When Kathryn arrived at Justin's quarters she was surprised to find him in the middle of retrieving two glasses of champagne from the replicator. Silently he offered her one, which she took wordlessly. He raised his in her direction.

"To new beginnings," he offered.

"To new beginnings," she echoed. They clinked glasses and took sips.

And then broke out in nervous laughter.

It was clear that this was what they both wanted, but a fundamental anxiety flowed beneath the surface for both of them. He leaned over and touched his forehead to hers, stroking her upper arm with the back of his empty hand. "I've wanted this for too long," he admitted.

Nervousness bubbled up inside her. It had been what, six years for her? "I'm a little out of practice, I'm afraid," she admitted, trying to manage his expectations, "and I can't say I was good at it before."

"I could say the same." This admission he said with more self-consciousness than she'd ever heard from him. But as was typical of him, he didn't dwell on it. "Then we'll learn together."

He took her glass from her and sat both down on an end table, then turned back to her. The look in his eyes said everything she needed to know: she was the one thing he wanted, needed and adored. That was only underscored when he pulled her in for a kiss and a night that would send shivers down her spine every time she'd think of it for years to come.

#

Hours later she lay curled up with him as he slept. Her arms and legs were entwined with his and she clung to him as if wordlessly pleading him never to leave. The stars flew by in the window overhead. Her anxiety had gone completely, leaving her feeling more at peace than she ever thought she had in her life.

Judging by the slow rise and fall of his chest, the unexpected softness she noticed in his well-muscled arms, it seemed he felt the same. The clothes they'd shed lay neatly on a single chair in the corner, their meticulous personalities having gotten the best of them even in their most heated moment. Nothing changes, she thought, and yet, everything.

At the start Justin had been constantly checking in with her, asking what she liked, how she felt, what she wanted. It took them a while to stop intellectualizing the whole process and shut off their brains to let their bodies do the talking. She'd had to remind herself that not everything needed to be thought through or talked through, as is the curse of intellectual people. But quickly enough they learned to communicate through touch.

They soon found it was all they needed. He was astonishingly responsive, his singular endgame clearly being her enjoyment. Never had she felt so close to another person. They fit together like two puzzle pieces that had finally found their missing opposite. Minutes had passed, then hours, her worries vanishing in currents of overwhelming emotion and sensation. When it was through, one overwhelming feeling remained.

She felt safe.

And warm. Very warm. This went beyond the normal warmth that came from being held against the skin of another person; she felt like she was in a sauna. Kathryn moved to throw the sheet off herself, and felt Justin stir.

"Hey there," she whispered. His head snapped up, eyes suddenly wide open, completely alert—and then he relaxed back onto the pillow.

"Mmm. Can I tell you how much nicer it is to wake up to you than an alarm clock?"

"Glad to know where I rank in the scheme of things," she joked, and leaned over and kissed him deeply. "I really enjoyed last night. And yesterday. Everything," she said.

"Me too," he said, with an expression on this face that made her think he seemed surprised to realize this.

"Did you have anything in mind for today?" she asked, wanting to outright tell him that she wanted to spend the whole day in bed with him, but still hesitant to come off as pushy or demanding.

For a moment he just looked at her. How was it she could feel embraced with only a gaze? "I don't feel like I need to leave this room," he said softly. "Do you?"

Relief, joy and excitement poured through her veins. There was a part of her that had been terrified he would wake up with sudden regrets. The last night had been like a gateway drug. She'd had a taste of who he really was and now she was insatiable. To have been suddenly cut off from him would've been a nightmare.

"I'd like that," she whispered, tossing the sheets off herself and leaning in to kiss him gently.

"Too warm?" he asked.

"It does seem a little warmer than usual in here. Is there something wrong with the environmental controls?"

"Computer, lower ambient temperature by five degrees," he called out. He looked back at her, then began hesitantly. "One of the Cardassians' many forms of…hospitality…was putting me in a room that was maybe 10, 12 degrees C. For three days. I prefer my environmental controls on the warm side now."

She was horrified but not surprised. Memories of curling up on the cold, damp floor of her cell flooded her mind and filled her with a potent sympathy that she couldn't hide on her face. "They didn't know where I'd grown up," he soothed. "Klatus prime is a lot like Siberia. I was very used to being cold. But back home you can at least escape it indoors."

The images vanished from her mind's eye. What he'd said confused her. Hadn't they jumped into a freezing lake together just yesterday? "So the reason you voluntarily jumped into a lake full of ice cubes yesterday was…?"

He laughed at her description, then sobered. "You just answered your own question."

It took a moment, then suddenly made sense. "It was voluntary," she replied, repeating her own words.

"Right. I could control that. It was my choice. Nothing the Cardassians did we had a choice about. And besides, it did start to feel warm. And nothing beats the euphoria afterwards."

Kathryn stayed lost in thought and memory. After a few moments she whispered, "They had me in a cold cell, too."

"I know."

"You must've hated being in that marsh," she said ruefully. Her idea to hide themselves from the Cardassians in a frigid wetland on Urtea II had saved their lives. It also left them both needing treatment for hypothermia when they'd made it back to the ship. Justin only shook his head.

"Call it crazy, but I was thrilled. We were alive, for one—thank you, for saving my life the first time that day—" She opened her mouth to protest and was immediately found a finger on her lips, effectively forcing her to accept his gratitude. "And second," he continued, dropping his hand back down and grasping hers, "I was finally getting to do this, though I can't say it was under the circumstances I'd imagined." He looked at her, echoes of hope and longing filling his eyes. "What were you thinking about?" he asked.

"In the muck?" A sigh escaped her lips and she leaned back, remembering those terrifying moments. Her eyes perused the ceiling as she answered his question, her fingers still wrapped around his. "Anything but the cold. Playing tennis back home in the miserable hot summer sun, mostly." She turned to look at him, her voice suddenly quiet. "After I realized that it was you next to me, not them."

"I'm sorry I scared you," he said, voice heavy with remorse.

"No, it's fine. I imagine you must've been scared out of your wits too. Isn't that the definition of bravery? Being utterly terrorized and doing something anyway?"

He shifted, rolling on to his stomach so he could look right at her. "Kathryn, the only thing I was afraid of was regret. If the Cardassians found us, they weren't going to torture us, they were going to kill us. I'll admit I preferred that to another visit to Hotel Urtea II," he said dryly, referring to the prison complex on the planet. "I'm not afraid of death. I can't do what I do for a living and be afraid of dying or I'd go mad."

Hearing this revelation made Kathryn uneasy. How could he have made such peace with death, when she was suddenly so bothered by thoughts of him dying?

A peculiar new emotion settled in her chest. She wasn't sure it had a name, or a shape, or even a singular feeling. No, you fool, she realized in an instant. This is love.

She was still stunned at her own thoughts when she noticed he had continued speaking. "No, I spent half that time in the mud trying to work up the courage to tell you how I felt, if we survived. If we didn't, taking your hand was the closest I was going to get to being able to do that."

"And the other half?"

"Trying to figure out how I was going to run with a broken ankle and frozen toes." A wry smile escaped his lips.

This surprised her. "Not deciding when to make a break for it?"

"No, that was instinct and years of training. It's hard to explain. Thank you for trusting me." He paused for a moment. "But goddamn it, Kathryn, next time I tell you to stay put, stay put." His eyes were stern, steely, and cold. The words Aye, Lieutenant began to form on her lips.

No. This was not who she wanted to be. Could he handle that?

She wiped her face with her hand and debated whether to call him out. She took in the desperation that hid in the creases she now saw on his face, in his set jaw, his furrowed brow, and it surprised her. She had to push back—she owed it not just to herself, but to them as a couple. They had both promised they would try.

"Justin, Admiral Paris recommended I switch tracks from science to command," she countered firmly. "Staying put may not always be the best option for me."

He looked at her, silently reading her face and she could see him quickly recognizing the pandora's box that she'd just opened for them. If he wanted to stay with her, he was going to have to back off. Even if he backed off, he was going to have to get used to her not being his subordinate—and quite possibly, him being hers. In short order.

And then he nodded and smiled, acknowledging her with a squeeze of the hand. "Will you start the training program when we get home?" he asked, seeming to have quickly shaken off any shock her announcement had delivered to his system.

Well then, she thought idly. He adjusted to that idea rather quickly. Maybe he really can change.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. He seemed obviously taken aback by this.

"You haven't decided if you're doing it?"

"There are a lot of factors in my decision."

This puzzled him. "Like what?" he asked.

"Like why command."

"Why not command?" he countered. She glared at him. He doubled down. "Kathryn, there's no doubt in anyone's mind that you'd be good at it. Everyone, including you, must see that."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence, Justin, but it's not that simple. I know I'd be good at it. The question is…do I want it? This goes beyond knowing when to pull rank on my superior officer. Who I happen to be cuddling with."

"The XO approves…" he muttered. She snorted.

"I really don't know if I want it," she whispered.

"Then wait until you know. But for what it's worth—" He turned and kissed her gently. "You'll make a fine officer." As he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his mouth to hers, she all but forgot to be annoyed that he had spoken as if the decision had already been made for her.

A comm badge chirped from the end table. "Paris to Tighe."

Justin disentangled an arm from around Kathryn and grabbed the badge. "Tighe here."

"Lieutenant, I apologize for interrupting your leave. But I need to speak with you tomorrow. I'd like to see you in person at 1000 hours."

"Of course, sir. Is there any relevant material I need to preparer ahead of time?"

"This isn't a tactical briefing, Lieutenant. Just bring yourself. I'll see you tomorrow. Paris out." The badge chirped, ending the comm. Justin stared at it blankly.

"Everything okay?" Kathryn asked.

"I think so," he answered, confusing tinging his voice. "Normally—" A comm badge chirped again, but this time it was hers.

"Paris to Janeway."

Kathryn crawled over Justin, extending an arm to snatch her badge off the end table, and stayed sprawled out over him as she answered. He gave her a raised eyebrow in response, which she ignored.

"Janeway here, sir."

"Ensign, I apologize for interrupting your leave," he said, giving her faint feelings of de ja vu. "I'd like to meet with you tomorrow at 1300 hours."

"Of course, sir. May I ask what about?"

"It's nothing to be concerned about. Relax and rest. We'll catch up tomorrow. Paris out."

Kathryn's eyes found Justin's. "That was strange," she muttered. "Any idea what's going on?"

"Not a clue," he said, and plucked her badge out of her hand, dropping it back on the table and pulling her mouth back to his. "Now, where were we?"