With my other story coming to an end soon, I will be starting up on this one. Forgive me for taking so long to update, I hope you all enjoy.
See the thing is, she's not naive enough to believe that Jax had left Charming. With half of the town deathly afraid of him, and the other half all too eager to spread their legs for him, Jax has had it made in Charming from the moment he embraced the club, and only an idiot would give that sort of power.
But she had planned on avoiding him and his poisonous mother for her entire stay, and if there's one thing that Tara Knowles is good at, it's avoiding her problems.
Still, as she's standing in the corridor watching him pull his son along - something she cannot bear to think about right now - feeling rather pathetic for all of the feelings bubbling away in the deep pit of her belly when clearly she has no effect on the man she has pathetically been pining after for fifteen years, Abel turns around, smiles at her and gives her a little wave. And damn, those big blue eyes are breaking her heart almost as much as his father's did once upon a time. She smiles right back at him, pushing aside any feelings of embarrassment and waves back until he rounds the corner.
"It's a shame isn't it?" Tara turns and has to refrain from rolling her eyes. The administrator, Margaret, is like an unloved puppy who just won't take a hint. Since she's got here, the woman has made it her mission to annoy Tara into taking the conveniently new Head of Neonatal position in St Thomas. It's a small hospital, nothing like the busy Chicago hospital where she currently works and she doubts that such a position even exists here. But with Evie to think about, she has been considering joining a private practice or taking a role in a small hospital for a while now.
But coming back to Charming? Not a chance.
"I'm sorry?" Tara asks, her eyes taking in Margaret's narrowed eyes and folded arms as she stares after Jax and Abel.
"That the poor boy has got a father such as him," Margaret snipes as she turns to look at Tara shrewdly, her voice dropping as she leans closer to give her the local gossip on the big bad bikers. "He's such a sweet boy, but he hasn't got a chance being surrounded by those thugs. And that one is the worst of the lot. He's the President! " she whispers gleefully, her eyes dancing spitefully.
Tara bristles. President? She stores that away for later, because she honestly can't believe the nerve of this woman. She can't be from around here or she wouldn't have dared to talk crap about Jackson Teller to her. "You don't know who I am, do you?" Tara says, a cruel smirk twisting her lips.
Sensing that all is not well, Margaret takes a step back, her spiteful face losing some of it's judgment as she regards Tara. "Well yes-"
"Clearly you don't. You don't know anything about that kid's life, or his father."
Margaret scoffs and stares at her in disbelief as she gains confidence once again. "I don't know what your father has told you about the Sons of Anarchy, but those men are criminals Dr Knowles and you'd be wise to stay away from them. That child-"
"That child may be surrounded by hardened criminals and thugs as you say, but I can guarantee that that kid will want for nothing in his life and will forever be protected and loved by those men. It's more than what half of the kids around here get. Believe me, I know," Tara snaps, towering over Margaret who flinches away from her. Ignoring the woman's stunned expression, Tara leaves her gaping after her as she heads in the opposite direction of Jax.
She has every intention of going back to her father's bedside, but her feet carry her to the exit and to the shop across the street. She vows to just buy a bottle of water, but she buys a carton of cigarettes and a pack of lighters which is how she finds herself sitting on the wall outside of the hospital smoking the first cigarette she's had in over five years since her residency when all she lived on was tequila, coffee and packets of Marlboro.
She's such a fucking cliche.
She doesn't know how long she sits there for, but she's on her fourth cigarette when she feels someone come up beside her. It's been years since someone has managed to catch her off guard, but he's always had a knack for it with her. Though she stiffens, she doesn't turn to look at him, her gaze fixed firmly on the quiet car park.
She can feel his predatory eyes on her, studying every inch of her from head to toe, taking in everything about her now. His eyes linger on her lab coat, and she feels a swell of pride. Look at what I've become . I made it Jax. She wishes to do the study him too, to take in every inch of his skin to see what remains the same and what has changed. She aches to trace every new tattoo and every new scar with her fingertips, to see if the same spots still drive him crazy with her touch-
But she can't.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Tara asks softly after a tense moment of silence and it's clear that he isn't going to be the first once to speak. Her pride was long gone the second she heard Abel calling him Daddy, and she has never had any qualms about calling Jax out on his bullshit. He has already looked at her as though she's the devil incarnate once today. She can handle it again now that she's prepared for it.
Watching him from the corner of her eye, Jax steps closer to her and takes the cigarette carton where it's resting on the wall and pulls one out. He sits three feet from her as he steals her lighter, and it's enough to make her head spin at having him so close after all of these years.
Though she doesn't want to give him the satisfaction, she cannot help but watch in fascination as his cheeks sink inward with the pull of his breath, a steady stream of smoke slipping from his lips and curling up past his predatory eyes.
"You caught me off guard," Jax says stiffly, pulling a face at the cigarette. "You still smoke this shit?" he asks.
"Not lately." Tara pushes her hair back as she sucks in a breath to steady herself as she turns to face him properly. Jax's eyes dart away from her when their eyes meet, and other than the obvious, she wonders what the hell she has done to deserve to be looked at as though she is his greatest enemy in the world. They didn't leave on the best of terms. She resented him for choosing to stay, and he resented her for wanting to leave. But despite their feelings, they still came together on her last night in Charming to say goodbye.
Still, it hurts, having those eyes that were once filled with love look upon her with what she's pretty sure is hate.
She shouldn't even care. She's a surgeon, a mom. She's thirty five for fucks sake, yet she's sitting here like she's 15 again and is about to burst into tears because the boy she likes hates her-
God, she's pathetic.
She's still waiting for her answer, but judging by his stony silence, she knows that she's going to have to make the first move. Swallowing back her nerves, Tara opens with a safe topic. "Abel's a nice kid." She pauses, hoping for some fatherly pride from him but Jax remains stubbornly silent. "Does he always take off before his appointments-"
"I'm not here to make nice Tara," Jax says stiffly.
Right. Obviously.
"Then why are you here?" Tara pushes, growing impatient and damn right pissed with his shitty attitude.
"I have no idea." He flicks his cigarette away and stands. He doesn't move for a second, some internal battle happening in his brilliant mind right before her eyes, but then he's walking away from her without even a glance in her direction.
So many emotions flood through her in that second, but the most prominent one is rage.
"You know, since I've been back, I've been playing how this would go through my head. I was so scared to see you again. I didn't know how you would react, how I would react. But not once did I ever think that you would hate me," she calls after him, proud that her voice doesn't break despite the sob that wants to burst from her.
Jax pauses and slowly turns around. "I don't hate you," he says stiffly, almost reluctantly.
Tara takes one last drag on her cigarette and flicks it away, her eyes never leaving his as she stands and steps closer to him. She's so close to him, closer than she's been in years. Those blue, blue eyes stare down at her, and even in these ridiculous heels he still towers over her, but his size has never intimidated her. He has never intimidated her.
He's the same, and yet totally different. He was a good looking teenager, leaving a trail of broken hearts before he even started high school. But now he's on a whole new level. He's filled out, his shoulders wide and strong. He has a full on beard now rather than the scruff he sported once upon a time, though she can still see the strong clench of his are a few lines on his face and one or two new scars, yet they give character to his achingly beautiful face.
But still, she searches for the boy that she loved in this man who is now a stranger to her. Something flickers in his eyes, and just for one second, he's her Jax again. The gentle, passionate boy who loved her in a way that was terrifyingly wonderful.
"Fuck you Jax," Tara says softly, and she pushes passed him before he's a stranger again, her shoulder knocking into his as she seeks sanctuary in the hospital once more.
She doesn't look back, but she can feel his eyes on her until she's out of sight.
It's the most alive she has felt in years.