"You want to dish up?" asked Blake after a long ten minutes had passed, the spaghetti now perfectly done and the sauce smelling mouth-wateringly good.

She was still in the kitchen, and glanced over at Negan who was setting the table in the adjoining long dining room just over her shoulder.

If she hadn't known him, she would have presumed that the tall dark-haired man, resembled almost a perfect husband. Setting the table for dinner, now having shrugged off his leather jacket, standing there in just a t-shirt, cocking an eye in her direction.

Negan, who was currently pouring out the remainder of Steve's red wine into two clean glasses, gave a playful huff.

"Jesus, sweetheart," he said standing up straight and walking slowly back into the kitchen towards her. "What the fuck do I look like? A goddamn bus-boy?"

But Blake just smiled, shoving a clean dishcloth into his middle as she swished easily by him, glancing back at him teasingly over her shoulder as she went.

But she didn't say another word.

Shit.

Negan was truly and utterly besotted with her, watching she disappeared, now, through the doorway and out of sight.

She was everything he fucking wanted.

With a hot body, quick wit, and a dirty, dirty mouth to rival his own.

Every little part of them seemed to fit together so perfectly…as if she was exactly what Negan had been missing this whole time.

She was his weakness…and he knew that for a fact. But although, after the spectacle of her killing her own fiancé, he knew that his fellow Saviours were unlikely to ever try anything or use her as leverage , as lucky for her, she was indeed as formidable as he was.

She was a queen back there, at the Sanctuary. Just like Negan had always intended her to be.

But here….

Well, he hated every moment of her being back here.

That spark of hers not being able to shine so bright, stuck here like this…with these people.

Negan detested them, feeling bitter that in all the months Blake had been here with them, they had not spotted what David had been doing to her. Letting it go on unnoticed, while she sunk into herself.

And there was no way he wanted that to ever happen to her again.

This place, there people…they weren't her fucking people. But he was.

Negan knew exactly how he felt about her. And yet as arrogant and as cocky as he could be, he was far too cowardly to tell her.

Because fuck, the last person in his life he had felt this way about, had been Lucille…

And that….well, that, had destroyed him.

Negan ran a hand down his bearded face now, giving a short sigh, before turning back to the kitchen counter.

It took him just a few minutes to plate up the spaghetti, and use his pocket lighter to light a long candlestick, placing it neatly in the centre of the table. As he heard soft footsteps coming back down the stairs.

And Negan glanced up, only to see Blake stood in the doorway now, in that pretty little summer dress he had seen her in less than a week ago now.

"Do I look ok?" she asked lightly, tilting her head to the side and letting her caramel hair trickle down her side gently.

Fuck.

Negan's lips parted as he took her all in, standing their like fucking perfection in human form.

She was stood there, with round green eyes, the short dress reaching her thighs, and skimming over her gorgeous hips, making Negan almost drool with total longing. But somehow he managed to hold it together, grinning.

"Oh, Darlin'," he murmured, strutting suddenly forwards. "I am not sure if I wanna eat that spaghetti, oryou right now."

He ran his tongue over his lips teasingly, as Blake threw him a smile in return, giving a tiny roll of her eyes, before sliding past him, bumping his shoulder with hers as she went.

She was definitely the whole package. And pretty much the only woman who could rival him at his own games.

Blake stopped at the table for a moment, before shooting him back a look.

"This all looks very romantic," she commented, gazing up at him through sultry eyelashes.

But Negan just lifted his chin, staring back at her warmly. "Well shit, Doll-face this is kinda our third official date. An' you know what happens on the third date-"

Negan raised both his eyebrows in a look of sheer goading, causing Blake to laugh and take a seat.

"In your dreams, lover boy," she said in a simpering tone, as Negan moved around the table and took a seat in the chair adjacent to hers.

But he grinned, poking his tongue out between his teeth, as he suddenly slid his hand under the table, placing it neatly on Blake's half-covered thigh.

"Oh, Peaches, now I know much you like to protest, but really, when all is said and fuckin' done…I think you like me, as much as I like you," he uttered, his hand sliding higher now up her thigh. "And you are desperate to do as many bad fuckin' things to me, as I wanna do back to you…"

He noticed her almost immediately, let out a shaky breath at this, as his hand hitched up her dress, gliding up and up, towards-

But before his digits could reach their goal, Blake grasped his wrist and pushed him away, tutting.

"Eat," she said in a mock tone of sternness, pursing her lips and tucking strand of hair back behind her ear. "Before your food gets cold."

But Negan, at this, tugged his hand away and sat back in his chair, eyeing her carefully and smirking. "Hmmm, well the thing I want to eat, I've got a feelin', is pretty hot and wet right now…so I guess I can wait."

Blake immediately rolled her eyes at this, shooting him an amused smirk, as she picked up her fork, not giving him the satisfaction of uttering word in response.

It was twenty long minutes later, that Negan and Blake, forks down, plates empty, were now turned into one another, knees brushing beneath the table. Blake had a wine glass in her hand, laughing brightly and biting down on her lip, staring at the dark-haired Saviour before her.

"An' that was the moment I knew I didn' know shit about those dead pricks," Negan said in a loud carrying tone. "An' so there I was, covered in blood and guts and all sorts of other goddamn shit, with about twenty of them on me."

Blake smiled in his direction.

"So what did you do?" she asked interestedly, gazing at him, placing her chin into her hand, and resting her elbow on the table beside her.

Negan chuckled, running at his bearded chin, staring wholly back at her. "Well lucky for me, Simon shows up and mows them all down with an Ak-fucking-47."

Blake laughed, tiling her head, and shaking her head.

"Well that was lucky," she said in an charmed tone.

But Negan raised both his eyebrows.

"Fuck, luck, sweetheart," he said pointing at her. "That was surroundin' yourself with people who'll jump under a goddamn bus for you- no questions asked."

Blake tutted, placing her wine down beside her and toying gently with the stem of the glass. "You're despicable, you know that?"

But Negan merely leant back in his seat surveying her carefully with dark chocolate eyes.

"Yeah, but you still fuckin' love me, Peaches," he growled, flashing her his perfect set of white teeth in a wide grin.

And at this, Blake merely dropped her own gaze to her lap, her own smile littering her pink lips.

But she didn't say a word…

Knowing that Negan's words…as arrogant and as teasing as they were, were probably truer than he would have expected.

Blake knew how she felt about him…how she ached for him….for not only his touch…his taste…..but for his company and his closeness too.

But finding the right words…well that just seemed impossible in this world. And as much time as he spent with her…visited her here….he still had five other wives back at the Sanctuary…and she was still only one, in a long line of conquests.

Blake licked at her lips, her eyes finally drifting up to his once more.

But to her utter surprise the smile that just a few moments ago been on Negan's long tanned face, was now gone. Replaced instead with an expression of utter regret, his eyes wide and sorrow-filled.

His mouth was closed and his chin lowered as he stared at her, changing the entire atmosphere in the room.

Right now it was only the two of them….alone in this world.

There was no Rick…no wives…no Simon….no David…no Tara.

It was just them.

Blake gave a gulp now, pulling her head up off her elbow, and coming to sit up straight, her lips parting in an uncertain breathlessness that seemed to fill her body.

"Listen, Peaches," said Negan in an earnest tone, pausing slightly before he continued. "That stuff with the kid-"

He shook his head, his eyes falling now to his own lap momentarily before his gaze drifted back up to hers.

"…I thought…." he continued, giving a long visible gulp, before drawing his hand down his tired-looking stubbly face. "Hell, I know you fuckin' loved her…."

Negan trailed off, staring hard at Blake, his face awash with a remorse that Blake had never seen from him before.

"…I just want you to know…that maybe I can't turn back the goddamn clock….." he said, his eyes dropping away again momentarily, before he stared up at her sadly. "….but I'm sorry….for makin' her leave….an' for pushin' you away, Peaches."

Blake felt her eyes welling slightly at his quiet words…so different from the usual cocky spiel that usually dripped from his tongue. This was, instead, honest and regretful and full something that made Blake want to reach out and spill every pent up emotion she had been keeping inside her for so so long.

She gave a hard gulp, her mouth dry now, as her green eyes drifted down to the space in between the pair of them.

"I-I had a couple of miscarriages…" she uttered bluntly, the words almost spilling out of her mouth before she could stop herself. They sounded stark now, and it was strange hearing the sentence spoke aloud after so, so many years. "…must have been five years ago now, maybe."

She paused for a moment, unable to look at Negan, her cheeks burning red, as she lifted a hand tracing a scratch across the table with her finger, absent-mindedly.

"…I-I was young…and neither time it had really been planned…" she continued in a soft voice. "..and the first one….well, I must have only been a few weeks gone anyway….and I wasn't carrying for long before it happened…"

Her voice began to waver now, ever so slightly, as her vision became suddenly flooded and blurry.

"….b-but just before….well, all this..." she gentured around her with a wave of a her hand. "…. I-I fell pregnant again….a-and that one…."

She took a gulp of air steadying herself, trying as hard as she could to find the right words.

"…I carried for about five months…I-I felt it growing inside me….a life…a-and I wanted it so badly…a baby….a family….."

She pressed her tongue suddenly to her back molars, shaking her head.

"….but I….uhhh…I-I woke up one night….a-and there was blood…." she uttered, shaking her head desperately again now. "..a-and we went to the hospital…and-"

Before Blake could stop it, a lone tear slid its way silently down her cheek, saying more that words ever could.

"…..they told me that 'these things just happen' and that there was nothing I or anyone else could have done…but it still hurt….it hurt….n-not physical pain….but the emotions….to feel that life being torn from you….to feel….just…...empty…."

Blake mouthed at the air for a brief moment, hanging her head in shame, feeling the loss coursing through her, stabbing at her like a blade through her heart.

"….I thought maybe I'd get the chance to try again…" she said shaking her head now, giving a small sniff, as more tears fell into her lap. "…but then….it happened…..and we had to leave the city…."

Blake took in a small breath and stared suddenly up at the ceiling, keeping her eyes firmly off of Negan, not wanting to look directly at him right now, to see his judgement.

"…and I wasn't able to risk it again…" she said, forcing a small smile now, accustomed to the fate that had been dealt to her. "…falling pregnant….not in this world…I just-"

But she trailed off, shaking her head now, unable to finish her sentence.

She paused for brief moment, swiping away the tears from her cheeks and sighing.

"So that's why…when Mia came along…" she worried at her lip, finally dragging her green eyes upwards, sand staring up at the leader of the Saviours for the first time.

"…she was my one and only chance, Negan…" she said sadly, tilting her head to the side, as he stared back at her, his long face serious. "…I needed her…"

Blake let the tears flow freely down her cheeks now.

"…it wasn't your fault…."she said shaking her head. "…it wasn't anyone's fault….I just…I was never meant to have her is all….it just wasn't meant to happen for me…."

And Blake knew now, that she was finally done.

Now he knew the truth. About why she had left. About why the pain back there, having lost Mia, had been too much for her to bare.

The room fell utterly silent for a moment, as Blake's chest heaved slightly as she tried to steady herself, feeling totally embarrassed for crying in front of Negan like this.

But to her surprise, the dark-haired Saviour suddenly spoke.

"Before all this…..well, I was married," came Negan's voice now, low and sounding hurt and quiet. "And my wife…..she couldn't…."

Negan glanced down, placing a hand over his eyes for the briefest of moments, before sighing heavily. "I mean, hell, we tried…but she went for tests at the hospital…and the docs just told her…..that it was never gonna happen…."

The bearded Saviour tensed his jaw briefly, before continuing. "….and I couldn't deal with that….so I drank….and I cheated…screwed around..….but I didn't think about how much me distancin' myself from her….well it was killin' her….not havin' a family…and not havin' me either…."

And with that ,Negan gazed up, his chocolate eyes locking now with Balke's….as something passed between them….

A feeing of utter understanding. Of loss. Of agony. Of sheer sorrow. That they had both been through….

And with that Blake shook her head and got to her feet, her face now completely wet with tears.

"What I said….when Mia left….about not having anything…." she uttered in a shaky voce, picking up the empty plates and turning away from Negan' now.

For looking at him….it was too much….

"…..it was a lie…." she muttered, placing the dishes into the sink and hanging her head. "…because I had you…."

She meant to turn and pace over to him…

But the words had barely even left Blake's mouth, when she felt a hand reach her waist, pulling her body back around.

And there was Negan, standing over her, a frustrated frown lingering between his dark brows, his bearded jaw tightly clenched.

But Blake had little or no time to dwell on the expression on his face, as his free hand reached for the back of her neck…

…..and he tugged her tearful face swiftly towards him, instantly pressing his mouth to hers.

It took Blake a second or two to react...before she felt herself relaxing into him and her lips began to move against his….a neediness rising within her.

But this time it felt different. Not filled with a sexual longing and desire that usually filled her body…making her ache and become wet for him. This was instead, a desperation to be close to this strange man, as he pulled her into his taught and tall body, possessively.

Blake placed a hand to his t-shirt-covered chest, relaxing slightly, as she pressed herself into him.

And it was only a few moments after that the pair pulled away, panting and breathless, gazing at one another.

"Come back with me, Peaches.." said Negan imploringly, after a moment or two, cocking his head to the side as he stared at her seriously, one of his hands still lingering at her neck, while the other, now slid its way down to her lower back. Keeping her slender waist flush with his.

But Blake puffed out her chest, taking in a deep breath.

She truly wanted nothing more, right now, than to take Negan's hand and follow of him out of this house, out of those gates and back to the Sanctuary…..but there was still things left unresolved here…

People she still needed to talk to….

Tara…

Aaron...Eric….

Even Rick…

Things she needed to explain to them. Things she needed to make them understand.

And so, she lifted her eyes to Negan's, her own fingers curling around the fabric of Ngan's t-shirt. As she gave a small lick of her lips and sighed.

"Listen," she said, leaning her mouth close to him, trying to convey as best she could that this was not a no, by any account. "It's my birthday, two days from now…"

She shook her head and offered Negan a small smile.

"…David didn't really ever like celebrating birthdays….so this is kinda the first one where I get to actually do something nice…." she said gently. "…so how about you come back in two days and get me….then I'll come back with you. I promise."

She held her breath and watched, as Negan mulled over the words for a second or two, before giving a huff, but nodding slowly anyway.

Understanding exactly why she was doing this.

"That mean I've gotta get you a fuckin' gift then, Doll-face?" he said, raising an eyebrow at her, his face breaking into a small smirk.

And Blake couldn't help but smile back teasingly, standing on her tip toes and leaning her mouth into his ear.

"Oh…" she purred into him. "…..definitely."

Was that ok? Would you guys like me to carry on? I'm not really getting that much feedback from my chapters anymore, so not really sure whether people are getting bored, or maybe don't want me to continue.

Let me know if you'd like to read any more?

Thanks to srosal1, CLTex, FriendsWithTheMonster and Hmc09 for commenting.

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