A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.

So, if you're wondering why this is taking longer to get to the end than I indicated it would, it's because I just don't have the time I used to lately. So, instead of going weeks without updating, I'm posting shorter-than-I'd-like-to chapters (notice how I didn't say 'short?'), to at least keep us moving forward. Hope that's okay. ;)

Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine as well.

Broken Chapter 29

In the middle of one of the few nights we had together before Bella left for Washington, I'd woken and found her gazing at me through the dim moonlight that streamed through the bedroom windows. Its reflection shone in her eyes. For a long while, we took one another in silently.

"Hey," she breathed.

I'd woken with my hand on her bare hip, already accustomed...needing the feel of her body next to mine at night. Now fully awake, I could feel her sudden tension.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

She'd offered me a tremulous smile. "Nothing's wrong. I know it's the middle of the night, but can we talk?"

"Of course."

She drew in an uneven breath. "You know about the struggles I've had with my mental health, and I've mentioned how some days, it's hard for me to get out of bed and face the world beyond the windows."

I nodded.

"I know things have been...amazing between us for the past few days, but I also mentioned once that I'm not always sunshine and roses."

"Bella-"

"I'd like to be as clear as possible on what exactly that means."

"Bella-"

"Shh." She'd covered my mouth with the tips of her fingers. "I want you to know what that means for me on a daily basis so that you can know what it would mean for us as..." her eyes panned away for a fraction of a second before returning to me, '…as a long-term couple."

My first instinct was to tell her that this conversation wasn't necessary. There was nothing she could say that would deter me from that goal of 'long-term.' In fact, I'd already conducted my own research on clinical depression. I was aware of the basics; Bella could have good days and bad days, just as she could go weeks, months, years without falling into clinical depression. Or she could wake up one morning feeling out of control, and it could spiral from there for...a while. Either way, I was ready to be what she needed, when she needed, and I wanted to reassure her that I was aware and that I'd love her in any way, shape, or form.

But, I'd never treat Bella's struggles so flippantly. Instead, I nodded and allowed her to continue.

OOOOO

Early Thanksgiving morning, darkness still blanketed the Tribeca streets. Only city lights and the season's first dusting of snow offered a contrast to the murky outdoors. Indoors, I laid in bed, uncharacteristically delaying the beginning of the day and staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts kept shifting from place to place, yet they kept ending up on Bella. At the moment, they were on the last time she and I were together, the night before she left for Washington.

I'd cocooned Bella from behind as we laid in bed on our sides. And while I stroked her breasts with one hand, with the other, I held her leg up so I could grind inside her deep and slow…pulling out almost all the way then pushing back in languidly.

"God, Edward...I feel every inch..."

All the while, Bella's body arched and undulated, her head angled sideways so that our mouths and tongues met and retreated. When her breaths quickened, I thrust faster, freeing her leg and skimming my hand further down her body. And when she fell apart, she squeezed me so tightly from inside, I fell euphorically along with her.

I squeezed my eyes shut. If I concentrated hard, I could still recall the exact sounds she made, and if I…if I fisted my hand around my-

With a loud groan, I turned on my stomach and fisted the damn pillows instead.

"Come on. You're a fucking thirty-five year old man, not a fifteen-year-old pubescent. And after almost two years of celibacy, you can go a few weeks without coming."

By now, the throbbing caused by the memory was torture. I'd resorted to the poor substitute that was my own hand more than once during the time when Bella and I were apart, back when I'd ruined our chances with my lies and omissions. But now, we'd worked through it, and this was a different sort of separation; she was in Washington, visiting her dad, and afterward she'd be on her book tour. Nonetheless, we were together. We were a couple.

In one motion, I lunged out of bed and stalked toward the bathroom. Bypassing the light switch, I turned the shower on and set the temperature control sharply to 'C,' yelping embarrassingly and pretty much like one of those pubescents as I stretched out my arms and legs, and threw back my head. Then, I allowed the cold water to take care of the issue down below.

Ten minutes later, I was fully awake, dressed in sweats and hoodie, and gazing out of the large, industrial windows in the living room, debating my options. The dusting of snow had grown thicker, its icy particles glimmering off the sidewalks. If I didn't get my morning run in soon, I'd be slipping and sliding through the streets. It was surprisingly tempting, the desire to get back in bed and just dream of Bella, but though the cold shower relieved my physical tension, my mind was still worked up. With a deep breath, I flipped up my hood, turned around, and headed for the door.

A few minutes later, my feet pounded the snow-covered pavement, and my mind drifted to Bella's and my last conversation, when we'd Face-timed the night before. She'd told her dad about us, and he wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of his daughter being in love with the brother of the woman who'd tried to ruin his daughter's life.

"I get that," I'd said honestly. "I never said it wasn't a strange situation."

But when I'd mentioned wanting to meet her father, Bella wasn't exactly gung-ho on the idea.

"Edward, I'm a grown woman. I respect my father, but I don't need his approval."

I wasn't a father. But, if the protectiveness Charlie Swan felt toward his daughter was anything resembling the protectiveness I felt toward my nephew, then Charlie's wariness made total sense. And just as extrapolating through my situation with JJ helped me understand Charlie's viewpoint, it also helped me understand that I would always want to meet anyone who claimed any sort of importance, whether positive or negative, in JJ's life. I could only imagine Charlie might want the same.

Nonetheless, Bella and I were thousands of miles apart, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset her...or push her in any way, with so much distance between us. So, I'd changed the subject.

"How's your arm? Did the soreness go away?"

"Yeah. Tell Emmett he's a good vaccine technician, for a man-bun-wearing microbiologist."

I'd chuckled at the easy relationship that had developed in just a few days, between Bella and Emmett.

"Bella, right now, with the distribution of that booster, things are pretty hectic here, especially since a few cases of the H5N2 strain are beginning to pop up." I sighed and raked a hand through my hair. "But it should die down once we get the booster into full distribution. You told your parents to get vaccinated, right?"

"Yep. I even accompanied my dad to the neighborhood pharmacy yesterday. His name is one of the first on the list. Did you get your booster? I know the one I received was meant for you."

Suddenly, I regretted bringing up the vaccine topic. The truth was, since I'd given her my dose, I'd have to wait right along with the general public for full distribution, which was fine; I wasn't stupid, and I knew enough to stay away from potentially risky situations until I received my booster. Nonetheless, I didn't need Bella pointlessly worrying about me while she should be focused on her book tour.

"Don't listen to him." I smirked over the phone screen and waved off her concern. "There's plenty to go around. Bella…once all this does die down, if you'd like, I can meet you on your tour in a few weeks."

It was dusk, and as she walked through her father's rural neighborhood, framed by the white-peaked mountains in the background, she'd offered me a careful smile.

"Edward, I know how frenzied things are for you right now."

"Yes, but I can do Christmas if you want me to."

Bella stopped walking. "Do you really still think I don't want you to? Let's make another promise, Edward," she added when I made no reply, "that from now on, we'll be honest with one another, even if we're communicating through a phone."

She was right. Omissions, half-truths, and miscommunication had ruined our budding relationship once before. There was no way in hell I'd allow it to happen again.

"Okay. Here we go. I still sense hesitancy from you, and believe me, I understand how fucked up this situation is, more for you than for me."

She'd retorted instantly, resuming a fast and anxious stride down the dark street. "See? That's not it at all. I mean…" she exhaled, "it's fucked up all around, Edward. How am I supposed to make you pick between spending the holidays with me or with your family?"

And therein lay the misapprehension.

"Trust me," I'd chuckled mirthlessly, "that's not a difficult choice. The only reason I'm showing up for dinner tomorrow is because my mother begged me."

'And for JJ,' I almost added. Because there were sacrifices one would make for a kid - in my case, for my nephew. And if that meant spending a holiday with Alice and even Jasper, I'd do so. But I'd never hurt Bella by pointlessly verbalizing that.

"Either way, you shouldn't have to choose, yet I can't stand here, thousands of miles away, and lie to you by telling you that I'd be okay with being around your sister or your nephew or even around your father again. Or meeting your mother. How is any of that fair to you, Edward?"

"Because I don't care. We'll keep things separate. I'm fine with it." I shrugged.

"But I'm not," she'd whispered through the phone.

The silence stretched out between us, because what could I say? How could I make her understand that she…she was the one everyone else needed to be rearranged by, not the other way around.

"Go to bed, Edward," she said softly. "It's late for you."

More than anything, I wanted to lift her obviously downcast spirits. Yet, Bella and I had discussed her mental health, and I wouldn't disrespect her by arrogantly believing myself capable of reversing her moods.

"I wanted to be the first person to wish you a happy Thanksgiving."

Over the small screen, I watched her swallow. "You are. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I love you, Edward. Just because I'm having a bit of an off day doesn't mean I don't love you. Do you remember one of the things I told you a few nights before I left New York City?"

"Yeah. You said if you're willing to tell me it was a bad day, then it wasn't that bad a day. When you don't say anything about it-"

"That's when you need to worry." She offered me a wistful smile. "You remember. Edward, a wise person once told me, 'Knowing is better than not knowing,' and he advised me to grab someone I trusted when I didn't want to walk out alone. So…I grabbed someone I trusted."

"Bella…" I drew in a deep breath and released it heavily, "you kill me, you know that?"

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, my love, I meant that in the best possible way." I smiled in return. "You bring light to my life, Bella. Strangely and possibly selfishly enough, even when you're down, you're the light of my life, even when you're thousands of miles away, even in the dead of winter; and if I can repay you for that by having the honor of being the one you grab when you don't want to walk out alone-"

Again, her footsteps halted. "You see, Edward? It's when you say things like that." She shook her head, and even through the small screen, I could the glassiness in her eyes, and for a second, I hated myself.

"Edward, I'm trying to tell you that I'm honored to have you to grab when I don't want to be alone, but when you say things like that..." she choked. "You love me so unconditionally, and I know, as an empowered woman, I'm not supposed to say this, but when you say things like that...you're my heart and my soul, Edward, and you do make those off days just a bit brighter."

After a few moments, I was finally able to swallow the lump in my throat and reply, though my voice sounded hoarse when I spoke.

"I love you too. And I'll go to bed after I read a few more pages from the best goddamn novel ever."

Her ensuing chuckle returned the air to my lungs. "Praising my work helps too. Okay. I'm glad you're enjoying it, baby."

I grinned. "Let me know, whenever you're ready, about Christmas."

She nodded. "I will."

OOOOO

After my morning run, I took care of a few errands, spoke with my mom, who extracted another promise from me that I'd be there by early afternoon for our family Thanksgiving meal. JJ had slept over - again - and then he came on the line and kept me entertained for a few with his almost-two-year-old version of conversation. Finally, Esme reminded me to pick up a few loaves of bread from one of the bakeries downtown which she loved.

Every half hour or so, I checked the time, waiting until the three-hour difference between New York and Washington State's time zones didn't make it too early to call Bella.

I returned to my apartment with the loaves of bread under one arm, and a small, trussed-up pine tree in my other hand. The snowfall had continued sporadically throughout the morning, lending an ivory brightness to the day. That, combined with the tree I carried, would paint a picture for Bella over the phone. She'd told me she loved snow, just as she'd mentioned the gloomy gray of the town in which she'd grown up. I hoped a peek through our laptop screens at New York City's first snowfall of the year...and our first tree as a couple, might make her smile.

A few feet from the door to my building, I pulled out my phone. It was ten-thirty a.m., and I decided I'd give her another half hour before I called. Re-pocketing the phone, I looked up and came to a halt so suddenly that my feet slipped and slid in the snow. The bread went flying in all directions, while the tree fell and bounced over the snowy concrete, all so that I could throw my arms out and attempt to regain my balance. For a few heart pounding and precarious seconds, it was pretty touch and go.

All the while, Alice laughed heartily, her hands dug deep in the pockets of her long, Burberry trench, making no attempt to move or assist me. When I did regain my balance, the first words from her mouth pretty much summed up her expression.

"God, that would've been fucking priceless. I would've paid good money to watch you fall on your ass."

I took her in wordlessly and impassively as I snatched up the wet loaves, bypassed her, and flung them into the nearest garbage bin. Then I picked up the tree and shook it off.

"It's good to see you too." Giving her another wide berth, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the vestibule door.

She stood behind me. "Aww, don't take that too personally. Happy Thanksgiving, big brother."

Snorting at the obviously hollow well-wish, I pushed open the door and replied blandly.

"Yeah, you too."

She followed me through the lobby, the click-clacking of her high-heeled leather boots resounding off the tiles and setting me on alert. Alice hadn't paid me a visit since the week I'd moved into my loft, years ago. Nonetheless, as I pressed the elevator call button, I kept my expression inscrutable, though my hand fisted the small tree tensely. All the while, she waited opposite me with plenty to say, but none of it an explanation for what the hell she was doing here.

"Why you choose to live in a building without a doorman is beyond me."

"I've found opening my own door doesn't require too much effort on my part."

"Yeah, but I had to wait outside in the snow, freezing my ass off."

"Maybe if you wore a coat and boots made more for function than fashion..."

"That's what cabs are for, Edward, to get one from A to B without getting cold or wet or dirty." She spoke slowly, in case I had a hard time understanding the concept of cabs. "I sure as hell didn't expect to have to wait outside while you what, bought a Christmas tree? Since when do you buy Christmas trees?"

When I offered her a wooden look along with my non-reply, she rolled her eyes and muttered.

"I got my new coat all wet because you couldn't be home, and this piece-of-shit building doesn't-"

"I'm sorry, Alice, but I'm a bit confused," I said, cutting her off as the elevator arrived. Instinct more than anything made me step aside so that she could walk in first. "Not that I'm not honored by your visit, but why are you here? Did I miss something? Did hell actually freeze over?" I said, referencing the condition she'd placed on her last visit, years ago, for when she'd visit next.

She shot me a scowl as she walked into the tight elevator. "Whatever."

I walked in after her, and the doors closed.

"You've got to admit it's a bit out of the ordinary, especially considering we'll be seeing one another this afternoon at our parents' house."

"One big, happy family, right?" she sneered as the elevator rode upward.

It wasn't an answer, and I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't provide one until she was ready. As the elevator made it's quick climb, we watched one another warily.

"So, where's my nephew?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

"Esme and Daddy asked me to let him sleep over," she said, inspecting her manicure and shrugging along with her lie, "so I let him."

"Mom and Dad asked you, huh?" I echoed with a nod. "On Thanksgiving Day, they wanted him to wake up in their house instead of with his parents."

"What do you want me to tell you, Edward?" she replied caustically. "Like you said, we'll all be together this afternoon anyway."

I stared at her. "And like you said, one big happy family."

The elevator arrived at my floor, and again, I held the door open for her. When I unlocked the door to my loft, she breezed in.

"Make yourself at home," I muttered as I walked in behind her.

Alice strode directly to the middle of the spacey loft, tracking melted snow and dirt under her heels and across the wood floors. She stopped and looked around as if she were searching for something...or someone.

Meanwhile, I took my time removing my wet running shoes by the door and setting the tree carefully against the wall, all the while prepping. No, Alice wasn't stupid, but neither was I. She watched me as I reached behind my neck and pulled off the damp hoodie, flinging it across the room.

I sighed when I was done. "Are you ready to tell me why you're here?"

She offered me a mock grin. "What sort of hospitality is that, big brother? Nice flowers, by the way." She jerked her jaw toward a dozen, colorful roses resting in a glass vase on the coffee table.

"Glad you like 'em," I said dryly.

They'd caught my eye one night as I walked home, a bunch of colorful roses set in a large, rusted pail at the foot of the red apple display at the corner fruit stand. I'd bought them because they looked like a rainbow, expecting nothing more from Bella than a smile.

She'd beamed at me, wrapping her warm arms around my neck and kissing me until we were both breathless. Afterward, she'd found a vase in the apartment, probably left at some point by my mom, and it and the roses had been on the coffee table ever since.

Now, they were dying.

"How about offering me a drink or something?"

"A drink, Alice?" I sighed.

She quirked a brow.

"Fine. Water?"

"I was hoping for something stronger, but if water's all you have, it'll have to do."

I chuckled mirthlessly as I made my way to the kitchen and she followed. There was wine in the fridge, a leftover bottle Bella and I had shared, but I wasn't making this any easier for her, whatever exactly this was, by offering her liquid courage. Though, I had a vague idea where this was going.

"This shit-hole looks...different," she said pointedly.

I replied succinctly. "Does it?"

Pulling a glass out of the cabinet, I stuck it under the fridge's water dispenser and slid the full glass across the counter to her. Then, I leaned against the stove, crossed my arms against my chest, my right ankle over my left, and waited.

She ignored the glass. "I saw that wine you had in the fridge. Thanks for the offer."

I said nothing.

"Since when do you buy flowers and set them around the apartment, Edward? And all these pretty kitchen towels," she said, jerking her jaw toward the various towels Bella had left in conveniently strategic places for my use. "They're not very manly."

Again, I chuckled. "Alice, forgive me if I take issue with your definition of manly."

She scowled at me, and for a long while, we simply took one another in from across the kitchen counter. My sister looked...tired; frustrated. For all her expensive clothing, she had dark circles rimming her eyes. They stood out against a pale, splotchy face. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot as if she'd spent a long while...crying.

No matter what, it pissed me off.

"What is your sad definition of a man up to today? Why aren't you-"

"We had a fight," she spat. "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon."

I shook my head and raked a hand through my hair. "Alice, seriously, you need to cut that fucker out of-"

"I had a job interview yesterday." Now, she spoke in a deceivingly conversational tone.

"Did you?"

"Yeah. A shitty publication I didn't really want to work at anyway," she said, basically letting me know how that interview worked out. "They had that same magazine," she sneered, gesturing to a magazine on the counter, which Bella and I had looked at and laughed at excitedly together. "No one really reads those cuz they're cheesy as fuck, and the only thing they're good for is to set out in waiting areas to bore people to death."

She waited, while I gave her nothing.

"There's a stupid article in a forgotten little corner on one of those pages. Nonsense no one cares about regarding up and coming artists...and supposed writers," she gritted, "who'll never go anywhere. For example," she seethed, "there were two sad, little sentences about a woman I used to work with, who managed to get a shitty publishing house to offer her some shitty deal on some piece-of-garbage novel she wrote. They're sending her on tour; can you fucking believe that?" she snorted. "Right after she visits her family in Washington State, for Thanksgiving."

It was a monumental struggle to keep an impassive expression and to bite back the furious retorts aching to break free. But that was obviously her intent. Not only did my sister thrive on confrontation, but if I was going to ensure I handled this in the most assured manner which would keep her venomous mouth away from Bella, I had to remain in control. And all I could think was thank fuck that Bella was safe and sound in Forks and away from this poisonous, envious woman.

So instead, when she paused, though all her verbiage was planned to get a rise out of me, though her eyes shot daggers, I simply exhaled, calmly shifted my feet, and recrossed the left ankle over right.

"Well?" she said, her voice shaking with acrimony. "Do you have anything to say about that?'

"Other than it sounds like that article was more than two sentences long?"

"You asshole," she flung, apparently unable to hold back any longer. "Don't deny it, Edward. I know you're with her!"

I offered her a careless shrug. "I'm not admitting or denying anything because I don't see how whatever you're talking about would be any of your business one way or another."

"Of course it's my fucking business!" she spat. "I asked Daddy this morning, and he said he didn't know, but I can tell when he's lying to me. And besides, I know someone said something to him! That's why he was acting the way he was! That's why he started a fight with me!"

"What are you talking about? Someone said something to who?"

"How could you do this to me, Edward?"

I chuckled mirthlessly and shook my head in disbelief. "You know what, Alice? Your gall has no bounds. How could I do this to you?" I echoed. "Little sister, I haven't done a damn thing to you."

"All my life, you've been a thorn in my side. Mister Fucking Perfect, the one everyone always openly admired while quietly wondering why the fuck I was such a screw up when it was your fault! And you're still trying to prove how much better than me you are!"

"Alice, I seriously have no clue what the hell you're talking about. I live my life for myself, not to prove anything about you. You do that on your own. What's more, like I said, I don't see how my life is your business one way or another."

"But mine's always been your business, right?" she shrieked furiously.

"All I've ever done is try to help you," I snapped, close to losing my patience.

"I've never wanted your fucking help!"

"Yeah, you've made that abundantly clear, time and again," I hissed. "So, instead of coming down here to fight with me over some imagined wrong I've done you now, when we've barely interacted with one another in years, why don't you go home to your son, and take care of him. At least be the one parent who-"

"Fuck you! Don't tell us how to take care of JJ!"

"-who gives thanks that you have him, because not everyone's that fucking lucky."

"This is all your fault!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "You brought her back into our lives! He'd forgotten her! I know he had, and whatever fucking problems we had were totally unrelated to her! And now…"

I'll admit it took me a few seconds to realize this wasn't about some perceived wrongs I'd apparently done Alice since birth; not really. It wasn't about me or her hatred of me; not completely. It wasn't even about Bella; not directly. He was so rarely in the picture that for a handful of seconds, I forgot the motherfucker.

'He'd forgotten her!'

'And now…'

Blood which had begun a slow simmer in my veins now raged into a rolling boil. All semblance of control balanced on a dangerous precipice.

"Now what, Alice?"

She glared at me, her breathing fast and heavy, nostrils flaring. Her jaw, the same shape as my father's and mine, remained squared tightly.

I pushed away from the stove and leaned across the counter, my hands splayed out on the flat surface between us.

"Oh, now you're going to stay shut, so you can play fucking games," I scowled. "Now, when we're getting to the crux of why the hell you're really here."

She spoke through gritted teeth. "You don't deserve for me to tell you-"

I banged the counter hard with both open palms. "Alice!"

"Jasper went to Forks!" She hurled the words like a poisoned dagger. "He's been an asshole for days, distracted, and now I know why! We had a fight, and he left for that Podunk town they come from, supposedly to see his parents, but he went looking for her, for Bella! And it's all your fault!"

A/N: Thoughts?

*Chapter song rec: Never say Never by The Fray

"Picture you're the queen of everything
Far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian when all is crumbling
Steady your hand"

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