," I added begrudgingly. "We moved, obviously, but Alice spent weekends with us, holidays and longer periods as she grew older and, since Carlisle's career responsibilities increased, my mom took increasing care of Alice."

"What was your relationship with her like as children?" Bella wondered.

I scrubbed my jaw hard with my palm. "And that is where the guilt comes in."

"You never forgave her," she said simply, no judgment in her tone even though she wasn't capable of blaming a child.

"Bella, I don't know. I tried. I did try not to blame her for any of it, but…she was always so difficult to get along with."

"Difficult how?"

I forced myself to look at her despite the discomfort of my admission. "She was spoiled, Bella. Her mother, obviously not the best role model to begin with, filled her head with all manner of...shit," I spat. My father's guilt meant he rarely said 'no' to her. My mother and even I tried, but..."

"Seven years her senior or not, Edward," she said firmly, "it wasn't your job to raise your younger sister."

"I know, but she was my sister. And I did try to be there for her, but once Alice reached a certain age, she grew increasingly resentful and disrespectful. By that time, I was off in college. Whenever I did see her afterward, we'd grown further apart. Either way, I tried to tell my dad to stop fucking spoiling her, but he never listened."

"It was a bad situation all around, but Edward…this doesn't make me forgive her," she said pointedly. "Not at all."

"Do you think that's what I'm trying to do?" I asked in disbelief. "Do you think I'm telling you this so that you can forgive her? Jesus."

I jumped up from those bleachers and took the rest two at a time, sprinting toward the water, and consumed with so much…fury.

Not at Bella, no, but at my own inability to make her understand.

"Edward, stop," she called out behind me, and as fast as I'd rushed down, I rushed back up to her, stopping in front of her and crouching down to her eye level.

"You want to go in order, I know, but do you know one of the things that made me respect you from the first moment?"

"Respect me in that moment?" she snorted sardonically. "What, Edward?"

"Your righteous fury," I returned through clenched teeth. "You earned that fury, and they deserved your goddamn wrath," I spat. "I watched that scene play out-"

"And you saw your mother-" she smirked.

"No," I said, my mouth barely moving now. "No. I saw a strong, brave woman, and God, I would've kept you safe had I been able."

"But it wasn't your job to keep me safe," she threw back at me, "not in that lobby, and not a year later."

And there was the crux of it. Groaning up at the sky, I turned around and fisted my hair. And for a long while, I just…stood there. Finally, I scrubbed a hand down my face.

"I know," I breathed emptily, spent. "I know it wasn't my job. Not then…and obviously not now."

Dropping my head, I shook it from side to side. When her voice, soft and soothing, and so…so close spoke from right in front of me, it startled me. Because I hadn't expected her to take the steps toward me. I looked into her dark, fathomless eyes, so…so close.

"Edward, why are you putting yourself through this?"

My head shot up, and I frowned in confusion.

"You have so much on your plate," she said, shaking her head. "Do you think I don't realize how urgent and important what you're doing at work right now is? I need answers to move forward. I need to clean up my database. What do you get from this?"

Again, I dropped my head. "I suppose I have no one to blame but myself when you wonder at my intentions."

"Help me understand you the way you understand me," she whispered.

And…as much as it tore at my heart, as bewildered as I still was about everything, I'd promised myself knowing her once would be enough…and I'd promised her closure.

I held her gaze. "I get to give you closure, even if that means you erase me from your database once and for all so that you can move on with-"

"Shit," Bella spat, and my eyes rounded in shock until I saw her scale the bleachers once more to where her bag rested.

"Shit," she repeated as she pulled out her vibrating cell phone.

"Damn it," I muttered while I watched her scan through her texts and move her fingers quickly over the keyboard.

"Everything okay?" I asked, climbing the bleachers to meet her.

"Yeah," she said distractedly, still typing. "Just missed a few texts from people wondering where the hell I've been all afternoon."

"Mm," I replied. And again, I couldn't even blame him. It was…late. At some point, the sun had changed position, dropped lower, its rays darkened to an orange glow. Hours had passed, and I'd be worried about her too if she'd disappeared all afternoon.

"Sorry. I guess I've lost track of time all day today."

"It's not your fault." She sighed and set down her phone, smiling up at me. "I lost track too."

I swallowed. "I suppose you have to go?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "I do."

"Yeah, so do I. Em and I may have discussed these results, but there are a couple of other people whose input I should probably seek."

She nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

I nodded. Yet, neither one of us moved.

With a deep breath, Bella carefully peeled off my jacket and handed it to me.

"Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure."

She picked up her bag, then looked up at me again. "Uhm…there's still more-"

"There is," I agreed. "I know." Despite all the time we'd spent together this afternoon, there was still so much more. And once again, my heart soared…and crashed.

"Can we meet again in a couple of days?" she asked.

"No," I replied apologetically. "No, unfortunately, I have to be in Atlanta in a couple of days."

"Oh, that's right." She frowned.

"But…we can meet next week if you'd like?"

She smiled, a smile so pure and genuine and bordering on…happy, and once again, how could she smile like that at me, yet return to him?

"I would like that."

Nonetheless, if a few hours here and there to provide her with closure was all I could give her, I wouldn't deny it to her.

"Okay," I smiled in return. "I'll call you as soon as I return."

"Okay."

We gazed quietly at one another, once again, neither one of us moving. When I reached for her and pulled her into my arms, brushing my mouth against the top of her head, Bella slid her arms around my waist and held on just as tightly. We were like soldiers who'd been through a similar war; comrades. At least, that was what I was to her now.

She would always be so much more.

"It was never sympathy, Bella," I murmured thickly against the top of her head, "never sympathy I wanted between us."

A soft sound escaped her. In the next moment, Bella pulled away and quickly walked off the bleachers. I watched her until she disappeared in the distance…

She didn't look back.

A/N: Thoughts?

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